sorry for not posting in ages guys i was struggling through my writer's block -_- anyway here you go! hope you like it <3 i struggled to write it ngl, idk if I really like it but ah well.
tags: @desi-lgbt-fest, @manujanolavu @morally-gayy @desi-yearning (let me know if you want to be added/removed)
Rati had always been scared to attend a Pride festival.
It felt like admission: yes, I am gay. Yes, I am proud.
Proud of what? What did she have that made her special? She had always been a blank puzzle, with missing pieces that could be scattered anywhere across the globe. How was she supposed to colour herself in rainbow and call it Pride?
Rainbows had always seemed like sad, fickle things to her. Small chinks of happiness that were erased by the sun. That were only possible with the most specific combination of events. Rain, and sunlight slanting exactly the right way.
Then what did that say about herself?
She had always been such a good girl: she sat in the front row. She played two instruments. She handed her work in on time. She didnât doodle, didnât gossip, didnât daydream. Didnât, didnât, didnât. Her entire life had hinged on couldnât, wouldnât, didnât.
She was named for the Goddess of Love, after all. Then why wasnât she confident in her own? Did that kind of confidence only come with straight love? Was she really as broken as her mother implied when she talked about lesbians? Every time she felt butterflies in her stomach, she locked them away. The day she called herself gay, she felt something inside her that she hadnât felt before.
That was the only reason she persevered, if she was being honest. That feeling had lit a flame inside her, a tiny sun of her own.
God knew there was enough rain in her heart. Maybe this little sun would make her own rainbow.
So when she went to college, she kept her head up and a smile on her face. She knocked at the door of the college Pride Club, and when the leader, (âPadmaâ, her name tag read) opened it, she plucked up all her courage and asked:
âExcuse me, does this college have a pride event?â
She was half expecting Padma to laugh at her. For her to shoo her away and say that young girls, in their first year at college, didnât belong at Pride.
Except â that wasnât what happened at all.
Padma held the door open with a gentle smile and beckoned her in. âOf course! In fact, we have a pride event tomorrow, to mark the end of Pride Month. Do you want to meet the rest of the team?â
Rati hesitated. If she stepped over that line that marked the boundary between corridor and classroom, she would be safe. She could go back to reading in the library and not stirring up a fuss and presenting as ordinary. She could be good little Rati that never stepped out of line, just like she had been for the last seventeen years.
But something inside her was tired of being good. A little voice (her namesake, perhaps?) whispered to her that perhaps it was time to try being bad for a change.
And so, she offered a radiant smile for what she hoped to find in that room.
Pride Club was not like what she had expected at all. In fairness, though, she didnât know what sheâd expected. Whatever it was, it wasnât this.
Ten to fifteen students lounged around the classroom, eating their lunch and chattering playfully with each other. Padma, perhaps sensing that she was getting a little shyer, put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
âGuys!â she called to make herself heard over the chatter. âOi! Guys!â
Everyone turned to look at her, and Rati dropped her gaze to the ground at their subtle scrutiny. âThis is our new member, Rati,â Padma gestured to her. âBe nice, all right?â
âHi, Rati!â A short girl with choppy bangs grinned at her. âIâm Anshika, Padmaâs favourite-â she lowered her voice, winking as if divulging a secret, â-and only â girlfriend!â
Padma blushed. âShut up.â
âH-Hi, Anshika-ji.â Rati managed to smile shyly at her.
As they made their introductions, something settled in Ratiâs heart that had been fluttering around inside of her. She allowed the smile on her face to settle. This⌠this felt nice.
The next day, it took far less courage to show up to the Pride event.
This is it. She thought. Iâm finally admitting it.
She held her flag tightly, and when the moment came, waved it high in the air. For once, the rainbow seemed strong, invincible. More than a trick of the light.
This felt like belonging.
hope you guys like it! feel free to tell me what you think in reblogs/comments etc :]
