hello internet
the year is 2022 and i finally saw dan howell in person
warning: mild spoilers ahead & also i chose a stem major for a reason (i.e. do not expect much from my quality of writing)
meet & greet
dan was very incredibly splendiferously sweet in the short time that i had with him and i am very grateful for that <3 i can’t imagine how much effort it takes to keep up that energy with the hundreds of people he meets at each show but as i was waiting in line i could hear his interactions with other fans and he was so sweet and friendly and giving (mildly awkward) hugs and made it feel very comfortable to talk to him!
it did honestly feel like chatting with a friend i’ve known for a long time (how much the parasocial factor plays into this, however, we shall ignore) and although it was short (<1m30s) i do believe it was worth it (for the interaction, not the picture itself since it seems dan is incapable of taking a non-blurry selfie despite having done this for the entire leg of the uk tour + the lighting was genuinely homophobic the actual worst lighting i’ve ever seen nobody came out with eyebrows in that one)
pre-show q&a
dan is very good at off the cuff responses and made this segment quite entertaining! it did feel more intimate and casual than the actual show and my visually impaired person got to see him from the second row which was Exciting. turned into a bit of a rapidfire speed round since i think he was trying to get through all(???) of the questions, but i appreciate that he tried and i still had a good time! bummed he didn’t give us a full sentence in his canadian accent though :/
the show!!!!!!
where to even begin with this. some parts of it were exactly as i had expected, and some were a (pleasant) surprise. i was glad to see dan’s evolution as a performer and how he has developed comedic style. i think that the added freedom of being openly queer has really helped him to be more authentic to himself as reflected in his performances.
i was scared that the show in general would fall back too hard on the danotype of angst and self deprecation and feel dated, but i think it managed to find a balance between that classic 2013 dan ihatemyself humor and jokes that didn’t rely solely on depression and existentialism.
the second half in particular had a more serious tone and ~call to action~ but really resonated with me. as someone who is (and has been) struggling with apathy and depression and anxiety and the unending search for the answer to the questions “what is the point in living?” and “when does it all end?”, i felt very sincerely called out by the monologue near the end of the show.
granted, this is probably one of the reasons i liked dan’s content so much growing up, since he reflected a lot of the ideas i had and emotions i was going through. the reminder that i am not alone in this, and to stop living for the future is a necessary one, but why did it have to make me cry >:(
the end
as a retired dan stan who has only been supporting dan from the periphery, i am glad that i went to see the show, that i was able to meet dan and tell him about how i met my best friend through him (kinda), and to hear my inner worries essentially expressed out loud but in a sorta funny way.
and now maybe i’ll stop throwing my antidepressants away and reply to my therapist, but i won’t promise anything <3
thank you dan, and i hope you feel fulfilled going on this tour and sharing your stories and ideas, and that you are able to have the courage to keep existing too.
and thank you to s, who went out of her way to see if she could upgrade my vip tickets for me despite already having sold me the ticket and not needing to have anything else to do with or for me. i was so genuinely touched and grateful that a stranger would do something like that for me, and i think my faith in humanity was restored just a tiny bit.
unless phil lester embarks on a solo tour so i can make a companion piece to this post, this will be my full circle moment of stanning d&p so bye tumblr
