Look! It's a bird! It's a plane!...It's a speck on my glasses...

[instantbouquetface-me]

Jon going political or so he thinks...

Repost of a once satirical fic... until the show got dumber...

Chapter 1

Chapter Text

Jon had decided to be political. After all how else was he supposed to develop as a character? It was a serious question. So how was he going answer it? Well since he was a fool and an idiot he wouldn’t. Duh. So yeah where were we? Yes Jon was going to be political with Dany… WHAT? Stupid brain! Not ‘Dany’! Are you in love with her or something? No ‘evil pyro-bitch’… yes that’s what he was going to call her. The evil pyro-bitch who listed her accomplishments in such a beautiful, graceful way… What the hell Jon? Get over it!

She is EVIL. Her beautiful eyes that he could drown in, the swell of those breasts… it had to be evil. Otherwise why the hell was it so insanely distracting? She was a wicked Targaryen! A foreign slut! Who, amazingly enough for sluts, didn’t seem to be sleeping with anyone. It had to be a trick! It did, it did, it did! Didn’t it?

But how was he going to be political with this gorgeous crea… damnit Jon! Get a hold of yourself. Yes, how was he going to be ‘political’ with her? Obviously he had no idea since he was a political moron and needed Sansa’s help to tie his own shoelaces… which was quite an accomplishment given that his shoes had no laces.

So how would he do this? He had no idea. Time to meditate. But he didn’t know how to meditate. So what? Since when had knowing nothing stopped him from doing anything? It would be his epitaph. ‘Here lies Jon Snow, he knew nothing and he did it.’ Very well he would make it up.

Jon sat down on the floor of the room he’d been given in Dragonstone. He closed his eyes. He decided to let his thoughts wander. They wandered to the curve of the Dragon Queen’s ass. So he opened them again. Okay, this wasn’t working. Maybe he needed to chant something. But chant what? Who cares? Just make up something that sounds stupid beyond belief, that’s what chanting is all about. Maybe you’ll get a revelation.

Jon closed his eyes again. His thoughts wandered to the Dragon Queen’s good heart, and what was on top of that heart, especially outside the skin, especially… he knew it! She was a sorceress. She must have bewitched him! It didn’t matter. He was going to chant something anyhow.

“Donsa, Monsa, Shonsa,” he said, “Fonsa, Nonsa, Lonsa.” Was it helping? He felt like a complete idiot. Well that is quite a revelation isn’t it? Was it, though? He didn’t know of course since he knew nothing. So he continued.

At length his consciousness shifted to another plane. That was really wacky since he was used to three dimensions but planes had only two dimensions. A square approached him. “Hello Jon, it is I Robb!”

“So your heaven is to live as a square for all eternity? Interesting” Jon replied, truly understanding his brother better.

“Jon you should never have gone to meet Daenerys, you needed to keep the North independent” square Robb said.

“From what? Life? Because that’s exactly what we were about to accomplish,” he replied, as his chanting in the worldly realm grew ever more intense, Flonsa, Cronsa, Wronsa, Tonsa, Sonsa Honsa…

“Fuck that now,” Robb replied, and Jon had another revelation, ascended spirits could still be foul mouthed as wounded pirates.

“What should I do?”

“You need to go Undercover Jon! Undercover!”

“Of her sheets you mean, because I’d love doing that,” Jon replied, hey square Robb was so Cool!

“Forget it, you just bend the knee. Sansa will do the rest,” square Robb answered.

“So Danerys will bring massive armies, she will bring her dragons, she will provide the dragonglass, she will lead forces into battle, she will ride dragons into battle and face the enemy directly, and Sansa will do what exactly?”

“Sansa will destroy her!” Robb replied.

Alright this was starting to sound too stupid. He must chant harder Fronsa, Groansa, Stonedsa… “And how exactly will she do that?”

“By throwing shade at her! Mwahahahhaha” the square replied and the straight edges shook. Jon could swear he was almost a circle for a moment there.

“Robb how have you grown stupider after death? I thought ascended spirits had great knowledge and wisdom.”

“You’re one to talk Mister I saw absolutely nothing when I was dead!” Robb replied. He had a point. Actually he had four points like all good squares did. However this conversation was clearly pointless now, so Jon stopped chanting and fell unconscious.

A few hours later Ser Davos woke him up. He remembered nothing. Well next to nothing, except that he had to get under Dany’s sheets. So that’s what he was going to do. Why did he need to meditate for that? 

Chapter 2: King's Landing goes bye bye

Jon walked towards the throne room. All around him King's Landing was in ruins. Devastation and destruction everywhere. All done by his Queen.

At length he stood before Drogon. The Dragon seemed to take a minor amount of interest in him. Sniffed him. Jon got an erection... Um what the fuck? That was not supposed to happen. This is not the dragon whose sniffing should give me erections. Drogon apparently caught on too. Disgusted, the dragon turned away. He had no time for this freaky pervert.

So Jon went ahead. Into the throne room. There she stood. Right beside the Iron Throne. At that juncture an original thought went through his brain. This was remarkable since he hadn't had one of those this season: How the hell had this iron contraption managed to stay rust free for three hundred years while situated in a castle right next to the sea? He thought Dany must be thinking the same thing... after all what else would she be thinking?

"They must clean it with oil," he said. He was proud of himself. He had anticipated what she was thinking about and answered her question before she even asked it. Maester Aemon would be proud. That is, if Jon had remembered him. Or anyone had remembered him. Which they didn't. Because this was season 8. And Targaryens were supposed to be evil and mad...

Why did she have such a confused look? Was she too dazzled by his brilliance?

"Is that why it is erect?" she asked.

Huh? What? Oh damn, her mind was elsewhere... okay better not tell her how that happened. Change the subject. Change it now!

"Why did you kill so many people Dany?" ah yes. That should distract her from her current course of inquiry.

"Cersei was using their innocence as a weapon against me!" she replied.

"Dany that makes no sense whatsoever."

"And what does this season?" she retorted angrily. She was tapping her foot. Arms akimbo. Waiting for him to respond. Daring him to respond. Respond with what?

"That's unfair. I can only respond to your questions with with 'I don't want it', 'I love you', and 'you are my Queen.' You know none of these can answer your question. Why don't you tell me what comes after 21?" there, that ought to stump her. She only knew how to count up to twenty.

"Forty-two," she replied, a smug look settling on her face. Damn Hitchiker's guide! His trousers were starting to feel extremely constrictive now.

Dany decided to take advantage of that. A few quick steps and she was there. Next moment his 'stem and stones' were in her soft hands. How did this happen? Why didn't he stop her? Why would he stop her?

"So you really want to fuck your aunt now, do you? You're such a naughty boy, I think I should take care of this" Dany said. "Wanting to sleep with a woman who looks like your parent? Hmm... The Maesters have a name for this don't they? But boys are supposed to outgrow it aren't they? Maybe some naughty boys never do, hmmm..."

What the hell? No. This would not go unchallenged. "Actually that would only work if the woman resembled my mother. NOT my father." There. Jon was proud of himself. He did know something.

"Oh I wouldn't have minded that threesome, Rhaegar, me, and his baby makes three," she responded, almost instantaneously. And just like that she had taken care of it. Everything went completely limp. Jon wondered if it would ever get solid again. She had inflicted him with erectile dysfunction at 22! That's what he gets for asking her to count beyond 21! 

"So you're not into harem fics either, I suppose? Don't worry dear nephew, here is a little blue pill for you," she said smiling sweetly.

"Um, Dany, these won't be invented for centuries."

"Neither will the Geneva conventions, but as you will learn, anachronism is a way of life for me" she replied. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Okay Dany, enough is enough. I'm going to kill you now," Jon said.

"Not if I kill you first by calling Drogon," she replied.

"I am impossible to kill. The collective wishes of a million incel and misogynist fanboys will never let me die. Do remember that two of them run the show. I will kill you and then make painful faces. It is Emmy worthy material, I tell ya." 

"Why exactly are you killing me?" she asked.

Uh oh. Trouble.

"I don't want it."

"Try again. That makes no sense," Dany replied.

"Uh... I love you."

"Try again."

"Uh...Ummm... Err... you are my Queen?" Jon was really sweating now.

"Still makes no sense."

"Error 404, page not found," Jon said. And collapsed. Unconscious.

[jackoshadows]

I am seeing so many posts celebrating Raymun Fossoway for what he said and upholding what he said as somehow legitimate and true when the show intended for Raymun to be an example of unreasonable, illogical and xenophobic hate.

Within the show itself we have the character of Egg/Aegon (someone who was beloved of the smallfolk) and the only lord who recognized Ser Arlan - Baelor Breakspear.

However, the prime example is Raymun calling this man useless -

Raymun's hate is a demonstration of how propaganda works, using a huge dollop of xenophobia (they are not like us, their culture is different to us!) with unreasonable dislike towards every member of a house.

And it's interesting that Raymun says this to Dunk with how this novella story ends and whom Dunk ends up working for.

The world made no sense when a great prince died so a hedge knight might live - Duncan the Tall

[instantbouquetface-me]

I see some of the responses to this post and seriously, it doesn't surprise me much that this absolute nonsense still has such currency in this fandom. I suspect it will be a permanent condition. There are those who continue to use the canard of the Targaryens being "colonizers". Something that has been refuted so often that it barely even seems necessary to refute it. These folks have no idea what colonization actually was. But one family coming in and uniting several kingdoms under one throne while leaving most of the feudal and social structure intact and adopting, in the main, the religion and culture of the seven Kingdoms as well is not colonization by any measure. Now if Valyria were still around and the Targaryens were here as functionaries of Valyria, there may be a case. But that isn't so. Conquest and unification under one family is what the Starks did in the North. What the Lannisters did in the West. And so on. So either all are colonists or none are (the original inhabitants of Westeros were not humans but the Children, so that was real colonozation). What Harren the Black was doing in the Riverlands (which Aegon the Conqueror stopped) truly was something that could have been called colonization.

As for familial incest, I have seen no evidence that genetics works like our world in Westeros and Planetos. If it did, the deleterious effects would have been obvious far earlier. The Valyrian's practiced it for thousands of years. The only evidence of it being linked to Targaryen madness (which does not seem to have much evidence by the way, when we look into the specific cases... each case other than Aerys seems to avoid the description, including Maegor and Aerion; being an exceptional asshole is not an example of insanity) seems to be the fact that the religions of Westeros consider it evil. Since this matches our real world, people just assume that genetics and biology works the same in Planetos. hence the religious biases of Westerosi are taken as fact by many readers.

Then we have bizarre comparisons like the claim that complaining about Fossoway is like complaining about a Latino criticizing the Spanish. At some point it seems these folks lost the ability to see that House Targaryen is neither a race nor a nation. They are a a feudal house. That's it. They have some biases about the superiority of their blood, which is not unusual even in Westeros' feudal culture.

Finally the issue about them burning people. The reference is undoubtedly to dragons (who by this time, mind you, are long dead). There is no great reason why getting gutted and flayed and chopped down and crushed by hammers in Westerosi wars is somehow better than dragon attacks.

[targaryensource]

Daenerys Targaryen in 7.01 “Dragonstone”

[got-source]

[instantbouquetface-me]

Dany: Well, we will be... eventually. Right now we're just really frustrated.

[daniellecamp]

EMILIA CLARKE via Instagram

[reddragon1995]

Oh Emilia Clarke, it’s so good to see you again!

[aryasdany]

[Reupload] «If he had lived, I might have married him.»

Jon and Dany in the Rhaegar wins AU by CallistoAwe

[instantbouquetface-me]

Let's keep in mind that if Jon is legitimate, then this would have been a likely Targaryen match anyhow. The age difference is not even a year, I believe. Dany herself thinks that if Rhaegar's son Aegon had lived, she may have married him.

[mabeeelleee]

I haven't posted anything in a while, I'm back with Daenerys Targaryen fanart.

[thequeenwechoose]

Dany can't kill the Night King for some reason 4k

[instantbouquetface-me]

To be honest, this is not an issue for me. Dany not being able to kill hi is not an issue. Arya so easily managing to kill him is an issue. The threat was played up for 7+ seasons as absolutely apocalyptic. It has been prophesied for thousands of years all over the world. No simple solution should have worked (e.g. simple dragon fire, Valyrian Steel, or Dragonglass). Whatever worked, should have been a final hail Mary that only occurred to the living side at the very end... after facing incredible losses.

[daenerys-stormborn]

EMILIA CLARKE as DAENERYS TARGARYEN — Game of Thrones 7.05 "Eastwatch"

[asoiafdaenerysdaily-archive]

ASOIAF!Daenerys vs GOT!Daenerys: Episode 4.7 - Mockingbird

ASOIAF chapters “adapted” into this episode: ADWD Daenerys I, ADWD Daenerys VI

Other changes that were either a) significant, but couldn’t be giffed because there’s no show footage or enough space or b) not crucial enough to warrant a place above: 10) ASOIAF!Daario is never able to enter ASOIAF!Dany’s room whenever he wants like how it happens in the show; 11) ASOIAF!Daario is the commander of the Stormcrows, not the Second Sons (like in the show). The Stormcrows are not tasked with patrolling Meereen’s streets in the books, the Unsullied (and, later, the Brazen Beasts) are; 12) Jorah was already supposed to be banished from Meereen in this episode, which is already “adapting” part of Dany’s ADWD storyline.

Book and show evidence under the cut:

Keep reading

[rainhadaenerys]

Link to the meta under the cut (archived on WaybackMachine)

[instantbouquetface-me]

I had the opinion (perhaps still do) that the reason Dany could not be shown to have real feelings for Daario, and be willing to cheat on Hizdahr was because of a constraint that the TV show had instead of the books. If Jon is supposed to be Dany's great and final love (as I think is meant to be the case) then it would be hard to show when we have no access to her inner voice. How to distinguish between her feelings for Daario and Jon? very easy with an inner voice, very difficult without it. Also they made Jorah less creepy and Jorah older. I think they realize that the audience would not have the same view otherwise, and the "creep" factor would overshadow everything else in that relationship if they kept true to the books.

[shaahrazad]

Sweethearts ᝰꪑ 𖩩꙼

Behind the scenes of season 7

[aryasdany]

starting off the new year with snowstorm✨✨

by @mandhos

[rainhadaenerys]

This new GRRM interview is just hilarious to me. Truly. Because for so many years, Sansa stans (not just Sansa stans who were Dany haters, but neutrals too) would tell us Dany stans that Dany was clearly going to die and Sansa was clearly going to live and rule.

Their idea was that "Sansa's arc is about politics, so clearly the conclusion is that she's gonna end up alive and ruling something". We Dany stans would challenge this by pointing out that, so far, Sansa's arc hasn't really been that much about politics, she's learning a few things, but so far, her political experience has been organizing parties and arranging chairs, and she has zero ruling experience whatsoever. We would also point out that Dany is the character who has a a political and ruling arc, to which they would answer that "Dany's arc isn't really about ruling, it's about the Long Night, she's going to die sacrificing herself".

One of their most popular theories (that was accepted as practically fact by huge portions of the fandom) was that the three heads of the dragon (Dany, Jon and Tyrion) would die in the Long Night, while the Starklings (Bran, Sansa and Arya) would be the rebuilders/rulers of the new world. Which doesn't make any sense: why would GRRM kill off the three characters with political/ruling arcs (Dany, Jon and Tyrion) and leave the characters who don't have any ruling arc (Sansa, Arya and Bran) to be the ones in charge of rebuilding everything? Sometimes, the theory would change: maybe Jon will survive, maybe Tyrion will survive, but Dany is always dying, no matter what their theory is. And this wasn't just coming from Sansa stans who were Dany haters, the majority of neutral Sansa stans would always treat Dany's death (and Sansa's survival) as a given, as obvious, and would refuse to consider any alternative.

And even words from GRRM himself wouldn't change their minds. When we Dany stans pointed out that in ASOIAF's original outline, Dany lives, they'd say that "well, clearly GRRM has changed his mind, because ASOIAF is so different from the original outline". When we would point out that GRRM has actually said in interviews that the broad strokes of the outline will remain that same, including who lives and who dies (see here the interview), they'd ignore it. They would also ignore the other plenty of times where GRRM said the ending of the show and the books are not the same, or the time where a fan said they wanted Dany to die and GRRM answered with "tsk tsk". Nothing could convince them that their Dany dying theory wasn't set in stone.

Now, after so many years of being told by Sansa stans that Dany dying and Sansa living were foregone conclusions, we have an interview in which GRRM states that the people who die in the show are not the same as the ones who die in the books (which he has already said before, so very strong chance that Dany will live, especially considering that, as far as we know, the original outline still stands), and that he was going to kill Sansa, and that he still might do it (he said maybe he will let her live, but gave no certainty).

I can't help it, guys. After years of hearing their theories about Dany dying and their smug confidence that their fave would have a good ending, I can't help being petty. I don't care if people think I'm mean for "celebrating" the idea that GRRM was going to kill Sansa, because after so many years of "Dany dies" theories coming from Sansa stans and their absolute certainty that this was going to be the case, I think I have the right to be a little petty and find a little joy in this.

[instantbouquetface-me]

The core words are:

"I don’t see a happy ending for Tyrion. His whole arc has been tragic from the first. I was going to have Sansa die, but she’s been so appealing in the show, maybe I’ll let her live …"

So let's say this is the original plan. If he is still uncertain about it, then I assume that until ADwD, this was probably still the plan. After all, if the only thing that is giving GRRM second thoughts is her portrayal in the show, then until ADwD, the proper interpretation of the text can not be that she will live and/or become Queen in the North, or Queen of the seven Kingdoms. In other words all the readings that argued for this (and @rainhadaenerys is right, there were enormous numbers of them, all the way back to the old days of the awoiaf boards), were wrong. How would she die? Who knows? In the original outline she turned on the Starks and that never happened.

What remains interesting to me is how much both D&D, and then even GRRM avoid talking about the part of the finale that they all know has generated the most controversy, i.e. Dany's sudden heel turn and death. Six years now. We keep getting peripheral comments, but no one ever addresses that one. Why is this? If it was in the original then why did D&D not defend themselves by simply pointing to GRRM as the architect of that plot point? Why not simply hide behind him? In that case the worst they could be accused of is bad execution of his vision, but the more substantial criticism would have all been directed at him instead. What they argue for instead is things that don't hold up, like her reaction to Viserys' death in season 1, or her speech outside Qarth in season 2 etc. Why doesn't GRRM not come out and say it though? I think he also realizes that the ending of Daenerys (and I assume Jon's is linked to her) is by far the hugest spoiler that still keeps the interest of the fans alive. We know that the threat of the Others will be defeated. Let's say that we can grant that Bran would be King. What then of Dany (and Jon, because I am taking Jonerys as a given at this point)? What of the claim of the actual dynasty that built the combined monarchy, especially when a claimant has the military power to pursue it too? Maybe GRRM can't say because that spoils too much.

But for what it is worth, this just confirms that two more major pillars of the show's finale were not GRRM's plans. If Sansa was planned to be dead, then she was clearly not going to be Queen in the North in the end. And Tyrion probably does not get to be Hand of the King at the end. As we can recall from the days of the final airing of the show, then only thing that D&D were actually willing to attribute to GRRM in that finale was that Bran would be King.

As for Bran being King, I'm not even really sure if he will necessarily stick to that. It seems to me that if there is to be a burning passion and love between Jon and some character X, such that X is also someone Tyrion falls in love with (at least as per the original outline), then as things are right now, X has to be Daenerys (if that part of the story is to be maintained). As for Jon's parentage making marriage between them easier, this actually does work in GRRM's world if not in the travesty of season 8. Why? Because Jon is known very famously as a bastard. He is probably the most famous bastard in Westeros. bastards can't marry Queens. Westeros is too classist for that. Even if Daenerys can herself look beyond that, Westeros can not. The example of what the Caltrops did to bastards who they felt were trying to go above their station (during the Dance) is a clear warning. Hobert Hightower was willing to commit suicide by poison just to make sure the bastard dragonrider Ulf died too. There is no way that I can see the nobles accept a bastard as a consort to the Queen herself. Maybe a lower level princess can get married to a legitimized bastard (Jon rejects this when Stannis offers, because he will not confirm Catelyn's fears) who has a great lordship (Oakenfist--seriously I am surprised that I still remember the lore this well, it's been years since I looked at it--and that marriage caused the lords to conclude that Princess Baela was not worthy of being an heir to the throne), but not a reigning Queen. So that plot point from the original outline can actually still stand in a different form. And maybe it can even give some solution to the 'treason for love' that Dany will face at the end. This paragraph is speculation, of course, but what else is there?

[instantbouquetface-me]

So this came up for me randomly. What complete and utter BS. Like complete BS.

"Daenerys arrived speaking of destiny, of birth right and fire"

UM... When? It has been years since I watched that stupid season but I remember it well enough to know this is nonsense. Dany hardly said a word. Jon did almost all the talking. Dany only asked for the North to keep the promise to accompany her South against Cersei... after the battle was done.

"She came with dragons and asked for faith"

No. Not unless you have an advance copy of the books because this never ever happened in the show.

"The North trusts those who stand in the snow"

Well in the Long Night, Daenerys was the one who ultimately was fighting with a sword in the snow (after Drogon flew off) along with Jorah. She wasn't in the crypts... where some people were still complaining about her.

"A ruler who demands loyalty, will soon demand obedience"

No duh Sherlock... How does one make a truism sound sinister? Please tell me which ruler in Westeros demands loyalty but is okay with disobedience?

"They did not reject Daenerys because she was foreign"

I suppose I hallucinated Arya and Sansa rejecting her for exactly that. Or perhaps even worse (depending on how "not one of us" is interpreted).

That said, this makes me wonder if we can actually have an AI fixed season 8, to fix the stupidity that actually graced our screens on 2019.

[iheartgot]

Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones 1.09 - Baelor

[pwaakito]

Azor Ahai (don’t come at me i’d kill for her)