This blog started as a way to connect with people. No one seemed interested. At the time I started having lucid dreams and began posting those dreams in order to keep the blog active. The lucid dreams stopped as quickly as they started And I stopped posting.
Now it has been several years since my last post. I have had a couple of lucid dreams but nothing remained in the brain cells long enough to post.
Recently my life changed in a way I could not have predicted. My wife, my lover, my soulmate, my confidant, my best friend, died in her sleep.
She was 63. We were going to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary in 2 days and 2 months. She had been planning this party for the last year. She was a widow with one girl child when discovered her in an online chat room. We had so much in common it seemed as if we were made for each other.
She was the middle sister of 3 sisters. I was the middle brother of 3 brothers. She lived on a street with Sunset in the name. I lived on a street with Sunset in the name. We both had the same make and model of a car one time, hers was blue, mine was red. We both lost loved ones in 1992. Her, her husband, me, my dad. She had a medium sized dog, a sheltie, I had a medium sized dog, a cocker spaniel. She was recovering from surgery to her shoulder, I was recovering from carpel tunnel surgery to my left hand. She was right handed, but wrote in such a way it looked left handed. I am left handed, but write so it appears right handed. The list goes on, but in my current mindset I am unable to remember more.
Her daughter was calling me "daddy" before I had even met them. We chatted for hours every night, a few phone calls happened and we planned a meeting. I flew to her home state of Kentucky, about 2000 miles away by car. I had a weeks vacation but didn't want to spend a week there if things went wrong. The first half of the week I was in Montana shooting prairie dogs. The second half of the week was at her state. I stayed at a motel. Things went well. A couple of months later she flew here to Idaho. I asked, and she said "yes". Her parents approved of me and my mom did the same of her. Her mom called me, "her gentle giant". In fact my mom was so pleased that her confirmed bachelor of a son was getting married she was beside herself.
This was my second wedding. My first one didn't last a year, I married an oldest sister of 2, and she didn't show her true colors until after we were married. She was used to ordering her younger sister around, and then tried that we me. I divorced her. It was over 19 years before I met my second wife.
It took a couple of months for me to find the ring, it had 3 marquee cut diamonds, the largest in the center. I had the jeweler replace the smaller ones with sapphires. When I could I shared a picture with her and then flew back with the engagement ring. She and her daughter flew up here for Thanksgiving and she went home married.
Our wedding was planned for June. Her mother was so very upset that we cheated her out of a wedding that we said our vows for the second time in her home state. Between that November and the following June she moved to Idaho. Our 3rd time was going to be the anniversary party.
She made my house a home. She was painting the rooms while I was still working. I came home from work and found the paneling off in the dining room. Paint and wallpaper went back up. That wall now holds over 20 Coca Cola signs. The kitchen is adorned with Mickeey Mouse. She became pregnant during the moving trip between Kentucky and Idaho. My first child, her second was born in December. I adopted her first child a year or so later. I went from confirmed bachelor to married with 2 kids in just a year. I was finally there. Happy, with a happy wife and 2 daughters. I wanted a son but got a girl. Still happy. I was happy before, but not this kind of happy. I felt like I truly fit in with the world instead of being this single guy with a dog.
Married life is seldom perfect and ours wasn't but there was nothing so bad that I wanted a divorce. I took her home, or tried to, every year. I met more of her family and friends, and some of them came to visit us in Idaho. She truly was my soulmate.
Fast forward many years, this last year she was planning a big celebration for our 25th wedding anniversary. I know why, I rescued a widow living in her parents basement and gave her a new husband. A new life. Her first husband wasn't particularly nice to her, mental abuse takes it's toll, and the good lord removed her from that situation by taking her first husband. I like to think my dad, who passed away in January that year had a conversation with God, or one of his angels and asked if they could find a wife for me. I like to think they had a hand in finding me a wife. My wife. Her first husband passed away in June. 5 years later our paths crossed in an online chat room. ( for those that want to know, IRC, CHATNET, 35+NETFRIENDS.) The Chatnet servers don't exist anymore, or does the room. But the people there still exist in my memory.
My wife had prepared so much stuff for our anniversary party, we used some of it for her funeral. I still have several tubs of stuff now that will never get used. She had rented an event center, and I had hired a string quartet that I was going to surprise her with. I teased her by marking the "MAYBE" option on her Facebook event page. Now I wished I had selected "YES". I will forever live with this shame.
We had just mailed out invitations a couple days before. I plan to set up our dining room table with some of the preparations on the day of our anniversary and post pictures to Facebook.
Our daughters picked out pictures for a slide show and I put them together and made a video for the funeral. It was so hard adding the music in. 11 minutes of my wife, her family, her friends, us meeting in Idaho, our family, our friends, she and I together... hard.
I got the money back from the event center and from the string quartet. It will go into paying off her bills. She hid these well.
So I went from a single guy with a dog, to a widower with 4 dogs, one is my youngest daughter's. 2 are mine, one is my wife's. Mine now I guess. My youngest daughter still lives at home and probably will for the time being.
I am still in love with my wife. I'm still wearing the wedding ring. I only took if off when I was working around electricity or to wash my hands.