"She" refers to "Idnh."

[insideherjournal-blog]

love this BTW

[insideherjournal-blog]

#5 d-   -b

listen to this song.. it’s lyrics and melody reflected the pain more than my words ever would

[insideherjournal-blog]

#4 “Again.”

do you know that feeling?

yung akala mo okay na, but its not

yung parang tapos na, naka move on ka na, pero hindi pa pala

nakakaloko no?

but you were fine!

okay ka na naman talaga eh, di ba?

hindi mo na siya naiisip

hindi mo na siya iniisip

you could laugh without suddenly him poppin inside your head

you are fine

you are fine!

but that was just what you thought

kaso hindi

hindi yun totoo kasi nung nakita mo siya ulit

you were slapped right in your face with his smirk that you loved

and once again he had lit the fire you thought youd kill into little specks of ember

once again, nasasaktan ka na naman

nabuhay na naman yung hapdi na kala mo nakasanayan mo na

na akala mo kaya mo na

natanggal na naman yung bendaheng ibinalot mo sa puso mo mula nung makita mo siyang masaya sa iba at ibulong sa sarili mong kuntento ka na, kuntento ka nang masaya siya

but only now did you found out, it wasn’t that simple

that you’re fucking heart was just as stubborn as a bull

na kaya pala wala kang maramdaman para sa iba kasi

kasi mahal mo pa siya

mahal mo pa siya kahit durog ka na

kahit akala mo bato ka na

na sa isip mo kaya mo na kapag nakasalubong mo siya

na kaya mo nang ngitian siya nang hindi nasasaktan

pero syempre mali ka

mali ka na naman

hahahah tch

nakakaloko di ba?

ang sakit..

when will it ever come to you, you can’t ever win against your stone of a heart

it is set

it has made it’s mind 

the moment you’ve written his name all over it

he is embedded in it

kaya ngayon, eto.. yan

nasasaktan ka na naman

para na namang pinipiga yung puso mo

ambigat bigat bigat sa dibdib

ang sakit sakit

...

kelan ko ba siya makaklimutan?

[insideherjournal-blog]

#3 “Parang gusto kong maging si Lavignia.”

Gusto kong maging ala-Lavignia.

Alam mo ba kung bakit? 

Yung lalaking gustong-gusto ko kasi, meron na naman “Sarah”.

Sarah na naman. Sarah na naman ulit.

Naiinis na ako! Bakit ba kasi si Sarah na naman? Bakit hindi pwedeng ako naman?

Kasi mas mabait siya? Mas sexy? Maganda? Matalino? Masipag? Maputi?

Ganun? kaya si Sarah na naman?

♫♪ “Sarah, Sarah, prinsesa” ♫♪

Gusto ko na talagang maging ala Lavignia at magmaldita.

ayoko na yatang makarinig ng isa namang “Sarah” :( hindi ko na kaya..

[insideherjournal-blog]

“She shares.”

she wanted to share

so she started to write

she typed

and typed

on and on

and on

she bares it all

her mind

body

and soul.

[insideherjournal-blog]

#2 “Are you bi? or gay?”

nagaaral na ulit ako, college. BS Psychology. at meron akong classmate, he’s cute.. makulit din,.. 

once sinabi niya when he was asked what was his talent, he said. “Talent ko? magmahal *sabay ngiti* ” sounds arrogant, but the way he said it and his face when he said those words, malalaman mong sincere yung words, pero parang nagtitrip lang.. yung ganun..

gets mo ba yung description ko?

kapag kasi hindi siya nagsasalita, he seems snobbish.. pero sobrang kulit niya talaga at sobraaanngg bait!

also, that was when i first noticed him.

kaso, recently, bakit ganun? feeling ko may relationship sila nung isa pa naming classmate na gay :( i thought he was just friendly with everybody, with him.. pero ngayong magtatapos na yung sem, and for the four months that i’ve been their classmate, parang may iba. parang sila.

okay, linawin ko lang.. i’m not against same sex relationship. i have gay friends. i have lesbian friends. maybe i have a relative who’s also in the LGBTQ.

pero masakit lang pala isipin na, yung guy na gusto mo is gay.. (meaning wala kang PAGASA!!) nakakalungkot.. feeling ko naunahan ako.. :( feeling ko naagawan ako.

and it’s such a shame to lose a guy who is sweet and makulit..

but i’m still hoping, somehow, tho in vain.. but still i’m praying..

pero you seem happy naman eh,

you’re happy naman di ba?

[insideherjournal-blog]

nahuhulog..

she to a friend: ayus ka lang ba dyan? hindi ka ba nahuhulog?

him: ako,nahuhulog..

she: ... *butterflies*

him: *chuckles*

she: *burns red from cheeks to ears*

[insideherjournal-blog]

#1 “I’m not Janine!”

Once upon a time,

She fell in love with him, a guy named Paul. He was cool and tall and funny. He loves to ride. He loves motorbikes. He drinks, but doesn’t smoke. he swears, and he’s loud. He jumps and smiles at all the girls, except her.

She loved him, but called her with a different name.

“Janine, right?” he said.

she smiled, despite the sinking heart. she smiled and drowned her heart. she drank her tears, and swore the stars.. 

on a night so beautiful, a happy, festive night, why break her heart?

why break the small smile inside?

once upon a time, she loved you, but Paul, you broke her heart!

[insideherjournal-blog]

“She refers to me.”

she had just started to write.

she was no writer, not even a poet.

but she draws,

an abstract of everything and anything that comes to mind.

look at all the angle to understand

imagine to be her

inside her

her own little colorful world

of brain, heart and souls.