Hey! I love your blog! I have a question, if you don't mind: Can a Fi-user value harmony and the happiness of others so much that they act and think almost exactly like a Fe-user? What I mean is: What is the difference between a Fi-user with deep-seated values like harmony and pleasing/caring for others and a Fe-user (who, as far as I unerstand it, strives for the same things)? How can I spot the difference? Is there a different thought process behind it?
Can an Fi user value harmony and the happiness of others? Yes. Will they act in a way that is similar to that which is often superficially attributed to Fe users only? Yes. Will they act like an actual Fe user or think like one? No. If they did then they’d just be an Fe user.
The fundamental difference between Fi and Fe is the same as the one between Ti and Te, except with morals rather than logic. As someone who has really no Fe I understand it best through an analogy to Te:
Te users want logic to be based on information that is externally accessible (behind a paywall is fine, only in someone’s head is not) and they want things to reach external metrics like completion with a certain amount of time or under a certain budget, meeting certain regulations, etc.
Fe users want morals and how others interact with people to be based on information that is accessible and they want these actions to meet external metrics like a particular agreed upon moral code for the group in question.
Now, to compare Fe and Fi:
If you’ve ever seen that post which is like “That boy you just made fun of for crying? His father is dying.”:
That post is, in my mind, appealing to an Fi approach to morality. “That person might have things going on you don’t understand, and applying the standard ‘don’t cry’ which you might apply to yourself is not appropriate or universal to this situation.”
The response to that post a lot of people have had appeals to Fe approaches to morality, namely “Actually don’t make fun of people for crying ever, it’s not how you should behave.”
This doesn’t mean that all Fi users will be okay with making fun of someone for crying, nor that all Fe users won’t be okay. I personally agree with the Fe logic here…but that’s because my Fi morality says “don’t make fun of people for crying, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with crying.” However, it does mean that Fi users fundamentally think of how they treat people on an individualistic basis that often relates back to the self in some way. It’s a personal ‘moral-logic’ so to speak. Fe users think about how they treat people more as part of humanity, and whether that behavior meets a certain standard.
Therefore you can be an Fi user who thinks that promoting group harmony and caring for others is an important thing to do, but you won’t be an Fe user.
This is a common misconception (that Fi users can ‘basically have Fe’) and that’s in part because of poor depictions of Fi as selfish and Fe as kind when neither is good nor bad but just a way of approaching interpersonal relationships and ethical scenarios with its own benefits and drawbacks. There are plenty of giving and selfless Fi users but they still think about things in an Fi way, just as there are Fe users who are just assholes towards everyone equally. So if someone is outwardly nice and wants everyone to get along, you need to check on their motivations and thought processes to understand if they have Fe or Fi, not just that surface behavior.
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