It's Been a Year Since I Started University (Warning: Essay Ahead)
Holy hell, so much as happened. When I look back a year, the Grace I knew then feels like she lived light years away. For the first time in my life, I feel like I'm truly happy and content with every aspect of my life.
1. I don't worry about my parents' well-being anymore. All my childhood, divorce was what labelled our lives. My mother struggled as single mother. My father struggled as a single father. Both had to build lives in this foreign country, leaving behind all their family and security in China. On top of that, they had to go months at a time without seeing their own child. As a kid, I cried every single time I had to leave one parent to fly to the other in another state. What I didn't know then was that I wasn't the only one suffering. Constant court trials over child custody, getting citizenship, trying to eke out a living...they deserve medals for everything they went through. I used to blame them for getting divorced and not being the normal family all my other friends had. But I am so grateful for my wonderful parents who, while they couldn't work things out as a couple, always did whatever they could to make sure that at least I had a good life in America. I swear to god I won't let them down, and I will repay them everything they've given me ten times over.
Now they both have their own families. I have a wonderful stepmom and stepdad. I seriously cannot thank them enough for being my parents' respective companions. I used to worry about them being lonely. I know my mom even contemplated suicide when I got taken away from her when I was 8 by the court to live with my dad in New York. That breaks my fucking heart. So I am beyond grateful for everything my stepparents have given my parents; a family to come home to, a happy life to live. No one worries about money. They all have stable jobs. That's all I've ever wanted for all of us, healthy lives not wrought with the pain and disruption divorce forced upon us. I love you all.
2. I finally have a solid plan for my future. In high school I did well and blahblahblah, but I really had no plan for my life, at all. I only knew I was supposed to go to college, find a job, find someone, get married, have kids. The typical American dream. But that's not a real plan. Now, I have been accepted into the highly competitive Computer Science program at UW, one of the top universities in the nation for CS (ranked higher than all the Ivy League universities, fuck yeeeeeeeeah.) I worked so hard for this so I don't even care if I boast a little bit. I studied my entire buttocks off, which I've never done before, contrary to popular opinion. "Studying" in high school consisted of glancing at notes for 30 minutes the night before an exam, not poring over past exams for 10 hours a day, for a week before the actual exam in college. (Also, I've always wanted to say this but I didn't study a LICK for IB exams because I was off galavanting with Max while we lived by ourselves for a week hahaha. I'd choose skinny dipping in his pool and making out in the shower over preparing for exams any day.)
I 4.0'd my math and honors classes with my blood, sweat, and tears. Those math exams, holy shit. Math has always come easy to me, but college knocked me clean off my feet. I cried because I thought I was too stupid for college. There were countless nights I couldn't sleep worrying about whether or not I would get into CS. I made three back-up plans, planning all my courses out for the next three years in case I didn't get in. I taught myself web programming so that I could get an internship on campus. I still can't believe I got in on my first try. Most people take at least two tries, and they are sophomores going into their junior year, not freshmen going into sophomore year. Jesus fuck I'm so grateful. Especially since I messed up first quarter and got a GPA I was not happy with. I still have room to improve my overall GPA, so I'm not going to relax too much yet. But it's a huge weight off my shoulders to know that I literally have the awesome degree I want to graduate with, now I just have to take the classes. With this degree I don't even really need to go to graduate school, and the world is in such need of computer programmers that finding jobs is relatively easier, especially on the west coast. I'm looking at you, six figure annual income. You will be mine.
3. I have a kick-ass, best-in-the-entire-world boyfriend. I know, cliché. Naïve. But we've been through such a tough year. We've had countless fights, crying sessions, compromising, what have you. Long distance relationships are not as easy as we had thought. Who knew every little mole hill could become a mountain? I cried myself to sleep a lot. It sucks to miss someone so much. We both sacrificed our social lives to make room for our relationship. We sacrificed a lot of experiences. We took 4-hour long buses to see each other every month for a weekend. We had to grow up because this wasn't a high school relationship anymore, we were in the real world now (well, almost.) But all the while, we never once doubted each other's commitment. While we had many issues, trust was never one of them. I think that's a testament in itself when you're dealing with going to separate universities as freshmen. I'm proud of that.
Not to mention he makes me feel so happy about myself. I used to be self conscious about my height, but he has dispelled any worries I have ever had about my body. He said he wouldn't even like me anymore if I were taller. I used to wish I was of mixed race, until I found out that he has a major thing for full Asians (that's me, that's me!) One time at my house in the ungodly hours of the morning, we were looking at each other naked in the mirror and he said I had the perfect body. Max's-perfect-girlfriend body. I am apparently the embodiment of his "type." And he always comments that I have perfect proportions (even though he laughs at my baby-sized hands.) Thank you for loving the parts of me I didn't even like. It makes a huge difference in a girl's life.
We planned the two month backpacking trip through Europe so we could finally spend a long period of time together. And of course, to fulfill one of my life dreams! Oh man, that was a ride. We were thrown into the real world, into foreign countries, with no safety net close by. We managed our own money (we paid for the whole thing, hello negative bank accounts) organized housing, planned our days, struggled through foreign transportation, etc. It was like we were living together. We squabbled a lot. We ate a lot. We starved a lot. We drank a lot. We sexed a lot. And we grew a lot. I've given him a hard time with a lot of things. I've realized the problem doesn't always lie with him; sometimes it stems from myself. So I have to work on myself first because he has honestly been such an awesome boyfriend. It's not fair to him to complain. I was talking to him about my being difficult the other day, and he said "I still love you anyway!" I love you like crazy, Maxie.
4. The near future is looking really fucking awesome. I'm going up to Seattle on Thursday to pick up my apartment keys with my future roommates. One of them was my dorm roommate, and I love her. My second roommate is her best friend, who is amazing and so smart! We have the cutest apartment, and we each have our own rooms so Max can come over without the two of us feeling bad that we're disturbing my roommate (we never had sex when she was there obviously, we just felt that it puts the roommate in an awkward position if we're just hanging out in the dorm room. Now, Nick on the other hand...I'm sorry you had to walk in on us those two times. Also all the stealth times we went at it in the top bunk. And in the bathroom...)
Anyway, Max has his own room in his future apartment too! He has a nice set of friends to play Smash with on their giant TV, and I want to get good myself. We may buy a small CRTV for my room so we can practice together on the weekends he comes over. He's so good, but he doesn't think so. I'm his biggest fan. But he gets embarrassed when I watch him play. And he lets me win all the time which isn't helping me at all. My apartment is right on Greek Row and my group of friends and I have lots of connections in the Greek community, so we're in for many interesting nights. Last year I was so stressed about getting used to our new long distance relationship and getting into CS that I didn't socialize as much as I had wanted to. Now, I get that chance again (and no RAs to write us up for being drunk!)
On the trip we talked about our future. We've decided that even if Max doesn't get into the Chemical Engineering program at my school, he will transfer anyway (granted, he has to get into my school first.) He will petition to take majors only classes, and reapply for the CE program until he gets in. Or, he might get into CE the first time and we don't have to worry about anything! And then we're going to find an apartment in Seattle, move in together, and get a husky. He wants a Great Dane, but we're getting a husky. And then we're both going to make lots of money because CE is ridiculously high-paying (100k straight out of college? We're practically salivating) and coupled with my CS degree, we're going to be the happiest DINKs out there. Until we have our girl Vivian (his idea) and our boy [name still in progress], of course. He wants three, I only want two. We'll figure it out. Which reminds me, when we were in England visiting his family (who apparently "is very taken with" me, according to Max's dad, hooray! I was even called "future family" by his uncle,) Max's sister demanded that Max give her a niece. Max responded, "But Grace doesn't want a daughter." I melted a little inside. Brb crying out of happiness because my boyfriend wants to marry me and have babies. I'll see myself out.
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