Mexico, Take 2
We’d been driving towards Mexico for a while now. It’s my turn to drive, and Ian’s asleep in the passenger seat, head against the window, his tall frame barely fitting in the space. Fuck he drives me crazy. In the quiet of the car, his breathing even and calm, it gives me time to think of the last few weeks. Fucking idiot going off his meds a few months back really gave me quite a scare. He’s fine now, but seeing him go through this again was rough. At least this time around he let me help, let me be there for him, didn’t push me away. Hell, with the year we had, I could’ve gone crazy too. The shit these people put us through, sometimes I just wanna fucking pack up and leave. Ian wouldn’t leave his family behind tho, and he’s my family, so we stay put. When Ian had the idea for this trip, I almost laughed. Mexico? Really? Of all the places? But fuck if he isn’t right. We need a time off, and the beach did sound quite good in the cold of Illinois winter. The way he looked at me when I agreed was worth it. The sex afterward wasn’t so bad either.
* * *
Ian has been quite for a few miles now, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say some crazy idea is brewing in his head. But I trust that he’s okay now, better at least, and as we are closing in on the border, my heart is fucking pounding in my chest. I know we don’t have to worry about anything, we’re not fugitives or anything, but this brings back memories I’d rather not revisit. Ian starts to pull over, and I know exactly where we are.
- Ian? What are you doing?
- I just… I need to… give me a minute.
He gets out of the car, and suddenly, I wish we had never taken that fucking trip. Trust this fucking idiot to screw this up again. I wait a few moments, try to calm down, and get out of the car too.
- Gallagher, what the fuck are you doing? We’re not turning back if you changed your mind again.
- I’m not changing my mind, I just…
He’s so fidgety, nervous as well, and I seriously don’t know what the fuck is happening. Ian’s pacing back and forth, not looking at me, running his hand through his hair. What the fuck is going on in the red head of his? I grab his arm:
- What? What is it?
He’s finally looking at me, super serious and shit, and takes a deep breath.
- Look Mick, I know this is not what you were expecting. I know loving me is more than you bargained for. But, I don’t know who I am without you. I don’t know which way is up if you are not with me. Walking away from you, in this exact spot, was the stupidest and hardest thing I ever did. But maybe this is what we needed to truly understand. What I needed to really see. All my life, Fiona tried to make our house a home for us, but I never really felt like it was a home, and then you came along. You are my home Mick. I know we were just kids, both trying to figure out how we fit in this world, but, I fit with you. I once asked you what being in love meant. Taking care of each other, thick and thin, good and bad, sickness and health. You’ve seen all of this, Mickey, and you’re possibly seen more bad than most.
- Ian…
- No listen, I made fun of you that day. And broke both of our hearts. But, I didn’t… I didn’t know what it would feel like, not being with you. I’ve been lost for so long, and now that we found our way back to each other, I’ve found myself, I find that everything makes sense when I’m with you. Even things that shouldn’t. Even putting on tuxes, and getting married.
- What are you saying?
- I’m saying I wanna marry you, Mick. I wanna love you, for real, legally and shit. I wanna spend the rest of my life showing you how much I care about you. I wanna care for you, I wanna show you that I can be there for you, too. I wanna show you I can be the one you can count on, no matter what. Question is, will you? Marry me?
- You fucking serious right now?
The look in his eyes tells me all I need to know. He is fucking serious. Here? He’s doing this here? Fuck… He’s looking at me with those big green eyes, hopeful at first, but now fucking terrified I’m gonna turn him down, and I suppress the urge to ask him why he isn’t on his knees. The only reason why I don’t is the way he’s looking at me. This is it. This is real. This is our finish line. I realize I still haven’t said anything as Ian slowly backs away to lean on the car, looking defeated. Fuck I’m an idiot. I close the distance between us, grabbing his head to meet mine and I kiss him trying to show him how much I want this.
- Fuck yeah, I’ll marry you. (Relieved sigh. I feel him smile as he kisses me again) Now get behind the wheel and drive the damn car. We have a date with the beach.
