Incorrect Bolts Quotes

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Stammer: Hey are you free tonight? Like, around 8pm?

Bray: Yeah.

Stammer: How about you?

Killer: Yeah, I'm free.

Stammer: Great! I'm not. You two go on without me. Enjoy your date.

Bray: Did he just...

Killer: Seems like it.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Vasy: You are never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Tyler: What do you want for Valentine's Day?

Pally: I want to hear those three little words.

Tyler: I love you.

Pally: That's sweet, but try again.

Tyler: Fine.

Tyler: I will behave.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Tony: Did it hurt?

Sergy: When I fell from heaven?

Tony: No, when you fell from the vending machine.

Sergy: I... don't understand.

Tony, smiling: Because you're a snack.

Sergy:

Sergy: WHO TAUGHT YOU THIS

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Flight attendant: Before we take off please make sure all small items are secure.

Tony, shouting across the aisle: Hey! You alright over there Johnny? Got your seatbelt on?

Tyler: Fuck you.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Stammer: We have a new rookie this year so swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined.

Yanni: Heck.

Stammer: You're on thin fucking ice.

Stammer: Oh no.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Pally: We just ate, why are you making pancakes?

Tyler: They’re for the dogs.

Pally: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs?

Tyler: They don’t know how.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Stammer: I can't believe you live nearby and you won't let anyone crash at your place.

Kuch: You people already know too much about me.

Stammer: I know exactly three facts about you, and one of them is that you won't let any of us crash at your place.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Tyler: I'm heading out to escort the canines on a jaunty trek around the neighborhood!

Kuch, from the couch: Why don't you just say you're going to walk the dogs?

Snowy, Reese, and Bella: *go absolutely nuts*

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Bray: Shit! The printer messed up the invitations! They're supposed to say "Tyler's Birthday!"

Killer: What does it say instead?

Bray: "Tyler's Bi"

Killer: Well. I mean, it still works.

Bray, crestfallen: Pally's gonna be so pissed.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Killer, slamming all the cabinets in the kitchen:

Shu: What are you looking for? Can I help?

Killer: No. I'm just making a lot of noise because I'm angry.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Pally: Tyler was about to run into a low hanging sign while he was walking and scrolling through his phone so I said "duck".

Pally: He quacked at me and then hit his head.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Val: Are you cooking?

Bray: I wanted to do something nice for you!

Val: But instead, you cooked?

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Vasy: Are you in my house?

Sergy: Please. I haven’t snuck into your house for weeks. Which reminds me, you’re all out of peanut butter.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

At a job interview:

Heddy: Okay, what would you say is your biggest weakness?

Kuch: I don't have any, asshole.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Louis: Oh, fiddlesticks! That really ruffles my feathers.

Danick, crying: Please just say fuck.

[incorrectboltsquotes]

Kuch, dropping Vasy off at the airport: Have a safe flight!

Vasy: I have no control over that.

Kuch: Die, then.