When did our deadly commander fall in love?
(DISCLAIMER: This post is purely my speculation and interpretation. I don’t attempt to pass these as facts.)
The turning point must have been that time when they met again at the gate to Luoyang, but I believe the buildup had happened long before that. Haodu had always been aware of the princess, even if it didn’t occur to him. His eyes locked on her the first time they met, and they didn’t look away. He kept on throwing glances at her when she tagged along to protect Shuyu and Changge. They were by no means a sign of affection or jealousy, but they showed that he was very aware of her presence, and her sense of distrust toward him, especially heightened whenever Shuyu was around, really got to him. His interest was definitely piqued; otherwise why would he even care or remember that she is the only one out there who embroiders green-eyed rabbits? But at this stage he was too focused on his mission to even have time to analyse all of that.
Then Leyan went missing, and I believe it was during his search for her that his opinion of her changed, in a way he himself didn’t expect. It started out as a concern for her safety, perhaps out of a sense of guilt and responsibility because the princess went missing while she was under his safe-guarding. But the first hint of surprise and genuine worry came when he learned of her whereabouts after chancing upon her embroidered handkerchief. His preconception of her showed the first sign of crack: not only the sheltered, timid and naive princess survived, she seemed to be able to navigate the harsh world, earning her own bread and leaving a place for a safer one where she knows she would be recognised and welcome, all on her own accord. He didn’t show it, but just as she surprised many of us, I’m sure she surprised himself too.
There is this psychological trick that I’ve heard of: that people tend to go soft and it’s easier to let someone in our heart when we witness their moment of deep vulnerability. That might be pseudoscience, but I believe it was exactly what happened here with Haodu. He witnessed Leyan’s moment of great emotional despair, when she was in rags, haggard and exhausted from days of going hungry, carrying a dead child on her back and crying her heart out for that poor child. There was nothing of that sheltered and privileged princess who cowered at every moving thing anymore: there was only one young but weathered girl who suffered not from her own misfortune, but for the misfortune of another.
Haodu might have unconsciously related to that poor kid Leyan brought with her to Luoyang. In some way he used to be in very similar circumstances: orphaned, abandoned before adopted and taken in. He used to remain distant with other royals: he simply didn’t feel any sense of belonging due to his history and upbringing. Yet seeing Leyan essentially empathising with and putting herself at the same level with that kid must have broken all his preconceptions of who she was and could be. His wall was completely shattered, and even before he knew it, he had already and completely fallen for her.
