In the wee hours of New Year's Day, an Uber driver picked me up in Laurel, Maryland to take me home to DC. He asked if I wanted to stop somewhere to eat.
"Funny you should ask," I replied. "I was thinking if we pass something that's still open when we get to DC, we can pull in."
A few moments passed when out of the blue he asked, "What kind of Italian food do you like?"
I thought he knew of some Italian restaurant on the way. I told him I like lasagna and chicken alfredo. He paused long enough for me to think that was the end of the conversation, then asked me, "What about baked ziti?"
I confessed I'd never had it and asked what was in it. He laughed and said, "Pasta!"
He went on to tell me that he works in an Italian restaurant and that at the end of every shift, he gets a dish to take home. That night, the entrée was baked ziti. He offered his to me and would not accept payment for it. When we arrived at my home, he just gave it to me, hugged me, and wished me a happy new year.
I will most likely never see him again.
Several weeks ago, a man told me that he believes people do not perform acts of kindness unless they want something in return. Whenever someone says: "people always do this" or "people never do that," I know they are really telling me about themselves. For years, I have believed that we see the world not as it is but as we are. I have yet to be proved wrong. Still, I shared with him that my life experience tells me that some people are innately generous, that they give simply because they are giving people. I count myself in that number. Furthermore, as generous as people have been toward me in my times of need, I think it would be nearly blasphemous not to help others in their times of need; therefore, I do not give seeking a form of reimbursement. My dad used to say, "Don't give what you need." If I give it to you, I probably don't need it back.
I do expect appreciation, though. And I will not give again to someone who does not show appreciation. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
I believe that most of us have beliefs and expectations about how people are. How many times have you heard someone say all men are dogs or women can't be trusted? What goes through your mind when you see a Black man in a hoodie? Or an immigrant who doesn't speak English?
Sometimes we meet someone who does not conform to our negative expectations of them and we are pleasantly surprised, but if we are too entrenched in our own negativity, we will believe that she or he is "too good to be true." We actually make a problem where there is none.
Case in point: I was talking to a guy a while back. He told me that he believed women are naturally liars and couldn't be trusted. Soon he started grilling me about my whereabouts and why I didn't always call him as soon as I got home from work. I really liked the guy at first but it didn't take me long to become physically tired of him. It got to the point where I would dread going home because I felt like I had to call and "check in" just to appease his insecurities. After only a couple of weeks, I told him I didn't want to talk to him anymore.
He responded, "We can work it out."
I told him there was nothing to work out. He had an expectation of women and he was not going to be satisfied until he met a woman who validated his beliefs and assumptions, who met his expectations--even if that meant he would be miserable.
I could not meet his expectations and I would not waste any more time defending my character to him. I had to let him go.
I try to be mindful about what I believe because I know that what I believe is what I will attract to myself. Though I have 9,482,367 reasons to believe otherwise, I contend that men are wonderful. They are honorable and brave. They are loving and compassionate. They are kind and generous.
And I will not be satisfied until I meet the man who meets my expectations.
They exist. One of them brought me home the other night.
