The Internet Reporter

Tumblr's Official Unofficial Archivist and News Reporter ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ The picrew pfp is temporary it's just so I don't get assumed to be a bot Actual pfp will come by once I've got the proper idea and refs Picrew can be found at https://picrew.me/image_maker/1706331

[internet-reporter]

Hello people of Tumblr!

I am Natalie Shaute Ezalb, and I have come to attempt to Archive and Report as much of your going-ons as possible.

While I am still unsure of how exactly to use this website, I will try my absolute best to complete my duties and do my very best work!

I will be taking over the responsibilities of both an Archivist and a Reporter, gathering and noting information about both past and current events.

I hope that my work will be adequate enough for you lot to keep me around!

Sincerely,

Natalie S. Ezalb, Your Archivist And Reporter

[sexymanotddd]

i’m not voting for you until you PROVE you can queerbait harder than neil gaiman

[internet-reporter]

Tumblr what does this mean

Tumblr i need you to be 100% honest with me right now

What does this mean

[internet-reporter]

My deepest apologies for this post. It was deeply unprofessional of me to behave this way, and my superiors have not hesitated in informing me of this.

in the future, I will refrain from such posts. My superiors and myself are working out a way for me to gather this sort of data without the improper behaviour.

Apologies,

Natalie S. Ezalb, Tumblr Reporter

[sexymanotddd]

i’m not voting for you until you PROVE you can queerbait harder than neil gaiman

[internet-reporter]

Tumblr what does this mean

Tumblr i need you to be 100% honest with me right now

What does this mean

[internet-reporter]

Happy Ides of March!!

On the 15th of March, 44 BC, roughly 60 conspirators, led by Brutus and Cassius, awaited Julius Caesar for a meeting of the senate. This meeting was to take place in the Theatre of Pompeii, and a “Mystical Seer” was of those in attendance.

Caesar passed this seer, on his way to the Theatre. Before the meeting, the seer warned him that trouble was to come on the Ides of March (the 15th of March).

He was, of course, stabbed. Around two dozen times, so I’ve heard.

Many people enjoy celebrating the Ides of March, which falls on the day of this being posted!

I have heard that the Ides of March celebrators are considered a “fandom.” While i am still not fully aware of what exactly this phrase means, I have also been told that it will be “exploding” with, from what I’ve seen, “shitposts, memes, fanart, fanfiction(?), etc…”

Happy Ides of March for those who celebrate! I hope you all have much fun today.

Sincerely,

Tumblr Reporter Natalie S. Ezalb

[internet-reporter]

Important Request

Hello people of Tumblr! It has recently come to my superior’s attention that I have recently been quote “slacking off.” While I tried to explain that I have not been reporting because there is nothing to report on, they did not listen. While I’m sure it is a rather large favour, I would greatly request perhaps providing me with events that you or your friends deem important? Whether past or present, even future if you can give valid evidence that it will indeed happen, all will be appreciated!

In the meantime, I have also been asked to settle a debate that has recently taken quite a number of my coworkers by storm. I personally believe it does not matter and does not contribute to our work any, but they did not listen! So, for the sake of the productiveness of my team, I must ask;

What fruit juice do you believe is best?

Orange Juice

Apple Juice

Grape Juice

Cranberry Juice

Pineapple Juice

Watermelon Juice

Fruit punch/Mixed Juices (please elaborate!)

Strawberry Juice

Another kind of juice (please elaborate!)

Show results

Voting ended onMar 12, 2023

I will be reviewing the data found here and referring the information to my peers once the timer has ended the poll.

[internet-reporter]

I thank you all very much for your help. While Jane is currently rather annoyed that Orange Juice did not win, she has assured me that she will get on with her work.

While I think it is important to remain unbiased and unopinionated while reporting, I myself find Pineapple Juice rather preferable.

[internet-reporter]

Important Request

Hello people of Tumblr! It has recently come to my superior’s attention that I have recently been quote “slacking off.” While I tried to explain that I have not been reporting because there is nothing to report on, they did not listen. While I’m sure it is a rather large favour, I would greatly request perhaps providing me with events that you or your friends deem important? Whether past or present, even future if you can give valid evidence that it will indeed happen, all will be appreciated!

In the meantime, I have also been asked to settle a debate that has recently taken quite a number of my coworkers by storm. I personally believe it does not matter and does not contribute to our work any, but they did not listen! So, for the sake of the productiveness of my team, I must ask;

What fruit juice do you believe is best?

Orange Juice

Apple Juice

Grape Juice

Cranberry Juice

Pineapple Juice

Watermelon Juice

Fruit punch/Mixed Juices (please elaborate!)

Strawberry Juice

Another kind of juice (please elaborate!)

Show results

Voting ended onMar 12, 2023

I will be reviewing the data found here and referring the information to my peers once the timer has ended the poll.

[internet-reporter]

You all need more major events! There is nothing to report on here!

[internet-reporter]

Hello Tumblr Users!

Tumblrians? Tumblrvillers? People of Tumblr! I have decided that while I am here I should gather some information on the populous, and the website has just given me the perfect tool to do so!

This poll may seem silly, and it is! But I thought it would be good to test a bit before getting into other things. So, people of Tumblr…

What do you do with the milk after you are finished with your cookies?

Drink it

Pour it out

I do not dip my cookie’s in milk (please tell me if you do so in other liquids!)

Other (please add into tags or comments!)

Voting ended onFeb 15, 2023

[internet-reporter]

Vanilla Extract: Explained

Hello Tumblr! It’s your (hopefully) favourite reporter here!

I assume by now most of you have seen a recent trend in the new “Polls” feature, wherein a user will ask a simple question (fandom related or otherwise) and will attach a poll. All of the answer choices in this poll will seem normal, besides Vanilla Extract, which is usually placed at the bottom or middle of the poll.

Every trend or meme has a beginning, one thing that gets the ball rolling, as they say. As far as my sources state, the Vanilla Extract meme began with a viral poll on the blog of one Alexander/Cola @relientk (I believe that is what those words in your biography section of your blog, please correct me if I am incorrect.). In this poll, Alexander (I sincerely hope I can call you that) asked his followers to bake a cake with him. The poll attached had several of the ingredients for any cake, including of course vanilla extract. The users who came across the poll decided to quote “do a little trolling” unquote and voted almost exclusively for the vanilla extract option.

The original poll was posted February 3rd, 2023 at 2:25pm. Thank you Alexander for your input, it is valued greatly to the reliability and creditability of my work. :]

This meme consists of adding what has been described as quote “ungodly amounts of vanilla extract” to food, usually baked goods such as cake, as well as putting “Vanilla Extract” in polls where it does not fit with the rest of the options.

While the original poster did not actually make the cake, user @neutr0ndance did. You can find her thread on the matter here.

As always, I will be updating this post as I find more information and will be making edits where they are due. Please contact me with any additional information, be it through the “Asks” feature, Direct Messages (which I believe are open) or simply “Reblogging.”

Sincerely,

Natalie S. Ezalb, your local reporter

[sexymanotddd]

your invitation. need not rsvp

[internet-reporter]

The “SansMaeda” Wedding

On January 30th, 2023 at 1:18pm, it was announced through the ‘SexymanOTD’ account that Sans Undertale (From video game “Undertale”) and Nagito Komaeda (from the “Danganronpa” series) would be getting married on February 5th, 2023.

It has been stated that all users of the website Tumblr have been invited, and are welcome to join in on this all-day celebration.

Reporter’s Note: I myself will likely be in attendance during the earliest and latest parts of the celebration, though I will be reporting on any major events. If you think I have missed anything, please send me what this website calls an “Ask” and link the posts/threads involved if possible.

Sincerely,

Natalie S. Ezalb, Tumblr Reporter

[sexymanotddd]

CONGRATULATIONS TO CECIL GERSHWIN PALMER, WINNER OF THE 2023 TUMBLR SEXYREMATCH

[internet-reporter]

The Official Tumblr Sexyman

On January 30th, 2023 at 12:22am, Cecil Gershwin Palmer was officially announced to be the winner of the 2023 Sexyman Polls!

A big congratulations to Cecil, who was one of the first Tumblr Sexymen. While several other popular-at-the-time fandoms (including Homestuck and Undertale) greatly influenced his fanon design, his characteristics and quirks have been widely accepted into most people’s designs as of recent. This is a very important event, and as such it will be documented in my personal Archives, as well as in the public ones once they have been constructed fully.

Sincerely,

Natalie S. Ezalb, Your Tumblr Reporter