— 𝓵𝓸𝓷𝓰 𝓯𝓵𝓲𝓰𝓱𝓽

lara, xix, 1x1 account. multimuse — interactions only

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim​:

“ you don’t have to say anything, yeri-ssi but you’re very welcome. ” he smiled, nodding a little, only slightly amused by her nervousness, but far from judging her. min yeri wasn’t the first fan he’d gotten to meet one-on-one, and her precursors had ranged from overly polite to overwhelmingly emotional, so it was fair to say she was doing better than could be expected, but even if she hadn’t, he wouldn’t have been one to judge. it was always going to make him overly content to know to know that he could be a source of happiness to the people that supported him, that not only was he getting their love and constant encouragement, but that they were also getting something from him when they needed to, that he could cheer them up, bring some kind of solace to hard moments, and even more joy to good ones. he loved making music, and it was truly his life call, but along the way he had found much more purpose in bringing something good to people, as much as he could, and even, in helping them achieve his dreams. maybe, he thought, as he busied himself with getting a bottle of water so the younger girl could have some space to explore as she liked, this would mean he could help her too. maybe it was the artist in him, but that night he’d known from the start, from looking at her on the stage that, if allowed to, she would become the brightest of stars under the spotlight. 

“ nothing professional? ” well, if this was her untrained, he could already hear his vocal coach’s voice praises coming way too easily. “ then you’re even better than we thought! ” he added, excitedly, a bright smile stretching through his lips. “ min yeri-ssi, don’t you find it strange that you’ve heard my every song but i’ve never heard yours? i think it’s only fair you let me listen to one of them. ” it was a lighthearted suggestion, accompanied by a teasing glint in his eyes and a smirk, but he hoped, quietly, that she would feel comfortable enough to share them with him someday. it wasn’t like he couldn’t just search up her name, but there was something… quieter, more tender, in letting her choose. “ well, we try to give that nice and welcoming vibe, i won’t lie. ” he had been lucky enough to be able to build a team of people that really matched his values, his soul, a group of people whose best work was just being kind. “ yay! money! ” he laughed along, and pretended to give it some thought only to end up nodding. “ i mean… yeah, i hope they’ve been nice, though? no mean comments or anything? ” he trusted his fans to be lovely people, but the internet was a wild place and people tended to bring the worst of themselves when given a cloak of anonymity, and he could easily deal with it, had been doing it for years, but he hoped he hadn’t brought any of that to her. he let a bit of time pass so she could finish wandering around and only then he signaled to the recording cabin with his head. “ wanna check it out? nothing fancy, but i figured you would like it more from the inside. ” a simple suggestion, but one he hoped she’d enjoy.

listen — yeri had never, ever, been good at dealing with compliments, alright? like, in general, really. from anyone, about anything. some nice auntie in a grocery store complimented the nails she’d painted herself, she was already a bashful and blushing mess. hence, was it really her fault if she overreacted and lost any semblance of composure when someone she truly, wholeheartedly admired and loved complimented her on something that mattered to her? on the thing that mattered more than anything else, on the thing she deemed her calling — and this someone was no less than a real professional. in fact, it had been her to post an analysis of yoonoh’s vocal skills in an overly long twitter thread that somehow became a series along the new releases of his career (hey, at least it helped her to study and memorize theory!)

so, to be fair, yeri couldn’t be blamed by the way her eyes widened and her hands started shaking when motherducking bae yoonoh complimented her yet again, or by the way the same eyes started moving around seemingly of their own accord, or by the way her chest was heaving, or the way an nervous laughter that sounded way too embarassing escaped her. whatever was “better than he thought”!? the fact he thought she was good! at all! and — and he wanted to  — ouch! when had she started moving? or… or had that table always been that close to her ankle to begin with?

“oh my god, sorry! i’m sorry…,” she checked behind her briefly, hoping nothing had been dropped with the impact. deep breaths, min yeri. focus. calm the f down. “ah, yoonoh sunbaenim, you’re truly… you’re really too gentle! thank you… i… i-i could show you something if you really want to hear! like, i can send you a link and you can just… listen to it whenever you want…,” she didn’t think she could bear looking at his face as he listened to her sing, “... but! it’s really nothing professional. it’s very… raw and homemade, you know?” a shy smile. yes, he probably knew, because she’d alright made it obvious, and he seemed so overwhelmingly understanding — yet she had to make it clear. what if he expected better than she could provide?

a change of subject managed to soothe at least part of her nervousness. a gentle smile tugged at the corner of her lips. of course they did; this was yoonoh. she had always been drawn to his humor and his kindness, his openness with his fans, his gentleness. of course, she was under no illusion of genuinely knowing yoonoh from the curated image he presented to the public, but insofar he had just maintained the image. actually, he seemed even more approachable and friendly up close, like a friend’s friend showing you their house. “yeah… i think you really succeed,” she offered. a giggle, still shy. “yeah, money is nice —,” wow, that sounded stupid, didn’t it. “but they’ve all been really nice so far, it’s been… very encouraging, and i met a lot of nice people,” a smile. not like her best friend had allowed her to see any comments session before checking everything cautiously herself first, and yeri doubted she’d allow her to see one slightly nasty or negative word; still, she wanted to believe in some good in people. and the nice comments and new subscriptions were already so numerous anyway — it was already a blessing.

the surroundings of that small place were entertaining enough to leave her distracted for a few moments, she feared. she was ready to apologize again, but yoonoh’s offer shut her up, taking her by surprise. her eyes widened. wasn’t it — wasn’t it the recording booth? “are… are you sure? like… can i?”

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim​:

all she could do was nod in agreement. to what, exactly? she wasn’t sure. friendship between the two of them seemed like such shapeless, unknown form, and she felt like she would have to go in blind to try and figure out what kind of thing that would be. chaeyoung had been her best friend, her very best person, and they had oh so easily fallen into that, but that was a best friend she would hold in her arms at night, one she could kiss anytime she wanted, one that would always seamlessly fit next to her, like she had a custom-made space just for her, and minah didn’t know how to approach her friendship in a different way, was downright terrified of it ( of not being able to back away from all that ), but she would try her best to extinguish her feelings for chaeyoung if it meant that they could make a friendship work and so she wouldn’t have to lose her. “ you know how they are, they never leave me alone. ” she huffed with fake exasperation, but the little smile on her face gave away that she wasn’t all that bothered by it, in fact it made her feel cared for, and their group of friends had always been stellar at that, all of them in their own ways. “ i’m doing my best, i promise. ” the last thing she wanted to do was to worry chaeyoung, she had done enough of that already for a lifetime probably, and so she could only be honest with her on that regard. “ this is just something that you think is never gonna happen to you until it does, you know? ” it seemed as if minah was getting more and more acquainted with that feeling with the passing of time, of things she once held close and certain just… not being there anymore, and it hurt a bit too much, but she hoped chaeyoung would not be able to tell from her face, how a single comment made her head fill with thoughts, with not-so-pleasant ones. “ really, unnie? ” her words had ignited an immediate spark of hope in her chest, that maybe if chaeyoung had missed her even a fraction of how much minah had missed her, then not all hope was lost, maybe they could work through it and hopefully they could be back together as she so often had dreamed of, but then the rest of the sentence hit her like a bucket of freezing water, a harsh wake-up call. all of them had missed her, obviously, cause all of them were her friends. chaeyoung wasn’t feeling any different than the rest of them, none of whom had feelings for her, so really it was time for minah to stop deluding herself into thinking that she still had a chance with chaeyoung when she was clearly so over her. “ oh, yeah, umh. thank you, chae. ” maybe her smile wouldn’t be the most credible one, but she felt a little out of breath and a lot sad and maybe she could get a pass from the gods above this one time. “ um. ” she cleared her throat, making herself sit a little bit straighter. if they were gonna do this then she couldn’t keep acting like someone had died, she’d have to put effort into it. “ well… it’s a very crazy country, obviously. don’t think i’ll ever go back, one time was enough for me, the food… unnie, it was so bad. ” she whined, even just the memory of it made her kind of upset. she was so glad to be home. “ but i learnt a lot, i met lots of cool people, i dyed my hair like… three times. ” she added, laughing a little. so what if everyone knew that was her favorite coping mechanism? “ i think maybe i had bigger expectations from the whole thing. ” see, if she could go back time and never take the opportunity she would do it in a second. “ but at the end of the day… what’s done is done, and i’m here now, so that’s okay. ” she nodded, a half-lie only. “ what about you, unnie? how’s swimming? how’s… uh, things? ”

smiling was easier when they talked about their group of friends, amusement in her eyes because she easily shared in that not so secret endearment in minah's voice: they could tease each other all they wanted, but that was another way of saying they loved each other. after all, that was how family was, right? and what were they if not family? yet — yet even the tender thoughts managed to hurt somehow, because now that minah was back, in person, to korea the fissure that their breakup had caused in their group seemed at last visible. palpable. it showed when she got all the first news about minnie from all those other people whom she loved dearly too instead, but that still told her they'd been in places she was not allowed access too. it showed when yejun invited her to a movie afternoon — but warned her first that minah was going already, so maybe she wouldn't feel comfortable going… "oh, yeah, i'm sure you despise that," chaeyoung managed with playful irony. amends, right? they were there to make amends. to close that fissure as well as they could, even if broken glass could never return to its original state (it could, she wanted to scream. but why would minah want that?) "yeah, thank you for that. keep up the good work," her expression turned just a little serious for a second, a little somber. she worried, and minnie must know. "and i'm here, ok? if you need anything, if i can help with anything… you got me."  she nodded in understanding then, and yeah, she could think of a few things that fit in that definition. chaeyoung could... empathize, maybe. not that a breakup was as bad and traumatizing as an accident. she thought of jihyun's injury then, how she felt that pain so closely because, even as she herself tried to console him, she knew she would lose so much emotionally if the same happened to her, she could only admire his strength. a new voice by her side called, and she looked up to see the waitress carefully positioning their cups on the table, dragging her out of her thoughts before they spiraled to the dark again. chae smiled a thank you. she didn't think she'd miss the woman so soon. "yeah, uh — " it's no problem? what should she say? a 'thank you' was definitely not what she'd hoped for as she bared her heart at her own risk. what had she expected, even? minnie had already sad she missed her anyway. this wasn't a fucking movie. she forcibly anchored herself on the present, and minah's words easily made her laugh. "oh, i thought you'd say that," she mumbled, a smile lingering on her lips until it turned into another giggle. "i can see how that went — " she could remembre buying chocolate and offering to dye minahs hair for her on her worst days as she listened to her rant and then cuddled her to sleep. she wondered if there was someone in the states who did the same for her. who kissed her when chaeyoung no longer could. she swallowed every thought down. "i get it, but every experience is a experience, right? and i'm sure you've learned some stuff, so... i'm happy you managed to have some fun!" her hand reached out on its own accord. she detained it midway, picking up a small spoon instead. "things are… great, yeah, they're great. pretty… pretty standard. classes are… interesting, mostly, except for every single lecture from mr kwak… i swear, minah, if i have to hear his opinions one more time…," she enacted her most discrete impression of puking. "like, won't he retire? but anyway… i kinda won the inter-university competition last year?" a small smile. minah hadn't been there. that part had kinda sucked. "and, yeah, after one year hwannie has a lot of opinions about college and none of them are good, but i'm sure you've heard them from him anyway."

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim​:

yejun​.

“ oh, junnie. ” he mumbled, feeling, rather than seeing, how close he was. he could feel the softness of his touch, a small pressure that grounded him, his warm breath, so close he could feel it on his lips, and he tried to match his breathing, urging himself to stop crying, to get a grip, but his heart was breaking even before giving yejun a chance to do it himself. it seemed inevitable, not because he felt scared of rejection —that, he could take—, but rather because driving yejun away from him would shatter him in a way that would be irreparable; yejun was woven so deep into his heart that ripping him out would only leave a nasty mess of blood and tears, one that he felt he would never be able to heal. but he had to tell him, yejun had unknowingly broken the dam where he kept all of his feelings and now that they were spilling all over, enormous and uncontainable, he owed it to him to at least be honest.  “ that’s the thing, jun-ah. i’m me, and… i’m not sure if that’s something he would want.  i can confidently say i think kai would be an amazing boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean i’d date him, you know? i can’t be sure of how he feels. ” and so, he tried to extinguish the little flame of hope that had sparkled to life inside of his chest. yejun could be saying all that as the supportive best friend that he was, always so reassuring and kind, but he couldn’t help but hope. hope that he’d give him a chance. “ i think close isn’t enough for what we are. ” he added, with a little smile, as he looked down to see how their bodies were touching anywhere they could, their hands all over each other, drying tears and brushing hair and holding close. yeah, they were close. “ i… moving on… that’s not something i could do. ” his heart refused to walk away from him, too attached, too dependant on his love, on his laughter, on how invencible he felt when he had yejun in his arms. “ so i think… baby, do you… umh, do you want to sit? for a bit? ” he looked up to see the most beautiful pair of brown eyes and prayed, to whoever was listening, that whatever would go down after this, he wouldn’t lose him. “ i want to be as clear as i can be and i don’t think us being all over each other is helping. ” i don’t want you to think i’m taking advantage of you, of your kindness. he waited, using the back of his hand to get rid of the last tracks of tears, until they were comfortably sitting, the bed big enough to have a reasonable amount of space between them, but their hearts too devoted to each other to allow them something other than a couple of centimeters, their hands still firmly clasped together. “ yejun-ah, couldn’t you tell i’m probably about to have a heart attack? i’m dying here. ” he joked, softly, gathering up the courage he needed by making silly jokes, by caressing the skin of his best friend’s much bigger hand, by avoiding his face in fear that he’d break down again. “ this is the most stressed i’ve been in my life, probably, and yet you wouldn’t get it, jun-ah. you wouldn’t get that it’s you. ” you you you you you you. “ before you say anything, let me say all i want to say first, okay?  there’s no one i’m closer to, no one i love more, no one kinder or cuter or more lovely than you, song yejun. no one. ” and it felt liberating to finally say it to him instead of his exasperated best friends, it felt so right. “ it’s you that i like, love, it’s you that i want to spend all of my time with, you’re the one that i want to date and you make me want to try my best to be… to be someone that you would want to be with. i want to make you happy, happier, even, i want… i want so much with you, junnie, you have no idea. ” he made himself stop, because he knew he could go on for ages about this, years of feelings finally being let out, but… he still had other things to say. “ i… jun-ah, i know you recently got out of another relationship, i’m sorry for springing this out on you like this. i understand if it’s too much for you, if it’s overwhelming and you need some space, i’ll give you anything you need. ” he’d go to the end of the world for him, for them. “ i love you, junnie. i love being your friend, your friendship has been the most important thing to me for so long, i just don’t want to lose you, you’re my… my person. ” he was not about to start crying again, but he could feel a familiar lump on his throat that he forced himself to swallow. “ if you let me, i would… i can show you that we would be great together, if you give me a chance, i’ll prove it to you. but i will also back off, or… or we could also pretend this never happened, keep being best friends, i promise i will not let my feelings for you get in the way. whatever you need. ” he finished with what he hoped was a reassuring smile, but it felt wobbly and mostly vulnerable, raw, just like his heart. he’d laid it out for yejun, all he could do now was wait and hope. “ uh, that’s all, thank you for listening, love. you can talk now, if you want. ”

yejun wanted to whine, in the pettiest ways; wanted to protest — you’re not supposed to think what i say through, seokie, you’re supposed to accept it without questioning it so it can get in your heart and soothe you! how dare you ruin the moment with perfectly good points? he wanted to protest as seok seemed so intent on lingering on a feeling that could ruin and hurt him and do no more than that, because as rare of a feat as it was for jaeseok to fall in love, and yejun was more than well aware of that, he still believed fiercely that his best friend could and would find someone to love who loved him just as much, who would put the very last of their efforts into being the best version of themselves for him, because there was no one else in the world who was worth more. but yejun didn’t. he knew seokie well enough to know when what he himself needed to do was listen and give him his time, something junnie wouldn’t deny him right now, so he bit back every word, every little commentary and waited. waited and listened, and sat up when seokie asked, because that was also part of listening: understanding his needs. as out of place as the request sounded — distance? between the two of them? how could that be? why? what would require that… oh, it was that serious, huh? his hands clasped tighter on seok’s in spite of himself, clinging to him in what could only be described as latent fear, heart rabbiting in his chest. he was… at a loss, at a loss of the whys and that was probably the scariest part. which, rationally, made no sense, because he know he couldn’t be a problem (right?), jaeseok would never make him feel like that and that was not even the topic of their conversation and — his brow furrowed, expression as reprimanding as it could be on his face. he knew seokie was joking, yet that didn’t feel like the time. there was too much tension in the atmosphere already, dense and palpable. out of place yet again. should he say some words of comfort? should wait, what? the words ringed in his ears. one word. you. him. him? how could he be? it couldn’t — yet everything he could process from the other’s words just confirmed what he’d heard. that, apparently, they’d been talking about yejun himself that entire time. and… yeah, yeah of course he knew he was the most important person in jaeseok’s life, they were the most important people in each other’s lives, and of course it made seokie biased towards him and made him say all those kinds words, but. but that. that. yejun was the one he liked? he — in a romantic sense. he loved him? he was in love with him? he wanted to date him? yejun felt dizzy. out of breath. it was as if someone had hit his head with a pan and dropped a bucket of ice-cold water on it all at the same time. he needed to lie down for a moment, maybe, yeah. his eyes were burning, wait, were they wet? his hands were shaking, this he knew for sure, yet he tightened his grip on jaeseok’s again, refused to let them go, to let him think yejun would leave him for a moment, to think his fears were correct, that this was a worst case scenario. even though it was definitely a little overwhelming. his eyes dropped to the space where their crossed legs met, knees touching, because there was really the most distance possible between them, huh? yejun tried to breath. it burned — the tenderness in every word, and jaeseok was always like that, of course he was, but now it felt different. the context had changed. he got it. of course, of course jaeseok, his seokie, would be the one to treat him the most adoring and tender and respectful ways there could be. of course he’d make him feel safe even in a moment like that, when his heart should be the one that was breaking. and “for how long —”... for how long had it… shit, he’d asked it out loud? he inhaled shakily. there was nothing more that he wanted than to yell yes, yes he wanted to go on dates with him, to allow himself to be loved by him, because of course yejun would. wasn’t he the one who was unable to be happy on his own? yet this was jaeseok. this was the person who mattered most in the world. yejun couldn’t, he wouldn’t, take the risk to be the one to hurt him. to hurt him in a worse way. he needed to think this through, he knew; rationalize his feeling for once. he felt distinct trails of warm wetness cascading down his cheeks, even as his eyes had gone numb. a few years ago, that answer would have been so easy. a few years ago, when the first thing he'd done was fall for seok, because of course he would. and wasn't he the one who yejun always wished could be his soulmate in love? but — was all of that real, would it be fair? how was he supposed to have all the answers just there and them? he couldn't. so. so maybe. maybe he should just be honest. he forced himself to face jaeseok again. "seok-ah… you're my person too…," a sniff. his voice trembled even as he smiled. "i… i'm so… i can't believe this," a shaky, wet laugh. "i feel so lucky right now, you know? i'm serious. i must have done something really good to deserve your heart after everything," after it being so broken once, broken to the point of closing up. "i… i think… i think it would be nice to try, you know? i do know you'd be the best boyfriend in the world, at least for me —" whom jaeseok knew better than anyone else in the world did. whom he'd always treated with nothing but love. love, love, love, love in its purest form. "i… i wanna say yes, i really do, i'm just… i don't wanna be the person who hurts you in the end, you know? like… i know you're very determined in love, right? ha… and to ruin things between us or fuck things up with you… i want you to have the love you deserve, seokie. i really do. i want… i want to give you my whole heart in return too," because now he got it. something clicked. of course that was what jaeseok had been doing all along. he sighed, "i know this isn't really an answer… i'm sorry. i… i would really like to try… i was in love with you once, you know?" a chuckle. god, what was he saying? yeah, sure, it'd always been seok to help make sense of his mess, but. that didn't feel fair right now. ok, breathe in, yejun. steady yourself. "i'm never leaving you or pushing you off, seokie… you're literally my life. i don't think i could go anywhere. i just wanted… i just wanted to have you know all the risks too, because i know you're kinda biased," a small smile that tried ti be playful, "so i. i think i'd like to… talk about it?"

[caellvm]

✶ *･ it’s dangerous to go any further.

a melhor parte de trabalhar com entregas era que ela sempre ficava com um pedido ou dois que eram cancelados, sem falar nas gorjetas que eram quase tão boas quanto a comida. ter vários empregos também era um plus, porque além de alimentar seu desejo insano por pirulitos, yura conseguia ajudar o pequeno apartamento onde morava. as ruas noturnas davam um ar mais misterioso à cidade, o que a fez rir ao imaginar se deparando com algum ladrão ou algo do tipo. ela tinha pena de quem tentasse a roubar, ainda mais se fossem mexer com seu longboard novíssimo em folha. meses de economia a levaram a comprar um instrumento mais estável para suas entregas, já que moto ou bicicleta eram meios de transportes tão chatos. naquela noite ela estava apreciando uma ótima porção de tteokbokki, enquanto mexia no celular. estava na frente do restaurante, que iria fechar em alguns minutos. se esperasse, talvez ainda conseguisse desconlar alguns mandu pra levar pra casa. esperaria uns dez minutos até que o chefe gritasse seu nome ao fechar a cozinha, ele sabia que ela amava os mandu de kimchi que ele fazia, então sempre guardava alguns pro final. e yura nunca negaria comida de graça, ainda mais as tão boas como eram daquele restaurante. 

nem percebeu que já passava das onze e no dia seguinte ela tinha a entrega do jornal às cinco da manhã. mas não era como se yura dormisse muito de qualquer forma. então continuou ali com os pés no longboard, indo de um lado para o outro, enquanto esperava. além de pagar o aparamento e comprar as coisas que tinha vontade, yura estava juntando uma grana para poder viajar, sair dali ou ir atrás de algum familiar seu, já que não tinha contato com ninguém desde os treze anos, quando os pais faleceram. se seus patrões soubessem que ela tinha quatro empregos de meio período, até mesmo levando duas sacolas de restaurante diferentes em algumas entregas, ela perderia um deles e aquele não era um luxo que ela se permitiria. então era tudo no segredo, não fazia mal para ninguém, de qualquer forma. com uma careta, ela levantou o olhar no momento em que viu uma garota parar de correr e recuperar o fôlego. curiosa, yura levantou e olhou na esquina, vendo um par de homens correndo em sua direção. se aproximou lentamente da garota, a cutucando para que a menina a olhasse. “ yah, se aqueles caras estão vindo atrás de você, acho melhor a gente se mandar antes que eles cheguem aqui. sobe aí. ” apontou para o longboard e ficou esperando enquanto a outra subia ou não. yura já tinha esquecido o lanche e estava mapeando mentalmente as ruas que podiam pegar para despistas dos bandidos.

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[inkspclls]

havia alguns talentos de que haeun se orgulhava muito; mais do que quaisquer outros da ampla gama de talentos que possuía. eram artes a que ela dedicara seu precioso tempo e esforço para aperfeiçoar. artes que ela reclamara como sua marca registrada, o que a levara a clamar “raposa” como seu street name. ela era silenciosa, o passo leve. ela era rápida. ela era observadora. ela tinha uma capacidade de visão acima do normal no escuro. ela sabia manipular tal qual uma kitsune. acima de tudo, ela era astuta.

no entanto, ela não era infalível.

era a incapacidade de ser perfeita que haeun xingava enquanto corria com toda a sua velocidade morro acima e depois pelas ruas planas (finalmente, obrigada, qualquer divindade que estivesse aí fora). mas também xingava aqueles homens e oito gerações de seus descendentes, e aquele país por insistir que todo santo homem tivesse treinamento militar, que era um inconveniente do caralho. não esperava ser descoberta, e não teria sido, se ela não tivesse derrubado o celular do homem a meio caminho de distância, enquanto tentava guardá-lo, e se o homem não tivesse uma audição melhor do que ela esperava. haun desatara a correr imediatamente quando percebeu-o olhando para si, mas aquilo apenas pareceu confirmar a suspeita do bando de amigos, e, naturalmente, eles vinham atrás dela. porra. eles eram rápidos. não tão rápidos quanto ela, até porque não estavam exatamente sóbrios, mas tinham algum condicionamento físico, e ela não tinha ajuda alguma.

suas coxas ardiam. seu pulmão queimava. será que eles podiam dar um tempo? olhou para trás. ok, eles estavam longe o suficiente. deteve-se em uma sombra e respirou fundo. um dedo a cutucar-lhe fê-la quase pular, e pularia se tivesse energia para tanto. porra, haeun. ela realmente não estava dando uma dentro hoje, huh? encarou-a por alguns instantes atônitos enquanto tentou processar suas palavras, depois desceu os olhos para o longboard que a desconhecida apontava. daora. será que ela deveria mesmo…? ah, francamente, àquela altura, o que tinha a perder?

“valeu!” foi tudo que disse antes de subir no longboard, não hesitando em abraçar a cintura da estranha para impedir que alguém caísse no espaço estreito. “vira a direita, tá legal? eu sei um caminho!”

[your-idolplots]

@inkspclls​

Seu crescente sucesso global ainda tinha muito para ser explorada, Junkai nunca antes se sentiu tão realizado, ser reconhecido pelo que gostava de fazer, pelo seu talento… era algo imensurável. Quando um membro de sua equipe sugeriu o convite de uma influencer brasileira para conhecer os bastidores da gravação do mv 100 Ways e uma entrevista exclusiva com ela, o rapper ficou pensativo. O Brasil era um dos países que queria conhecer, possuía a ambição e vontade de gravar um mv lá e até mesmo incluí-lo na lista de países de suas turnês. No fim considerou uma ótima ideia, poderia ser uma porta de entrada para o país, explorar novas possibilidades era algo que gostava de fazer.

A vinda da influenciadora foi toda organizada por sua equipe, foram eles que reservaram o hotel, passagens aéreas, agendaram horário e se encarregaram de trazê-la até a cidade proibida, para ver a gravação do mv. 

Estava no meio da gravação, mais precisamente na parte em que dançava com uma mulher e a abraçava no final. Muito concentrado e profissional, ele fazia todos os movimentos com perfeição, a expressão séria, performando não apenas a música como também a situação sendo gravada. Sua visão começou a ficar turva e borrada, detestava quando isso acontecia, pediu por uma pausa para descansar a vista e beber água.

Foi direto para o camarim, deitando-se no sofá e colocando uma compressa de água gelada sobre os olhos. Ouviu algumas batidas na porta, imaginando que poderia ser algum membro de sua equipe. “Entre, por favor, não diga que temos problemas com a permissão de gravação outra vez”. Comentou em tom rouco e cansado.

[inkspclls]

As ruas vibrantes em mandarim, com rostos chineses a cada curva; o contato constante com as pessoas que ela reconhecia há muito tempo como sendo a equipe de Junkai; os resquícios de jet lag e da dor particular em suas costas e em seu traseiro depois de mais de um dia viajando de avião — nada daquilo deixava espaço a dúvidas. Aquilo era real. Ela estava prestes a conhecer seu ídolo.

Mesmo assim, mesmo enquanto Yasmin atravessava a porta com os inconfundíveis escritos de “Cidade Proibida” acima dela e se deparava com o deslumbrante cenário que só vira antes em filmes, ela não conseguia se convencer de que não estava sonhando. Um sonho muito longo, coerente e detalhado, mas um sonho. Como podia ter ido parar ali? Era apenas uma youtuber que sequer era internacionalmente conhecida e, por mais que soubesse como os fandoms de kpop eram barulhentos quando queriam, tampouco se consideraria a mais conhecida no meio. Simplesmente… simplesmente parecia inacreditável que acabasse convidada pessoalmente a conhecer Junkai, e nem era pela agradável coincidência de uma turnê no Brasil. Ela não tinha corrido atrás dele. Ele a havia contatado por si mesmo. Ou, bem, seu time o havia feito. Dava na mesma.

Agora, ele estava à sua frente, se a alguns bons metros de distância. Yasmin estava cercada pelos mesmos agentes que a haviam trazido ali, e duvidava que Junkai pudesse vê-la daquele ângulo (ou que sequer soubesse que ela já havia chegado), mas ela o reconheceria em qualquer lugar. Reconheceria seus movimentos, seu estilo de dança característicos que ela conseguiria descrever em detalhes, mesmo nem sendo especialista na arte. Sabia o suficiente para identificar o que o fazia um mestre técnico e um talento na área. E, francamente, a dançarina era muito linda e talentosa também… mas Junkai era imponente. Bom, ela podia ser — ha — biased, mas não deixava de ser verdade.

Não questionou a pausa nas gravações; estavam lá há um bom tempo e ela estava cansada só de assisti-lo. Ao mesmo tempo… queria falar com ele. Estava ansiosa, mesmo que não quisesse atrapalhar seu descanso. E, na verdade, precisava falar com ele, porque, e Yasmin já sabia muito bem daquilo, não era qualquer conteúdo que podia ser produzido num sítio histórico como aqueles. 

Aparentemente não era tão discreta quanto queria acreditar, pois logo uma mulher chamou-a para acompanhá-la e, quando chegaram ao destino, a porta que se abriu revelou ninguém mais, ninguém menos do que o próprio.

Meu Deus, era ele.

Ele estava ali. Na frente dela. Ela poderia tocá-lo se quisesse. Abraçá-lo.

Mas não o faria.

Limpou a garganta, oferecendo-lhe seu melhor sorriso educado, mesmo que subitamente seu coração estivesse retumbando em um ritmo doloroso para suas costelas e as palmas de sua mão parecessem suar copiosamente. 

— Uh, olá! Boa tarde — ofereceu em mandarim quando notou o silêncio ao seu redor. Droga, não havia ouvido um a do que a mulher ao seu lado havia falado. — Wang-xiansheng, é uma imensa honra conhecê-lo! Eu sinto muito em incomodá-lo a essa hora… tem alguns detalhes de gravação que realmente precisam da sua ajuda para serem resolvidos, mas, se for um mau momento, posso voltar depois! — duvidava que precisasse de uma introdução formal; duvidava que encontraria alguém com a sua aparência ali.

[inkspclls]

🙤 · ┈  @jcnree​ | no auge de seus 32 anos, alexia se recusava a ceder facilmente à raiva e ao estresse. não era benéfico a ninguém, afinal. recusava-se sobretudo quando sua ex-esposa estava envolvida. era uma pessoa madura, que iria lidar com aquele divórcio de forma madura, que não iria ficar de picuinha com a ex, que se recusava a tornar a separação uma experiência ainda mais traumática para o filho. ela estava tentando, ao máximo possível, não perder a calma em nenhuma circunstância. estava mesmo.

mas era difícil.

era difícil sobretudo quando estava havia uns bons minutos esperando sentada na cadeira da diretoria, porque, aparentemente, seu filho havia falado um palavrão no meio da sala, cercado por outras crianças que não deveriam saber palavrão algum. e era uma palavra que definitivamente não podia ter vindo de alexia, a não ser que sua memória estivesse lhe falhando e ela houvesse cometido um deslize daqueles.

não, aquilo tinha de ser obra de jennifer. e ela nem podia aparecer ali a tempo, como se as outras pessoas ali envolvidas não tivessem qualquer compromisso. mais uma vez alexia se forçou a aliviar o sulco em seu cenho, a tensão em sua mandíbula; forçou-se a oferecer à diretora um sorriso educado enquanto pedia outro perdão pelo atraso alheio e retomava um diálogo com o garoto ao seu lado, reforçando novamente por que tinham de ter aquela conversa.. sério, jennifer? não podia ter pelo menos xingado em coreano? 

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim​:

“ you’re so sweet, yejun-ah. ” he smiled softly, fondness spilling from his voice and his lips and his eyes.  a soft sigh left his lips as he took the phone that had been playing music, scrolling through it until he could find one song that suited, not too far from the theme of yejun’s picks, the whimsical voice of that one american singer, words that had reached so deep into his heart the first time he had seen the lyrics that he hoped that maybe they would reach the younger too, i do love you, he sang, along with his heart. “ she never knows how to keep her dumb mouth shut when minnie isn’t around to hold her back. ” he loved her, he did, but boy did he want to run some words by her right now. he wouldn’t, though, but only because he had a lapful of boy to attend to right now, and that was always going to be his number one priority. his eyes darted back to his face when he looked up and fuck, life was so unfair. for a second his mind forgot the current issue at hand, forgot the implication behind the sadness that peeked on the shine of his eyes and just stared at him, big round eyes and small pout forming on his lips, the most heart-wrenching image for his already shook up feelings, he was so beautiful it made him want to yell in distress. his fingers slotted between yejun’s like they so often did, feeling his own smaller hand being enveloped in his much larger one, holding on tighter. his touch, as always, was a reassurance, a deep breath of fresh air, even when he felt his lungs constricted, his oxygen supply suddenly diminished, no matter what, yejun would always be a lifeline.  the idea of losing that was one he couldn’t bear without feeling his blood run cold. and then he felt his soft lips against his skin, and all pretense of trying to stop his crying dripped to the floor. god, he was so selfish. yejun already gave him so much, all the time. he loved him so much, was always willing to give even more, so kind-hearted and loving, not an ounce of selfishness in his body and yet, there jaeseok was, wishing for more. how could he want more, when he was already given so much? selfish, selfish, selfish. he heard it loud in his head. how dare he? he was already loved as it was, why was he asking for more? “ don’t say that, junnie. ” he mumbled, after a couple of small sobs had stopped him from replying to his previous statements that were oh so full of love, god, he loved him so much. “ i could never be better without him, you know, he’s my better half. ” it did things to his heart, to see him so worried about him, to see how much he cared. “ well… no. i don’t think he has. but… i’m just… ” a shrug. “ and he’s so… wonderful. ” even through his slightly blurred vision he could look at him, at his favorite person, so close and warm that no matter how afraid he felt, there was always his love for him, above all, making him smile softly. “ he makes me so happy. ” the happiest, even. “ he also makes my heart go crazy. ” and then, in an act of bravery or foolishness or maybe both, he took the hand that was still firmly clasped in his and led them over to his chest, right over where his own heartbeat hammered, so he could see for himself when he pressed over there softly. “ he has the prettiest smile, like a little rectangular box. and his cheeks bunch up when he laughs, ah, he’s so cute. he gives the best cuddles in the world, and i didn’t even like cuddles before. he makes really cute drawings, sometimes he even makes little chibis of my and my friends. he’s so warm, too. love holding him. he’s… he’s my best person, my favorite boy and i just… ” love you. “ don’t want to lose him, ever. ” he squeezed his hands once more, wiped at his eyes with his free hand only to rest it again against yejun’s cheek. “ what should i do, jun-ah? what do i do with this boy that has my whole heart, but has me so terrified? ”

the roll of his eyes was but an instinct, yet he couldn’t help but beam at his friend’s words, always so easily swept away by the slightest praise. always so particularly weak for jaeseok’s. “i didn’t do anything,” the protest was but a meek mumble; yejun was content enough to have seok agree to his demand. his eyes fluttered shut as the first chords of the song resonated in the room, honeysuckle soft and soothing, like the perfect soundtrack to drift afloat in the moment. his heart fluttered as he heard a voice right next to his ear sing along, seeping in his bones, and junnie merely hummed along. for a moment, it was all that mattered. then, he laughed in spite of himself; a giggle at the mention of minah holding her girl back. “don’t be so hard on her!” he insisted, worry still lingering, as bitter as the remainders of guilt. “and no fighting! even because she could take both of us probably,” a small pout. he only allowed himself to relax — or, rather, forced himself to — when seok seemed to leave the matter behind as well. not that the way jaeseok stared at him had ever left any space for any other thought, so overwhelming. no one had ever looked at him like his best friend did: like they were glaring directly into his soul, demanding to unravel every corner of it. yejun allowed him to, every single time. allowed himself to be suspended in his gaze, expectant, until seokie felt ready to break the silence. until stronger motives reeled him back into action. the mere sight of tears in the other’s eyes were enough to rip a hole in his chest, and yejun wondered if this was what the claws of wild animals felt like. he wanted to make them stop, but was at a loss; could do but hold seok’s face softly and clean every tear that rolled down, hoping his touch exuded warmth, pressing their foreheads and hoping his own breath would remind seok to breathe as well. he wanted to protest sharply that of course he would be fine! he was whole by himself! and he’d always have junnie anyway (foolish, selfish, could he frigging chill?) yet he swallowed down his words, forcing himself to listen. to listen, even as a painful whine fled his throat, wanting to fight jaeseok that time for putting himself down like that. hearing him describe his crush was… overwhelming. he loved so much, so strongly. of course yejun already knew that, having heard similar soft words oh so many times, but hearing them about someone else just confirmed his bright, golden heart, his beautiful, precious mind. how could he think anyone would be anything but the luckiest person in the world to date him? he just wanted seok to see it! but that was not the question being flashed at him now, and yejun drew a long breath before sighing, trying to recover his focus. he wouldn’t consider himself the best advisor in matters of love, always having believing in listening to one’s heart (god, now he knew well he should maybe review that rule of thumb), never quite the most objective participant in a conversation. what could he do? “seok-ah… first stop talking like that about yourself! you’re you and that person… is wonderful, ok? you’re wonderful, you’re the best person i’ve ever met… you’re so giving and full of heart, and being loved by you is… is the best feeling ever!” slow down. he swallowed, then sighed again. he was, once again, getting too emotional. “so don’t think you don’t have a chance, ok? because i bet you do, and i know you don’t believe it’s their loss if you don’t, but it is! like… you’d be the best boyfriend in the world!” he concluded. now, back to the matter at hand. hell, he still didn’t have an answer for that. “but maybe…,” he stroked seok’s hair softly, thoughtful, “... maybe you should try and think if there’s really a risk of losing everything if you tell him? like, do you think he’d really… just… never talk to you again? because you two sound very… close,” did he know who that guy was? not the time for such a question, “so… i don’t know, like, i don’t think they would? but i can’t guess for them, you know? so… it all comes down to what you’d rather do, seokie. what you think would be better. if you think it’s worth the risk, or if you’d rather… leave things as they are and try and move on.”

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim​:

chaeyoung could’ve showed up wearing a trash bag and even then she wouldn’t have gone unnoticed by minah, who was always drawn to her. her energy was too unmistakable, her mind would always be looking for her subconsciously in a crowd ( even back then, when she was an ocean away ). but, this wasn’t the case this time. this time, and she knew, because minah knew her more than she even understood sometimes, she had put an effort in how she looked and god did it do things to her heart, to see her smiling so prettily at her, a smile that she adored, that she had missed more than she could put into words. so much for taking it easy, huh? “ i know, chae. but still, thank you. ” waking up to her face back then had probably been a major contributor to minah not having a whole breakdown in the hospital, she had been a source of comfort to her, even when she probably didn’t deserve it. not from her, at the very least. not after… everything. now after how poorly she had managed their break-up. but she wasn’t gonna go there, going too deep in her thoughts about chaeyoung ultimately led her to some dark places that wouldn’t be advisable right now, seeing as how the woman in question was right in front of her. “ woah. ” she couldn’t help but laugh, a little breathless, a little taken aback by her words. " i mean… yeah, you’re right. we should… we definitely are still… or should still be friends. “ she wondered, for a second, if it ever occurred to chaeyoung that this, that friendship, had never been in her plans, that she had never expected them to fall in this awkward limbo that they were currently in. in her ( frankly, quite recurring ) daydreams, she was gonna go back to seoul, apologize profusely and her ex-girlfriend would apologize back, and then they would maybe cry, but they would get back together shortly and happily because the loved each other, but that just… seemed far away, now. the only one of those things that still seemed true was her love for chaeyoung, still unfaltering and so strong it seemed like it was gonna swallow her whole, some nights.  ” yeah, okay, sure… “ yet, she made the mental note to make sure she could reach the cashier first before they left, she had been the one to make the invitation, it was only fair she paid.  ” i’m fine, unnie, this doesn’t really hurt. “ she lifted her arm slightly. ” and i don’t feel as bruised up anymore, so that’s good. like, i still feel a little icky crossing streets at night, but it’ll pass. “ physically, at least, she was doing okay. ” plus i can get any of the guys to do stuff for me now, so that’s fun. “ it was something she’d probably approve of, and it felt safer to just ignore the elephant in the room. ” i… missed everything. god, i missed this city so much, unnie. missed all of them a lot, too. “ it hurt, though, only meeting up with her friend group split up, here and there, because they were considerate enough to never leave one of the two of them by themselves, so she knew, every time that it was just three or four faces, that the rest of them would be with chae. ” it’s, uh. it’s good to be back, the states were good but… there’s a lot here that i could never find there. “ sue her, she was specifically talking about the elder, too enamored with the way her hair framed her features, with the familiar way she bit her lip and tapped the table. ” missed you, too. “ she admitted after a beat, unable to hold it in. it seemed… cruel, to the both of them, to not acknowledge that. to not recognize that they had gone from skyping every time they possibly could to absolute silence in a matter of a few days, and that chaeyoung had always been the first one she went to whenever she had a story to tell, a pretty picture of the sky, a dumb anecdote. it was always her, until it wasn’t anymore, and then… having missed her was just natural. ” that’s… i’m allowed to say that, right? like… we… i can say that, as a friend. right? is this too awkward? damn it. sorry, unnie. just… i’ll… be quiet, now. “ she ended up mumbling, shaking her head and laughing a little because of how dumb that had just sounded. ” sorry. did miss you, though. i’m not gonna take that back. “

she could not stop her lips from forming a small pout; a childish protest. it was beyond her, how small she herself suddenly felt just from the seriousness in minah’s voice. how vulnerable. minah’s eyes still bore into her as if they saw right through her, which she probably in fact did (chaeyoung was never one to change so quickly anyway). the sensation wasn’t as welcomed now, however; not now that they felt (a little, just a little) like strangers, not now that there were too many words in her throat that she could not say, that were better left unsaid. chaeyoung wanted to hide. instead, she tsked, trying to recover some lightness to her manners. “stop that, ok!?” her voice was playful yet demanding, an eyebrow raised even as her pressed lips smiled. the “woah” was enough to almost destroy all efforts at nonchalance, though; her blood froze, preparing for the worst. had she said something wrong so early on in the conversation? was that meeting just a formal, polite way of minah saying ‘thank you, but now we part ways forever’? she tried not to sigh when her worst thoughts were proven wrong, hands making their way on the table. her smile widened, softened. “thank you.” in the back of her head, she wondered if she’d ever manage to survive that. being just friends with minah, when, from day one, she’d become all chae wanted, craved, adored and, soon enough, loved… but it couldn’t be worse than not having minah in her life at all, could it? if unloving her was a hopeless matter, she could at least try to ressignify her love. well, she didn’t have a choice other than seeing how things would turn out anyway. a small squint, then, upon minah’s quiet acceptance; she knew the girl better than this. they’d solve that later as well. she resigned to listen, then, unable to express her relief to know minah was recovering. the rings of the emergency call that night still haunted her at night, making her revive how terrified she felt. the mention of using the guys was enough to lift her mood, however, chaeyoung laughing just a little too loud. “good! they’d better be taking good care of you,” of my best girl, the sentence tingled on the tip of her tongue. she swallowed it down. it burned her throat. “still, i do hope you’re taking care of yourself too. i know you’ll be back to 100% in no time,” she offered her a small smile. chae nodded in understanding then, as minah went through all she’d missed. somehow, she understood. she felt that city had missed her a lot, too. or, well, she was just projecting. idiot. there was a snarky comment about the usa in her mind somewhere, but it died before she could open her mouth, taken aback by that confession. chaeyoung’s jaw dropped, but no sound came out. her stomach and her heart seemed to twist in different directions, all at once; the emotions were overwhelming. her hand trembled over the table, wanting to reach out for minah’s, grab it and interlock their fingers. she didn’t. should she be happy? should she cry? minah had missed her too. god, chae missed her so much; she just wanted to be in her arms. what did missing her ex meaned? god, she was overthinking it! could she fucking say something? “i’d never want you to be quiet,” she blurted out, and the comment surprised even herself. she… she really needed to think before speaking. now more than ever, maybe. “i… i really missed you too. like… every day, like, a lot,” stop it, “like… you know that already, but we all did. the whole squad… we talked about it,” she licked her lips, trying her best not to cower and shrink into the chair, “so… yeah, we’re happy you made it back safely. uh… what news do you bring? from the states?”

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim​:

hannah believed wholeheartedly that happiness was not an ultimate destination, but rather a set of moments and experiences throughout life. that rather than working for it tirelessly, she should enjoy as much as she could those little snippets of joy, and this, right there seemed to fit right in with her definition of happiness. surely the buzz in her veins wasn’t even from the alcohol but rather how lovely life seemed to be right now. “ yah, of course i’m serious, i have never not been serious. ” she pouted, exaggerated and childish only to play along with him, to see him laugh a little bit more because that right there was her favorite sound. it was more than clear that she usually stood in the unserious side of life more often than not. " right? it’s so pretty! “ she laughed, yet again energized. had she been a little smarter, more attuned to her feelings, she would’ve realized that the little jump her heart had made at the nickname was not, in fact, a result of said happiness, but rather something deeper, more intimate. she wasn’t though, and it way unnoticed, passed as the usual cheerfulness she always felt around him. ” no, not at all! “ she assured, even using her hands to deny it in vigorous movements. ” nothing wrong at all, in fact i think everything is right. “ interlocking their fingers, she pulled him slightly until they were both looking at the horizon that stood at the end of the alley they were in and then further away, where the waves could be seen and heard faintly. ” i just. worry, sometimes. “ rarely, though, cause she was too carefree to truly let someone else’s words to get to her head in such a way. ” people talk, you know, and i fear that i could make you unhappy in any way, i would never want that. “ her admission ended up coming softer than she expected. ” but it would be impossible for me to not be happy here, with you. we are always working so hard and i’m not saying i don’t love it, but it feels nice to just let go of responsibility and routine. don’t think i’ve left seoul since the last time i went home in canada, so… yeah, i love it here, really. “ turning slightly once more, she was able to give him a half hug. ” thank you for coming here with me. you’re my favorite, you know that, right? “

his reaction to her (frankly and purposefully absurd) words was immediate: his eyebrows lifted and, even as he tried to stop it, a loud snort left him. “nana, i think one of us has gotten their korean wrong then,” kai replied, tone as playful as the smile that danced in his lips. it was so easy, to play along with her, to laugh with her. joy with her: there was nothing more natural. so natural it was almost overwhelming. he could only nod, then, eyes attentively seeking hers as he waited for the reply. it came like a fresh wave, washing over him, taking him away for just a brief moment. everything was right. with the sun outlining the horizon in the distance and her hand against his, kai had to agree. there was nothing more right in the world. there was nothing more right than hannah’s own happiness: he wished she could always remain like this. yet, her words broke away from that brief, peaceful ecstasy, grounding him back to earth and he listened. he listened, and he understood. for a moment, he didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. but then again, hannah was happy; she reminded him of that now: nothing could matter more, even if they should remain just friends for that. a smile lightened up his face softly, as softly as his gaze on her and the sunset breeze, as his arm found its way around her waist for something of a hug, pressing her tightly against his side. kai’s heart jumped. “you know i should be the one thanking you, hey,” he rebuked, but his voice remained soft as always. “you’re my favorite. my favoritest even,” a small chuckle. he slowly began to walk again, his arm still around her, refusing to let go. “i get you, you know? it’s nice. everyone needs a break sometimes… and i like to think we deserve it, you know?” he inhaled, smiling hopefully as his eyes lost themselves in the distance, unseeing. they were always working so hard, muscles aching when the weekend arrived, and at last they had recognition. a solid fanbase of sorts, even. in the end of the day, he knew they made it; they made it, like kai so many times feared he’d never manage to. he’d always been the type to believe in working hard, but now it was time to accept and bask in the fact that playing was just as important. “but, just so you know… i don’t mind what people talk,” he ran his fingers through her hair, playfully messing them up a little. well, he wished the talking was right. no one needed to know that. “let them. you’re all that matters. besides…,” a smirk, “... that just means we look cute together, right?”

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim​:

“ well, i don’t really do this often… or at all, so you are very special i think. " he smiled, ushering her further into the room. there was a space with a coffee table and a sofa right after the small kitchenette and the bathroom door, a couple bean bags too for when they had too many people over, and then there was the recording booth, the table with all the equipment and the giant glass that divided all of the noise that came from this side of the room to the small space where he, or whoever was using the space, recorded the music. while his company had given him the studio all for himself he would often have friends of his creating there with him, sometimes even some trainees that he thought had enough potential to start working on their own stuff. ” thank you, i decorated it all by myself. “ he smiled proudly, going as far as doing a little dumb dance while he showed off the artwork on the walls and the little sculptures from barely known artists that decorated the table. slowly but surely, he had made that place his own, and even if he still had his disagreements with the company and his superiors, at least this was entirely of his own creation, their greedy hands had never touched that space. ” thank you for accepting, too. i know this might not be like… normal? also thank you for not being crazy, you know. could have showed up with a bunch of hidden microphones or something. “ joking around made him feel more at ease, and knowing the screening tests that were performed at the entrance of the building, she wouldn’t have made it this far if she had in fact brought any kind of sketchy materials with her. ” and you are very talented, i don’t think i would have forgiven myself if i had let this opportunity pass. “ it had taken something very close to begging for his manager to agree, and under the promise that he’d keep it  a secret, but he was glad it had worked out.  ” how long have you been singing? have you mad any music under your name? “ he was going with the assumption that she had to be a singer of some sort, would have never guessed otherwise. ” i think for the remainder of the tour after your stop all of us backstage were expecting someone to compare to you but everyone sort of… fell short. “ and he didn’t intend on being mean, he loved his fans and the opportunity he had had of interacting with them like that was something he would always cherish, but many of them just were not the best. that was okay, though. ” didn’t you get a bunch of people searching your name on naver or something? “

she could feel the blush that crept up her cheeks, leaving a trail of fire underneath her skin as her heart stuttered then fluttered, and yeri felt that the same blush would soon enough become a permanence. that… that was too much. just too much to handle. shouldn’t she say something? her mouth fell open, then closed. “i… i don’t even know what to say, it…,” god, fuck, she was stuttering, “... it means a lot. thank you so much,” yeri insisted in joining her palms, offering him a little bow in a show of respect. she wanted to make the best impression possible, she did, but how could she stop herself from having her attention swayed by the recording booth? it… it was the professional stuff she’d only ever seen from a distance and in movies, dreaming quietly to be able to slip inside one someday. god, that was real. it… it was really happening. she was there, in a studio. in bae yoonoh’s studio, nonetheless. his voice reminded her of his presence, and she stared quick enough for his little dance to rip a giggle off her. flowers bloomed in her chest. he was so, so cute; she was sure he couldn’t even be real. maybe none of that was, even if she knew she couldn’t have come up with the images of those paintings. everything was so cozy and neatly decorated in a way so painfully yoonoh she now wondered how she ever supposed it could be any other way. “oh… oh, no, don’t thank me!” her eyes widened then, head waving with vehemence. how could he thank her for that? how could she not accept? and she was just being a decent person, regardless. yet, it was hard to remain upright with him showering her in compliments in such a way. turned out she was correct, after all: her cheeks burned so brightly by now she would find it weird when the sensation were gone. “i… well, i started taking lessons when i was 14? but i just… post covers on soundcloud and youtube. i have, like, a few original works? but… they’re very few. it’s… nothing professional,” her eyes found the floor in spite of herself, unable to uphold yoonoh’s gaze. the praise did nothing to contribute to her abashment, face ablaze, and she felt she should stare at him at the very least, but how could she? that... yoonoh was talking about his whole team. that couldn’t be real. “you’re… you’re all too kind,” she managed to bluter out, staring shyly through her eyelids. of course she was up to date with yoonoh’s every concert, and her theoretical knowledge was enough to judge every fan onstage, however much she avoided to do so; yet she would never believe she stood out in such a way. “like… i did get some more views on my covers?” the smile was unavoidable, “which… was really good. like, thanks adsense! right?” a nervous chuckle, “but i think this just happens to… everyone related to you, right?”

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim‌:

this was, all things considered, probably a bad idea —or so had his manager suggested with her side-eye when he’d brought up his idea to her, the idea of bringing yeri, the one with the golden voice, over—. you never knew who you’d be dealing with, figuring out who deserved to be trusted and, in turn, who didn’t, was always going to be tricky. realistically, yeri could’ve easily leaked his phone number ( and it wouldn’t be the first time he had to change it due to incessant messages when fans found about it ), could have accused him of ill-intention or even straight-up started acting weird. but he had decided to trust her, something about the light in her eyes and the genuineness of both her eyes and her voice when they had first met had been like a switch on his brain, trust her, it had said. she’ll be good to you, it assured in hushed voices that sounded a little too much like the future that was still ahead of them. “ yeri-ssi. ” he bowed back, smiling and subconsciously fixing his hair a little. “ please, come in, come in. ” he stood aside, allowing her to enter the dimly lit space. “ it’s good to see you! uh, welcome! can i get you something to drink? ” in his haste of making her feel less awkward ( cause he wasn’t stupid, he knew this was probably biting at her nerves at least a little bit ), words seemed to spill rather carelessly out of his mouth. “ and thank you for accepting my invitation! i don’t really do this much… or rather, ever. at all. so like, sorry for the mess and all, but yeah, thank you. ”

her lips tweaked upwards in a smile as permanent as wavering, sustained by an anxiety hard to categorize. was it excitement for such a once in a lifetime miraculous event? was it a wave of poorly suppressed catastrophical thoughts that yelled how she’d embarass herself in front of her idol and ruin her future — a future she herself didn’t even know she had — in the music industry all at once? was it hope? perhaps it was a mix of all of those, and so many other anxieties she didn’t have a name for yet. still, as her aunt had called her out for, this was a occasion so many other people would die and kill for, and she should at least enjoy that proximity to the one and only yoonoh. he was so, so, so truly bright and beautiful, it was all she could think of as she made her way in with a quick, way too high-pitched “thank you”. and, yeah, he did sound a little nervous too. yeri felt as if she would vibrate out of her skin any moment now. “oh, no! it’s ok, thank you,” she remembered to reply, and it absolutely didn’t come belatedly, no, not even a second missed, thank you so much. oh, she hoped he wouldn’t mind. it was probably annoying, to invite a girl over (like… for business!) and still get treated like a superstar rather than just a guy. a human. a breath in, a breath out. she forced herself to sustain her gaze. “well… i feel… really, super honoured and lucky!” it was true, even if a truth yeri didn’t know how to express without rambling excitedly. “like… i’m the one to thank you here, mister!” a finger lifted in playfulness, a nervous chuckle. “this place is pretty neat. and this… this is amazing,” suddenly her face grew serious. “and it means a lot that you think i’m worthy enough for… you know, going as far as risking things and inviting me over, yeah.”

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim‌:

“ what you want is what i want. ” easily, it was just like that. not because he felt obligated, or just cause he wanted to appease him, with them, it had never been like that. for jaeseok, whatever brought a smile up to yejun’s eyes would be something he enjoyed. that might not be his preferred music choice, but listening together, singing together with him, that was something he would always enjoy. life, it seemed, was always much more enjoyable when celebrated with his favorite boy. he hoped the younger one understood, that he never did anything by obligation when it came to the two of them. “ close to me? ” feeling the low swoop of betrayal through his bones, his brain having decided to zero in on those three particular words, knowing they probably had a name tied to them. “ i am going to murder chaeyoung. ” he said lowly, a promise that would probably never see the light of the day ( she was his best friend, yejun being his soulmate, after all ). first, though, he would have to deal with how his most recent words were now, easily, a confirmation to yejun that what he had heard was true. “ my baby, my golden boy, you’ve never done such a thing, okay? ” he assured, holding this face softly between his hands, using his thumbs to trace at his features, even softer now because of the light that slipped through the curtains. “ come back here. ” he urged, needing him back in the space of his chest where he was always meant to be. yejun, even being bigger, broader and overall, using more space than he did, still managed to fit perfectly in between his arms, just like there was a space in his heart with the shape of him. he waited until he could wrap the younger boy in his arms again to keep talking, needing the warmth of him to keep him afloat while his heart seemed to want to entirely leave his chest cavity. “ i’m sorry if i have ever made you feel like that, junnie, i never meant to. ” and he couldn’t just leave him hanging, now, could he? not when yejun’s heart meant the most to him and not answering, now, would only feel as if he were lying to him. he couldn’t do that, really. not when he’d promised himself a long time ago to never do to him as so many had done before. “ it’s just that… i’m scared. ” that much was true, the hammering in his chest could attest to that. “ i wasn’t… i wasn’t lying to you, please believe me. it’s just there’s… ” you, everywhere, all the time. you in every fiber of my body, in every crack of my heart, you in every single thought, you, buried so deep inside of me i don’t think i’ll ever be able to unstitch you from the fabric of my life, not that i’d ever want to. there’s you, song yejun, always, in my heart, and i never want to lose you. “ there’s this boy. ” he settled on, playing with his hair softly, his racing thoughts chasing behind his runaway heart. “ and he’s the most special person i’ve ever met, he’s so kind and loving and warm. he’s the most beautiful man in the world.  he makes me want to be the best person i could possibly be, for him. ” can you see, my love? can you see that it’s you? “ and i lo —. i like him so much, junnie. but he doesn’t feel that way about me. so i’m scared. ” his words were progressively getting softer, barely audible even to his own ears. the music that had been playing was just white noise, there was only the soft puffs of breath of his best friend and the blood that ran through his veins all the way to his ears. “ i’m so scared, and that’s why — ” he stopped for a second, trying to gain his voice back, his lashes suddenly felt warmer, wetter.“ that’s why i hadn’t spoken to you about this. i’m sorry. junnie, i don’t ever want to be without him and if i tell him… if i tell him and he doesn’t feel like that, if he thinks i’m overstepping then… ” fuck, he was not going to start crying, this was not how this was supposed to go at all. “ then what do i do, baby? what would i do if my favorite person didn’t want to see me ever again? ” he whispered, feeling the tears spill out of his eyes, uncalled for. he held tighter, then, to him, to his lifeline. please, never leave me.

he’d known jaeseok for long enough to recognize the honesty pouring from his voice; couldn’t recall the last time he’d heard any other tone in it. yet there he was, nervously chewing on his lips, staring at him with an uncanny nervousness. “i want what you want,” he insisted. truth be told, yejun was so far from used to being with someone as selfless and giving as seok, too used to do that work himself. now that he had someone to do so for him, it always felt like he was on the verge of taking too much, addicted, not knowing when to stop and draw a line. he’d never want that. he wanted to make his best friend feel as warm and loved with him as he made yejun feel all the time. “choose the next,” he concluded with a pout, a quick one-sided negotiation even as his mind drifted to other matters, others that seemed so much more important. the echo of the name chaeyoung was sufficient to have his body drawn tight like a string, and god, that’s why he didn’t wanna say anything. “she meant well!” he rushed to reassure the other boy, only in hopes that was truly not going to cause any arguments between the two. only jaeseok’s soft strokes on his cheeks seemed to manage to ground him, as they always did; he lowered himself back on the pillow of his chest without hesitance, craving that warmth as he always seemed to do ever since he’d first been allowed in seok’s space like that. oh, they fit so well in the most unexpected, peculiar ways that yejun clearly remembered wondering how could that not mean they were soulmates. somewhere in the back of his mind that question had never stopped echoing; was but a sound quickly smothered by outside noises. such as the more urgent matter at hand now. yejun’s lips soon parted, ready to reassure his golden-hearted angel that no, it was fine, he hadn’t hurt him in any way, he was just being sensitive and paranoid, but jaeseok was quicker, and his own head lunged upwards like a cat’s who’d just heard an unknown noise, alarm ringing in his ears. no, not scared; any negative feelings on seokie sounded unwaveringly wrong. he reached out for his free hand, tangling their fingers so he could stroke the skin surely in the attempt to bring him some comfort. he brought their hands to his own cheek, grip tightening in spite of himself as soon as he got an actual answer. his heart seemed to freeze for a minute, icy water poured inside his veins. so. there was someone, after all. he slowly forced himself to release a breath, swallowing down the weird twist in his stomach. perhaps it was just the frank surprise, perhaps the overwhelming worry thanks to his tone, so vulnerable and soft. yet he listened as patiently as he could, feeling every word reverberate through his bones. seok — seok loved so much, so openly. it… it was really clear how much he liked that boy, and, to manage to awaken such feelings in him, it had to be someone truly special. extraordinaire, even. he wondered who it could be. for a moment, jealousy became impossible to deny: he thought he was seokie’s best boy. he stepped on the thought immediately, fiercely, as he would to try and kill a cockroach. god, this fucking isn’t about your feelings, yejun! seokie sounded so, so vulnerable, so broken — he couldn’t stand to have him like this. did he not know how special he was? how easy to love? junnie reached out to stroke his face that time, launching his body forward to press a long kiss against his cheek before drifting apart just enough so that he could look jaeseok in his eyes. “seok-ah… how could someone not want to see you again?” he asked, voice unusually serious. “you’re just… you’re just the best person i know, and you’re so loving, and anyone would be lucky to have you like them like that… so i hope they know how lucky they are, and if they don’t, you’re better off without them! they don’t deserve you in the first place!” he concluded, perhaps too fiercely. a sigh. he traced the line of the other’s cheekbones with his thumb. “how can you know they don’t feel the same about you, though? don’t put yourself down like this, seokie. you’re just as good. have they ever actually said something?”

[zmzalabim-a]

@inkspclls​. returning to korea hadn’t been what she had envisioned, at all. maybe the first day, with the warm welcome she had gotten from her —lovely, wonderful— friends, with the hot plate of japchae that had been waiting for her, with the warm smiles she had received from everyone except one. it had been nice. after that? it all had gone to hell. but hey! at least she would, hopefully, get some money from the asshole that had nearly run her over with his car, and now she could ask everyone to carry her stuff, the arm in a sling thing making her, apparently, very vulnerable to heavy weight carrying. so, after having dawon carry her bag to her once favorite café and assuring her that yes, it was going to be okay, it was only chaeyoung. she was now having a small panic poorly concealed by typing dumb shit on her phone, but it got her distracted enough that she only noticed of her arrival once chaeyoung was practically sitting in front of her, in all her gorgeous, slightly stressed-looking glory. “ unnie! ” and wow, okay, that was way too chipper and high-pitched to pass as chill, hwang minah.  “ hi… ” and god was it hard to go against her natural instincts to just reach out across the table to hold her hand. “ um… thank you for coming to meet me today and like, for… everything you did? i don’t think i… properly thanked you for not calling my mom or something like that. ” rambling while nervous was something she would probably never get over, and boy was she nervous. “ do you want a drink? i’ll pay! ”

[inkspclls]

about a year ago, this day was exactly what chaeyoung was expecting would happen. of course, minah would return and she’d grab the very first opportunity to have a coffee date with her and listen to all her stories as she watched her eyes sparkle in person, because she was her girlfriend, and god, she already missed that. oh, how things changed… up until a few days ago, for once, this was the last thing she ever expected to happen at any moment in her life now. to meet up with her ex. on that one café she knew happened to be her ex’s favorite. why would she do that to herself? oh, chaeyoung would deny to her deathbed that minah’s invitation had gotten her hopes up. hopes for what, even? for fuck’s sake. yet she’d still put a little too much work on her looks, yet she’d still put on a brand new dress and a familiar brand of lipstick she also knew was minah’s favourite. these were just clothes, anyway, right? and yet, she could barely cross the café’s door. she did, nonetheless, and soon she was before minah. the younger one was never a sight she could miss, not even if she wanted it. mouth dry, not knowing where to start, she took the liberty to sit in the free chair right in front of her; minah was always better with small talk anyway. sure enough, she was the first one to talk, and chaeyoung offered a polite smile in reply, hands under her thighs lest she did something foolish. “oh, please don’t thank me… it was nothing, ok? i’d never do that to you… and i could never just leave you there,” she reassured her, waving her head. “i still care for you, it really wasn’t a problem… and just because, like, we broke up, doesn’t mean we can’t be… friends or anything… right?” god, two minutes in, what the hell was she talking about? she cleaned her throat, taking in a deep breath. couldn’t she act normal for once? “don’t worry about paying! it’s fine, i’ll pay for my share, ok?” she rushed in to affirm. “tell me… how are you? are you better? will you, you know, get your arm back soon?”

[inkspclls]

zmzalabim‌:

you know that one meme-worthy scene of eleanor from the bad place going ‘ this is the bad place ‘? well… he found himself thinking that this was probably the opposite, this was the good place. this being… the feeling of having yejun’s whole body on top of him, relaxed and happy, this being the overall softness of the moment, tracing small movements over his back, petting his hair, the soft music that he had only learned to appreciate once the younger boy had fallen into place in his life. two boys, zero feet apart cause while they were at least some degree of gay, they were also best friends. because, regardless of how how deeply woven his —very romantic, thank you— feelings for yejun were, he had also been his best friend first, the one who’d calm him down with just a smile, a comforting pat, a hug full of warmth. the one he’d choose over anyone else over and over again. so this was, in all senses, his ideal saturday afternoon, a cocoon of warmth and happiness. “ hm? ” then there was a stillness, just for a second, before he resumed his movements, trying to not let it show, hoping that the sudden tenseness in his body would’ve gone unnoticed by yejun. “ junnie, just because i sing along to the songs you make me listen to every day doesn’t mean i have a crush on anyone. ” he would… never lie to him, would rather die than ever betraying yejun’s trust like so many had before, and if he was ever… directly asked about it, then he’d come clean, that much he knew but… deflecting wasn’t lying, was it? and he loved yejun so much the idea of ever losing him… it terrified him. “ why do you ask, hm? ” he smiled softly at his favorite person, his beautiful, beautiful boy. “ please don’t tell me you’re trying to set me up with someone, jun-ah, i’m not interested in anyone else. ” but you.

a known fact about song yejun was that he was ridiculously sensitive, in oh too many ways. his feelings were easy to hurt, he couldn’t work with loud noises around him, his neck was like an immediate switch button that could quickly send his body into overdrive… but he was also attentive to everyone around him, their needs and microexpressions. most of the times, at least; oh, he also had such an ability to be oblivious. but he noticed. he noticed the millisecond in which the hand on his hair paused, that millisecond of hesitation. was that his answer? or had he done something wrong? jaeseok’s answer seemed to deny the first question, and suddenly a small pang in his chest made him feel silly. sensitive, too sensitive. not like that matter didn’t have him feeling kinda weird already, like he did whenever he wondered about seok’s love life. maybe he was just paranoid over ever making seok feeling like he couldn’t tell him something, or that it was better to avoid such matters, and maybe he was already particularly sensitive those days, because hell, the past weeks had been a lot and he was still recovering, and… yeah. that was it. he broke their cuddle then, even as his body complained, supporting himself on one elbow in order to stare at the other. “we can listen to something else if you want, you know it,” he replied with a pout, even as his best friend’s smile shined upon him like the welcome home sign it always was. as whiny as his voice was, this was not one of the times he did so on purpose. he just hoped seokie wouldn’t do something he didn’t enjoy as well just for yejun’s sake. “i don’t wanna set you up with anyone, don’t wanna force you… i just…,” should he say it? he sighed. “well, sometimes people say you’re crushing on someone… and i mean people who are actually close to you, you know? and i just… i don’t want you to not be able to talk about it with me is all. like…,” he didn’t want any secrets to exist between them. god, that was so friggin’ selfish. his fingertips drew idle circles over seok’s chest as he smothered the frustrations. nah, that wouldn’t do. “like… your life is your life and all and i get it, but… if there’s anything you don’t wanna tell me, i hope i didn’t do anything for you to feel like that, you know?”

[zmzalabim-a]

@inkspclls. everyone always told her that she could easily make things simpler, that she —that they— were just a touch away from being better, and yet, with the warm breeze on her face and the sound of waves in her ears… she couldn’t really picture a better. she was happy, was proud of where she was, the job she had and the progress she’d been making. was thankful for having a family and friends who loved her… thankful for kai, being here, with her. kai, who had since day one become such a light in her life, who had synchronized himself with her in the easiest of ways, who was so close from claiming that number one friend spot. kai, who laughed and made her feel like that was the only sound that would ever matter, who had the brightest smile and when he danced it felt like the world itself was on fire. she was happy, being beside him always made her feel at peace, even in their current situation, trying to navigate the waves of tourists that poured out of every store, making them nearly squish themselves into one single being with how crowded everything was and how close they had to walk next to each other. “ hey, kai-yah. ” she giggled, maybe still a little tipsy from all the beer they had gotten at lunch, pulling him into a less crowded alleway, where she could talk and move freely, but not let go of his hand yet. “ are you happy here with me? right now? ” 

[inkspclls]

jeju was paradise on earth. so they said, and it wasn’t at all far from the truth. everything from the bright heat of the sun from the salty breeze from the sea and the hypnotizing sceneries had him falling in love with the island at every corner, even as all those people who shared in the passion barely let them breathe. maybe it was part of its magic, the bustling streets, the foreign sounding words that occasionally brushed his ears. there had not been a moment, from the second he landed there (and before there, when he received the invitation), that he’d not effusively and insistently thanked the woman who’d brought him there. deep down, he wondered if she wasn’t the magic itself. hannah, the fact she’d chosen him to come with her for a trip across that country. him of all people! there he was, paradise on earth, with his favourite girl in the world, his best friend, his strongest support system, right at his side. what the hell was there to complain about? so kai had smothered every sting in his heart, swallowed down any complaints from his mind about how he had the woman of his dreams right by his side and yet, it was not how he oh so craved her to be, even as his arms ached to wrap themselves around her as she sleeped right beside him. it was unfair to hannah, to wish for so much. to wish for more, when she’d already given him so much. ever since their first meeting, their first performance, she’d been a gift to him, and god, did he know it. still, as much as he tried, the mix of alcohol clouding his mind just enough and the sunlights hitting her just right, as if claiming her as one of their own, seemed to force him to dream. when she broke their comfortable silence, however, he was sure he’d heard it wrong. “what?” the question slipped from his lips with a frown. as much sound as surrounded them, he could still hear her clear enough, so... “are you serious?” he insisted, but there was no bite in his voice, only laughter. at least, his face softened. “i’m always happy with you, babygirl… how could i not be, like, happy here?” unless… worry bit at his chest. “why? aren’t you? like… is something wrong?”

[inkspclls]

— for @automvtic

for a good few minutes, all yejun did was listen. listen to eric nam’s voice coming off their small wireless speaker, listen to jaeseok’s stable heartbeat under his ear as he claimed his chest as a pillow. the theoretical silence was comfortable, comfortable as anything always was with seok, keeping him unrushed and unworried, content to just breathe in the moment and in the familiar smell that in his mind equated to home. yet a few songs in and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander as his fingers drew mindless patterns against seok’s chest. couldn’t help but pay attention to the lyrics of each song, romantic as ever (he kept repeating eric was his future husband, dared to dream) or bitterly heartbroken. some days ago, any of those would’ve brought tears to his eyes, resonating oh so deeply with his own anguished self. right now, however, they only ached a little, leaving his wistful as ever — that hopeless romantic boy who found a home inside his soul and refused to die.

he couldn’t help but wonder, either — what was jaeseok thinking about as he, too, listened? usually it would seem like a silly question for himself, even; seokie was simply not a romantic and, at best, would just be enjoying the music in spite of its contents. nonetheless everything he seemed to know and take for granted seemed to have had its foundations shaken ever since one of his mutual friends afirm with such certainty that jaeseok clearly had a lot of romantic feelings for a specific someone, crediting it as the real reason as to why he was still single. usually he would’ve just have brushed the statement off; it didn’t make no sense. not anymore. he’d heard that same story just too many times at that point to not think about it, maybe a little too much. but if it was true… surely seokie would’ve told him, right? they… did talk about those things to each other all the time, didn’t they? and maybe… maybe, if he had such an affirmation, that incomprehensible bitter and petty feeling in his gut would go away. “seok-ah…,” the name was out before he could think any further. yejun chewed at his bottom lip, then forcing himself to continue. “can i ask… i was wondering… do you have, like, a crush? like… romantic?”

[inkspclls]

— for @automvtic

her eyes wandered up and down the seemingly infinite windows of the building once again, back of her neck starting to ache from the repeated movement. she’d simply stayed there for a whole solid five minutes before building up the courage to message him, to message yoonoh, and announced she’d arrived, hands shaking even after her phone’s screen had gone black again, wondering what the hell was she doing there, was it even real at all, when the hell was she gonna wake up from that feverish dream. when she’d left yoonoh’s show, a day still so vivid in her mind it seemed like just yesterday, yeri surely didn’t expect him didn’t expect him to truly, really ever message him, and she sure as damn hell didn’t expect to ever meet him again, only the two of them (or something), by his own damn invitation, after a message he’d written and sent to her phone. she was sure she was going crazy, and it was just a matter of time until she found herself in the psychiatric ward.

yet, as she lowered her eyes again, there he was. bae yoonoh, standing right in front of her, staring directly at her, warm eyes and bright smile and casual clothes, as if he was just a friend. what the fuck. frick. fuck. she forced herself to breathe. ok, this was a strictly professional meeting, right? no biggie if it was with her biggest idol ever. they were there to talk about music. yeah. yeri could do that. she liked music. a lot. she’d like to be able to work with music. “hello, yoonoh-ssi!” she managed to say at last, with a composed bow. “thank you for your invitation!”