for your entertainment

basically stupid quotes for anything i find funny

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Dazai: if you swallowed a kazoo do you think your voice would always be- [high-pitched squealing]

Akutagawa: dazai did you do what i think you did

Dazai:

Dazai: [high-pitched squealing]

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Dazai, in court: Seven billion people in the world, and you’re upset that I killed two little people.

Judge: Dazai Osa-

Dazai: Seven. Billion. People. Now shut up and drink your smoothie

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Dazai: do you think rashoumon could be a substitute dick

Akutagawa: where the fuck to you come up with this shit

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Chuuya: [mumbling in Latin]

Arahabaki: Listen, for the last time, I’m not a demon, and you can’t exorcise me.

Chuuya: [crossing number five off the list] It was worth a try.

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Dazai: hey hey eyhey ehe hh eeyh chuuya

Chuuya: what

Dazai: spell icup

Chuuya: spell w-

Dazai: just do it

Chuuya: I C U- no, noonon fuck you

Dazai: please

Chuuya:

Chuuya: I C U P

Dazai: dude what the fuck thats gross

Chuuya: die

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Dazai, bumping into Chuuya: oh, looks like you've dropped something

Chuuya: whatd I drop?

Dazai: your standards-hi I'm dazai become my boyfriend

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Ranpo: fuck

gasping from everyone else:

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Akutagawa: [hand lightly brushes Chuuya's]

Chuuya: [aggressively grabs Akutagawa's hand and holds it]

Chuuya: Fucking commit to it

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Chuuya: I love him so much, he is my everythi--

Dazai: [breathes]

Chuuya: that's it I can't live like this

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Dazai: do rabbits lay eggs

Chuuya: do idiots ever shut up

Dazai: do you talk during your sleep?

Chuuya: no?

Dazai: there's your answer

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Ranpo, waving hands around: [incomprehensible]

Poe: what?

Ranpo, even quieter: [incomprehensible]

Akiko: you gotta speak up

Ranpo, at full volume: FUCK

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Chuuya: why cant i get some peace and quiet around here

Dazai, holding a can of peas: i cant promise the quiet but i got you this

Chuuya: are you fucking deaf

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Dazai: don't panic! I'm in charge now!

Kunikida: THATS WHY WE ARE PANICKING

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Kouyou: I know you snuck out last night, Chuuya

Arahabaki: play dumb

15 y/o Chuuya: who's chuuya

Arahabaki: NOT THAT TYPE OF DUMB

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Dazai: if life is a party, i am the pinata

Chuuya: you want little kids to beat you

Dazai: i dont mind any age

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Chuuya, dressed up fancily: Okay Dazai, how do i look?-

Dazai: With your eyes

Chuuya: thanks assfuck

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Dazai: lets go out with a bang

Chuuya: is that implying we eat out then shoot eachother

Dazai: no i meant that we should-

Chuuya: olive garden it is