D&D Classes as Quotes

the og dnd classes as incorrect quotes blog || mod kan (rogue, they/he) || submissions welcome :)

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

pick one

extremely small and skittish cleric

wild magic sorcerer but the wild magic is knives

paladin on a quest to consume every flavour of dishwasher tablet

Voting ended onNov 8, 2023

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Bard: Words will never hurt you? WRONG. Death spell!

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Wizard: How to cite a dream/hallucination in APA 7th? Artificer: What? Wizard: I want to include something that was revealed to me in a vision in one of my research papers. But I do not know how to cite it.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Barbarian: Artificer, please tell me you’re not experimenting with those old Underdark poisons again. Artificer: I only paralyzed you for a week, Barb. You need to let that go.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Monk: stop your addiction to being right Wizard: good advice for everyone who isn’t me

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Artificer: I'm a scientist. Wizard: A scientist? What kind? Artificer: I'm sorry, I don't understand? Wizard: What's your field of study? Artificer: Science.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Cleric: You need to eat healthier. Fighter: No. Cleric: The last person who didn't eat healthier after I told them to died. Fighter: Oh my gods. Cleric: In a fire storm. Fighter: That sounds unrelated. Cleric: I cast the fire storm. Do not disobey me.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Wizard: It's our job to instruct and inspire. Fighter: You just wanted to show off. Wizard: When I show off, it IS instructive and inspiring.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Paladin: It must be a liberating thing for you all, not to be blessed with a moral compass.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Rogue: Come on, you have to sacrifice your life. I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn’t do. Fighter: You? You'd sacrifice your life for the good of everyone else? Rogue: No, I'd sacrifice YOUR life for the good of everyone else.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Artificer: Ah, the Scientific Method. Step One: Fuck around. Step Two: Find out. Step Three: Record your results. Step Four: Confirm, or fuck around again.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Rogue: What's the vital thing to remember in a duel? Paladin: Honour? Rogue: Not getting killed, right? Biting, kicking, gouging, it's all good.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Cleric: Why are you always trying to get yourself killed? Barbarian: It's my job. Cleric: It's a hazard of your job. At least for most adventurers. For you it seems to be the purpose.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Bard: How did you get Rogue to co-operate with you? Warlock: I threatened to reveal their dark secret. Bard: Which is what? Warlock: I have no idea, I was bluffing, but it must be something horrible.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Rogue: I saved a life: my own. Am I a hero? I really can’t say… but, yes.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Paladin: Warlock is a good person, if you ignore all the things they do on purpose and concentrate on all of the things they do by accident.

[incorrect-dnd-classes]

Ranger: It's so cute! I have to pet it. Cleric: It has three heads. Ranger: So? Cleric: It has three heads and very sharp teeth. Ranger: Still a dog to me. C’mon, let’s go say hi.