Things My Group Would Say But Haven’t

We’re running a pre-built campaign and shenanigans ensue. Ft. Gregg, Jurgen, Nikola, Jora, Damian, Angela “Mercy” Ziegler, Secret Agent Man (Inoka) and generic anime man.

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Gregg: I like to live dangerously!

Also Gregg: *jumps into a pit of spikes*

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Jora: Nikola, I’m trying to sneak around, but I’m dummy thicc and the clap of my ass cheeks keeps alerting the guards.

Nikola:

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Inoka: *returns to the party after being away for a month*

Nikola: and just what have you been doing?

Inoka: a goddess.

Nikola:

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Gregg holding a stick up to Nikola: are you aware that you are a cat?

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Mercy: don’t worry guys, Heroes never die when I’m around!

Nikola: ok but, are any of us really heroes? *gestures to the party that’s mostly neutral/chaotic*

Mercy: Fair point... *speaking celestial (which most the party doesn’t speak)* My servents never die!

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When the 8 ft. demon(?) hides better than the rogue.

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Gregg after raiding the market: it was only one merchant cart!

Rest of the party:

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The day we found out our barbarian was actually a sorcerer.

Gregg: *casts a spell*

Most of the party:

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Inoka: that was easy as taking candy from a baby!

Gregg: why would you give a baby candy, they don’t have any teeth?

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How it should’ve ended Blind date edition:

Nikola: Look at how cute these scrolls are!

Jora: Nikola that’s gay.

Nikola: Jora, we’ve been dating for 5 days.