Ink spilled notes

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And suddenly the words, "I don't know what to do in the future" slipped out which is scary because the 15-year-old me had it all figured out

How do I tell my younger self that I failed her miserably?

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Soft rain, vanilla and wood scented room,

hot chocolate cup, sugar glazed donuts,

scented candle-lit room, delicate air,

sweet background music and some poetry.

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So, is this the end?

The end that ends so abruptly,

The end where we vow to never see each other,

The end where I do not long for your touch or kiss,

The end where the wound is so fresh that it could bleed again

And cause chaos in the sphere of our non-existent love.

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“What's something that scares you the most?”

My friend asked me the other day, and I fell into the well of thoughts.

Something that really scares me is dying with regret. Knowing that I had the potential to achieve big but did nothing. The need to accept the fact that my goals and dreams required a lot of effort and hard work, which I failed to do. Ending up useless and of no help to myself or society. Yes, these are what scare me the most. But wait, I'm not on my deathbed now! I do have the time and energy to achieve everything, and I'm not backing out before fulfilling everything. The story doesn't end here; it could even begin now. I'm alive, and I'm very much capable.

“Heights”, I replied.

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Most of the time, I just want to disappear.

No destination, no plans;

Just deep into the woods or mountains-

To live a life,

And not survive one.

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And what do you do when you’re filled with regret?

With every cell of your body aching to release the pain?

The pain of not being able to handle the failure,

The pain of not being able to let it go?

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You can’t end up being mediocre

You can’t just leave those dreams unfulfilled

You can’t disappoint that 8-year-old version of you who set those high goals

You can’t rot in your room the entire day.

You need to move! You need to hustle!

No one’s doing it for you; no one’s coming to save you.

You drown, you die.

You learn to swim, you survive.