Here I am again
The same bloody knuckles still
Clutching so tightly
To the same amorphous dreams
The same hunger gnaws at me

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@graffiti-scars
Here I am again
The same bloody knuckles still
Clutching so tightly
To the same amorphous dreams
The same hunger gnaws at me
Sensations are fleeting
Emotions are void
Sounds are a bother
Light is a drain
What's the point
What's the point
Where is
The end
Of this road
Where is
The end
For me?
I wonder,
If the rain has thoughts.
Does it think about the dead,
As it weeps upon their graves?
Does it contemplate,
It’s purpose,
As it falls down to the earth?
Does it ever wish,
To be something else?
I just wonder sometimes,
If the rain,
Has thoughts of its own.
these problems have flooded our minds with the desperate pretense of needing solving, and yet their true solution lies in the dissolving.
Oh my, I should remember this every day.
You are worth much more
Than the space you shrink into
You deserve to grow
Allow your weeds to run wild
They are flowers after all
Opening
by Tess Gallagher
I entered this world not wanting to come. I'll leave it not wanting to go. All this while, when it seemed there were two doors, there was only one -- this passing through.
(Thoughts while watching Home Alone 2 and drinking a rum and Diet Coke)
I don’t know how this happened
I only know it happened
One step at a time
There is nothing more certain than the law of
Sequence
The way feet move
Always form a path
Retrospectively
It is inevitable
That there is always
A destination
Intended or inadvertently
One gets where one is headed
I’m not talking about fate
I’m not talking about cards
And how you play them
What I mean is
Every card is played
Individually
And every game
Is a sequence
That eventually becomes
An outcome.
Does this mean anything?
That is a good question
And I don’t have an answer
But the first step
Is taken
By asking the question
If you decide to.
Fate doesn’t mean
Steps are predetermined
Or that the outcome has already been decided
Fate is nothing but an equation:
An outcome is always
A sum of
Something
Plus something
Plus something.
(Merry Christmas)
The Journey of the Pessimist
I was born an idealist surrounded by love and fairness
I became an optimist because things always turned out alright in the end
I grew up an altruist fighting the good fight for truth and justice
but I became a pragmatist because good things sometimes only come in compromised pieces
so now I guess you could call me a brokenhearted idealist a disappointed optimist a jaded altruist a disillusioned pragmatist
so I guess you could call me a pessimist now because I’m convinced life is unfair love is conditional things don’t always get better and truth and goodness are an expiring promise
but mostly I am a true pessimist because it’s so hard and it hurts so much and I don’t see how it’s possible to be optimistic when they call my illness chronic.
Bad girls covered in badass tattoos, you can see them coming. Far more dangerous are the good girls, with half a smile, demure. They hide their angst under the surface like a secret. They don’t advertise their discontent.
Watch out for the good girls, innocence masking rage. They’re torching ink like gasoline, burning every poem inside. You won’t see them coming for you. Because they aren’t. Yet.
I tend to trust metaphors
More than anything else
Speak to me of something
In terms of
Something else
The devils in the details
But the answer’s in the ambiguity
Tell me about a tree, burdened with dead leaves
That makes me feel
Despair
Tell me about the waves
Make me feel like I can’t breathe
I want to hear the pen scraping paper
Words that tattoo themselves on my soul
And I will listen
I promise, I believe in words
Tell me of something
In terms of
Something else
And I will trust that your metaphors
Are truth.
fractures
Fractures always lead back to the point of impact.
Symptoms leave crooked lines in the cracked glass back to where they came from.
Tracing them to the illness is like dragging a finger along the sharp edges of what is left.
Destruction ripples out like water.
Only the waves know the whole story.
Only the glass knows the truth.
Lifeboat
Twenty years
of drowning
out at sea
and your yacht
left in its wake
only larger waves
to make swimming
even harder for me.
You threw out
a lifeboat in a box
as you passed by
on your way
to the beach
holding a martini
in your bikini
and you saidÂ
only I
could save me.
Life has taught me
a fewÂ
simple things
and number one is
a lifeboat needsÂ
to be inflated
and the definitionÂ
of drowning
is the inability
to breathe.
Come softly through the window
where make-believe breathes—
Forget the boundary,
of them or me. Just be.
Show me that world where sun
hides its smile,
and as children we play,
creators of whim,
stretching out limbs,
hemispheres of thought in a stark masquerade,
riddling through nothingness,
scratching at pains,
as rain-filled fingertips
trace the soul’s soft ache,
haunting daydreams
of tides we once rode.
See the salty sea,
lapping silent against feet,
as if only a traveler passed—
I am, and all that I am.
A wanderer, a threadbare rebel in punk-laced shores,
pushing boundaries,
isles of every hue.
It is your lips, curled in delicate grace,
that soothe this pounding heart
caught between ribs,
pressing thin between pages—
holy books of love and riddles,
seeds of hunger, need-driven thoughts
that feed the beggar in each line,
scratching at the soul with a metaphor’s grace.
Refinish the old, worn furniture of time,
feed soul on self-awareness, bridge
each hidden mask with light’s reflection.
There in twilight’s madness, a crack—
She plays Marco Polo in time’s tide,
laughter rolling until the night strikes,
and strikes deep.
Oh comet, pierce here,
oh starry one—
harbor the ships of daydreams,
seeking crevices to slip into,
hungry for the grip of control.
It was only yesterday,
hiding behind crooked fences,
I saw how a glance
could mesmerize.
Love, breathe me in, captivate—
let self rise on clouds of smoke,
dancing in air,
speechless, thoughtless,
the soul in laughter,
as time rains down from heaven.
May it be endless,
for beauty can weep only at itself.
Hope in each breath, life’s dear grace,
for together we sat, day falling to night.
Remember now, heart—
how you took my hand,
and together we wrote a story,
one summer night
when tides were high, moon full—
a shaman, a fire walker,
leaving home, entranced by Never,
and Never never looked so good,
riding chaos like a rollercoaster,
kissing its wild, ferocious mouth.
So laugh with me now, around this fire,
chanting gods and spells into the sky,
our love extending, tendrils reaching beyond,
face to face,
skin to bone,
light quivering, hearts entwined.
A thousand thoughts rush,
gnostic madness on my tongue,
and with every exhale
we shape moments
into silences that drift,
slowly dissolving,
in the gibberish of our awe.
28-11-2024
doodle quote by @fifty-shades-of-apathy
“Apathy is the curse that gets you through. Like a drug that puts you to sleep to escape a bad dream. It mutes the pain but renders the heart useless in return. When you don’t feel, you can’t want. Want keeps us alive.
The heart is made to beat of its own volition, but when the ability to want and care has completely left the body, you have only your own weak hands to pump it to life again. Once time has passed, and it’s safe enough to feel again, the empty veins have atrophied from lack of blood.
For want, a intricate flower made of desire and hope, to bloom again, it must be nurtured back to life. Trying to feel again, reviving the dead flower is like returning breath to the lungs of someone who has forgotten how to breathe, or pumping water into the veins of a wilted flower. It is like trying to get blood from a stone, as the heart has calcified and hardened.
The death of want is a tragedy, and getting the wanting back is a lost and wandering task of remembering and forgetting where you decided to go when it came back.”
By @graffiti-scars
the breaking point
the breaking things point
didn’t think I’d go
that far
in that direction
until
I broke
rendered uncontrollable
a self repressed
the beast bursts from its cage
eyes wide and mad enough to
send demons running towards hell
I knew she was there
this girl possessed by rage
with bloodshot eyes just behind mine
and a knife in her hand
she has been making death threats in her sleep
for decades
and finally she
could not be restrained
not for a split second more
her pain condensed, compressed
exploding from its grave-womb
her insatiable thirst for destruction
a desperate, crushing need for bloodshed and retribution
and finally
her wrath refused to be silenced
or complacent
or tolerant
she screams with her eyes
pain gushing from her heart
profanities pouring from her mouth
every word held by the dam
every ounce of water in the reservoir
released
unapologetically
madness rushed in like a flood
all that time treading through days
nothing but triggers and land mines
yes, she survived
but she lost her mind.