I shouldn’t have snapped on you, I’m sorry. You speak to me a lot like how my stepdad used to sometimes and it’s very triggering, and I try to separate it like my aunt said to awhile ago but it’s been a hard thing for me to separate. It’s not your fault, but it is something I am having trouble accepting because it triggers a fight or flight response. I was having a good night, and I will have a great time in Vegas with my friend.
Like I just wanted to know how to say something, and then you went on a whole shpill. Idk what to do, idk if it’s bipolar, BPD pushing away to somehow stay, or avoiding what my own feelings are.
It feels like I signal I’m done with a topic and you don’t let it go and I erupt, and maybe you just don’t see when I get upset by something, and granted I get upset easily.
If you don’t want to help with my Spanish fine, but I really need to sit down with myself and ask how can this communication work. Because I listen until I get upset, and you talk to me as if I’m a child. Why do you speak so much when trying to tell me things when I don’t ask and not listen to me.
The longer we’re together the more it seems like I have BPD or at least vety similar BPD tendencies. I’m not trying to make us unstable or unhealthy intentionally, but it feels like that’s all that will come of this in these moments for me. These moments feel like life or death, or basically like the world caving in on itself. Idk what they seem like to you but each time feels like the end. It’s I stay quiet I stay fine or it brews in me and then something bad happens and for me it feels like the end of the world and I can’t do this anymore. And I hate being unhealthy and making someone unhappy when it’s so hard for me to even be self aware of myself and admit this.
I think it’s really good I’m not with you constantly anymore because having BPD is very exhausting and consuming, and I know I’m not in an abusive relationship like I have been before so I realize my reactions are not appropriately sized.
I wish I could ask for your help with things, but I guess I need someone with a gentler approach than all the men I’ve dated who mansplain and don’t seem to listen to me. It’s not just you, I’ve had this issue with the men I’ve been with or maybe you all just remind me of my stepdads appdoach. Idk. Either way, I’m relieved it’s not the case where im always with you. I don’t mean to make you feel bad, we just aren’t on the same page. You want to help, but you can’t help me because I don’t learn the way you teach. It’s like when you tried teaching me golf at first and were yelling at me. It’s not going to work. And I’m too fractional when you haven’t done anything to me.
I didn’t proofread this, it’s just the course of my thinking from last night to this morning. I have parties all days
gummygunk
2087
pixelskylines
dailybridgerton
turnnoffyourmind
germansingergirl
gamechangershow
