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♥️ The healthiest dude I know, but also the sickest. How is this possible. A complete contronym.

D Day

Today, is the day. After so long of trying to prevent this day from coming. Of so much hard work, change, surrender, tears, strength and control - this day is still here. After 1 year and 10 months of this cancer ruling our lives, tomorrow we might, just maybe be free of it. The beginning of a new chapter. The past year and 10 months has felt like one of those crazy roller coasters you see at theme parks that only the really adrenaline junkies go on. Of finding out the cancer is back and both immediately knowing that life was going to change dramatically somehow, to taking a leap of faith on an alternative way to fight this thing, to going all in and changing to a raw vegan high fruit based diet, Chinese herbs, Dr Morse Herbs, breath work, hot and cold treatments, fasting and more, to then seeing the tumour stop growing and the relief it brung, to seeing other parts of the body heal, to loosing money and not having the ability to work, to living in less than ideal conditions, to more long distance relationships, to moving across the world several times, to juggling visas and transfers with multiple jobs, to loosing weight and muscle and strength, to mental health declines and journeys inward, to loosing relationships and learning more about others, to battling with the lack of fresh food and cravings of hot food, to loosing your sex drive and when it comes being blocked by the current environment, to long talks and discussions about what to do, to realising that you might not be able to do this and live this way for 3-5 years to heal naturally, to contemplating surgery, to going ahead with surgery to finally get your life back after nearly 2 years and 7 years in total of fighting this cancer. Today is where we are. Surgery for the third time. Third time lucky I say.

Oh how much I’ve seen you evolve, grow, learn and persist through the absolute lows. You are the strongest person I have ever met. The focus, the knowing, the trust that you know, know yourself more than the ‘professionals’.

Today is scary though. Due to the position of the tumour in your neck there is a chance of nerve damage. Damage to your ear and shoulder. I am praying that everything goes smoothly and no nerves are damaged. That they are able to remove the tumour completely, easily, and quickly. This is what you deserve. After all of this, you deserve this more than anything. For it to go RIGHT. To be OKAY. To get to go back and have your life back. I love you.

#cancer #fuck cancer

7/11/22

Yesterday was an emotional day. I cried when D put a candle in a raw vegan cake and I blew it out. I wished to be happy. We have both had such a tough year and I’m ready for things to start going better. That will relieve a lot of stress and really help our relationship. If it wasn’t for the cancer, the lack of money, the living with his parents, and the stress he’s under - things would feel a lot lighter. A lesson from all of this would be not to take this for granted in the future. Despite it all, he’s held his head high, proceeded with strength and persistence, and been willing and able to let go of a lot of things. I really do admire him for this.

hello - my o h my how so much has changed since I last wrote here. Thinking about slowly making an appearance again. Writing out my thoughts has always been so therapeutic for me.

Everything was perfect except for one (big) thing. I must remember, I will find that piece. Either with you, or without you.

olearypoetry

sweetoothgirl

Hokkaido Milk Bread

blooooom

there’s a misconception that grief only happens when we lose people. this is not true. we can grieve circumstances, relationships, missed opportunities. in fact, sometimes when you find yourself plagued with waves of emotion from sadness to melancholy you may be grieving yourself. the version of yourself that you might have been if things had been different, or if only you had said something, or if someone had stood up for you.

More excited than him 😁