the lonely moments just get lonelier

I have a lot feelings. At least ten of them are a headache. (((this is a rant blog with a lot of negativity)))

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

GUESS WHO’S FILLED WITH ANGER AGAIN

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

OH NO

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

I better look back on this moment and laugh I swear to god

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

The irony of it being suicide prevention day and I’m probably the most depressed I’ve been all year

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

What if I shove my head through a wall

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

Oh my godddddddd

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

Maybe I am a bad person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

Oh my god I almost forgot about Miguel O’Hara that man is so fine

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

Can I get a HOI YAAAAAAA

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

Me trying to find a place to scream literally or on social media but I don’t want to be cringe and/or have the wrong people to see it: *insert long gif of SpongeBob trying to find his name in his brain*

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

“I’m so fucked up I feel like I’m gonna throw up” bitch I DID throw up I am so much better than you!!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

Me trying to find a place to scream literally or on social media but I don’t want to be cringe and/or have the wrong people to see it: *insert long gif of SpongeBob trying to find his name in his brain*

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

Discovering something new about myself like “aw maaaaaaan”

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

inspired by this tweet

I’ve forgotten him

I’ve sold off his gifts I’ve deleted every picture I’ve thrown out every half full toiletry bottle he didn’t finish

I can’t remember why I worshipped him or the ground he walked on in the first place

I’ve removed every trace of his existence

Every curly hair in my car Every fingerprint on my mirror Every eyelash wish in my bed

His DNA is gone but his violence lives within me

I’ve forgotten his face But I feel his glare in the back of my head when I laugh a little too hard

I’ve forgotten what his skin feels like But I still feel his body heat in my face when I make a mistake

I’ve forgotten how he walks But I can feel his movements rip through me when I’m minding my own business in a mall and I start shaking from suddenly being brought back to the night I drank too much at my own graduation party

I hear his words in my head every day But I’ve forgotten what his voice is like

I dig through every crevice of my brain Search through the sounds of every real and gaslit memory I’ve ever made Recall the echoes of all the dreams and nightmares I’ve ever had

Recovering any tone of it is hopeless

I only hear my own

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

I am replaceable in every sense.

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

I’M SO FUCKING TIRED

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

LET ME SLEEP FUCK

[inthebackgroundscreaming]

God I wanna kms so bad