*Aggressively makes tea*

[roua-poemului]

“My ideal lover: Intelligence, with a touch of insanity.”

— Nicholas A Browne, from “Haiku 481”

[infj-hearts-entp]

“If you’re tired of getting kicked in the balls, stop kissing donkeys’ asses.”

- ENTP

[infj-hearts-entp]

ENTP standing over my shoulder while I'm on my laptop

ENTP: Why do you have a "Daily Agenda" document saved in your "Fiction" folder?

INFJ: [whispering with utmost solemnity as I recall the seventeen things I was supposed to do three months ago that still have not gotten done] Because...that is where it belongs.

[infj-hearts-entp]

[infj-hearts-entp]

Hanging out with ENTP’s Gen Alpha niece

Niece: You’ve never heard of Benson Boone?? I can’t believe you’ve never heard of Benson Boone!!!

ENTP: To be clear, we just played Apples to Apples and you didn’t know who Princess Diana, Mike Tyson, or Humphrey Bogart were, so…

Niece: I’ve heard of Humpty Dumpty.

ENTP: Humphrey! Bogart! HUMPHREY—oh my god. *puts head down on table*

[infj-hearts-entp]

[infj-hearts-entp]

[infj-hearts-entp]

Visiting the family for the holidays

ENTP’s aunt: I actually really liked the message of K-pop Demon Hunters. Like, the moral is no matter how bad you messed up, or what bad things you did, there is always a chance for redemption.

ENTP’s 12-year old niece: No. The moral of the story is the Saja Boys.

*confused looks all around the living room*

ENTP, trying not to laugh and failing miserably: I don’t know what everyone’s confused about. That’s it. That is a compete thought.

[infj-hearts-entp]

The Conclusion of Risk

So, this is what happened, according to ENTP:

INTJ got angry insisting no one was following the rules.

ENTP swears everyone was following the rules and that INTJ was just pissed the dice weren't rolling in his favor.

ENTJ was winning and being annoying about it.

INTJ refused to continue playing until they looked up the rules online.

ENTP asked Chat GPT about the rules. Got sidetracked and ended up using AI to make a video about turkeys going undercover as potatoes during Thanksgiving (??? I did not ask for details)

INTJ started insisting AI is the beginning of a Terminator type existence.

They launch into a debate on whether The Terminator or The Matrix is a more likely outcome for humanity at this point. (Thus the emphatic yelling about Keanu Reeves)

In the midst of all the arguing and shouting, three hours later, ENTP trips, flips the board over, pieces go flying everywhere. Too tired to remember where everything was, they call it quits. Nobody wins.

But they will each argue they "would have won if the game wasn’t destroyed”, etc, etc...until the end of time.

[animepopheart]

★ 【Rookive菜菜_】 「 哼！惹到我算你踢到钢板了 」 ✔ republished w/permission ☆ follow btt’s fanart twitch stream!

[infj-hearts-entp]

I haven’t seen the movie but this is giving ENTP x INFJ vibes and I loooove it

[infj-hearts-entp]

Update on Risk (3 of ???)

ENTJ’s dog just left the living room and came to the back room to hang out with me.

I literally just heard someone yell, “KEANU IS A NATIONAL TREASURE AND MUST BE PROTECTED AT ALL COSTS.”

I have no idea what that has to do with Risk but I guess it’s progress that they aren’t arguing over the rules anymore???

This dog is giving the most “I’m so done with this shit” looks every time shouting erupts down the hall, lol.

I feel the same, Mr. Golden doodle. The very same.

[infj-hearts-entp]

Update on Risk (2 of ?)

There is so much yelling.

Omg.

Like, are they still friends?

And if not, why are they STILL PLAYING THE GAME???

[infj-hearts-entp]

An INTJ, ENTJ, and ENTP decide to play Risk

That's it. There is no story. INFJ exited the room as soon as the shouting started (which was 30 seconds into the game).

[infj-hearts-entp]

There’s nothing quite like Thanksgiving to make you realize that your family is utterly insane but also your antidepressants are working.

[infj-hearts-entp]

The absolute unhinged chaos of going grocery shopping with my mom and aunt the day before Thanksgiving

To be clear, the chaos was not that the stores were crowded. No. The chaos was entirely unleashed by two extremely extraverted women in their mid-seventies who have not seen each other in 10 months being the most intense dump truck of chaotic opinions/demands/instructions/random question-and-answer conversation I have ever experienced in my entire life.

In Whole Foods alone they covered:

-How to find the best Costco in the area (An "I shop based on parking lots" comment from my mom got an emphatic "Amen! I know that's right!" from my aunt)

-The benefit of wearing compression socks during long car trips

-Which mirrors in their respective houses are the best for plucking chin hairs

-What type of green beans to buy, fresh or canned

-How three years ago my aunt tripped on a sidewalk and chipped a tooth (I've heard this story at least 5 times, yet my mother insists on telling my aunt to tell me "about that time when..." whenever there is half a second of silence)

-Decided on canned green beans--debated how much to buy and decided to go with two cans

-That time eight years ago when some lady clipped the side mirror on my mom's car in a Target parking lot

-How my cousin does NOT like Hawaiian rolls but he DOES like pepper jack cheese

-How we definitely need three cans of green beans and not two

-Whose names they think are in the Epstein files

-Revisiting the fresh versus canned green beans debate again

-How to make overnight oats

-"What on earth is 'catfishing'??"

-At the cash register I am instructed to put BACK the third can of green beans, because two should be plenty, but oh wait they have really fresh collard greens here so maybe we should...

At this point I nearly blacked out.

Don't get me wrong. They are sweet. And they are having the time of their lives.

I am just so. flipping. TIRED.

[infj-hearts-entp]

This morning I arrived to Thanksgiving preparations and my aunt asked me why we "have ONLY two cans of green beans".

It took all of me to not explain at the top of my lungs, and in lucid detail, all that went down yesterday at the Whole Foods since she seems to have conveniently FORGOTTEN the absolute SHENANIGANS she and my mother perpetuate on a holiday basis.

[infj-hearts-entp]

The absolute unhinged chaos of going grocery shopping with my mom and aunt the day before Thanksgiving

To be clear, the chaos was not that the stores were crowded. No. The chaos was entirely unleashed by two extremely extraverted women in their mid-seventies who have not seen each other in 10 months being the most intense dump truck of chaotic opinions/demands/instructions/random question-and-answer conversation I have ever experienced in my entire life.

In Whole Foods alone they covered:

-How to find the best Costco in the area (An "I shop based on parking lots" comment from my mom got an emphatic "Amen! I know that's right!" from my aunt)

-The benefit of wearing compression socks during long car trips

-Which mirrors in their respective houses are the best for plucking chin hairs

-What type of green beans to buy, fresh or canned

-How three years ago my aunt tripped on a sidewalk and chipped a tooth (I've heard this story at least 5 times, yet my mother insists on telling my aunt to tell me "about that time when..." whenever there is half a second of silence)

-Decided on canned green beans--debated how much to buy and decided to go with two cans

-That time eight years ago when some lady clipped the side mirror on my mom's car in a Target parking lot

-How my cousin does NOT like Hawaiian rolls but he DOES like pepper jack cheese

-How we definitely need three cans of green beans and not two

-Whose names they think are in the Epstein files

-Revisiting the fresh versus canned green beans debate again

-How to make overnight oats

-"What on earth is 'catfishing'??"

-At the cash register I am instructed to put BACK the third can of green beans, because two should be plenty, but oh wait they have really fresh collard greens here so maybe we should...

At this point I nearly blacked out.

Don't get me wrong. They are sweet. And they are having the time of their lives.

I am just so. flipping. TIRED.

[infj-hearts-entp]

When ENTP has a day off

"You have successfully completed your mission!" I whisper to myself as I shuffle across the room, still in my pajamas at 2pm, happy to finally cross something off my to-do list.

I look up and see ENTP staring at me from across the room, in full running gear, having just returned from his daily 5-mile jog, mid-chug of a protein shake.

He nods solemnly and then gives me a thumbs up.

"Whatever helps, babe...whatever helps."