Of course it isn’t, Hawke knows that, but he cannot deny the occasional doubt which stems from Anders’ words. Pushing where Hawke was always pulling, trying to create distance where there should be none. Or was it simply that the rogue was being selfish and unreasonable? Blind to the feelings of others. He stifles these notions quick enough, refusing to believe them until Anders’ chooses to shed any cowardice and speak honestly with him on these maters. Until there is a blatant ‘I do not want you around,’ Hawke will persist, the greedy man that he was. Taking what he pleased, though in this case it was the company that he fancied and little more.
The smile is met with narrowed eyes, suspicion regarding the concern, but he knows it’s genuine. Anders wouldn’t care to repeat it so often if it weren’t, his voice caked with tired cracks from the strain of worry. It’s endearing, albeit annoying, though it gives Hawke and excuse for more of the apostate’s attention and that is something he will very rarely turn away.
“You make it easy too, I’d be committing a crime if I didn’t take advantage of it.” Hawke rocks back on his heels, posture loose and relaxed. He tries not to think of the words and their implications, opting for selective hearing that focuses on the latter bit ( something in his chests tightens and flutters and it’s things like that which wipe away doubt from his mind ).
“And risk putting myself in danger when you’re not around? For all your fretting I’m surprise you’re not more insistent on spending everyone minute with me. What if I fall over and skin my knee, who will be there to kiss it better?” The corners of his eyes crinkle with his teasing. “But — if that’s really what you want, to be rid of me, then I suppose I have no choice but to take my leave. Fair warning I won’t be going home, I’m certain someone else will find my company to par and not see fit to shoo me off.” He’s only being honest, though sleep would be welcome Hawke doesn’t foresee it in his future. No point in chasing something that will only allude ( an attitude not shared with his pursuit of the apostate ).
“ well, all my fretting aside, you’re a grown man, and i’m more than aware of
that. you don’t need me to hold your hand crossing the streets —– or to kiss
your knee when you scrape it. just to patch you up after it’s happened, and to
lecture you for it later. “ ( he almost laughs. almost. ) “ i’m hoping you’ll le-
arn your lesson, one of these days. either that, or you’ll grow so tired of hear-
ing me say ‘i told you so’ that you’ll stop being reckless altogether. ”
BUT DEEP DOWN, HE KNOWS that neither scenario is plausible; not really.
not in this universe, and not concerning the man that stood before him. garrett
hawke was a force all on his own —- proud and strong, but terribly reckless,
sometimes to the point of what would otherwise be death, were it not for ande-
rs, and his timely interventions. in truth, he would like to see the man behave
a bit more carefully, with more regard for his life, and nothing more than that.
but, time and time again, hawke had proved that such was not in his nature —
thus, he would continue to stumble through the door of the clinic, battered and
bruised and terribly bloody, and anders would continue to tend to him because
it was his duty ( one that was not sworn aloud, but internally ) to keep the other
alive and well. or as close to ‘well’ as he could manage, circumstances consi-
dered. in a sense, it allowed him the guarantee that he would see hawke on any
given day, and would continue to see him for as long as they remained here.
perhaps that was why he didn’t do as hawke so sarcastically suggested, and
'ward off the danger’, in a sense. perhaps he refrains subconsciously, to fulfill his
own selfish needs. if that was the case, it made him sick. but for the moment,
it was neither here nor there.
hawke says he’ll leave, as requested. a lump begins to form in anders’ throat.
“ … my intention wasn’t to shoo you away, hawke —– didn’t i say that before?
you might not think so now, but i do enjoy your company; very much so. if i we-
re a more selfish man, i might’ve asked you to stay a while longer … or tried
to claim more of your attention. “ ( would that he could. ) “ i’m not, though —
and it’d be wrong of me to start acting that way now, just because … ” ( becau-
se he’s brought it up, because it’s all he can think about, and so much more. he
trails off, shakes his head, perhaps in an attempt to shake away the thoughts fr-
om his mind. ) “ … never mind that. wherever you do end up going for the night
—– at the very least, promise me you’ll try to stay out of trouble. alright? ”
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