Incorrectly Quoted DBDA

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Crystal: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Edwin: You are literally making a Valentine’s day card for Niko.

Crystal, pointing their hot glue gun towards Edwin: You’re on thin fucking ice.

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Niko: Why are you late?

Edwin: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness.

Niko: Overslept?

Edwin: Overslept.

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Crystal: Hey, are you alright with swearing? Asking for a friend.

Edwin: Yes?

Crystal: Bitch.

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Edwin: Charles, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.

Charles: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

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*While planning to break in somewhere*

Charles: Hey, let's do "Get Help!"

Edwin: What?

Charles: "Get Help."

Edwin: No.

Charles: C'mon, you love it!

Edwin: I hate it.

Charles: It's great! It works every time!

Edwin: It's humiliating.

Charles: Do you have a better plan?

Edwin: No.

Charles: We're doing it!

Edwin: We are not doing "Get Help!"

*A Minute Later*

Charles, carrying Edwin: Get help! Please! He's dying! Help him! *throws Edwin at guards, knocking them out*

Charles: Ahh, classic!

Edwin: *gets up* I still hate it. It's humiliating.

Charles, laughing: Not for me, it's not.

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Edwin: Are you listening to me?

Charles: *nods*

Edwin: What did I just say?

Charles: *nods*

Edwin: ...

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Crystal: This is a bad idea.

Charles: Then why are you coming along?

Crystal: Someone has to get your injured ass home.

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*The agency is about to do something dangerous*

Edwin: Shouldn’t someone give a pep talk?

Charles: Go ahead.

Edwin: Be careful.

Edwin: Don’t die.

Crystal: *Holds back a laugh*

Charles: Great. We’re all bloody inspired.

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Charles: Helpful grammar tip: “farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for methaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance!

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Niko, looking at the agency: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster.

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Crystal: Still not over how yesterday when my flight landed, our pilot said we arrived 50 minutes early because they took some "shortcuts".

Crystal: Excuse me, we were in the sky, what do you mean???

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Edwin: I can't take you seriously wearing that.

Crystal: Aw, you take me seriously at all?

Edwin: Fair point.

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Edwin: Don’t weep for the stupid. You’ll be crying all day.

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Niko: To be honest, I'm kinda pissed that I'm not asleep in bed next to the love of my life in a cottage with no obligations other than watering my vegetable garden.

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Edwin: Niko, remember when you said you weren’t going to interfere with my love life?

Niko: No, that doesn’t sound like me at all.

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*Crystal teaching Niko to drive and taking Charles along for the ride*

Crystal: That's a pothole. To the left!

Niko: Take it back now y'all *Drives into pothole*

Charles, sticking their face into the front over the center console: Cha Cha real smooth.

Niko: I don't think that's how the song goes.

Crystal, crying and gripping the handle: Please just take me home.

Niko: Country Roads.

Charles: To the place.

Niko and Charles in unison: I Belong!

Crystal, crying harder: What the fuck?