[at a museum]
Pierre-Luc Dubois: Michelangelo painted this.
Ryan Leonard: But Dubie, the ninja turtles aren't real.
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@incorrect-caps-etc
[at a museum]
Pierre-Luc Dubois: Michelangelo painted this.
Ryan Leonard: But Dubie, the ninja turtles aren't real.
Ryan Leonard: So, what's for dinner?
Pierre-Luc Dubois: I can't tell you, it's a soup-rise.
Leno: ...Is it soup?
PLD: I soup-pose it could be! [winks]
Leno: Please, enough with the soup puns.
PLD: Wow, you're soup-er mean.
Leno: Stop!
[one hour later]
Leno: It's tacos??!?!
Alex Ovechkin: Alright guys, it's time to throw logic out the window.
Tom Wilson: Alright.
Dylan Strome: WAIT WAIT PUT ME DOWN!
Ryan Leonard: Are you guys bringing anything to the party?
Andrew Mangiapane: Yeah, an empty stomach.
Pierre-Luc Dubois: My sparkling personality.
Brandon Duhaime: A flagrant disregard for common decency.
Logan Thompson:....chips.
John Carlson: Does anyone know how to resolve this conflict?
[everyone raises their hands]
Carly: Without resorting to violence.
Tom Wilson, Dylan MacIlrath, Brandon Duhaime, Martin Fehervary, Alex Ovechkin, Andrew Mangiapane, and Ryan Leonard: [lower their hands]
Carly: or childish name-calling.
Pierre-Luc Dubois, Nic Dowd, & Trevor van Riemsdyk: [lower their hands]
Charlie Lindgren: [holds out a gun to LT]
Logan Thompson: I- I don't believe in guns.
Chuckie: Well trust me, they're very real. Now take it.
Brandon Duhaime: Look Tom, it says 'gullible' on the ceiling!
Tom Wilson: Nice try, Dewey. I'm not falling for that one a fifth time.
Dewey: I'm not kidding, Tom!
Tom: And I'm not looking.
Andrew Mangiapane, walking into the room, looking up: Dewey, why does it say 'gullible' on the ceiling?
Tom, looking up: Really? Wher- oh you bastards!
[Dewey and Mange high-five]
Alex Ovechkin: You know what they say, "You can't make an omelette without breaking a few legs."
John Carlson: Eggs.
Ovi: What?
Carly: The expression is "You can't make an omelette without breaking a few EGGS."
Dylan Strome: in 2025, we stop chasing people who don’t make an effort to be in our lives.
Pierre-Luc Dubois: in 2025, we put ourselves first.
Martin Fehervary: in 2025, we do not try to domesticate a raccoon, but if one wanders into our house because he thinks the couch is nice and he likes the atmosphere, then he can stay.
Nic Dowd: Don’t stay up all night, Dewey. Last time you got this sleep-deprived, you tried to eat Beauvi.
Brandon Duhaime: I didn't try to eat Beauvi.
Nic: Yes you did. You called him as sweet as a cupcake, said he must taste like one too, and then bit into his shoulder. He had the bite mark for three weeks.
Tom Wilson: I'm a pacifist. You mess with me, I'mma pass-a-fist across your face.
Tom Wilson: Were you gonna kiss me?
Brandon Duhaime: No, did you want me to?
Tom: No, you just looked at me in a very weird way.
Dewey: Wait, did you feel something? Did you feel something? It sounds like you felt something.
Dylan McIlrath: I don’t like science. Too many laws. And who’s the judge? God?
Dylan Strome: When you think about it, science is just history plus math.
Nic Dowd: That’s not at all correct.
Tom Wilson: Y’all see that movie Pacific Rim where Idris Elba plays the kaiju? Now that’s science. You know what’s iffy though? Pigeons.
Nic: Wait-
Jakob Chychrun: While we’re here, I’m not sure I believe the moon landing happened.
Brandon Duhaime: I don’t believe in the moon.
Trevor van Riemsdyk: I believe that gluten intolerance is just internalized white guilt.
Andrew Mangiapane: Gluten isn’t real!
Alex Ovechkin: Stevie Wonder isn’t blind.
Charlie Lindgren: You know, Bill Gates-
Nic: Enough!
Darcy Kuemper, from the opposing locker room, laughing: I bet you believe the dinosaurs really went extinct…
John Carlson: They go low, we go high.
Tom Wilson: Yeah! [punching air] Eyes! Nose! Throat!
Carly: No.
Rasmus Sandin: Why is there a snake in my locker?!
Martin Fehervary: She needed a warm spot to lay her eggs.
Tom Wilson: Someone said something that almost triggered my fight or fight response.
Dylan Strome: You mean fight or flight.
Tom: No. I’m not a flipping bird, Stromer.
Brandon Duhaime: I don’t care what anyone says, the middle of the oreo is the best.
Nic Dowd: Dark without light is an abyss, light without dark is blinding. You cannot have a coin with one side. There has to be a balance.
Anthony Beauvillier:…It’s a cookie.