The world forgetting, by the world forgot.

[indigochildnikki]

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[indigochildnikki]

Do ‘Forgetting’ And ‘Letting Go’ really exist?

It’s been 5 years now.. And being someone who really looks to logic for answers, for explanations.. I’m as perplexed as ever. No, I’m not looking for the same love or reconciliation, I simply wake up some days feeling as if a part of me got taken away. And perhaps it’s that “stolen part” that I have a tough time letting go of. I am not so much sad as I am unsettled, although quite devoid of emotion when I think on these lines... What is it that I want? Maybe I saw all these relationships around me falling apart and I never prepared myself for the possibility that it could happen to me too— yes, they call it teenage love, puppy love, naive and all that. But ask yourself this question: When was the last time you truly loved someone with no other thought in your head? No thought that was past oriented or future-anxious; with no reservations or insecurities about what it has in store for you; with zero cost-benefit analysis !! Having pondered on these thoughts is why even though I have grown into a woman with the ability to love with all my heart today, at 21, I think the purest form of love is expressed in the immature, unaware years. I’m not belittling love at any other stage though.. This is just another one of the revelations I’ve had in my experience of growth so far. So yes,in the middle of all this learning and confusion, one particular question really nags me: Do we really ever ‘let go’? Or do we just powder up the voided parts of our flesh and bone? Becoming ‘more ourselves’ as we perceive, yes, but losing out on a lot of what we really are? I knew of this person forever since he lived in the same neighborhood as mine, but I came to know him 6 years ago. There was the entry and then cue: the exit. Like a one-year long but short-lived film: departure to a foreign land. It’s a really long story, a really draining story and what happened between the hello and the goodbye is absurd, because if I ever look back- I can’t really see the ‘goodbye’. All I see is a blurred series of events and now i’m here, sitting at my desk and writing about it, almost as if it was just yesterday. What I do remember vividly is having earned a friendship, in all it’s idiosyncrasies, a very strong bond. A mutual obsession of sorts, but a good obsession.. The kind that, at that age, one would imagine to be interminable. Well skipping to the present again, I realize that everyday that I wake up does not make his presence, the fact that he touched my life any less obvious. If anything, it’s like a nostalgic trap which if I dare indulge in, makes this reality even more apparent to me. And once again, i’m empty because I have no answer as to why this happens. Especially when it manifests in the form of dreams. I no longer consciously (or subconsciously, i’d like to say) dedicate any thought to him yet he exists in the realm of my dreams which therefore proves me wrong when I state that I have “let go”. And no, this is not romantically nostalgic, it is rather dreadfully frustrating because my mind has grown to hate the concept of this modern day gibberish break-up-let-go-and-erase-from-your-mind lingo. Because, hello ! if it still crosses your mind even in it’s minutest form- it exists and it’s not gone. So in utter desperation for an answer... This is some food for thought: How can we say we’ve let go and forgotten when neither does this ‘letting go’ alter the reality of their existence, outside our minds or in it ? Read my question again, It’s rhetoric in a way but I’ll still answer in accordance to my opinion: You never truly lose, let go, forget or stop knowing anything that you have ever loved. You’re woven eternally in each other’s memories once you cross paths. 

Correct me if i’m wrong!

[indigochildnikki]

COMING UP NEXT:

What are indigo Children?

[indigochildnikki]

On the same-old never ending feminine struggle!

From a facebook rant about an event Witnessed on : July-30-2016 The eventful journal entry for the day : Dear all, this post today, is to tell a story that i witnessed, the story of a girl tired of the drama that she witnesses in her life (on and off) because of the typical male-dominant orientation that a lot of Indian families tend to have. Naya, was getting dressed this evening to get together with extended family. Now the background here is, that naya's dressing sense doesn't quite suite her father. And a lot of the blame (irrationally) goes to Naya's mother. Doesn't sound quite right? yes. The doorbell rings, Naya hurries excitedly to open the door- "Hey Dad! Your tea's on the kitchen shelf!" Father walks in through the kitchen and proceeds to the Dining area where Naya and her brother are sitting, smartly dressed up.. ready to leave. Unfortunately for her, she was bending to wear her heels which ended up revealing her (non-existent) cleavage(covered with net by the way!) which finally went on to become the issue of the evening. "Is this how you are going to go out? Dressed like this?" From the table, a confused Naya stares up at her Father. "You've seen this dress before dad,what's wrong with it?" "Your boobs are popping out!" (exaggeration alert) an aggressive response follows. What could have been dealt with very differently ( i swear) went on to become a show! Who does the Father turn around to blame? "This, her mother has made her wear this dress." All hell breaks lose and the evening out gets cancelled, oh and that's not all. This whole event gets broadcast to the extended family over a phone call!!! and who is the highlight of crime? The mother. But who looks like a fool now? The family. Who got dragged into the drama? Naya. Over what? A DRESS! :D And who's dress and boobs became the talk of the evening? Naya! How's something like this possible? Does a grown up lady have no opinion or choice of her own? As to how she dresses, how she carries herself,how she walks, how she talks! Agreed that one becomes what one grows up looking at. But if you give the very same mind a certain freedom of thought- how is there another person responsible for these actions? I've never been one who had a very strong stand about the whole thing but maybe today i finally understand the ferociousness and passion with which a lot of people pursue Feminism.. I see where it stems from now. Another part of me learned today and grew more. So dear families, let people breathe. Let your kids grow up to be who they are. Yes you are entitled to your opinions and your right over your children- But don't shove fear down their throat, It doesn't work forever. They rebel. Try making your point in a kind manner, without scaring the shit out of the youngster. Stop blaming people. Stop making people feel like shit. Stop making your own family look stupid. Stop making everything so godamn dramatic!!!!! Stop making everything the end of the world because none of this is finally going to matter is it? Dear Fathers, learn how to interact and bond with your daughters more so that you get to know them for who they are instead of going ahead and blaming the Mother for what she "supposedly" produced. STOP DRAGGING THE KIDS INTO EVERYTHING! Signing off, A Frustrated (Unfortunately Indian) lady who (GOD BLESS FACEBOOK!) has freedom of thought on here

[indigochildnikki]

On Friend’s becoming strangers

Can you believe that here on earth There is separation that is worse than  the eternal doom of death; Leaving waking, screaming questions harder to answer than the question of what comes next Can you believe that here on earth there are connections that die just as a star gets shot down some nights,saying goodbye to it's universe ... Can you feel what it does?The erasing of memories for it becomes a shame to look back The erasing of memories for nothing hurts more than that The erasing of memories for the sake of pretending you forget The erasing of memories as some kind of a mark of regret Can you see the distance this builds? Leaving behind not even the want for hope of brighter skies inside this deep gaping hole; nor the desire for the answer even when it mocks your existence every waking night What really remains beyond this wondering?So crippling that you wish not to think about it anymore. What really is... And what really was ?

We'll never know

[indigochildnikki]

Dated: December-26-2016 This is the day You and I have a conversation Every year~ This is the day I sit and wish for the same old story Every year~ For somewhere there's a God, A Santa, A Majestic granter,they say.. You're somewhere there aren't you? They say wishing works .. So I'd just look up staring into space Blabbering all these poems, stringing together words.. Wondering when my turn will come I'm talking to you, can you ever hear me? Baring the deepest craters in the core of my soul, Have you understood me yet ? This is the day You and I have a conversation Every year~ I don't think I'll ever stop I don't think I'll ever tire And this time I'm just staring up confused On how my words played out to your ears Brought alive this strange fantasy So here I am again, Is this turning into a quest? Having the same conversation that You and I have, Every year~ I don't know what you plan for me But they say... Wishing works

[indigochildnikki]

Snippets from the lovesickchick

He had just pointed out a flock of birds to her that was bathing next to the bench they sat on. It was as if he knew just what to divert her attention towards to make her day a little brighter. “I want to be a birdie.” She said in the most childish tone ever.. As she just lay in his lap. He bent down, his face close to her’s and his smirk on—  “I could do some magic you know.. You want me to make you a birdie right now?” She look sideways and retaliates, “maybe? i mean it would definitely be easier to ruffle my wings and birdie dance.” He combs her hair back smiling down at her, nodding his head. They both just laugh.

[indigochildnikki]

It's been a while since I wrote a mood lifter, kind of end up needing one myself every now and then.. And the other day I came across this quote which just resonated deep inside .. Made me realise, All our stories are alike, just varied in their plots and courses.. and all of us face these lows... Also because we forget a few simple things: The problem is never that you want everything. The problem is that you want it from all the wrong places and from all the wrong people. The biggest mistake you'll ever make is to hold yourself in an important forever-first-prioritised position in anyone else's life. The second biggest mistake you'll make is being bitter about it rather than finding that same calm and peace of mind within. Your mind is your sanctuary, your sacred temple. All that you search for on the outside is right there within you. But here's the twist, if you yourself are as giving and caring as you expect people to be, you have nothing to worry about. For if you exist, another of your kind surely exists. And along this long journey of life, be rest assured you'll come across these people, not just as lovers, but as friends as family.. they could be anyone. But they exist ! Don't ever forget that not all mankind is as exhausting and negative as your experiences have been.. You'll have to look for beauty and happiness in all the little things, in all the little gestures. Don't stop doing the little things you do. Don't turn to pessimism and defeatist attitudes.. Don't ever forget that not all parts of the journey are vile. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and prepare yourself for more, only to grow a bigger,kinder heart and an enlightened soul❤ Bottom line, you deserve it all. You deserve all the love, all the good. But the journey starts by healing and taking care of your heart first. #ISpeakToMyself

[indigochildnikki]

In My World Of Reverie

Conception of the idea: 1-April-2015 So i felt my introductory/initial blog post should be a poem i wrote, attempting to bare the crux of the substance of my being— love. I will march forward, My dreams in my hands,holding on with all my might In my world of reverie... To come out of which I will never dare, For outside lies the Big Unknown of Unsureness For outside there lies no truth For outside there is no permanence of happiness, Only languished feelings of love.

And so I will keep my eyes closed To everything irrelevant I have found the paradox. All else is now insignificant, The only survival is love To which you'll have to Close Your Mind And Open Your Eyes. Love, don't misunderstand When did I say it wouldn't hurt? Keep your eyes open I promise this delusion has A very sweet sting. Love, you need to smile More Fully. And More. Who has bequeathed to you this emptiness in your soul? Why do you walk this melancholy thoroughfare? Alone. Lonely. And Alone.

But love, I do not understand At times you look so complacent With wherever it is you are I can not reach you I can not see you another dimension Is it so?

But love, Maybe You are in the world outside.... I fear.

So I will march forward, My dreams in my hands,holding on with all my might In my world of reverie... And along the way, I may or may not find you. But I will stay here, not stepping out for, I fear. And I will find you, I hope. In my world of reverie.