[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Marvin The Magician, watching Jackie do push-ups: Wow, he's been going at it for a while. I wonder where he gets all the motivation.

Jackieboy Man, thinking to himself: man, I'm gonna get so good at hugging my friends.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Dark, waking up and seeing Markiplier Studios is flooded: Okay, okay. The only explanation is I’m still asleep, dreaming that the studio is flooded. What does it mean? What does it mean?

The Host, floating by: It probably means you’re under a lot of stress because this is not a dream and the studio is flooded.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Dr. Schneeplestein, to Chase: This is what we call a traumatic event.

Dr. Schneeplestein: not a "bruh moment" or "major L" or "oof lmao"

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Google, addressing the egos: And if you have any thoughts about my “attitude problems” feel free jot them down and put them in this suggestion box.

Wilford: ...Google, this is just a trash can.

Google: it sure is.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Dr. Schneeplestein: you say please and thank you in front of your zombie friend all the time, and he never repeats it 

Dr. Schneeplestein: but say 'fuck' ONCE--

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Anti: [accidentally stabs himself with his knife]

All The Septics:

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Yancy, holding up a bag: aye, I stoles youse underground gold!

Captain Magnum: That’s decoy gold. You think I’d leave my gold in a locked safe buried underground, where anyone could find it?

Yancy, throwing the decoy gold his way: youse don't know me at alls, ocean breath. [holds up real gold]

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Yan, lovingly talking about Senpai at 2am: He could kill me and I’d thank him!

Bingiplier, tired of hearing for the millionth time: yeah, I'd thank him too.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Jameson, signing: Love is dead and never existed. All you did was betray me, as I lay sick festering. You are the definition of death--

Chase Brody: JJ? You alright, bro?

Jameson: Anti ate my garlic bread

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Anti: you're just jealous of me. You know, people say I have a unique way of lighting up a room--

Dr. Schneeplestein: That unique way is called arson and those people are witnesses.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Dr. Iplier: I told you, I'm fine. Why do you keep asking?

Dark: You had 10 cups of coffee in seven minutes.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Bim, holding up a spork: Google, what is this?

Google: a spork, duh.

Bim: Bing, what is this?

Bing: a fpoon, duh.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Dr. Schneeplestein: are you okay?

Chase Brody: yeah, why?

Dr. Schneeplestein: You asked the woman at the store if damage repair shampoo also works on emotions.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Anti: I hate you.

Robbie The Zombie : Well, according to this picture I drew of us in which we are we holding hands, that must be untrue.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Jim Twins, after blowing up Markiplier TV Studios: ....are we in trouble?

Dark: guess.

Jim Twins: ...no?

Dark: guess again.

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Dr. Iplier: Wilford, Google won't power on.

Wilford: hmm, just say I said something factually incorrect.

Dr. Iplier: will that work?

Wilford: worth a shot!

[Dr. Iplier leaves]

Googleplier, walking in a few moments later: I'm sorry, did you just say the sun is a fucking planet--

[incorrect-ego-quotes]

Anti, stubbing his toe: Ow! Son of a bi--

Dr. Schneeplestein: Anti! [gestures to Robbie] he can hear you!

Anti: --scuit. Son of a biscuit.

Dr. Schneeplestein: wow, nice save.

Anti: I know, right? Fucking nailed it.