Rambling Thoughts

[insidetheescapistsbox]

Liu Yuning covers “Dreams of the butterflies in love”

This song is considered a classic Chinese song for its traditionally inspired melody and its poetic lyrics, which borrows from several ancient, classic Chinese poems.

“Yesterday flowed like a water droplet rolling eastward

Further and further away beyond my grasp

Today infinite melancholy entangles my heart

A sword unsheathed, slashing across the water

cannot stop its rushing flow

A glass of wine raised, to drown this sorrow

but it only grows.

A cold wind at dawn blows.

Isn’t it the laughter of one’s current flame’s

that has always been ringing in his ears?

Who would heed the sound of

a person from yesterday choking with tears?

The word “love” comes with bitterness

Should I ask this question before the wise?

Or is feigning ignorance fine?

Either understanding little, or knowing a lot

Still doesn’t mean knowing enough.

Just like that pair of dancing butterflies,

In those days of hardship

Who can escape mortal misery?

O dancing butterflies in a world of blooms and fragrance

Survival in the mortal realm is in itself a miracle

Why even dreams of soaring to the heavens?

Isn’t it better to just immerse in this gentle dream?”

Music and lyrics by Huang An

English translation by me.

[insidetheescapistsbox]

When did our deadly commander fall in love?

(DISCLAIMER: This post is purely my speculation and interpretation. I don’t attempt to pass these as facts.)

The turning point must have been that time when they met again at the gate to Luoyang, but I believe the buildup had happened long before that. Haodu had always been aware of the princess, even if it didn’t occur to him. His eyes locked on her the first time they met, and they didn’t look away. He kept on throwing glances at her when she tagged along to protect Shuyu and Changge. They were by no means a sign of affection or jealousy, but they showed that he was very aware of her presence, and her sense of distrust toward him, especially heightened whenever Shuyu was around, really got to him. His interest was definitely piqued; otherwise why would he even care or remember that she is the only one out there who embroiders green-eyed rabbits? But at this stage he was too focused on his mission to even have time to analyse all of that.

Then Leyan went missing, and I believe it was during his search for her that his opinion of her changed, in a way he himself didn’t expect. It started out as a concern for her safety, perhaps out of a sense of guilt and responsibility because the princess went missing while she was under his safe-guarding. But the first hint of surprise and genuine worry came when he learned of her whereabouts after chancing upon her embroidered handkerchief. His preconception of her showed the first sign of crack: not only the sheltered, timid and naive princess survived, she seemed to be able to navigate the harsh world, earning her own bread and leaving a place for a safer one where she knows she would be recognised and welcome, all on her own accord. He didn’t show it, but just as she surprised many of us, I’m sure she surprised himself too.

There is this psychological trick that I’ve heard of: that people tend to go soft and it’s easier to let someone in our heart when we witness their moment of deep vulnerability. That might be pseudoscience, but I believe it was exactly what happened here with Haodu. He witnessed Leyan’s moment of great emotional despair, when she was in rags, haggard and exhausted from days of going hungry, carrying a dead child on her back and crying her heart out for that poor child. There was nothing of that sheltered and privileged princess who cowered at every moving thing anymore: there was only one young but weathered girl who suffered not from her own misfortune, but for the misfortune of another.

Haodu might have unconsciously related to that poor kid Leyan brought with her to Luoyang. In some way he used to be in very similar circumstances: orphaned, abandoned before adopted and taken in. He used to remain distant with other royals: he simply didn’t feel any sense of belonging due to his history and upbringing. Yet seeing Leyan essentially empathising with and putting herself at the same level with that kid must have broken all his preconceptions of who she was and could be. His wall was completely shattered, and even before he knew it, he had already and completely fallen for her.

[insidetheescapistsbox]

Hao Du, where should I start *sigh*? Admittedly I wasn’t drawn to him at first and based on the billing order in the opening theme song I thought Shuyu would be the end game. (Aesthetically I’m weaker to Alen Fang’s appeal too hehe) BUT when the three of them was in the same frame, esp when Leyan tagged along hidden in the luggage cart and was discovered, the tension between her and Haodu was so great that Shuyu seemed almost non-existent and that’s when I was sold.

Then gradually I know how and why Hao Du easily wins against Shuyu, hands-off. He at once embodies the characteristics of both the tsundere male lead and the agonised, misunderstood but devoted second male lead. He’s cold, calculating, efficient in almost everything he sets his mind on doing, has this aloof and mysterious air about him, but when he falls, he falls hard, is super restrained when it comes to his own emotions, but still you can sense an undercurrent of burning feelings whenever he’s around Leyan. It is this unspoken but unconditional, vulnerable and selfless love that make us fans hurt for him (but oh doesn’t it hurt so good!) In short, here we’ve got the perfect combination of the tsundere, alpha male and the hurt puppy, minus the toxic possessive, jealous and abusive traits so often associated with the tsundere male lead which has been portrayed to death in Kdramas. Hao Du is so attractive (to me at least) because he has the best of both worlds, and not just because he’s a typical “cold” character.

It doesn’t help that Liu Yuning did such an amazing job portraying the vulnerable side of Hao Du. He doesn’t move much, but during key moments his eyes brim with trembling emotions. The kind of suppressed tremble that you can only feel its faint vibration, but it’s so persistent, so continuous that you can’t help but sensing it’s almost always near breaking point. Most importantly, he’s capable of making his emotions contagious, and those who can connect to him emotionally would easily feel their heart weighed down with his suppressed feelings too.

[insidetheescapistsbox]

“Go, I’ll take you home,” says he, and I’m a goner.

I guess deep down Leyan has since that moment started to consider him sort of a “home” for her too.