Farm boy

Alfred F. Jones | 20 | Single My name is Alfred Jones, but you can call me your hero! [ Dependent on spacetaliarpg ]

[scottsomespunk]

Repaying debts

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

scottsomespunk:

His eye traveled downwards, “looks like you gained a few pounds to me,” he muttered. “I would have been back sooner if you hadn’t shot my ankle twice.” He growled. The wound still stung after a month of recovery, and grew worse whenever he thought of the incident, as if it was mocking him for letting his guard down. It probably wouldn’t sting so much if he had heed the doctor’s orders and wasn’t on it as much as he was, but he was a captain; he had no time to lay around!

“Two shots was an overkill. While I may have stolen your food, you could ask your neighbors or your family for some food while you waited for your food to grow.” People always made a big deal out of small problems, especially when the answer was right in front of their faces.

“Besides,” he clicked his tongue as he stared the other down, “I’m sure the government would be more than happy to fatten up one of their Commanders with the best food the galaxy has ever seen, just because he knows how to fire a gun.” He snorted. He turned his head away from the other. He couldn’t stand to look at him anymore. 

Even when this pirate dude was trying to be nice, he was an absolute pain in the ass. Alfred wasn’t the type to hate people - but dear god he hated this man. He’d never met someone so infuriating before, and Alfred had been conscripted into an army. An army filled with trigger-happy teenagers and war-torn adults, aka not a fun group of people. But this man...this man was worse than all of those damned assholes combined. Well, kind of, some of them did some really bad thing- and now he was getting off topic.

“Uh, dude. Don’t assume things. Do you see any fucking neighbours? I live on a goddamn farm with my cousin. We’re not dependent on the food we farm but if we were you’d be delivering your cash to two corpses. I-oh my god, I don’t even know why I have to explain to you why stealing food from people is wrong.”

Just hearing this piece of shit talk about the Government made Alfred want to scream. He would never rely on something that had, y’know - turned him into a child soldier and forced him to murder countless of innocent people for the sake of their empire. Yeah, he didn’t really like those guys.

“Are you fucking kidding me!? I’m not with the fucking Government! I’m a rebel, dude. There is no one I despise more than...them.”

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

It’s ok, I get to have fun all the time! I don’t need to get paid for all of it, I’m not greedy.

Do you get paid all of the time?

Yeah, I do. Landed myself an actual job. It sucks because I’ve gotta work real hard and can’t spend all my time playing games, but it’s pretty sweet to have some of that financial stability, y’know?

[ he’s managed to finish one burger ] [ onto the second lmao ] But the gig you’ve got going on right now sounds pretty nice. [ except the lack of stable wages but oh well ]

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

I actually unemployed!!!! [He sounds sUPER EXCITED about it]

I’m mostly an explorer, but I do lots of treasure hunting for money! Exploring doesn’t pay very well….

[ why is he......so happy about being unemployed??? ] [ oh well, guess the dude was an optimist ] [ good for him?? ] Uh...nice, dude.

[ being a treasuer hunter sounded like a lot of fun tbh ] [ but something told him that his current job would definitely pay a LOT better ] That sounds like a shit ton of fun, take you all over the galaxy. Shame that no one ever wants to pay you for fun things.

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

"Pass the gay- I mean, the salt."

Sitting in the dining hall with his fork in one hand and a hearty slab of pork hanging from his mouth, he did nothing more than turn to his bench companion with an expression of pure perplexity. Whatever this dude was asking for, Alfred had no idea. Perhaps he was using some sort of ~hip, gay slang~ that Alfred had yet to learn - he was starting to get a little less hip with the kids and could barely keep up with all the new slang words nowadays. 

Yes, yes. That was definitely it.

“Uh…are you asking me to jizz on your food or do you just want salt?”

[zvezdnyy-reyder]

Ivan slowly glanced up, face reddening noticeably thanks to his pale cheeks. Had he actually just said that? Had he actually just said that? He wasn’t some adolescent child to go about spouting nonsense, but… well, fuck. Clearing his throat he gestured towards the salt. Maybe the other would forget, “No, just the salt is fine.”

At least it was a relief to know he was in disguise rather than his day to day clothes. Because of that he hopefully wouldn’t be recognized as a pirate. That would be bad for more than one reason, but for now, he wouldn’t have to deal with the added embarrassment of breaking the expectation that pirates act like… well, like pirates.

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

Well, at least now he knew that he wasn’t out of touch with the youths these days. He didn’t spend hours scouring the internet for memes just to fall out of touch. It’d kill him to know that he’d missed even a single viral internet trend. Besides, it helped Alfred ignore his steadily increasing age and live in denial. He was only twenty but that didn’t matter, ok.

Tossing the salt over to the very clearly flustered man, Alfred couldn’t help it if he wanted to fuck with him. Dude looked like he’d be easy to mess with and hey, his phone was out of battery - he needed some entertainment.

“Hey! Something wrong with my jizz or somethin’?”

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

It’s mostly valuable ore!! [He kinda bounces while he’s taking, clearly excited by how many shits Alfred seems to give] But one time I went onto an abandoned ship and found an entire cargo hold of Apple ration!!! [apples are lit as heck yo]

[ valuable ore? ] [ still cool but not as exciting as mOUNTAINS OF FOOD ] [ although that being said, the mountain of food in front of him was still there ] Yooo dude! That’s pretty sweet. You a treasure hunter by trade, or what? [ apples??? ] [ food??? ] [ hello yes ] Woah, fuckin’ nice!

[scottsomespunk]

Repaying debts

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

scottsomespunk:

If Arthur ever told this story to anyone, he would say that the farmer didn’t surprise him, causing him to jump up and let out a tiny shriek, but sadly that would be a lie.

With his cheeks bright red he cleared his throat, “I am repaying my debt,” he nodded his head towards the money laying on the doorstep. “No one was home, so I thought I’d leave the payment there. It should be enough to cover everything I owe.”

Ha. He took pride in scaring the shit out of the pirate - once again, the dick deserved it for robbing the shit out of him. There were a few crimes that Alfred was willing to turn a blind eye to, but thieving a man’s entire harvest? That was taking things just a tad too far. He could understand a meal or two, enough to keep the family feed for a week, but Alfred had had barrels upon barrels of food. Either this dude had a real big family or he was a cunt. Something told him it was the latter.

It was nice that the piece of crap had decided to pay him for all the shit he stole, but that wasn’t enough to quell Alfred’s frustrations. Were he dependent on that harvest, he could’ve gone broke or even worse, fucking starved to death. 

“As much as I appreciate the sentiment, I’m still real pissed at you, dude. That food could’ve been all I had for the rest of the season. I could’ve starved!”

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

I’m going treasure hunting!! [He squirms excitedly] Look cool sounds fun too though! [He can’t help but imagine Alfred, staring into a window or mirror and instead of there being a reflection ITS ACTUALLY DARK KERMIT TELLING HIM TO DO SOMETHING AWFUL]

[ treasure hunting!?!?!?? ] [ that sounds fucking awesome ] [ he wants t r e asure ] Yo! That sounds so cool! What’s the treasure? Is it, like, shit-tons of gold or like mountains of food??? [ his imagination is running wild ] [ alfred fights a battle with dark kermit daily ] [ dark kermit almost always wins ] [ and alfred ends up broke with thirty six cheeseburgers :/ ]

[scottsomespunk]

Repaying debts

“10, 11…” Arthur quietly counted the money as he placed it on the farmer’s doorstep. He was no longer in his pirate attire, but instead in his regular clothing. He didn’t want people bothering him and chasing him away right now.

It had been a month since he had taken Alfred’s food and Alfred had shot his ankle. He had made it to the hospital in time before it got any worse, but it was still sore and had bandages wrapped around it to keep infection out while his skin continued to heal. 

While he wanted nothing more than to repay Alfred with a shot to his own ankle, he was a man of honor and needed to pay his debt for taking the food. He had been planning on paying the farmer back as soon as he could, but he had to do it away from his crew; if he appeared too soft in front of them, they would no doubt question his leadership and overthrow him (again).

“…26, 27…” he was too busy counting to notice someone coming up to him from behind.

@intergalacticfarming

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

The events of the month prior weren’t something that Alfred really thought about at all. It still stung a bit, that the profits of his hard work had been stolen from him, but it didn’t matter that much. Farming was a hobby - an activity that served no greater purpose than to deliver waves of nostalgia and hints of a childhood dream he’d only slightly forgotten.

It was on his way back home after his actual job that he actually needed to survive, was when he saw the pirate again. Hunched over and doing something (???) on his door step, Alfred was glad to see that the wound had yet to heal over. Dick deserved it for robbing the shit out of him.

But what Alfred was stuck on, was what this pirate man was doing here? He’d already taken the majority of Alfred’s harvest for the season, there wouldn’t be much more to take for a good while now. Besides, Alfred couldn’t see the man’s ship or crew anywhere, unless they’d somehow managed to improve cloaking technologies tenfold.

“Dude. What are you doing here?”

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

[Luna plops down next to Alfred and stars nomming on some burger goodness] [nomnomnom] Where are you going to go next? [OVO]

[ alfred too begins to eat ] [ he is....not the cleanest of eaters lmao ] [ terrible table manners smh ] [ literally getting all over his face ] [ fukin lucky there’s napkins ] I have no clue, man. Don’t really have too much planned today, got a day off. Might just go and look out the window real moodily for a few hours, make me look cool.

Where are you headed off too?

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

"This is strictly business," he said as he pointed his sword at the boy's chest, "so I'm sure you won't mind." He smirked and licked his lips. Behind him his men were carrying off the farmer's food, "can't have my men going hungry, now can I?"

Hands in the air and eyes on the sword, Alfred may of appeared to be scared but he was anything but. Years of military training and experienced weren’t completely useless, after all, and his combat skills were far better than anyone else of his rank - it was the one thing he was grateful to the Consono military for. He might’ve gone through hell, but at least he came out the other side knowing how to use a gun pretty damned well. 

Gaze flicking down to his right boot, the slight bulge confirmed that - no, he hadn’t left his back-up gun underneath his pillow this time. That had happened far more than it should of, honestly.

“I honestly couldn’t give two shits about your men. Stealing is fucking wrong.”

[scottsomespunk]

Now the brat was bragging. Great. Instead of arguing like everyone excepted, he quietly put his guns away, “alright, lad, you get your wish; we’ll leave.” He slowly walked backwards until he was sure the other wasn’t going to shoot him in the back. He walked up his ship and called to his men to board the ship.

Once everyone was on and the ship was lifting off the ground, he tipped his hat to the other and smirked, “Goodbye, farmer, and thanks for the food!” He laughed loudly along with his men.

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

Ugh.

Not even a hero like him could be assed chasing after this fucking pirate. Yeah, he’d worked hard to gather such a vast supply of food, but it wasn’t exactly his livelihood here. Farming was just his hobby, the output of his hobby was appreciated, but not necessary for survival. 

But, just because he couldn’t be fucked dealing with this pirate didn’t mean that he wasn’t at least going to have the last laugh. As the ship began to take off, Alfred raised his pistol one last time at the glinting shimmer of skin between the cuff of the pirate’s pants and his worn socks.

Bang bang.

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

[he paps the young Alfred towards the hamburgers and orders around like 10 of them.] [Like holy shit do you need that many??] [Have you heard of restraint boi?] [He gives Alfred 5 of them] Eat up!

[ he hadn’t been expecting 5 hamburgers but also fuck yes ] [ he’s the king of overeating ok ok ok ] Yo dude, thanks! [ there’s a few spare tables in the area ] [ he kinda wanders over, expecting luna to follow him there ] [ if he’s gonna eat 5 burgers he wants to sit down while he’s doing it ]

Man, these burgers are really fuckin’ good.

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

"This is strictly business," he said as he pointed his sword at the boy's chest, "so I'm sure you won't mind." He smirked and licked his lips. Behind him his men were carrying off the farmer's food, "can't have my men going hungry, now can I?"

Hands in the air and eyes on the sword, Alfred may of appeared to be scared but he was anything but. Years of military training and experienced weren’t completely useless, after all, and his combat skills were far better than anyone else of his rank - it was the one thing he was grateful to the Consono military for. He might’ve gone through hell, but at least he came out the other side knowing how to use a gun pretty damned well. 

Gaze flicking down to his right boot, the slight bulge confirmed that - no, he hadn’t left his back-up gun underneath his pillow this time. That had happened far more than it should of, honestly.

“I honestly couldn’t give two shits about your men. Stealing is fucking wrong.”

[scottsomespunk]

“Alright, fine.” He turned around to face his men, “alright, lads, we should give th–” With quick speed he grabbed his guns and spun around, pointing them at the farmer. He smirked as he pulled back the hammer on both of them.

“Seems we’re at a stalemate,” he said, “but trust me lad; I am a far faster and better shot than you. Now, put your gun down, back away, and let us go. If you don’t do so in the next three seconds, then I’ll be forced to take you hostage. If you’re lucky, I might make you into a cabin boy instead of killing you.”

 The joyous light from his eye died along with the smirk, “but trust me, lad, you don’t want to be a cabin boy. Especially with a mouth as pretty as yours.”

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

Okay, cool, Alfred had two guns on him now. Wasn’t anything new. You kinda become desensitized to the whole ‘oh no, I’m going to die’ when you spend three years as a child soldier in an army. The only thing that spooked him were those damned spooky scary skeletons - they sent shivers down his spine.

“Dude. I doubt it. You don’t become Commander at the age of 20 for nothing. Guns are my specialty. You fuck off and leave me alone or I will shoot you in the middle of your damned forehead. I won’t bother leaving you hostage.”

Good god, this guy just didn’t give up. At this point it was just getting annoying. All he wanted was this guy to go away so he could get along with his day, but nooo, apparently he was going to be a ~cabin boy~.

[butteredfolklore-blog]

// Hey guys! I’m going to be away ( might pop in every now and again but I’m not 100% sure on that ) for the next week as I have a friend flying over to visit!  //

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

[He paps the other on the back] [He can almost feel the sin through Alfred’s shirt] [if he’s even wearing a shirt] [IS ALFRED EVEN WEARING A SHIRT????] [It shouldn’t matter that much Luna probably hasn’t even noticed if he isn’t tbqh] [Hes kind of a fucking idiot if you haven’t already noticed] Great!…..I think we can get intergalactic hamburgers over there!

[ lmao i bet alfred is one of those people who wears big jackets and then just doesnt wear a shirt underneath ] [ its too hot to wear more clothes and he gotta wear the big jacket bc aesthetic ] [ i lov luna tho ] [ dID HE SAY HAMBURGERS ] [ alfred fucking loves hamburgers ok ok ok ] [ his mouth watering already lmao ] Oh fuck yeah, they’re the best.

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

....Hey! Do you have a map of this sector? [Luna trots up to the other, the crowded hub bustling around them and the worn artificial lights above flicking] I just got here! [He looks around uncomfortably, shrinking away from the mob around him]

[blink blink] [he was definitely not looking at memes shit] [closes 901239824 tabs of kermit the frog jpgs] Uh, yeah I do! It’s somewhere around here…[lookin through his millions of bookmarks] [sweats ;; there’s so many memes] [finally finds it] Here it is! Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll fit in here just fine soon enough.

My name is Alfred by the way, my dude!

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

selenianseeker:

That’s good! I can trust you. [Nod nod good good] [Hes still thinking about our lord and savior Evil Kermit] Are you hungry? Do I need to feed you?

[ alfred is struggling not to think of memes ] [ it is not working ] [ he needs help ] [ oh shit is this dude offering him free food? ] [ fuck yeah ] [ he’d never turn down free food ] [ that’d be a crime, ok ] Oh fuck yeah! I’m always hungry, dude. I’m up for some food, if you’re offering.

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

"Pass the gay- I mean, the salt."

Sitting in the dining hall with his fork in one hand and a hearty slab of pork hanging from his mouth, he did nothing more than turn to his bench companion with an expression of pure perplexity. Whatever this dude was asking for, Alfred had no idea. Perhaps he was using some sort of ~hip, gay slang~ that Alfred had yet to learn - he was starting to get a little less hip with the kids and could barely keep up with all the new slang words nowadays. 

Yes, yes. That was definitely it.

“Uh...are you asking me to jizz on your food or do you just want salt?”

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

"This is strictly business," he said as he pointed his sword at the boy's chest, "so I'm sure you won't mind." He smirked and licked his lips. Behind him his men were carrying off the farmer's food, "can't have my men going hungry, now can I?"

Hands in the air and eyes on the sword, Alfred may of appeared to be scared but he was anything but. Years of military training and experienced weren’t completely useless, after all, and his combat skills were far better than anyone else of his rank - it was the one thing he was grateful to the Consono military for. He might’ve gone through hell, but at least he came out the other side knowing how to use a gun pretty damned well. 

Gaze flicking down to his right boot, the slight bulge confirmed that - no, he hadn’t left his back-up gun underneath his pillow this time. That had happened far more than it should of, honestly.

“I honestly couldn’t give two shits about your men. Stealing is fucking wrong.”

[intergalacticfarming-blog]

scottsomespunk:

He jerked his head back when he felt his sword being kicked from his hand. He watched as it spun in the air and landed elsewhere. He growled, “do you–” his question was cut short when he saw a pistol pointed at him. 

Instead of gasping in fear, or begging for his life, he laughed, “you call that a gun? It’s so small. I bet it can’t do any damage.” His eye shifted downwards before looking back up at him, “though, I guess you can’t handle much power, can you.” He smirked.

Somehow managing to both roll his eyes and keep an eye on the pirate and his crew, Alfred let out a frustrated sigh. Even if he himself were a law-breaker from time to time, he could never quite sympathize with the lawless race of pirates. They weren’t cool, they were just really fucking annoying.

“If you’re trying to imply that my dick is small, you’ve got another thing coming. And by thing, I mean bullet. You should probably remember that I’m holding a gun to you. But I totally won’t kill you or anything, if you give me back all my shit. That’d be great.”

With a pointed glare at the men standing behind the pirate, Alfred simply stood his ground.

“Now.”