lost stars

noah ashbury, xxivi, rogue ❝ when will i feel this as vivid as it truly is, ( fall ) in love in a single touch, & fall apart when it hurts too much

[inscrvio-blog]

☣ ♂ ☎ ➹

SEND ME A SYMBOL // accepting !!

☣ how would my muse fare in the hunger games?

Honestly, I’ve put so much thought into this? Like, an insane amount. Starting with the District, I believe that he would be in District 4 based soley on his interests as a person as well as his family history. They all had some sort of ties to the ocean so I feel like District 4 suits him well. That being said, he wouldn’t be a career and would lack that competetive drive to kill that was often shown and described in the story. His sole goal in the games would probably be to limit his kill count and keep it to a minimum. Survival isn’t necessarily something he would be geared toward. At the same time, I feel like he wouldn’t just let someone kill him. I see his being very conflicted with these two contradicting morals and because of that, I feel as though he wouldn’t survive too long. If he did survive, it would be because he either pulled an Annie Cresta, or he managed to find another person to work with—namely his female counterpart for the District 4 tributes. I think that would be the primary goal for him, in all honesty. I’d imagine that Noah would be the same in this verse so he’d be very kind and protective of his family and to him, anyone from District 4 is his family. He would probably stick with his counterpart and do whatever he needs to do in order to protect her so that she could survive and go back to her family and their District. I do imagine him to be like a softer version of Thresh. Not willing to play the game and being difficult when it comes down to the pre-game things like interviews. However, like I said, he would be softer and his retalliation against the games would be small.

♂three names my muse might name their son

Ryan

Connor

Evan

☎ the last person my muse made a phone call to and why

The very last person he made a phone call to was his mother. He was calling to let her know that there was something strange going on in the city so he would be late to pick her up. 

➹what my muse would do on their 21st birthday if they had all the money in the world

Noah most likely wouldn’t have done anything too extravagant like fly into Vegas or another country to get a drink. He’d probably just invite his closest friends over to his house and set up a mini buffet. It’d just be a bunch of different foods from all over the world and all that good stuff. Then, he’d probably rent out a movie theatre for the night and watch some scary movies with his friends. After, he’d literally just go laser tagging. He’s usually a pretty simple guy, however, I can also imagine him possible flying somewhere? Noah would probably spend a week traveling the world to the best or most well known surf locations as well as cliff diving locations.

[inscrvio-blog]

☄ ♫ ☞

SEND ME A SYMBOL // accepting !!

☄ the last five googles searches my muse made

does asparagus actually make your pee stink

i didn’t know i was pregnant show

how can i get google to remove search result

how much does removing a tattoo cost

disease that makes you think your dead

♫ my muse’s five favorite songs

pepper - the butthole surfers

sunday morning - the velvet underground

in the aeroplane over the seas - neutral milk hotel

swimming pools - kendrick lamar

partners in crime three - the internet

☞ five things my muse is good at

surfing/swimming in general

making sandcastles 

he can make rlly good pasta

can do a good chewbacca impression

truly talented at playing candy crush saga

[lazarusarchived-deactivated2017]

“the last of us” inspired sentence starters

[inscrvio-blog]

finemdolor:

change pronouns/ect if necessary

“we need help.”

“you’re gonna be okay.”

“believe in the _______.”

“got enough ration cards to last us a few months.”

“be careful.”

“i am the romantic type.”

“don’t leave me to turn.”

“it’s gettin’ close to curfew.”

“going outside the wall is suicide.”

“you mumble in your sleep.”

“i hate bad dreams.”

“it’s called luck—and it’s gonna run out.”

“are you still breathing?”

“we’re shitty people.”

“our luck had to run out sooner or later.”

“don’t touch me.”

“she’s infected.”

“just fucking go.”

“i can’t swim.”

“does it sound like i know how to whistle?”

“i’m a pretty good shot with that thing.”

“let’s get the hell outta here.”

“goddammit—i’m clean!”

“i owe you nothin’.”

“there’s one inside.”

“it’s the normal people that scare me.”

“you of all people should understand that.”

“i can handle myself.”

“once upon a time, i had somebody i had to look after.”

“you don’t need to worry about me.”

“fuckin’ hunters.”

“i’ve been on both sides.”

“so–you kill a lot of innocent people?”

“you sacrifice the few to save the many.”

“i don’t think they saw us.”

“trust me, it ain’t easy.”

“damn it—infected.”

“somethin’ on your mind?”

“you make every shot count.”

“just so we’re clear… it was either him or me.”

“how’d i do?”

“yeah, well, i was tryin’ to kill you.”

“you’re bleeding.”

“we can help each other.”

“i saved you!”

“you wanna hear a joke about pizza? …never mind, it was too cheesy.”

“how is it you’re never scared?”

“what are you scared of?”

“i’m scared of ending up alone.”

“it’s all your fault!”

“thanks for not blowin’ my head off.”

“you survived because of me.”

“you lay your hands on me again, it won’t end well for you.”

“you still remember how to kill, right?”

“hey, hey—are you hurt?”

“i guess we’re both disappointed with each other, then.”

“what do you want from me?”

“i can’t get infected!”

“you are treading on some mighty thin ice here.”

“i’ve lost people, too.”

“you have no idea what loss is.”

“everyone i’ve ever cared for has either died or left me.”

“sounds like runners.”

“can you walk?”

“stay the fuck back!”

“i think we’re safe.”

“you’re a better shot with that thing than i am.”

“don’t sound so disappointed.”

“you handled yourself pretty nice back there.”

“i believe that everything happens for a reason.”

“you’re just a kid.”

“i can protect you.”

“i’ll come back for you.”

“you’re a fucking animal.”

“you have no idea what i’m capable of.”

“i’m gonna teach you how to play guitar.”

“another city, another abandoned quarantine zone.”

“is this everything you were hoping for?”

“we don’t have to do this.”

“i ain’t leavin’ without you.”

“i guess you can’t escape your past.”

“hands in the fucking air!”

“i pretty much lost everything.”

“no matter what, you keep finding something to fight for.”

“don't tell me I would be safer with somebody else.”

@inscrvio​ || @venenatcrum​ || @contritium​

[inscrvio-blog]

send me a symbol

웃: what my muse would leave to people in their will

♛: the pettiest thing my muse has ever done

★: five things most people don't know about my muse

☄: the last five Googles searches my muse made

✉: the last five text messages my muse sent

☢: how would my muse fare in a zombie apocalypse?

☣: how would my muse fare in the hunger games?

☠: how my muse would choose to die, if it were up to them

♂: three names my muse might name their son

♀: three names my muse might name their daughter

♫: my muse's five favorite songs

☤: the last time my muse went to the hospital and why

▽: the first job my muse ever had

☃: what my muse does when it snows

☎: the last person my muse made a phone call to and why

♠: the riskiest thing my muse has ever done

➹: what my muse would do on their 21st birthday if they had all the money in the world

☞: five things my muse is good at

☜: five things my muse sucks at

✄: what my muse would say to the mun if they had the opportunity

[inscrvio-blog]

scnguines:

                         ❝ yes, i’m aware that i’m covered in M U D from head to toe, and it’s weird, but i can explain. i think. it’s going to make sense, i promise. ❞

     it wasn’t a surprise that this child covered in a layer of FILTH had caught his attention. there were so many questions racing through the track of his mind, circulating like a NEVERENDING spiral. ❝ elaborate. ❞ the man kept his words minimal, careful not to let his concern seep through the cracks too soon.

[fckoffhamlet]

🎶 <3

Send 🎶 and I’ll create a mini playlist (3 - 7 songs ) for our muses relationship || NOT ACCEPTING 

→ somewhere between lovers and friends;

Chase Atlantic - Friends || and what the hell are we? tell me weren’t just friends this doesn’t make much sense. 

Cruel Youth - Hatefuck || i hate you every time i fuck you but i close the door, cause i’m young and insecure. i loved you, what am i supposed to do? it’s all we’re good for while we’re young and insecure.

XYLØ - Afterlife || to show me a good time, baby somebody save me, i just wanna be loved; we’re still young, but we got older.

Kodaline - All I Want || i lay in tears in bed all night alone without you by my side; but If you loved me why did you leave me?

Dodie - Sick Of Losing Soulmates ||  cause I’m sick of losing soulmates so where do we begin? i can finally see, you’re as fucked up as me so how do we win?

[mclancholias-blog]

🎶 !!

{ send 🎶 and I’ll create a mini playlist for our muses’ relationship } : OPEN. 

→ old leaves block out the LIGHT ; ( ft. @inscrvio )

“ SEAS OF GOLD ” – brookfield | so tell me im a better man, tell me life’s worth living. the bitter end is out of sight for she has been forgiven.

“ ONE MAN TOWN ” – elmore | i feel reality hits you stronger, i feel the pain has brought me down. i can’t hold on to it much longer.

“ THE WOODS ” – hollow coves | the cold night takes us to a place to escape the chill; tucked up somewhere in the woods, on a hill.

“ WHERE’S MY LOVE ” – syml | if you bled, i bleed the same. if you’re scared, i’m on my way.

“ WHAT IT TAKES ” – ed prosek | just to make this easier i could run and leave you here. and i don’t want to see your face. and i hate goodbyes anyway.

[inscrvio-blog]

raconteurfoo:

Charlant wasn’t sure which emotion spoke most deeply to him. Though sadness seemed to fit him, joy could clad him just as easily. He knew joy because he knew people, them having the ability to bring him endless happiness with their nuanced way of being and their lives being lived right in front of him. How he treasured being able to watch time pass for other people. His locks lengthened and a patchy beard did its best to grow in while other people found the loves of their lives and changed the world with their voices and with their actions. Charlant was the forever spectator. Before the outbreak, he’d done more, but now everything was so much more difficult and everyone was so much better than he was at surviving. Charlant had never thought to pretend, to veil his shaking fear wth a tainted version of happiness. Instead, he allowed his emotions to be as they were, the intense and high-energy release of how affected he was. Charlant inspected the bow he was being offered, not moving any closer and not quite knowing what he was looking at but he investigated intently nonetheless. This man could have been showing him a child’s toy and Charlant would have praised it as some kind of god-killer. “Then I hope someone else finds love.” He found himself lost in his own narrative, only able to offer an exhale, a rasping one which is usually accompanied by tears. There wasn’t much to him, but the exhale deflated his whole chest leaving his head to stoop over his shoulders. An uncomfortable position that he didn’ stay in for too long. Happy to be in your company as well. To Charlant’s saddened ears it was poetic, though his promise of love had been shot down (or more importantly not shot down) this man was happy to be in his company. That was not any kind of neutral stance, one that would lead Charlant to believe that their meeting was a one-time affair. He had had so many of those, but this man seems like a real true protagonist, maybe it would work this time. A smile beamed from his lips and his posture corrected itself. He took a moment to fix his hair as best he could, he must have looked a mess in front of this well put together Cupid, or not Cupid, the verdict still out on his use of a bow and arrow. “Are you alone too?”

     It was an odd thing to accept. To Noah, loneliness did not come easy. His personality used to be like a magnet, drawing people into him. The kindness he showed, the patience he exhibited, and the selflessness that he preserved were just a few of the many things that made him unique ( especially during the outbreak ). The job he held back at the capital was simply a confirmation of these thoughts being a reality. But now, after leaving and returning, he was a new person. The light in his eyes dimmed and the happiness he tried so hard to maintain was shattered. It’s not to say that he was no longer content, but rather the concept as a whole was redesigned into something more efficient. He had molded it, shaping it into what he now knew was healthy. But in doing so, he isolated himself from those who loved him, taking extreme measures as a means of ESCAPE. It had been the necessary hiatus from life that he needed, and it came with its own set of consequences. Loneliness, doubt, and regret filled his mind. He was no longer a man who could say that he had a group. Instead, he lived alone in a hollow house. Doubt consumed him as he began to question the motives of others, rethinking his previous ideas about kindness. But most of all, he felt regret. He could feel it in the pits of his stomach, writhing with and his head pounding. It was as though his body was PUNISHING his mind for finally taking over. It felt completely and utterly helpless. The things he did in order to take control only pushed him farther from his objective. He responded with a nod. “I used to live in the capital, though,” He speaks with a monotone and hollow voice. No sadness, no happiness. The capital. The word itself is enough to make him nauseous. It's enough to trigger the memories of his life before and raises the question: did he make the right choice? “Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t even tell you my name. I’m Noah.” The first word is soft, yet somehow aggressive. The hidden tones of disappointment and lack of respect for himself had not been evident. The anger he had felt toward himself still wasn’t clear, even after those long weeks he spent trying to 'FIX HIMSELF.' This habit had built over for twenty-six years and he knew that it would not go down easy.

[inscrvio-blog]

aresriddle:

“ You don’t have to. We both know that it’s because of my irresistible charm. People like giving me things.” He winked at the other, knowing that his words could never be something more than a joke. It was true that Ares always saw himself as superior to other people but he knew that he didn’t have the best looks. It was about being realistic; his appearance wasn’t what was best about him. It never helped him in his whole life, that’s why he had to develop his skills.  Manipulating was more valuable than knowing how to sell your looks for cheap booze.  A laugh escaped his lips before he shook his head. “ Come on , I am guarding the camp. I won’t let anyone play Mengele inside of it. Maybe I will let them amputate only the useless ones.”  It wasn’t true but Noah didn’t need to know that. Ares didn’t care about the wellbeing of anyone but himself. If there was a real danger to their lives, he was going to be the first one to run away. His own damn survival was more important than the bunch of care bears with emotional distress. “  A legend ? Maybe she was. But the title of this song sounds like a title for a thriller movie. It can be the anthem of the zombies around here. One bite and you are theirs forever.” Actually he never listened to Taylor Swift.  While his friends were discovering the new music styles, he was thought how not to die on the battlefield. Before he thought it was a curse but now he saw it as a blessing. “ Did you figure them out ? I am sure she didn’t even know what those secret messages were about.”  

     It was never something that Noah had put much thought into until now. His inability to pick out flaws from anyone but himself had hindered his capacity to choose his friends wisely. During his childhood, he didn’t have the right to be picky. Children simply didn’t like him. But as he grew older, things changed. He began to attract more people and friendships came just as quickly as they left. Toxic connections had plagued his life and while he had yet to come across one in the apocalypse, he was still wary. Though he may not have voiced these worries, they were there. With Ares, there had been doubts about the legitimacy of their friendship. To him, it was something that was hard to trust. The world didn’t allow you to have good things without some sort of collateral damage occurring in the process. It was the inevitable rule of life that Noah had always loathed. There would always be problems attached, but this felt different. It wasn’t exactly a full-fledged friendship that Noah felt comfortable enough in to divulge his secrets in. This was something that felt secure. They weren’t particularly close, which minimized the amoung of care and effort required to give to one another. It kept Ares at arm's length and reminded Noah that not everything had to be felt so intensely. Ares was the friend that he NEEDED, the one that remained simple. “All I can say is thank god we don’t have any twins around here,” He paused for a moment, remembering that he had been gone and things were subject to change. “Well, none that I know of,” Noah corrected himself. “Yeah, I totally did. They were all pretty vague, though. Random words and phrases. I think it was a pretty basic thing to figure out too. I think all you had to do was take all the capitalized letters from the song. It was just painstakingly annoying to do.” It had been strange to talk about—the mundane things about his life before. Actors, athletes, and musicians used to be idolized. But now? Now they were irrelevant. Still, Noah can’t help but WONDER where they are today. “How long do you think T-Swift survived out here?”

[inscrvio-blog]

fckoffhamlet:

Slim fingers yanking and pulling on the sleeves of a flannel, trying everything to distract her mind from overthinking this moment, overworking his words until she was just a worst mess. Her whole body feels like someone set a bunch of ants to her skin and she just wants to CRAWL out of it. Everything is just uncomfortable to the girl. Ophelia doesn’t know what to feel. Parts of her wish that he had just stayed away, let this place go from his mind and just never returned; but she would rather have her words burn in her throat than not have him around. The only sounds  that she could hear was her heartbeat HAMMERING away in her between her ribs and the rapid breathing coming from both of them, the fucked up soundtrack to the pain between the two. Biting her tongue she hated that she spilled that word to him. LOVE. The redheaded couldn’t stand that let that cursed word fall from her mouth and now she was just standing their with her heart in her hands to him, it open to be STABBED once more.  Swallowing her rage and staring Noah dead in the face, she weakly spoke. ❝ I forgive you for leaving without telling anyone. ❞ She found it easier to just pretend she was okay until she wasn’t, until she finally broke again. 

     On the surface, it had been easier than he thought. Her forgiveness had not taken long to get, but whether or it was authentic was a MYSTERY. Of course, Noah hadn’t expected it to be. He had expected this to be a lie, just something to say to get it over with. There was still a resentment that he held, that wouldn’t change just because of some apology. Things in life were NEVER this easy. It felt more like an acknowledgment of his words, but not true acceptance. That had to be earned. Just like trust, it wasn’t something that was easily handed out, rather, was worked toward over a long period of time. And Noah was willing to do that. He was willing to do just about ANYTHING to win back her trust and be a better person. But it was easier said than done, even for Noah. He was no longer the exception to the laws of human nature and kindness was no longer a PRIORITY; It was just something given at his own accord. Noah was different from when he first came to Cheyenne and he began to wonder if evolution would have a negative impact on their whatever. Would it hinder the healing process?? Maybe they were no longer compatible and any attempts to salvage their previous connection would only end in FAILURE. It was a thought that terrified him, but it was also one that he knew was possible. There was a reason why she loved him, and it was most likely because she thought he’d never leave. He was a safe bet for everyone to take, but he had let them down. Not just Ophelia, but everyone. “I’m not going to leave again,” He PROMISED. This was something that he was willing to stand by. The only reason for why he had gone was no longer an issue because he was living alone. His job was no longer to care for others, instead, it was to survive. “And if it’s any consolation, being away from this place was a living hell.” His tone had become more easygoing as he ATTEMPTED to lighten the situation.

[princesconsuela]

[inscrvio-blog]

inblcssm:

                           Indiana? well, she usually doesn’t stray far from her store, let alone this far close to Cheyenne’s border’s ; call it a F E A R, but she barely stands the idea of leaving her childhood home let alone pursing it. If she travels too far in this particular direction she meets GHOSTS she wants to keep buried, a guilt she tries to mark off as grief, and devastation that anchors her down.  Travel too far & she’ll end up going in circles, and she’s making no plans of spending the remainder of her apocalyptic days thriving through INSANITY —- nor does is she making any plans to ever leave the now quaint childhood home of CHEYENNE, WYOMING. It’s a complete stagger she has wandered this far, and quite frankly, she doesn’t even remember how ( probably another of her lackadaisical moments ; feet on solid ground but her mind? lost. ) it’s certainly not a surprise that survival doesn’t suit the one with gentle hands & a soft soul ; the one offering daisy chains & rose petals amongst crimson stained earth and destruction ; but here she is, and when she spins on her heels, a sixth sense picking up on something peculiar, she’s yet again reminded why she should stay behind closed doors, to save herself from becoming the target of an arrow.  ❝ Sorry ! ❞  hands are raised slightly, just enough to show she is unarmed ( like always ; weapons mean violence, and violence is something she avoids like the flu. )  ❝ I didn’t mean to scare —- Hey, ❞  she recognises the edge of town, the sign ; the sign she was greeted with not so long ago after finding her way back & hazel eyes are suddenly curious. She forgets the bow.  ❝ You leavin’? ❞  

     The fearful look in the woman’s eyes is convincing, but Noah’s no stranger to the depths of the world & the FALSIFICATION of emotions. He’s more cautious than ever, petrified that returning back was a mistake but desperate to prove to himself that it wasn’t. That validation that never gets fulfilled, not even by the soft words of another. With her arms raised, Noah takes the opportunity; he scans the woman, searching for a weapon of some sort—but there’s nothing more than what she offers him based on appearance. MAYBE she’s just a simple woman, only here to find the same peace that Noah had been granted by the city. In any case, he is not one to stand in the way of this goal. Even with the new & improved version of himself, he still wishes the best for everyone. Noah gives her the benefit of the doubt & slowly, he lowers his weapon, arrow swiftly going back into the sheath & his bow hanging low. His eyes follow her gaze back to the sign; the one that had changed his life for the better. It’s a memory that torments him—the way he used to be so ready to give but never take; his OBSESSIVE need to be well liked by everyone. ❝ Coming home. ❞ He doesn’t realize his use of words until after it’s said. The word came so naturally to him that it scared him. His connections he’s made keep him bound to the city, tied together with the red string of FATE. ❝ Coming back, I mean, ❞ Noah corrects himself, voice quieter than before. He looks down, almost embarrassed of the slip-up. It's not like she’ll know or understand, but he does, & that’s what mattered. Accepting this as his home brought him to a new level of COMMITMENT that he was not yet prepared for. 

[inscrvio-blog]

aresriddle:

He took the beers out of his backpack and gave one to Noah. Sharing was not something he was used to. Usually he kept all to himself. Getting supplies was hard these days and he had to fight two riders to get those beers. But it was different when he was around Noah; he was willing to share his stuff with him even though he knew the other wouldn’t ask for it. It scared him in a way because it meant he was changing. He was not ignorant about the fact that Apollo and Noah were alive. His own survival was the only thing he cared about but now he was confused. “It’s German.  I guarantee you that you won’t be drinking something as good in a long time.” Ares thought that their conversation was going to be casual but then he remembered that Noah cared. The question he asked gave Ares all the answers he needed – Noah didn’t forget about their pathetic little camp. “ Yeah , I am for now. Some of our campmates are all right. Some left. Those who have all of their body parts are fine.” He shrugged and the words that left his mouth didn’t make sense to him. He was not good at joking and usually his sense of humor was dark. Another mystery he had to solve. “ But I am sure that your little girly fan club missed you. You are the only one willing to listen to Taylor Swift after all.”

     Noah took the beverage into his hands, fingers grasping onto the smooth surface as he examined it. He had never been too particular about his alcohol, always settling for whatever he could get his hands on. Even in the times BEFORE the world had come to a close, he had always ordered whatever was cheapest. It wasn’t that he couldn’t afford the extremities of a pricey bottle of wine or a pack of imported beers, rather, he never had the refined pallet that his parents had. Where they were able to pick apart each drink & dissect its details, Noah simply could not. “& I’m not gonna even ask HOW you came into the possession of these,” The man commented, shaking his head with a wide grin. Things like this were rarely ever just abandoned. Things like this were FOUGHT for & won as trophies. Listening to the man as he spoke, Noah nodded. It was a relief to hear. Even if their fate had not been good, it was better than the not knowing. The uncertainties of life were what frightened him the most; the loss of CONTROL. Once again, laughter flowed out of him. “Well, that’s good to know. & here I was worrying that everyone there had been amputated.” It came off as a joke, but inside, he knew that it was the TRUTH. When Noah was alone, his mind wondered to peculiar conclusions & scenarios. “Oh, come one, dude. Taylor Swift was a legend & you know it. You Belong With Me? A masterpiece, okay. & don’t even get me started on the booklets from her CDs. I used to stay up really late figuring out all those damn secret messages.” ( He wasn’t lying. )

[inscrvio-blog]

aresriddle:

No one has ever been excited about his presence and that was definitely new.  A slight smile came upon his lips as he came closer to the other. Noah has always been a pleasant company, a person who was good at not asking questions. “The only holy thing around here is the beer I have in my backpack. Today is your good day, I am willing to share it with you.” Ares was not going to ask him questions, the answers didn’t matter. Actually he supported Noah’s decision to leave, the other people in the camp were too much to handle. He was not going to blame him either; the guy really deserved a break. He was alive and that was a good thing – the only thing that mattered to Ares.  

     LAUGHTER? The now unfamiliar sound fluttered out of him, soft, yet freeing. It was the kind of laugh that his whole body felt, his cheeks sore from smiling & his heart warm with happiness. He supposed that the only reason for it was because he had not laughed in over a month. His time with himself had been lonely & while that thought made him sad, it was no match for the immense feeling of joy that consumed him. “Now, that sounds like an awesome idea,” He stated. “So, how was life at camp while I was gone? Wait, you are still there, right?” The question, while simple, was something that piqued his interest. To him, it was more than just a place; it was a home. Even if he no longer lived at the camp, he still saw it as the place where he felt WANTED. As for the changes that may have happened while he was away? Well, he had an irrational & inexplicable fear of them. 

[inscrvio-blog]

fckoffhamlet:

Her brain was soothed, this part of her knew that his goal wasn’t to hurt people he just needed out, she could put the dots together easily. But her heart, her heart was the one holding the reins no matter how hard she struggled to give them to logical part of her and it refused to let go of this hurt. Ophelia could finally feel the hot tears she had been holding back start to leak out and she rapidly wiped at them with shakey hands, trying to control SOMETHING at this present time. So much of her wanted to just forgive him and move past all of this, but she could let go of this anger that controlled her. It was like a forest fire and it was BURNING out of control. She could feel herself spinning like so many times before in her youth. ❝ You were GONE! ❞ she screamed, lungs aching and her cries turning into full blown sobs at her worlds. her knees finally buckled at the shock, her knuckles turning white at how hard she was holding her fist. ❝ I-I lov-cared so much for you and you were just gone. ❞ she whispered, eyes darting around trying to look anywhere but him. ❝ I don’t know what to fucking do with this Noah? What do want me to do? Please just tell me. ❞ 

     The man could feel his heartbeat RACING. Panic consumed him, leaving his hands shaking. His fists clenched together tightly, a pathetic attempt to hide the weakness from her. Before he left, he had been so open, so ready to just let Ophelia in. No questions asked, no further investigating to make sure that she would not break him. & that was how he was THEN. Now, Noah made sure to keep his guard up. But the fortified walls that he had built up were crumbling faster than he could repair them & he was left DEFENSELESS. He looked away from her, averting eye contact as much as possible. Then, he heard it; the word that stammered out by accident. His eyes widened as his gaze settled on her face, a SICKENING feeling consuming him. She loved him? It came as a shock to him, but he also knew that dragging it back out might not be the best decision. He still didn’t know how he felt for her & there was no possible way for him to put it into words to explain it. “I don’t know,” He confessed. “I’m sorry, I don’t know.” Noah’s mind TRIED to move past the word, but it refused to leave him alone. It nagged at him, tempted him to speak up, speak out. But still, standing before Ophelia, he felt too small to say anything. She was BOLD where Noah was not. 

[pastelyrics]

I’ll be good // Jaymes Young

[inscrvio-blog]

fckoffhamlet:

For a moment she felt so utterly numb to the world, all emotions just slipping out of her grasp and then like a train hitting her they came rushing back into her system. A stupid amount of rage, sadness, HEARTBREAK flooded her body and Ophelia could hardly breathe at the shock to her; she just wanted to scream at the top of her lungs. At first she just stood stuck in her tracks staring blankly at him, it was like the world had stopped moving and then as soon as she heard the sound of his weapon drop it flipped her brain back on. A laugh passed her mouth, it wasn’t soft or kind. No. It sounded like something someone who was trying to mask pain would make, the noise was uncomfortable and sharp even to Ophelia. For a moment all she could remember was the thoughts of what if she was going to be the one to find his body. ❝ you’re sorry? oh my god that’s fucking rich Noah. ❞ Her voice was tight and pointed, liked she wanted to start yelling or crying but her body didn’t know which so it just tried not to do any of it. ❝ everyone at the capitol thought you were dead- I thought you were dead. ❞ 

     It had been the heartbreaking sound of Ophelia’s sorrow-filled laughter that got to him. In truth, the gravity of his actions had not fully hit him until NOW. This moment they shared now was different from everything else. It was not the gentle touch of her fingers against his cheek or even the feeling of his fist BREAKING through drywall out of anger & fear. No, this was something else, something that they had yet to come across in their time together. She was hurt, there was no disputing that fact. & Noah had been the one to hurt her. He was at a loss for words as he tried to find a way to EXCUSE his actions, but there was none. He hadn’t thought that people cared for him so much, that maybe his absence would actually affect others. It was the insecure part of him that made it so EASY for him to leave; the same part that had also tricked a much younger Noah into believing that his existence truly meant nothing. Every inch of him wanted to get down on his knees & BEG for her forgiveness. It felt as though it was imperative to his existence & being without her validation would result in EMPTINESS. But that was unhealthy, & he knew this. He had left for a reason & to fall apart so quickly would be a waste. “I HAD to leave, Ophelia. I needed to,” He began softly as he struggled to find his voice. “I should have told you, I know. I know that I should have told you. I should have told SOMEONE,” Noah continued. “& I’m sorry because I didn’t mean to hurt anyone.”