date or die quotes

archive

[incorrectdodquotes]

Orlok : The bats won last night

Hero: Oh, did you watch the game?

Orlok, covered in blood and scratches: What game

[incorrectdodquotes]

Mesmer: i have a confession. i’m terrified of the backstreet boys

Hero: tell me why

Mesmer: [screams]

[egberts]

y'all wanna know what it's like to date a lesbian stoner

[egberts]

this is above our bed

[incorrectdodquotes]

tag what you're majoring in/intend on majoring in

Hat Trick: Respecting Women

Orlok: bat man

Mesmer: minecraft

Host: youtube

Prototype: in the tags guys

Luna: fuckin weed

Six: W

Hero: i’m terrified that i’ll lock myself into an interest that i’ll no longer be passionate about in a few years like all the other areas of study i’ve pursued over my life!

Six: Minecraft

Luna: minecraft as well

[incorrectdodquotes]

hero: if you want to leave dinner with that hand, i suggest you get it off my ass

host: [blushes, moves it]

[incorrectdodquotes]

Hero: When you said “magical in bed” this wasn’t exactly what I expec-

Mesmer: *holds up ace of hearts* Is this your card?

Hero: [softly] holy shit

[incorrectdodquotes]

Host: So. Who broke it? I’m not mad, I just wanna know.

Hero: I did. I broke it-

Host: No, no you didn’t. Luna?

Luna: Don’t look at me. Look at Orlok.

Orlok: What? I didn’t break it.

Luna: Huh, that’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?

Orlok: Because it’s sitting right in front of us, and it’s broken.

Luna: Suspicious…

Orlok: No, it’s not!

Mesmer: If it matters - probably not, but - Hat Trick was the last one to use it.

Hat Trick: *gasp* Liar, I don’t even drink that crap!

Mesmer: Oh, really? Then what were you doing around the coffee cart earlier?

Hat Trick: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, Mesmer!

Hero: Okay, okay, let’s not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it, Host.

Host: No. Who broke it?

Everyone: …

Prototype: Host, Six has been awfully quiet-

Six: Really?!

Prototype: Yeah, really-

Six: Oh my word-

Everyone: *angry bickering*

…

Host: *in another room* I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with warpaint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. *turns around and smiles* Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

[incorrectdodquotes]

Hero: are you a big spoon or a little spoon?

Host: I’m a knife!

Prototype: *from across the room* he’s a little spoon.

[incorrectdodquotes]

Luna: Fuck, marry, kill: me, Mesmer and Hat Trick.

Hero: Fuck Hat Trick, marry Mesmer, kill Host.

Host: I wasn't even one of the options!

[incorrectdodquotes]

Luna: Is this whiskey or perfume?

Hero: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*

Hero: It's perfume.

[incorrectdodquotes]

Hero: You’re cute, but selfish and narcissistic to the point of near-delusion.

Host:

Host: She called me cute.

[incorrectdodquotes]

Six: *sneezes*

Luna: Ooh, Six is dabbin

Six: I’m not. I have the fucking cold.

Luna: Watch em, they're gonna do it again.

Six: *sneezes*

Luna: Hit it, Six. Hit it.

[incorrectdodquotes]

Orlok: Out of the way, I’m a doctor!

Mesmer: You’re a vet.

Orlok: I’m the best damn shot we’ve got.

[incorrectdodquotes]

Hero: Anybody know any good substitutes for love and personal fulfillment?

Luna: Crunchwrap supreme from Taco Bell

[incorrectdodquotes]

Hero: Hey babe, happy one-year *holds out flowers*

Hat Trick, confused: I'm twenty seven?

[incorrectdodquotes]

Mesmer: How's the most beautiful person in the world doing?

Hero: I don't know, how are yo-

Host, from across the room: I'm great, thanks

[incorrectdodquotes]

Hero: Why are you naked?

Mesmer: I don’t have any clothes.

Hero: [opens closet] Well, you have pants, shirts, vests, hello Host, jackets, socks…