INSIDEOUT @intravenousvenus - Tumblr Blog

eventually you realize you don’t want to die. you just don’t want to live the life you’re living. and slowly you try to create a life you want to live. just gotta start there.

wholeheartedsuggestions

no one needs to add “sounds fake but ok”, “no”, “well, not me”, “impossible”, etc. to this post. and i’d rather you not.

duckbunny

one day you think: I want to die.

and then you think, very quietly: actually. actually. I think I want a coffee. a nap. a sandwich. a book.

and I want to die turns day by day into I want to go home, I want to walk in the woods, I want to see my friend, I want to sit in the sun

I want a cleaner kitchen

I want a better job

I want to live somewhere else

I want to live

When I was in Jr.. High I somehow acquired a deck of sleezy nude playing cards that featured only plus size models. In the card deck were advertisements for phone sex lines, where you would pay to have plus size women talk dirty to you. I was absolutely fascinated that this was a job for some women! Between sports and detention I hung out after school a lot, and had opportunity to use the school pay phone to call random sex lines and here what these folks were talking about. I only ever used the first free 2 minutes, but it gave me my first exposure to sex workers and helped normalized the idea that this was just work for them. Eventually pay phones faded, as did the fun of collect calling random lines. Everytime I see a pay phone now, I'm tempted to call 1-800-fat-girls, just to see if they're still working. . . . #film #filmsnotdead #filmphotography #femalephotographer #photographersofcolor #girlgaze #lomography400 #120mm #holga #mediumformat #filmchronicals #shootmorefilm (at Seattle, Washington)

#filmphotography #femalephotographer #mediumformat #120mm #film #filmchronicals #lomography400 #shootmorefilm #filmsnotdead #photographersofcolor #girlgaze #holga

Time to invest in a good rake. (at Seattle, Washington)

Today is #worldmentalhealthday As a person who lives with daily anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder and suicidal ideations, it's important to celebrate little victories and practice self care. You are not alone, we are not alone. I find strength in acknowledging that though I may be broken, I have yet to give up. 🖤

#worldmentalhealthday

Checked the mail for the first time in days (agoraphobic tendencies have kept me from living my best life lately), delighted to find a powerful gift from @charissalucille . These are books that serve as a daily physical and emotional diary, set for 88 days and meant to be a chapter in a year. With this tool I'll be able to track things like medication, pain location, self care tools and any other relevant notes while navigating care and treatment for chronic pain and illness, and my partner will have a reference he can use in the event of emergency. Charissa's goal was to combine the cathartic act of journaling with symptom tracking in a way that was structured and easy to complete every day. I'm excited to start using this, hopefully it will make this long journey seem less heavy. Zines can be powerful, transformative, and full of healing. I'm so lucky to know such a beautiful person. If you or someone you know might find this useful, pick up a copy @wastedinkzinedistro 🖤

A majestic bird a top majestic shit covered rocks... right after I took this shot the crane flew at me trying to poop in my head. #35mmfilm

#35mmfilm

I think my Olympus has a light leak ☹ . . . . #colorinfraredfilm #thedarkroomlab #fppcolorinfrared #fsc #film #35mm #shootmorefilm

#fppcolorinfrared #colorinfraredfilm #shootmorefilm #35mm #fsc #thedarkroomlab #film

Got lost at a marina. 🎞 120 mm lomochrome purple 📷 Yashica-A . . . . #lomography #lomochromepurple #120mm #mediumformat #film #filmphotography #thefilmcommunity #femalephotographer #yashica #nofilterneeded