mental health (askbox open)

call me icarus | mental health blog | adult // i reclaim deranged, insane, crazy, etc // pro-dx: autism, ADHD, OCD, GAD, BPD, bipolar I // self-dx: NPD, DID, C-PTSD // considering: PPD, OCPD, AVPD // i am psychotic

[insane-icarus]

intro post

hello, I am icarus. this is my mental health sideblog. I will talk about my mental health, mental health in general, and reblog posts here.

I am an adult and use they/them pronouns. I am diagnosed with autism, ADHD, BPD, GAD, bipolar I, and have professionally recognized OCD. I have self-dx'd with NPD, DID, C-PTSD, and am considering PPD, OCPD, and schizoaffective. I am psychotic. I may reblog posts about mental conditions I do not have.

I am pro-endo, pro-self dx and pro-mogai. please don't follow if you are against any of these things.

I reclaim insane, crazy, unhinged, etc. ask to tag.

masterlist of archetype/modifier posts:

pd archetypes

ocd archetypes

ocd archetypes 2

[autimind]

Reconnecting to your authentic self - recap

This is a handy recap for finding my short series on reconnecting with your au(ti)thentic self.

In short: by (re)learning to be aware of what you are feeling, you get to be closer to yourself and can express what you experience. It also works really well against mental stress and anguish by seeing them develop in real-time.

For this recap, that I plan to post now and again, I have slightly changed the original order. Kindness should be at the very start!

A note on friendliness and kindness

How to reconnect with your autistic self

Reconnecting part 2 - basic emotions

Reconnecting part 3 - being overstimulated

Reconnecting part 4 - See and Release

Reconnecting part 5 - Overstimulation 2

You are welcome to try and see if these exercises work for you. Any questions or remarks are very welcome in the comments.

Hang in there. You, you personally, are of immeasurable worth. You should treat yourself kindly because you deserve it. But Autimind, I am <fill in some negative stuff>! Doesn't matter. Every being can be reached by our loving kindness. That includes you.

[insane-icarus]

here are some pd archetypes / self identifiers that can be applied to any persodivergent [person with a pd]!

distorted: a pd archetype for a persodivergent who relates to distortion, distorting or being distorted for any reason. this could include feeling like input from the world is distorted due to how your brain processing it, feeling like your output to the world is distorted because of differences in thought and expression, feeling like your symptoms cause distortion, or any other connection. it could also be a persodivergent who relates to things like tv static or spirals!

malfunctioning: a pd archetype for a persodivergent who relates to malfunctions, errors, or misfires. this could include feelings related to being malfunctioning machinery, a piece of hardware that often misfires, feeling like input from the world results in errors, or any other connection. it could also be a persodivergent who relates to machinery, robots, ai, or related concepts and feels like this label applies!

these labels are for personal use only. please do not use them to refer to others without permission or maliciously.

[adhbabey]

Hey!!! Personality Disorder positivity post!!

First out for the Cluster As! Just because it says you're "odd" doesn't mean you're inherently bad or weird. You just struggle to form relationships because of fear. Distrust is common and valid, especially with a world that doesn't treat you with respect. There's nothing inherently wrong with you. Just know that people will love you even though you're different, or because you're different. Delusions are just something you have to deal with, that's okay. You're not weird, the way the dsm treats you is weirder than you can ever be. Feeling disconnected from those around you is a very common trait among the disabled community, but separation is an illusion. There's probably tons of people who feel the same way you do. I know I have felt cursed for my loneliness, I promise you that you're good enough and that you're safe. Please be more gentle with yourself.

Second is the Cluster Bs! A lot of you guys are in the spotlight, huh? I want you to know that I have very close friends with cluster B pds and they're some of the sweetest, most compassionate people I've ever met. Your disorder doesn't make you evil or abusive. I know it's hard to get treatment or therapy because of the stigma. But we're building up your reputation to be better. You don't need high affective empathy to be compassionate, you don't need empathy to have a healthy relationship. Mirroring someone else's behavior doesn't make you scary either, everyone does it subconsciously. So what if you're unpredictable, life is unpredictable, your disability makes life feel unpredictable. Please don't destroy yourself for other people, and please take care of yourself. That means not self sabotaging and learning some self care. How can you be expected to care for others when you're struggling? Don't let others gaslight you into believing that you must always put others first. In fact, cluster Bs are usually because no one gave you consistent or unconditional love. Please learn some healthier coping mechanisms, for you, not because other people want you to. Please treat yourself with love.

And last but not least, Cluster Cs! Hey guys, I want you to know that you are good enough, you've been always good enough, you will always be good enough. You do not need to be perfect to exist or to move forward. I understand deeply, I feel like I need to be perfect or control every aspect of my life. But it's okay to just say fuck it and take a risk. It's scary and painful, no one is disagreeing there, but for your own sake, stop judging yourself at every corner. Whether you relinquish control or feel like every aspect needs to be perfect, or that you just don't want to deal with it at all, that's okay. Baby steps are important, small victories are important. Be proud of yourself for every goal you reach. You don't need anything else but you, just as you are right now. If you feel stuck in time, find solace in the fact that no one is judging you just because you exist. If you can't be free to feel safe with anyone else, be safe with yourself, be compassionate towards the part who wants to protect you, and hold compassion for part that just wants to do whatever the fuck they want. Open up your heart for yourself. It's okay. Be your own safe space. You've done nothing wrong just by surviving. Please be kinder.

And for people with PDs in general. There's nothing inherently bad about you. So much of you have similar experiences with the disabled community in general, if only they'd listen. You are welcome here, you exist here, you are loved here. If nowhere else, find solace here. I hope one day that all personality disorders are destigmatized. But until then, I'll hold compassion for all of you. I know how scary it feels. You're not forgotten and you're not alone.

[mental-ch-illness]

people think avoidant personality disorder means that we avoid all social interactions, when that actually isn’t true. in fact, many of us mask as extroverts or ambiverts, to the point of self destruction at times. but in these situations we avoid becoming close to anyone. we hate being outside of social situations we do not feel 100% accepted in. we avoid abandonment by hiding in our own well curated spaces and avoiding situations we cannot feel safe in.

[jelliebabydog]

Is avolition the vibe where your like “i cant wait to get home to boot up ark” -day dreams about playing for 8 hours, maps everything im gonna do.- Look at computer turn it on open steam. Absolutely do not want to play now. Or is that just depression? Hard to figure out which not fun symptom that is lol

yeah that sounds like avolition LOL. hardcore relate to daydreaming about it for hours... it could be depression related, cuz avolition can be a symptom of that. depression making you Not Want To Do Shit can be executive dysfunction AND avolition

[scarsmood-deactivated20240624]

Brutal.

It’s funny cause im fine doing like “adult stuff” interviews, jobs ect.. but fun stuff? Nah.

[jelliebabydog]

ive been trying to play stardew valley for like 4 months :'0) no fun allowed. avolition is LITERALLY the fun police

[scarsmood-deactivated20240624]

[hauntedselves]

I keep reading about BPD and fragmented identities. How does a borderline experience this, versus someone with DID or OSDD?

“Fragmented identities” (dissociated parts) in BPD are far less distinct and separate than they are in DID/OSDD-1. Dissociated parts in DID/OSDD have autonomy and an independent, separate sense of self. In BPD (and C/PTSD) their parts are not separate and autonomous. People with BPD have one central sense of self, but it’s not integrated to the extent that a non-disordered person is. So their parts are associated with their attachment needs, their impulsivity, mood swings, trauma responses, and identity instability. In DID/OSDD, parts function like separate people, are associated with trauma responses and can have their own wants and needs that they can act on separately from other parts.

Not all of these links are saved, but have a look at these posts from @this-is-not-dissociative​ (I’ll update this post if/when they become public). This post by them sums up the difference between BPD & DID & OSDD-1 parts better than I have: [my bolding added]

“BPD parts are not well differentiated, do not operate independently and do not have their own sense of identity. Instead, they are parts of the same overall identity that reflect different responses to particular situations or trauma. Someone with BPD may feel like they’re wearing masks that reflect how they appear in different situations, or they may feel like they are more extreme representations of moods (angry me, childish me, seeking validation or attachment me, etc). Alternatively, they may be present in response to intrusions of trauma and respond accordingly. These parts do not come with amnesia between them.

Alters, on the other hand, are more distinct than this. In DID, alters usually have their own sense of identity and may have different preferences for things like food, music, fashion sense, etc. Others may be a bit flatter and only represent one mood, role or response to trauma, but they still operate independently and are often associated with amnesia between parts.

OSDD-1 is a bit different. For OSDD-1a, the alters are less distinct than in DID but there is still amnesia present between at least some of them some of the time. For OSDD-1b, alters are more differentiated than they are in OSDD-1a and may be as distinct as they can be in DID, but there is no amnesia present between switches.”

[mindmojis]

!! intro !!

< - - !! - - >

welcome to mindmojis! 

i’m epiki from @epikulupu, and my pronouns are they/it/&. i’m part of a medically recognized neurodivergent system with madd, npd, bpd, and cptsd. 

this blog is mainly focused around emojis for mentally ill and neurodiverse people. i do text emojis and our partner, @atlasyn, does art emojis. you can find all emojis under the #!! emoji tag.

requests are almost always open, and i’ll do my best to get them done as soon as possible, which is usually within a day or two. request anything you’d like! this blog isn’t limited to just mad pride emojis.

we don’t have a dni on this blog, as we want these emojis to be available to anyone who needs them. we won’t block anyone from this blog for that same reason. 

< - - !! - - >

[npdsafe]

The Histrionic Personality Disorder awareness flag by @bpd-zant

───────────

This is an HD rendition of the HPD flag made by a deleted Tumblr account. A reblogged post of the original can be found here, and the original post itself can be found here, however the link is broken. I'm simply providing it just as a reference. If someone is able to find an archived version of the original post, please let me know!

Sadly, because the OP deactivated, the stripe meanings are unknown. If I remember right, I think the bottom stripe was meant to represent cluster b solidarity. But, because people with HPD get so little in both the community and in general, I wanted to make an HD rendition, and be able to show people this gorgeous flag so that it can still be remembered and used.

[hauntedselves]

PDFs of Diagnostic Manuals

I’m a firm believer in not hiding information behind paywalls and subscriptions, so I’ve downloaded the entire DSM-5-TR and put it online for everyone to access.

(It doesn’t include the appendix, since that’s not in a format I can easily save. But that’s only for coding and insurance purposes, so you’re not missing out on much!)

I’ve also included the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual (PDM-2), and don’t forget that anyone can access the ICD-11 here for free!

[positive-personality-disorder]

here's a little fact about (most) cluster Bs:

we have to make the conscious decision to treat people nicely.

when my friend is excited about something and say

"hey! im learning a new language :)"

my first thought usually is

hm. cool. im learning three languages at the same time sooooo...

but after reflecting on it for a moment and remembering i don't have to one up people to "win", what i end up saying is

that's cool! i love learning languages, i hope you enjoy it and have fun with that.

it often doesn't come to us naturally. it's in our nature to feel the need to "brag", "one up" people and "win" at everything. we constantly have to make the conscious decision to be nice and positive, and turn jealousy/belittling into excitement and appreciation.

disclaimer:

of course, this isn't all of us. and also not just cluster Bs, but i can only "speak for" NPDs and HPDs and maybe BPDs, being close friends with a BPD person and all.

if you don't identify with this that's ok!

you're still a real cluster B person if positivity comes easily to you.

you're still a real cluster B person if you don't even try to be positive at all.

all experiences are personal!

i'm just looking to share mine.

[insane-icarus]

ocd archetypes: part 2

robotic: an ocd archetype, for a person with ocd who relates to robots, computers or machinery for any reason. this may be relating to feeling tightly controlled, feeling a need to control the things around you, having a focus on numbers, counting, or symmetry, or any other aspect. it can also be for anyone who feels as if they complete their compulsions in a robotic way or feels as if they are coded to go through compulsions. it can also be for any pwocd who relates to the aesthetics of robots, computers or machinery, or is a robotic alterhuman.

shadowed: an ocd archetype, for a person with ocd who relates to shadows or feeling shadowed for any reason. this can be due to paranoia, feeling invisible or unseen (especially in those who experience ocd symptoms that aren't commonly portrayed in media), or any other aspect. it can also be for any pwocd who relates to shadowy aesthetic or is a shadow alterhuman.

ghostly: an ocd archetype, for a person with ocd who relates to ghosts for any reason. this could be due to having intrusive thoughts about death, feeling like one is already dead, feeling immaterial, foggy, or unimportant to those around you, or any other aspect. it could also be for those with ocd who do spirit work, or are ghost alterhumans. it is also for anyone who might relate to a ghostly aesthetic.

[brain-buddies]

There is a new Chrome extension that detects if a video you’re streaming has a strobe in it, will freeze the video and stick this warning up there until you approve it.

WHERE THE HELL HAS THIS BEEN ALL MY LIFE????

[ensoua]

[image description: a screencap of the chrome web store, showing an extension called “seizsafe - epilepsy alert for youtube” and an example image of the extension, showing a blocked video with the text “warning: the following content may potentially trigger seizures for people with photosensitive epilepsy.” there is a toggle with an option reading: “don’t warn me again during this video. click here or hit spacebar to continue watching 👆”. end image description.]

chrome webstore link:

Seizafe - Epilepsy Alert for YouTube™

Prevent Photosensitive-Epileptic seizures while watching YouTube™ videos. We'll warn you before you see any flashy videos.

[chthonic-pain]

reblog to help photosensitive folk feel safe!!

[insane-icarus]

introducing ocd archetypes! these are based off of the npd modifiers, the originals of which can be found here.

draconic: an ocd archetype for a person with ocd who relates to dragonhood for any reason, whether that be in hoarding, attention to detail, or any other aspect. it can also be a pwocd who simply relates to dragons or their aesthetics, or is a dragon alterhuman.

angelic: an ocd archetype for a person with ocd who relates to divinity or angels for any reason, whether that be in purity, justness, longing to be pure or just, or any other aspect. it can also relate to feeling as if you have to protect your loved ones. it can also be a pwocd who simply relates to divinity or its aesthetics, or is a divine/angelic alterhuman.

vampiric: an ocd archetype for a person with ocd who relates to vampires for any reason, whether that be in rigidity in schedule, having strict boundaries and rules to follow, needing control or to be in control, or any other aspect. it may be related to the myth that vampires must stop to count every grain of rice if it is dropped in front of them in relation to counting or number related ocd. it can also be a vampire alterhuman or any person with ocd who relates to vampires or their aesthetics.

wolfish: an ocd archetype for a person with ocd who relates to wolves or werewolves for any reason, such as feeling controlled by external forces or feeling a beast within, or the feeling that one is or will be transformed by their ocd. it can also be for anyone who feels wild and nonconforming to societal standards. it can also be a wolf alterhuman or any person with ocd who relates to wolves/werewolves or their aesthetics.

enchanted: an ocd archetype for a person with ocd who relates to magic, fairies, or being enchanted for any reason. this could relate to superstition, magical practice, feeling like a changeling, or any other aspect. it can also relate to feeling like your compulsions are magical in nature. it can also be a pwocd who simply relates to magic, fairies, pixies or their aesthetics, or is a magical alterhuman.

devilish: an ocd archetype for a person with ocd who relates to demons, devils or villains for any reason. this could relate to intrusive thoughts that you or others around you are evil, feeling like you are being or have been corrupted, or any other aspect. it can also relate to reclaiming negative stereotypes about mental health, or it can be tied to religious ocd. it can also be a pwocd who simply relates to demonic aesthetics or is a demonic, villain or devil alterhuman.

[nachosforfree]

anti-self diagnoses people

[observing-galaxies-deactivated2]

Autistic Narcissists

I’ve noticed a pattern in myself that another autistic narc has confirmed they experience. I ended up internally calling what experience a narcissistic meltdown, where my autism and NPD combine to cause me to have a narcissism fueled meltdown.

I guess it would be similar to a narc crash but it’s a lot more specific and crashes can last for a long time, whereas with a meltdown it can last from 10 minutes to just a few hours.

For me, it’s when something triggers my NPD, and because I’m either unable to fix it or don’t know how to deal with it, I can get overwhelmed and a meltdown happens.

I feel like autistic with NPD have a very specific experience, and this would be a useful term. 

[fqirycollective]

The Romanticization of Alters

I'm tired of watching people romanticize being a system. That's what this post was originally going to be about. But then I realized it wasn't necessarily being a system that's romanticized, but having alters. So many singlets say "It would be fun to have friends in your head" and endogenic systems often only claim to experience the alters, but never the bad parts of them. Taking the traumagenic-endogenic debate out of it, alters still shouldn't be something someone /wants./ Being an alter isn't fun and games. It's traumatizing. Painful. Anxiety-inducing. Lonely. Not just when we're alone, just as us in the outerworld. But innerworld and within the system too.

Being an alter isn't always having friends in your head. It's also:

- Feeling ashamed that you couldn't handle the trauma. That you weren't strong enough to deal and cope on your own. Feeling bad that you had to have someone else help you that came from /you/ because no one else would. It's the feeling of not being good enough on your own. That you /needed/ someone else.

- Lonely as hell. Some systems have better communication, yes. But others don't. We have days to months to years of no internal communication. Sometimes no external, either. Specifically before discovering you're a system, because why would you leave notes or something if you don't think you need them? It's feeling alone, even if you aren't. It's not hearing others so you start to doubt. It's having no one there, or having them show up out of no where for seemingly no reason.

- Switching. Having amnesic barriers between switches. Not knowing if you'll ever come back to front. Not knowing what they're doing, not being able to stop what they're doing. Having to watch as they take control of your life. Not knowing when you'll come back. Not being sure if you really exist or not.

- Your life not being yours. It's all of yours. Not just one alter's, but everyone in the body's. You have little room to grow your own life out of the one previous hosts' or sometimes just the host has. It's pre-determined. It's something I just assumed. I didn't get a choice in it.

- Being unstable. Alters have different ideas of what they want to do as a career or what to study. We have different appearances and ways of dressing. We have different emotional ranges. Different medication responses. Different allergies. You know how hard it is to plan as a singlet? It's a lot harder as a system because you can't plan for triggers or switches. You can't always know who's going to front and when. I don't know if I'm going to exist as /me/ tomorrow, or in a few hours. I just don't know and it's so hard to imagine a future when you can't plan it. Sometimes, we don't even know who we are. We're a blur of different alters.

This isn't even an exhaustive list. There are so many things about alters that are horrible. There are a couple positives, as always. But there are so many negatives and you shouldn't want to have alters. We aren't a blessing. I wish I was a singlet. I wish I was normal, not trying to constantly survive or be in survival mode. Stop wanting just the alters. Even having alters isn't as fun as it seems.