This blog will be inactive indefinitely as of January 6, 2020. I've met many kind, talented souls while running this blog. When I started this blog, I had no idea where it would go. I wasn't looking for popularity (and I sure didn't get popular lol). I've had online journals before, but Tumblr's design appealed the most to me - despite some irritating UX experiences around text formatting. Good god.
The posts combined my love of writing with my wildest emotions. The result? Well that's hard to sum up with a single word. Some adjectives include promiscuous, paranoid, cynical, resentful, blissful, euphoric, dark. I expressed the highs and lows of my emotional reality using raw sensory details. I started choosing words that would elicit strong reactions, and over time I became more empowered to "talk dirty" or explore topics that made my gut wrench.
Words can be used as weapons as well as bridges. I used words to shine a light on the paradox in my heart: loving people just as much as I fear them.
I'm ceasing this blog for many reasons.
One: its personality has gotten unwieldy. I feel it has a set precedence / persona that's hard to deviate from. At creation, I imagined a celestial being that collects sentiments from around the universe and consolidates into a single channel. There were many posts where I imagined being in someone else's headspace after hearing about their misfortunes or victories and letting the words flow. The presentation was very much me, but the subject matters and attitudes were usually not me.
That brings me to reason two: I didn't feel like myself. I felt like everyone but myself. I feel like I was me every day in real life and I was kind of tired of being in my own head so much. I'm in a spot in my life where I'm more confident and I love myself a lot more, which was not the basis of this blog.
Three: my group of readers seems to have fallen to maybe 3 or 4 frequent readers. This reason makes me feel vain (and admittedly I am vain). I used to be excited at all the notes and direct messages with my frequent contacts. I felt like I was a part of a community of writers. Now I feel like I write for a couple of people.
In no particular order, I'd like to give a warm shoutout to:
All of you have touched my life in some positive way, be it through your works or in DMs. I hope you continue writing and bless the world with your existence.
Some parting words before I go.
There comes a point when you're looking back when you think you're looking forward. I believe this happens when you resist change yet want to be different.
You are destined to lose. You are destined to win. You might get the things you want, and you might not. Always remember that wanting is an integral part of the human design. Even when you have enough, you will want one more thing. And when you feel like you have nothing, you will lose one more thing.
Now. Find contentment and peace with the Now. Your future is always laying itself out. Your past is already decided. The only time you can realistically live in, is Now. Treat Now like the time you'll only ever see in the rearview mirror.
Love yourself. Love others as you love yourself. Teach others to love others. And one day everyone will love you.
dailybridgerton
2087
jacobvanloon
dededos
theartofmadeline
origamiaround
