I've decided to start this blog because keeping silent about this is making me feel I'm actually crazy. I don't know if someone will read my words, but at least I'll be able to express my emotions.
I have a strange, persistent crush on a Taiwanese boy I've met in person some months ago. I consider him mostly a friend, but I feel strangely connected to him, some how.
Thanks to the conversations we've had I'm developing a lot on a personal level, and considering important decisions in my life. He's influenced it and, even though I'm trying with all my heart to get over him, I can't.
Before coming back to Europe, I invited him out and confessed my feelings.
We live 9,636.18 km away now. I'll definitely come back to Taiwan but I don't know when, the world's so uncertain right now.
I still don't know how he really feels about me, he told me he liked me back but I'm afraid he did so not to hurt me, and cultural differences make me feel even more confused.
We used to chat a lot while we were in the same timezone though, even after my confession. He texted me first most of the times... but we stopped, slowly. And now I don't feel like texting him because I'm too afraid to annoy him.
I'm even trying to learn Mandarin Chinese (I've always wanted to learn an Asian language and the lockdown seemed a perfect timing), not just for him but I've been clearly influenced by him.
Sometimes I feel like he doesn't want to deal with me, that he was just being nice. I feel like I'm such a foolish girl and should just give up on thinking about him.
It's so difficult and heartbreaking. I can't even explain how I feel.
My friends tell me that he doesn't care, that I'm just a stupid and should go out with the other boys that are showing their interest. But I can't, I'd be unfair towards them and myself.
So I'll just write some letters to him, to nobody, because maybe it'll relieve some pain and uncertainty even though he'll never know about this.
dededos
dailybridgerton
gummygunk
kaledo-art
janainaart
ellievsbear