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@infinite-surrender
Kim Addonizio, ‘For You’ | Margaret Atwood, ‘Hesitations Outside the Door’ | Arundhati Roy, The God of Small Things | Mazzy Star, ‘Fade Into You’ | Margaret Atwood, ‘Pre-Amphibian’ | Adonis, ‘Transformations of the Lover’ | Leonard Cohen & Sharon Robinson, ‘Boogie Street’
The English Patient, Michael Ondaatje
Clarice Lispector, tr. by Johnny Lorenz, Um Sopro de Vida
“Well, of course I’ve tried lavender. And pulling my memory out, ribbonlike and dripping. And shrieking into my pillow. And writing the poems. And making more friends. And baking warm brown cookies. And therapy. And intimacy. And pictures of rainbows. And all of the movies about lovers and the terrible things they do to each other. And watching the ones in other languages. And leaving the subtitles off. And listening to the language. And forgetting my name. And feeling the dirt on my skin. And screaming in the shower. And changing my shampoo. And living alone. And cutting my hair. And buying a turtle. And petting the cat. And traveling. And writing more poems. And touching a different body. And digging a grave. And digging a grave. Of course, I’ve tried it. Of course I have.”
— september is a weary month, yasmin belkhyr (via wildflowerveins)
Such wounds to the heart will probably never heal. But we cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever.
— Haruki Murakami
“The reason I like this film is that even I, the filmmaker, get confused as to which parts were fiction and which documentary. It’s as if the film doesn’t belong to me, as if it had made itself; the main character was so strong, it was I who was being told what should be done. And when I saw the film, I realised it was not an artificial creation, but different; it increased my responsibility as a filmmaker. Cinema is no longer the panoramic experience it once was, with big budgets; cinema is -or ought to be- about analysing individual human experience, and how you can find yourself within that subjectivity. After making this film, I realised how I could identify with each of the characters, and how much of myself was in them.”
– Abbas Kiarostami, Close-Up (Nema-ye Nazdik 1990)
Sylvia Plath reads Fever 103º (x)
I am too pure for you or anyone. Your body Hurts me as the world hurts God
“I want to melt into you, to be so terribly close to you that my own self disappears.”
— Anaïs Nin to June Miller, c. February 1932
Why do some people romanticize pain and suffering so much? I have been in pain my whole life, enduring abuse and hurt I can't even speak about, and there is no beauty in it; I have learned nothing except that life is made up entirely of pain and the only reason I have grown addicted to it and made a home out of it is because I have had no other choice and it is in pain where I feel comfortable. But there is no beauty in this torment. Do you understand?
Anon, I am very sorry for you but I do not personally feel it’s necessary to romanticize pain in order to feel that there are transformative qualities in pain. We learn from pain. We learn from going through hell. Unfortunately, fortunately, both. And I obviously do not mean pain that comes from abuse; the kind of abuse another person shoves down your throat. I mean clear, pure, individual pain. The pain of living. The pain of loving. The pain of experiencing things and sharing them with other people and then the pain of feeling betrayed by these experiences / people. Acuteness of sensation comes with pain. Clarity and endurance often accompany pain. Understanding pain and not shutting it off but rather welcoming it…can be very, very healing for some people. There are differents kinds of pain and no one can really compare their own experiences to the experiences of another person but in all honesty I feel there’s something incredibly UNIVERSAL and COLLECTIVE about pain. Something very universal and human. Pain can humble a person. Pain, to the degree that it does not entirely fuck with your psyche is something each and every one of us will likely experience. I believe in a healthily receptive attitude toward emotional pain. Emotional pain is to be distinguished from abuse and the kind of trauma that you never chose. Not that anyone wilfully chooses to suffer. But eh. Pain and darkness and suffering…they are there to be experienced, too, alongside with happiness and rapture and feelings of ecstasy. There is beauty in pain. To me, that is. Everything is interconnected. And this is precisely the way it should be.
“I know very well the feeling of wanting to die – but one doesn’t die, one survives, and one is happy once more, people are good. The miracle happens. Meanwhile, my dear, take it all gently and patiently.”
— Iris Murdoch, from a letter to Raymond Queneau written c. July 1946
Why do I write more and better when my heart is half broken?
“I’m broken when I’m open,” came to my mind. Well. Because heart-ache roars, it welcomes chaos, self-expression, transformation and crystallization through language. Happiness invites experience, wordlessness and being in the moment. It’s tangible enough. When you’re in a tremendously happy state of mind it is sufficient for you to experience it, you do not want to “waste” it in order to write about it. When it comes to happiness, I believe Hemingway is right: you lose it if you talk about it. There is a huge range to pain…an absolutely huge range. And then there’s memory. Memory, visualization of the things that mean a lot to us in retrospect…it’s such a completely distinct process from writing about what makes you happy and fulfilled etc. It’s just…an inherently different process.
when juliette binoche said “even if it is occasionally hard, i like looking people in the face and defending my true perceptions of the world around me. i’m trying to belong to myself; for everything else constantly betrays me. reality is not a dimension i often choose but truth is a whole other case. i think what counts is inner courage, and what matters, most of all, is a sense of being whoever you wish to be and having as less regrets as possible.”
peder severin krøyer (danish, 1851-1909)
“sky study. evening” details ca. 1873
En Passion (1969) dir. Ingmar Bergman
“As soon as you look at the world through an ideology you are finished. No reality fits an ideology. Life is beyond that. That is why people are always searching for a meaning to life. But life has no meaning; it cannot have meaning because meaning is a formula; meaning is something that makes sense to the mind. Every time you make sense out of reality, you bump into something that destroys the sense you made. Meaning is only found when you go beyond meaning. Life only makes sense when you perceive it as mystery and it makes no sense to the conceptualizing mind.”
— Anthony de Mello (via stoicremains)
Solaris (1971) dir. Andreï Tarkovski
“Put on your music and dance. Go wild. Think about the way your body moves and feels as you dance. Think about how your scent sways in the air as you move. Notice how body and fragrance are linked—”
— Lisa Marie Basile, from “Light Magic for Dark Times,” published c. 2018
Solaris ( 1971 ) dir. Andreï Tarkovski
