If you are reading this I want to start off with a quick question.
I thought I had forgave you, but I still feel the hurt. I still want to hold you accountable for what you did. The decision you placed on me. A decision that should have been for an adult.
Why did you need to change things for us?
Why did you take advantage of me? Impact my whole life?
Why weren’t you more responsible, more trustworthy, more safe.
You let your disordered passions take a hold of your heart, mind, body and soul.
You sold yourself into the lie that your life would be better if you used me.
That you would be needed if you made me rely only on you.
Now that almost 11 years have passed.
And I don’t need you anymore but I’m still haunted by you.
That I want to be free but can’t find closure.
What happens now that you have moved on but every so often I fall apart at the memory of you.
I am hurt. I can’t seem to find healing for my hurt.
It doesn’t come instantly like I’d hope.
The healing doesn’t come fast or all at once.
It comes and goes like the wind.
The healing I search for seems so far.
The healing I pray for seems out of reach.
I hope you can understand one day that I was just a girl.
I was never an answer to your question.
I was never the healing to your hurt.
We were just two broken people. Never meant to come together.
I can’t help but feel guilty. For the part that I played in all of this.
For making you feel like what you were doing was okay.
For making you feel like I could reciprocate the feelings that you felt.
For playing along with your sick game.
I can’t help but feel like part of it is my fault. Like I could’ve done more.
Maybe the healing is closer than I think.
Maybe healing can come for the both of us.
Maybe things played out this way for a reason, even if I don’t understand.
Maybe I can stand to forgive, maybe the hurt will go away.
But right now it feels a bit too much to bear.
romaincrisis
kianamaiart
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
titsay
