Incorrect Losers Club

Probably headcanons too sometimes They/Them Canon can suck it :)

[incorrect-losers]

Stan: Allow me to introduce myself-

Patrick: Yeah I kno who you are, Urine

Stan: It’s Uris!

Patrick: I know, I was being disrespectfulll

[incorrect-losers]

Richie: And what about anal?

Bev: Dude seriously!

Bill: Jesus Christ!

Ben: What?!

Stan: We do like the room to be clean yeah

Richie *writing*: He said yes; hilarious

[incorrect-losers]

Bev: I’ll just grab an apple real quick

Mike: Granny Smith? What, you got an oven in your mouth?

Bev: Huh?

Mike: Pie apple, it’s a pie apple

Bill: I like a good Red Delicious

Mike: Oh, does your mouth have a lid on it?

Bill: What are you talking about?

Mike: That’s a garbage apple, may as well eat a Honeycrisp

Ben: What’s wrong with that one?

Mike: Science apple, made in a lab with test tubes and beakers

Eddie: Well what apples do you like?

Mike: Fuji for eating, Crab for hucking, that’s a prankster’s apple

Bev: Gosh, Mike, I had no idea you knew so much about apples

Mike: Hm did you ever ask?

Bev: No, I guess I didn’t

Mike: Hmm

[incorrect-losers]

Bev: Hey, I have an idea! How ‘bout I hug you around the neck with my hands

Stan *pulling Bev back*: What she means is …well I guess she said what she meant

[incorrect-losers]

Greta: George Elmer Denbrough?! Oh no that kid’s a freaky little weirdo!

Bill: …He’s my brother

Greta: I know, I don’t know why your parents didn’t stop with you

[incorrect-losers]

Eddie: Let me get this straight, you are calling me dumb

Stan: Kaspbrak, you’re so dumb you don’t know how dumb you are

Eddie: I know how dumb I am

Stan:

Eddie: You’re the one who’s dumb. Capital D-U-M dumb

Bill: Eddie, there’s a B

Eddie *swatting air*: Where? I hate those things

Bill: I think we have a winner

[incorrect-losers]

Eddie: Will we be working in pairs? Because I want Bill to be my partner

Bill: No! I am tired of you

Teacher: Bill, who would you like as your partner?

Bill: I choose Beverly

Eddie: What?! She doesn’t appreciate you

[incorrect-losers]

Stan: Where does he go at night?

Richie: He’s usually going to like McDonalds or something

Stan: Richie stop

Richie: No that’s literally where he goes

*Cuts to Ben in the drive through*

[incorrect-losers]

Stan: Went to the pharmacy to buy my depression meds but I was also buying draino for my shower and the pharmacist ringing me up goes "that too?" And I said "yeah just in case the meds don't work" and she did not laugh

[incorrect-losers]

Mike: They’ve done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time

Ben: That doesn’t make sense

[incorrect-losers]

Eddie: I’m gonna fake an epileptic seizure

Stan: You are not an epileptic

Eddie: That’s why I’m gonna fake it

[incorrect-losers]

Greta: I don’t know, I just asked chat to summarize

The losers: *completely blank faced*

Stan *rubbing his eyes*: Jesus

[incorrect-losers]

The losers: *cleaning up*

Stan *holding a plate*: Don’t you dare add to this mess

Bev: There’s a cockroach on that dish

Stan: Aah! *drops and shatters the plate*

Eddie: *Smashes another plate*

Stan: What’d you do that for?!

Eddie: I was helping!

Bill: We’re smashing stuff?

Bill: *throws mug on the ground*

Stan: STOP IT!

[incorrect-losers]

Bill: Are you sure Richie's even gay? He's barely even looked at me

[incorrect-losers]

Greta: You do not want to start with me today, Marsh

Bev: Are you sure? It was in my day planner under "Goals”

[incorrect-losers]

Richie *trying to get advice to handle his crush on Eddie*: I just kept talking, I couldn’t stop!

Bev: Isn’t that, I dunno, life for you?

[incorrect-losers]

Bill: So if you were on a plane that crashed and Tom Hanks and Diane Keaton were on it too and they died and you survived who would you eat first?

Ben: Am I the only other person on the plane?

Bill: Yup

Ben: What about the pilots?

Bill: It’s an experimental aircraft, all automated

Ben: Well maybe that’s why it went down

Bill: Well the technology still needed more study, yes, but the Pentagon was getting impatient and they wanted results so they pushed up the launch

Ben: Wait why wouldn’t they have a seasoned flight crew on board instead of two actors?

Bill: Oscar winning actors

Ben: Fair enough

Bill: These are taxpayer dollars, they need the public’s interest for support or the funding dries up

Ben: Wait, since when does the military need public support to fund experimental aircraft?

Bill: Would you eat Tom Hanks or Diane Keaton?!

Ben: I’d start with Diane and then if I didn’t get rescued I’d move on to Tom

Bill: Yeah, see I think it’s weird you have an opinion one way or another