Holy BELLS! It’s been 5 weeks since I posted. My life has suddenly gotten very busy after floating around like a little lost lamb for 18 months. I’ve been studying some psychology modules at uni, which I absolutely love, and I’m gearing up to test my ideas for my next musical project over Christmas. So, I’m going to use this site as a diar/ creative notepad over the next few months. There is a dream plan I have for marinabook, but I have no brain space right now to think about anything but music and psychology. I’m not sure if this is connected to the introvert/baseline level of arousal thing I talked about in this post but, god damn it!! My brain space/brain RAM can handle only so much thinking!
Today I finished the first term of uni and I felt a happiness I haven’t known for a very long time. I’m so full of glee I’m acting like I’ve LITERALLY GRADUATED (*goes to university once*). I went on a shopping spree 5 minutes after it, as if it were 2007 and I were blowing my student loan willy-nilly into ongoing traffic. Some people on this blog have asked me what it’s like going back to university as a mature student… Well, it’s pretty wonderful. I love using the library, which is in a beautiful part of central London, and I love being around people of all ages from different professions. It’s very refreshing and is a real comfort to me to know that the option to study new subjects will always be there throughout my adult life (The uni is tailored to part time degrees and evening classes, so you can study module by module if you like). I have some essays that I may adapt for this site, one discussing the extent to which personality is biological and another on attachment theory and how useful it is in explaining the origins of personality disorders. I had heard about Attachment Theory before,but after reading it in depth I’ve been interpreting behaviours in a completely different way. I think learning about attachment styles could be of benefit to anyone. I would have loved to have worked in child or developmental psychology if I hadn’t been an artist. Hopefully I can combine both worlds one day.
Whilst I’m far from starting the next campaign, I’ve been thinking about how I can create a better life for myself as an artist, on a day-to-day level, but also how I can best spend my energy in contributing something positive or helpful. The privileges of making art for a living are so huge, but one of the things that I have always found difficult is a lack of routine, or consistency. Traditional album cycles were very off/on in the past; You made your album, created your visual world, went on promotion, then went off on tour and kissed goodbye to the sweet life you’d scratched out for yourself between albums. Then 2 years later it’s all over again, you’re faced with a big space and you feel strange trying to integrate yourself back into your old life. There is no ‘how to’ guide to mental health + being an artist. I’m going to try my best to do things differently this time. Some people enjoy the cycles, others work better with consistent medium-intensity work (i.e me). I like to work hard, but not *too* hard. What can I say… I enjoy my life…
Pic of me enjoying life. My kitten does not look like she’s enjoying hers particularly. RUDE.
In between music and creative posts, I might start doing introductory posts on topics I would like to explore more for MarinaBook, to gain a perspective on peoples thoughts and feelings before writing the actual piece (e.g. Millennial marriage + what role it plays for our generation). The motivation for me to write definitely lies in a format where readers can contribute their own questions or thoughts and make the project collaborative and human. Perhaps I could have a monthly guest post on here from a reader on a specific topic… I have a few ideas I’m going to trial so bear with me!
Whether in writing or music, what I love most is a feel of relation and connection with other people in the world. And it’s something I’ve missed as an artist in recent years, just talking freely and naturally with people. It’s made me consider what kind of visual message I want to project going forward in order to be able to have more of this. Writing on this site has made me feel human again and I have you to thank for that! People have been so open and supportive. It’s not easy to write some of the posts - each one takes me literally 5 days because I write slower than snails crawl - and sometimes it feels unnatural/uncomfortable to be open. But the responses are worth it. Love reading your messages. Would like to do some talks again with you in 2018 (like the Oxford one last year) focusing more on the topics we discuss on here.
If this post reads like a highly frazzled person who hasn’t seen the sky for 4 days because she just finished her uni exams, that would be accurate. I miss you all a lot and look forward to talking more soon. I’m looking forward to the new year and creating a beautiful new project for you (and for me).
PS. Here is a little vid of me writing something.
annaxmalina
dailybridgerton
prguitarman
origamiaround
yousharknotpass
