*blossom.

either your head or your heart you set the other on fire ; they call her bae joohyun, better known as “rose”. 19950329. a part-time dance instructor and librarian. #4052 ♡

[irenerk]

❤。halloween 2018.

                        who’s been painting my roses red ?                                   for painting my roses red,                              someone will lose their head !

                                                                                        ━ bae rose as the queen of hearts ❤

[irenerk]

로즈🌹 @baeroses​ 🔒 ⋅ 17 Oct

i’m stuck between so many ideas for halloween costumes. this is more difficult than i thought it would be...

if anyone is going to lotte world next weekend, let me know. maybe we can meet up! 

↩ Reply ⋅ ↻  Retweet ⋅ ❤︎ Like

[irenerk]

❀ something new.

[irenerk]

rkkimi‌: 

she had been always full of energy and power, so it had become natural to kimi to push everything into all kinds of sports. skateboarding was one of the sports she had chosen for herself. she had always loved the wind in her hair, when she rode down the streets, learning new tricks were fun and the best was that she knew how cool she looked, when she rushed around the corner. and because she become better than expected, there was that enormous need to get faster and trickier which often resulted in bruises and scratches as well as a broken wheel on her longboard from time to time. but either way, kimi enjoyed to come to those kind of shops, they were cool, different from clothing stores and always filled with nice dudes who were willing to share some tricks and tips with her.

when she entered the shop, she breathed in the familiar scent, a mix of wood and gloss paint. humming she walked towards the displayed boards, while greeting the owner who knew her too well with a high five. while looking through the wheels section, she notices a girl approaching her hesitantly. long wavy hair, porcellan white skin, rosy lips. what was such a beauty looking in a rundown shop like that? probably looking for a present for the boyfriend, kimi thought. the female speaks up and kimi scratches her chin. “um, nope, sorry, I’m not working here.” she inches closer a little bit and glances back to the owner, before saying with lowered voice: “i might be of better help than that dude over there though.” she chuckles cheekily, as the shop owner had been the one to show her which boards were fitting for what kind of skills and body stature.

“so tell me, pretty. how can i be of service?”

she can’t help the soft “oh” that slips through her lips at the newfound information. maybe it was too much to assume that the girl worked here, though admittedly rose still thought the other fit in well enough for it. at least the image of her doing tricks on a skateboard seemed to come more naturally than if rose were on one.

she follows where the girl’s eyes trail to a true employee of the store. rose assumes that his voice is the one she heard greeting her when she first entered the store. he appears occupied by his task at hand. likely, the girl is right; he wouldn’t have been able to help her with any questions that she might have.

her gaze wanders to the girl again, realizes the close proximity, and shyly moves. she raises a hand to her cheek unconsciously. “oh, i’m just looking, but i was wondering...” what was she wondering? her mind seems to have gone blank in the moment. there are many things that she could ask. this is an area that she has little expertise in, and if the girl knew her stuff like rose imagines she does, then there are she’d leave today better informed. the issue she faces is what to ask. she’d hate to look like a fool in front of someone so chic.

she hums thoughtfully and turns to look around the room once more, taking in the boards and accessories that line the walls and shelves. “i suppose...” she starts, “i mean --- it’s probably obvious that i’m not well-versed in this kind of stuff.” she gestures to her appearance, knowing that she’s out of place here. “um --- i guess i was wondering where you would start if you had an interest in it and don’t have any experience?” her voice is timid, pitch raising to a squeak as she grows more unsure of herself. still, it’s better to take the honest route. she’d be caught for certain if she pretended to know more than she did.

[irenerk]

❀ a tracker.

   — updated: 180913.

      key: events are marked by their hashtag. italics indicated any notes.

☆ dropping.

i’ll be dropping all mga threads as they’re certainly outdated by now. i’d love to plot again though, if you’re up for it!

❝ harmony ❞ feat. @rksxna for #rkmga4

❝ songbird ❞ feat. @rkyngsun for #rkmga4

❝ jam sessions ❞ feat. @rkxseola for #rkmga4

❝ betting everything ❞ feat. @danielxrk for #rkmga4

☆ writing.

❝ something new ❞ feat. @rkkimi

❝ rise and shine ❞ feat. @rkdonghyun

❝ shopaholic ❞ feat. @rkkyul

☆ waiting.

❝ among the flowers ❞ feat. @rkxminhee

☆ plotting.

i... don’t know??

please plot with rose. ;;

[irenerk]

❤︎ Like ⋅ 💬 Comment ⋅ ➤ Share

bjhrose congratulations to the top fifteen of the mgas! 🎉🎉 i’m really happy that i could stand alongside you guys and be a part of such fun finale episode. over the course of these two months, i gave this show my everything, and i learned a lot along the journey. for a simple dancer who never considered exploring other talents, i’m grateful to even have made it as a finalist. it means a lot to me that got to be a part of this experience. 💖 if you were rooting for me, please don’t be sad! i’ve got lots of exciting things planned. this isn’t the last you’ll see of bae rose, i promise. this is only the beginning. thank you again! 💕💕💕

[rkevent]

MGA SEASON 4: RANK 18

“The person who’ll finish in the eighteenth place this season is…”

Keep reading

[irenerk]

❀ : mgas season 4 episode nine finale

          i  w o n ’ t  be weak, i won’t be scared               i’ll passionately shout: i’m s u p e r w o m a n                                                                                                             ━ august 26, 2018.                                                                                                       performance outfit: i / ii.

solo performance.

she places in the very last spot possible, not only in team rankings but in individual rankings as well. out of all the mgas contestants that remain, she is twentieth among them, barely escaping eliminations yet not good enough to be in any spot higher. tiger jk had accredited the reasoning to not being able to captivate the crowd. by his words, it dawns on her that the audience didn’t like their performance the same way that they did h.a.m’s. undoubtedly, she had assumed they must have liked rose least. she had counted the seconds in her head, like a ticking stopwatch, waiting for the moment that they’ll cut her from the competition.

however, by the time eliminations came around for her team, rose was taken aback by the outcome, having fully prepared to hear her own name instead. she doesn’t have a clue as to how she remains while chungha whom she had admired so much throughout the show is sent away for reasons that seem rather conflicting. a contestant given the compliment of being “well-rounded” yet still being advised to improve their singing somehow doesn’t make sense to her. guilt presses heavy on her heart when she watches the other leave the stage with the rest of the eliminated. she can’t help but to think that it should be her in that place instead.

yet, despite the ups and downs that the results had delivered, she hangs onto a thread of hope, the same one that tiger jk seems to have for the remaining members of team wonder child: hopefully you’ll improve in that area before the next episode. rose takes the advice to heart, making a silent vow that she wouldn’t mess up this time, that she was worthy of her spot here, that she’d do her best to prove to tiger jk and the other ceos she does have what it takes to captivate a crowd.

even if the crowd is filled with three thousand people.

practice for her solo performance begins on the fourth day after other practices, group ones specifically, have concluded for the most part. she’s given the freedom to finally go home and come up with choreography at her own studio, a pleasant surprise to her that she takes advantage of. she’s most comfortable there and the dance would flow naturally once she’s in the right head space.

walking into her studio for the first time in so long, the place feels unusually foreign from not setting foot in there for over a month. their own room is notably smaller than any of the company’s or the seocho complex’s practice rooms. for a moment, rose stands a few feet inside and takes it all in. from the mirrors that line the wall to the barres on the side, this is the place where her dance career had taken flight. without that first offer from her instructor two years ago, she might not have met jungyu and in turn, might not have ever considered auditioning for the mgas.

she lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. soon she may be back here again permanently. the end is truly near.

an hour later, the rough outlines of the dance begin to take shape. she had requested the four extra backup dancers as soon as she was allowed to with the thought that the more people she could work with, the more interesting formations and effects she was free to incorporate. she requested one of the practice rooms tomorrow to meet up with those dancers in person to teach them what she had come up. she hopes to share her vision and inspiration for her piece so that they may connect with it too. she thinks that despite their differences — dancer for mnet, dancer for a small studio, or something else entirely — most anyone could relate to what she has in store.

by the end of the day, most of the choreography is solidified, and a video recording had been made for reference. she goes home that night tired but happy.

the night before the show, she receives a phone call that startles her from her individual practice. her ringtone blares loudly over the studio’s speakers, one that she instantly recognizes and sends a chill down her spine. she ceases her movements and breaks from the choreography to answer it, noting the way her stomach does flips the closer she approaches her phone.

“hello?” she says hesitantly as she places the device by her ear.

“joohyun,” comes the voice all too familiar. “hello.”

she rests a nervous had over her stomach as if it’d stop it from feeling so strange. her voice sounds unlike herself when she responds, “hello, dad.”

“i’ve been keeping up with your progress in the show. your mother — she’s still upset, understandably so, but i think she’ll come around. you’ve made it to the finals now, right? i want you to know that the whole office has been talking about you the entire season. i didn’t realize you could dance like that — and who knew my daughter could sing and rap too?”

rose smiles. he sounds friendly enough, no hint of anger in his voice, just as he had been in the last phone call she had with him. he had been more willing to be on her side then, and rose thinks she can hear it now. “yes,” she confirms, “i’m in the finals now. tomorrow is the last episode and the last performances. then it’ll be all over and i can come back home.” she doesn’t speak on the alternative, leaves that piece out intentionally. “what do you think of the season so far?”

“no, no,” he replies, “i’ll tell you my thoughts after everything is over. i don’t want you to be distracted by me while preparing for these big performances. there are a lot people on the show, and they’ve all done well, but you know i’d be somewhat biased… but tell me, are you nervous?”

she notes the way that her hands have stopped shaking, her stomach no longer flipping. “not anymore… but i will be tomorrow. it’s a big day. there’s a lot at stake, you know?”

the voice of wisdom comes out. rose can picture his expression as if he were here to speak to her in person, remembers the way he had looked when he used this tone during her childhood. “if you’re nervous, that means that you have something you care deeply about. it’s nothing to be ashamed of.” straight and to-the-point, she wouldn’t imagine anything less from him.

“when did you get to be so wise?” she says playfully. after a pause, she continues, softer. “thank you. i’ve been trying to do my best to make you proud.”

“i’m proud of you” comes the response that rose never thought she’d hear, the words that she had waited a lifetime for. it’s strange how they come during a time where rose feels her most insecure, but nonetheless, she’s grateful. they mean more than anything else that has happened and anything else that could happen. “you’ll do well tomorrow; i know you will.” it seals the deal, makes the passionate flame inside her flicker once more.

“i’ll try not to let you down.”

when she hangs up the phone, she feels lighter, as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. it helps to know that she at least has someone’s support. she would face tomorrow with confidence and a heart that perseveres. no matter what, tomorrow will inevitably make its arrival, so she’d make the most of it and cherish the little time she has left. 

the show starts with the contestants invited to the stage. it’s the first time that rose gets to see the audience for herself, and she thinks she’s never seen a crowd quite this big. three thousand people is the most the mgas had ever let in to see the show, surely to round off the competition with a bang. she can see signs with her friends’ names written on them, can hear the loud shouts of each contestant’s names as they line up on the stage together.

rose is nearly last to introduce herself again, but the fact doesn’t bother her much the way that it did in the second episode. she’s accustomed to that by now and shrugs off any of the visible signs of nervousness for the stage. she steps forward from the line and waves at the audience members that continue to cheer. “hello, everyone! it’s mga’s pretty flower, contestant #4052 bae joohyun.” like the others, the applause grows. she grins and covers her mouth with a shy hand before continuing. “i’m unashamed to admit i’m the daughter of innisfree, as you surely would’ve discovered, but i believe you’ve also seen me as more than that throughout the competition. i’m a choreographer, a teacher, a proud leader, a person who doesn’t give up, and…” she glances back at the line of contestants, spotting the many faces of those she grew close to during the show, and smiles. “a friend.” she continues, “i’m honored to show you my performances today. please look forward to them. thank you for supporting me! let’s have a good time tonight!”

soon after, she’s directed backstage to the dressing rooms once more to wait for her turn onstage. there’s quite the lineup ahead of her in addition to an airing of the contestants viewing their audition clips according to the set list taped to the wall. with so much time ahead of her, she uses the extra minutes as more time for last minute practice, going over the movements in a softer way so as not to accidentally hit anyone. she adjusts her outfit and smooths out the wrinkles that may have appeared in the outermost outfit that shows, a black pencil skirt with a white button-up — business attire.

when she’s finally called to the stage, she’s nervous but also excited. a light fog hovers over the floor, flooding into the room from somewhere unseen. she gets into her first position in a line hidden by the backup dancers dressed in similar attire. the lights are dim for a second more, then as the music plays, they brighten and illuminate the stage. the dancers slowly part during the song’s introduction from the line to reveal rose behind them.

오늘 하루도 힘들다 정신 없이 지내다 걷고 걷다 본 유리 속 모습 아픈 시간들은 늘고 그래서 단단해지고 굳세게 버틴 지난 시간

there’s a story to be told in this performance, though she leaves the explicit meaning of it to the audience’s interpretation. the attire and lyrics paint the picture of someone who has worked hard and feels tired at the end of it yet continues to persevere, something that most everyone in the room has gone through once in their lives. she hopes that she can find a connection with the crowd through sharing this kind of experience. for rose, it’s a tribute to her time in the mgas, enduring the hardships of practices and new groups and eliminations but moving forward despite it all. it’s not a story of sadness or of pain but one of hope.

with more confidence in her voice, she chooses to show more than one of her talents. a gut feeling tells her that the five ceos already know of her dancing abilities and might want to see how she’s progressed in other areas as well. her first audition where she played the simple tune to “bubbly” had been average at best. although she’s no yongsun, she prides herself in knowing that she’s at least come a long way since then.

the choreography she had created depicts the feeling of struggling and includes a mirrored effect with one of the dancers when the lyrics mention one. it’s meant to show the hardships of a person and how the wild events of life can weigh down on someone. the dancers close in around her as if they were those difficult times, then she brings her arms up, rising, and the dancers move away to the beat that suddenly drops.

넘어질 뻔한 적도 많아 울고 싶을 때마다 난 다시 일어나 내 곁에서 너 멀리 떠나가도 I don’t care. I’m gonna go my way

the original song is mainly vocals, so to show rose’s variety in skills and to allow herself another comfort, she chooses to change the second part of the verse into a rap, following similar beats as the original singer. she keeps her eyes on the audience as she raps, letting the background dancers continue the choreography. rose moves to the front of the stage boldly and lets herself have this moment simply to connect and deliver her lines directly to the crowd to emphasize her point. if you fall seven times, get back up eight.

약해지지 않아 두렵지도 않아 뜨겁게 소리쳐 I’m Superwoman 나약하지 않아 슬퍼하지 않아 뜨겁게 소리쳐 I’m Superwoman

the music slows again. rose takes another moment to be candid with the audience and let them, the people watching live around the world, and the ceos know where she stands. she’s proven that she’s strong throughout the show, a person who persists despite the struggle. she refuses to lose her sense of self in this competition. she knows who she is, and she wants to be proud of that woman, wants to shout it loud to the world that she won’t be ashamed anymore.

before her last line, she raises her arms and smiles directly into the camera lens as two dancers approach each side. in a single movement, they tug at the sleeves of her white button-up, tearing it into two pieces and running off the stage. a dazzling black, red, and blue dress remains, glittering wondrously under the lights of the stage. this is her transformation, her moment to show that she’d accept herself as she is — that perhaps she’s better off embracing her true self. it’s a moment for the audience to realize self-love and self-acceptance can be a light in the hardship and that things can get better, or any other positive spin on it that they’d like. the message is clear: i’m superwoman.

I’m Superwoman I’m Superwoman

the beat drops again, and rose uses the chorus to show off different movements from her varied styles of dance. from the sharp moves of hip hop, to the emotional of contemporary, to the sassy of jazz, to the graceful and poised of ballet, each finds their place in the chorus. she blends them as skillfully as she can so the contrasting styles wouldn’t conflict too greatly to the point of distraction. she aims to show her unique colors with this performance, knowing well that there’s more to her than simplistic idol dances. there’s potential there she hasn’t showcased since the second episode that she longs to show off now. the two remaining backup dancers that had left rejoin the group in white outfits similar to rose’s and follow her movements behind her. together, the five onstage create a v-formation with rose in the center.

오늘 하루도 한숨만 쉴 틈 없이 일하다 지쳐있던 거울 속 내 얼굴 고민 거리들은 늘고 그래도 이겨내려고 당당히 버틴 많은 날들

as the beat winds down once more for the second verse, rose moves off to the side. she dances with the two in new outfits as the ones in business attire move to the other half of the stage, emphasizing the difference between them. their movements are the same as before until rose approaches them and extends her hand to them in a moment of unity. silently, the action seems to say let me help you when you’re down too, a message she includes as a way to thank the people that have supported her. they had lifted her up when she doubted herself most, and she hopes that she could somehow do the same for them through her performances.

포기하려고 한 적도 많아 쓰러지려고 할 때 난 다시 일어나 내 곁에서 너 멀리 떠나가도 I don’t care. I’m gonna go my way

the last two backup dancers in button-ups flee the stage. the remaining stay alongside rose as she raises her hand in the air proudly, drawing attention to herself. the dancers cross in front of her as rose raps the part once more, unafraid to speak about the truth of the competition. the audience knows surely that coming up with a new performance every week with people she’s never met before is a daunting task, one that takes all a person’s strength and willpower. it hadn’t been easy by any means, but now she’s here in the finale to tell her story and hopefully be a light to others.

that would be enough for rose.

약해지지 않아 두렵지도 않아 뜨겁게 소리쳐 I’m Superwoman 나약하지 않아 슬퍼하지 않아 뜨겁게 소리쳐 I’m Superwoman

with no backup dancers left, the stage is clear for rose to speak directly to the audience and the ceos alone. she repeats the lines softly before declaring the same line throughout the song, snapping with the rhythm and striding forward. she stops before the second half and stands as tall as her tiny figure will allow, raising her hand in the air as if she could fly like a superhero. from the sides, all the dancers return dressed in white, transformed as well. when she catches them out of the corner of her eye, she can’t help the smile that changes her expression.

I’m Superwoman I’m Superwoman

the choreography for this breakdown is new, altered to reflect their new selves and to dance in unison. where not all dancers specialized in the various types of dance the way that rose emphasized during the past chorus, they all could perform this section with rose together. not one girl was left out. the movements are simpler, but what they lack in complexity, they make up for in power and confidence. they raise their arms up, flexing their biceps for a moment to bring the point home. it’s not just rose anymore. they, as a group, are superwomen. they are proud and beautiful and unashamed to be who they are. it’s the only thing rose ever wanted to show throughout the competition.

they conclude the performance strongly with the final pose, each dancer with arms on her hips, head held high. i’m superwoman!

soon there will be a group performance, a joint performance, and then the final results, but in this moment, rose spares no thought towards those. she grins brightly at the camera, breathes heavily and basks in the cheers that come her way. all she wanted was to be herself, and it’s a gratifying experience to have people applauding her for it, even if this was the end of her mga journey.

for once in the competition, she’s brave and proud. she’s superwoman.

                                                                                                  ⏩ forward : group performance.

[irenerk]

❀ : mgas season 4 episode nine finale

          w a n n a  light a fire on our love again?               it’ll take just a moment. will you look at  m e ?                                                                                                        ( featuring season four’s                                                                                                               female finalists ☆ )

group performance.

it’s all coming to a close now. they’re more than half-way through the finale episode (according to the planned setlist that was plastered on every dressing room wall), but rose doesn’t have a moment to let the fact sink in. as the second-to-last to perform her solo piece before group performances, she doesn’t have a chance to feel like it’s over just yet. there’s a rush to return to the dressing rooms for the quickest change in her life, leaving her no time to think about her solo performance or the emotions she felt while onstage. there’s only time to go, go, go. the entire show has been a never-ending series of events and tasks with no breaks in between. it’s what keeps everyone on their toes, never allowing anyone to get too settled or comfortable.

a makeup artist meets her first with a blotting sheet in hand while a stylist is at the ready with her outfit. the makeup artist dabs at her face and darkens her eye shadow ever so slightly. her mind is blank as the woman goes about her business, making sure that rose is picture perfect for the next stage. rose’s mind is clear as she slips into her outfit, zipping up the back of her black top and swapping out her shoes for black knee-high boots.

she listens intently for the cue that will cut her break time short. from backstage, she can hear the valkyrie girls’ voices, the sound muffled by the walls. dramatic music plays softer to emphasize whatever moment is appearing on the screens. after a few seconds, rose recognizes it: the selection of their positions.

she recalls the moment vividly. she had just come from eliminations where her team had lost someone who, in her eyes, was so much more deserving of standing on the finale stage than her. she had everything that rose thought the judges could ever want, yet it hadn’t been enough in the end — just like her predictions for the interview. the people rose thought would claim the top spot somehow hadn’t. the thought left her stomach churning with nervousness.

they had returned to the stage per the staff’s instructions where two boards on display with the remaining contestants’ images and two sections: “like a star” and “stand by me.” if the past episodes were any indication, rose imagined that they’d be picking songs, at least to some degree.

she learned that she’s right soon enough. the staff then informed them that they’d be selecting their positions within their songs by ranking from last place to first place. it was then that they reveal she had been placed last, not only in her team ranking but in the whole remaining mgas contestants. she had been this close to going home that night, and even now, she can’t understand what had made the ceos consider letting her stay another episode. what does she have in comparison to chungha? in her mind, she can’t hold a candle to her, still places her on a pedestal.

she was first to pick since her ranking was lowest. she hesitated as she approached the board. with so many spots, she was certain that she’d lose her place to a higher-ranking female regardless of what she chose. there was a limited number of spots that would show off her skills — only one rapper position namely. if rose were to end up stuck with a main vocal part, she’d never be able to perform it as confidently or with as much technique as the other female vocalists that remained. she’d be eliminated for certain.

she placed herself in the position of rapper, knowing well that she’d lose the place in an instant. she held her breath and left the board without uttering a word. she kept to herself, watching speechlessly as not even a moment later, the position is taken by sua who moved rose to a different spot. rose recalls biting her lip, the feeling of her heart pounding in her chest, and toying with the fabric of her denim pockets to keep herself distracted from the anxiety that crept its way in. she knew she’d lose the rap to someone else, but she didn’t anticipate it being this soon.

sua left the board. then, one by one, rose watches as the other females place their image on their desired position only to lose it to someone else. it was the dramatics that mnet sought — loved. there was no other reason for the staff to have them engage in such a stressful, stomach-twisting process. who would be pushed out of their comfort zone? who would be left with a position that wouldn’t allow them to shine? who would greedily take the best position for themselves instead? rose found herself clinging unconsciously to sua beside her, hand finding sua’s in fear as even the other female’s image is moved away from the rapper spot. she can barely breathe as the selections progressed, images moving across the board.

by the end of it all, rose was simply grateful that she had a decent role that could show off both her vocals and rapping. it may not be as flashy as some of the other girls’ sections, but that was of little significance. being here in the finals is already more than rose could ask for.

when she’s called back to the stage to perform, everything seems to still. her mind is blank. she thinks she’s ready. days of practicing with all the girls had prepared her for this moment. she has no qualms, no regrets. there’s no time for things like that anymore. the last grain of sand has fallen through the hourglass. the lights dim dramatically. it’s showtime.

the lights shift again, illuminating the stage. from her spot, she can’t see the audience yet, but she could never forget just how many people are out there. three thousand people would watch the “debut” and the final stage of valkyrie in the most bittersweet moment before the show ends. the likelihood that this same group of girls would be able to meet and perform again seems slim, so rose vows to cherish her time here while she can. this is the last stage. she’s made it.

yoojung starts off the song with a few lines, ending with the three letters that sent all of their lives into a whirlwind of events: “mga.” then, rose moves to the center and lets her gaze find the first camera that she can spot among the crowd.

우리 둘 사랑에 다시 불을 붙일래 잠깐이면 돼 나 좀 쳐다 봐줄래 

she steps forward, pulling her hands up her body before she twists them and fans herself. a bright smile appears, and the glitter on her eyes twinkle under the lights. she sings her lines with as much passion and sensual feeling as she can muster, gaze moving from the cameras to the audience and then the ceos. the notes are low, fitting well with her vocal range and capabilities. the audition clips that the mnet staff had shown the contestants had proven rose’s singing had much to be desired, but she can hear the improvement in her voice now after so many weeks of performing and practicing. she’s more stable while dancing and can carry her notes without letting them fall flat, a feat she couldn’t do well before.

the first two days had been spend working on choreography, perfecting each movement with the group. she doesn’t let a second of that practice go to waste as she seamlessly transitions into the next section, moving aside so that soojin could take the focus of the stage. she keeps her movements sharp but still with the same fluidity and grace she’s always possessed.

the chorus arrives with doyeon’s bold voice. rose follows the same movements as the rest of the group, keeping her eyes on the audience as she holds her arms across her chest. she’s not a second late when she spins then goes into the next movement. she thinks of the people out in the live audience that cheer them on and smiles again. i’ll be there for you before the night is over. rose wished she could stay in this moment longer so she could be there for them.

yoojung begins her rap, then rose joins her from behind for the second part shortly after when the music falls quiet, save for a small piano melody.

시간을 빌려줘 빌려줘 빌렸으면 해 배시시 배시시 더 미소를 봤으면 해 시간을 빌려줘 빌려줘 빌렸으면 해 Baby I’ll be better Better better for you

rose rests one hand on the girl’s shoulder as she raps alongside her, sparing a grin in the younger’s direction before capturing the camera’s view once more. she moves to the girl’s other side to continue her rap, playing along with the audience’s reactions. each line she raps, she keeps the fans she had met during the high touch in mind, those who had complimented her performances and expressed their support for her. she wishes she had more time to improve, wishes she could do more to bring their day some happiness. even though this may be the end of the line for the competition, her promise — i’ll be better for you — will carry on much further.

the same chorus repeats soon after, and rose realizes the song is almost over. regardless of whether she wanted to or not, she’d soon have to let go of all these girls, of a chapter within her life. it’s an overwhelming thought to realize mid-dance, so she puts it from her mind as best she can, focusing on where the cameras are.

the music changes dramatically when doyeon moves to the center again, spotlight on her alone. on the floor, rose reaches out to the sky, extends her arms, then rolls to the side gracefully. soon, she’s rising from the floor, spinning again, then flicking her hand up in the air as the beat kicks back in. like a star in the night.

the choreography for the last chorus differs from the previous ones. the girls move into a line, and rose allows herself to sway forward and back with the beat, glancing at members of the audience and smiling at them as she does. the females transition into a circle, dancing around yongsun and pointing at her. it’s a nice way for the females to say that though they were made to be competitors, they would still be there for each member of the group. it’s a sentiment that rose had tried to express during practice, despite her awkwardness. she had never shown any hostility or competitiveness towards them, only clapped when she noticed a member had successfully memorized a move or given them encouragements as the days went on.

she keeps those memories in her heart for safe-keeping. mnet may have refused to allow jungyu a spot on the show, taken some of her beloved team members away, and given her an image all wrong, but these memories are something that mnet could never take from her.

the song comes to a close with rose on the floor in their final pose. the audience applauds in a thunderous sound, louder than rose has ever heard before. they’re truly almost done. rose can feel it. her eyes don’t water yet, but when she’s ushered backstage for the boys to finally perform their group piece, she has to dab at the water that pools in her eyes.

i’ll be better for you. she tucks away that promise in a safe spot in her heart. no matter what happens, she’ll go forward more confidently with the same fire blazing inside of her. she’ll keep her end of that promise in one way or another — for her fans, for her parents, for her friends.

                                                                                               ⏪ rewind : solo performance.

[irenerk]

❤︎ Like ⋅ 💬 Comment ⋅ ➤ Share

bjhrose everyone, tomorrow is the finale. are you ready? i still can’t believe it. my heart keeps beating nervously in my chest when i think about it. my father recently told me that if i’m nervous, it’s because i care a lot about something... no matter what happens, i hope i can become someone that my parents, my friends, and you guys can be proud of. i’ll do my best tomorrow. thank you for supporting me for this long and for being there on this journey with me. love you all. 💕 please expect lots! #mgas #mnet

[irenerk]

// ❀ : mgas season 4 behind the scenes

                                                                                                       ━ august 24, 2018.                                                                                                         post-second fitting.

a walk down memory lane.

when everyone is gathered in the seocho auditorium, an unanticipated break from their fittings and practices, rose knows something is up. she doesn’t know what to expect anymore; the mga staff has given the contestants many surprises throughout the show. over the course of the past month alone, rose has come to learn that when it comes to the mgas, anything could happen. now that the show is coming to its dramatic conclusion, the fact is only more apparent.

she finds a seat beside yongsun and changmin then spares a glance around the room. until now, she never noticed just how much the number of contestants had dwindled over time. a final twenty fill the room, settling into chairs and whispering hushed remarks of confusion. they’re so close to the end that rose can feel a buzzing energy almost tangible in the air, something between excitement and nervousness. there’s one last chance to show what they’ve got before it’s all over. no more waiting for next week to mend the mistakes. it’s now or never.

her heart flutters as she waits for someone to explain what’s going on, but nothing comes. instead, a voice comes from the speakers, and a screen flashes with the face of junmyeon, the first contestant. he’s incredibly nervous, rose notes. at first, she wonders when the clip had been filmed, but as she watches further, she begins to understand. these clips that were shown were taken from the very first auditions.

as she watches her friends (dare she call them that) appear on the screen, she can’t help the unconscious smile that appears on her features. junmyeon, doyeon, yoojung, bora, hakneyon, yongsun, somi, soojin, jinsoul, sicheng, jonghyun, changmin… she’s worked with over half of those left in the auditorium, watching them in action as fierce competitors and performers. now being able to see the beginning of their journey — the audition that had started it all — she feels strangely at peace. behind the glamourous image under the flashing stage lights, they were real people capable of being nervous and stumbling over words too. yet despite this awkwardness, they had pushed themselves hard during practices and proven they were more than worthy of making it to the season finale. though it’s bittersweet to think of the people they’ve lost along the way, rose is glad that many of her friends had been the ones to stay.

her own face doesn’t appear onscreen until towards the last part of the presentation. it catches her off guard, and she blinks, wide-eyed and surprised, before leaning back, unable to contain her laughter at the sight. the sound makes a few turn her direction, and she waves them off, clearly embarrassed. her guitar performance of “bubbly” had seemed like a lifetime ago, and she had nearly forgotten she sang it. watching herself swaying to the silent beat onstage, rose can’t remove the shy hands that cover her flushed cheeks.

the song is sweet and lighthearted, just as she remembers. as she listens, she realizes just how rough her voice had been during that time and how much the competition had helped her grow in areas beyond dance. maybe, just maybe, there was more to her than rose, the dancer. it’s a thought that lingers in her mind, certainly worth exploring in the future.

she nudges changmin when she sees him show up after her. his comments about the meaning of an idol are both inspirational and motivational as they come closer to live finale episode. it’s the perfect way to conclude the presentation.

by the end of it, rose emotions are swirling. she’s left quiet and contemplative, remembering the journey that had brought them here to this point and considering what awaits at the end of it. she is blessed to have so many friends with her at this point, and they deserved to shine in every minute of the spotlight that they have left. not a single person in the room gave less than their all for each performance and practice. each of them had pushed themselves to their limit to call themselves mga season 4 finalists. there’s no one in the auditorium that rose isn’t proud of for their dedication and perseverance.

it all comes down to the final show where the results and winners would be revealed, however. ultimately, it is a survival show. there’s still much to be gained and even more to be lost now that the stakes are higher.

she’s nervous, excited, and relieved all at once for the end.

[irenerk]

                                                                                                       ( cw: mgas episode eight spoilers ! )

❤︎ Like ⋅ 💬 Comment ⋅ ➤ Share

bjhrose to everyone who came out to see us under the melting sun in hongdae, i want to sincerely say thank you so much. 💖💖 i was truly honored to meet you guys and perform for you with jinsoul, sua, changmin, and chungha! by now, the results are out, so please show our fine wine chungha lots of love 🍷 she did wonderfully today, and i’m really proud to have been on the same team. also, i can’t say it enough, but i’m really grateful that you guys all showed up to support us. it was the biggest crowd i’ve ever seen! there’s only one more episode to go, so please anticipate a lot. i’ll do my best to work hard and improve so that i can show you a better performance. stay cool in the heat, everyone!! remember to stay hydrated. all right. season four finale, let’s go! ✈ #mgas #mnet

[irenerk]

❀ : mgas season 4 episode eight

         b a b y ,  why i’m so lonely ...                i’m so desperate, but you’re  n o t                                                                                                 ( featuring bora, jinsoul,                                                                                                      chungha, and changmin. )                                                                                                         performance outfit: i / ii.

mga semi-finals: company senior hits.

she can barely breathe when all groups are brought to the stage to name the winners and announce the eliminated. her heart flutters in her chest, and she’s rendered speechless for the entirety of the process as contestants file in back to the stage. unlike the sixth episode where team vista had come out on top, episode seven introduced a new ranking system. it was clear that the staff had every intent to narrow down the range of talents as the season’s finale quickly draws nearer.

it’s foolish of her top hope that somehow her team — team forever young — would remain intact through these eliminations. six episodes had passed and nearly every single one had ended with the heartbreak of losing contestants in some fashion. this seventh episode would be no different; the look on the ceos faces assures them of it. though there’s many people deserving of the stage, it’s a survival show aired on television for entertainment. there had to be a dramatic element, something at stake.

her hope is foolish, yet she still clings to it.

the winners that are announced catch her by surprise at first. she doesn’t expect to hear luda’s name when she so confidently believed in yongsun. rose knows little about singing, only that she prefers certain tones more than others. also, admittedly, she had been biased when she gave her votes for best singer simply. she hasn’t had the opportunity to work with luda yet, so she can’t form a decisive opinion. she supposes, upon recalling the times she had seen luda, that the title is well-deserved.

best rapper isn’t a shocking surprise to her, although she had been rooting for guanlin. even so, taehyung always had a certain entertaining quality about his performances that captivated the audience. again, this is an area in which rose has little knowledge, but she recognizes he has skill. tiger jk’s compliments to the boy are enough to prove that he does. as the ceo of the company that created both bigstar and global icon, she understands his words have weight to them.

the final winner category does have her turning her head however. she’s slightly disappointed, though she doesn’t let it show. hoping to hear her own name is too much to wish for when she considers the media’s dislike of her; however, hearing other dancers’ names is not all that unrealistic. jeon wonwoo is not a name she anticipates hearing, but hyun bin continues to deliver compliments that rose finds she can’t disagree with. she knows the boy is a good performer based off the stages he had participated in, but perhaps she had underestimated him a bit. throughout the competition, other dancers had caught her eye. she had believed most in jei but recognized that the show is packed full of many who could dance well. wonwoo had shown a good performance. sometimes, it was as simple as that.

the winners seem like a way to delay the inevitable. rose’s stomach is in knots by the time eliminations are announced. this time, there are many contestants that she knows: junhoe and guanlin who both deserve better namely. the most shocking are daniel and hyuna, both who were perhaps the most anticipated of the show. as she watches the ceos speak, it feels like the whole world had been flipped upside down. nothing made sense anymore. the others — kyungri, jaewon, longguo, yoongi, donghyun — she hadn’t gotten the opportunity to meet, but among the other announcements, it’s still painful to watch.

the elimination that hurts the most is sungwoon’s. when hyun bin announces his name, rose closes her eyes and drops her head to the floor, unable to face the audience or the singer. seven episodes she had made it through without any eliminations of her team members, but finally that streak had been shattered in the most heartbreaking way. she feels a weight pressing on her chest, and she can’t breathe. hastily, she dabs at the tears that suddenly spring to her eyes. her mind is sent reeling into chaos with one thought: i let him down.

the choreography was too difficult in the end, wasn’t it? hyun bin’s comments are directed towards sungwoon’s dancing ability, so rose is led to believe that the choreography is the fault. sicheng and she had walked a thin line when trying to come up with something that showcased the ability of the dancers on their team but also that sungwoon could keep up with. she recalls how worried he had been about bringing the team down… when she finally musters the courage to glance in his direction, she can’t decipher what she sees, what emotions and thoughts are running through his head. left speechless in shock, she doesn’t know what to say to console and reassure him that he had done well. despite all the odds stacked against him, he had done incredibly well. she can only watch as the world keeps spinning off its axis.

when it’s time to decide next week’s song choice, she feels nothing. shrouded in numbness, she approaches the list of songs. curiously, only spots for one song remain. it seems the least popular choice is “why so lonely” by royal’s very own h.a.m, a girl group once at the top of the game. in fact, the choice is practically empty apart from one vote. looking at the other options, her heart longs for myname’s song. as a longtime fan of the group, she would have been honored to have the privilege of performing it, especially in front of hyun bin himself, but it’s all filled up. she gazes for perhaps too long at that particular list, unable to help herself.

yet, there’s nothing she can do to change the current lineup. rose spares a glance at the camera that monitors her each and every movement. “ah, this is… not what i would’ve hoped for,” she admits, voice hushed. her eyes wander back to the lists. before her words can be misconstrued, she quickly clarifies, “all is taken but this one... okay.” her tone shifts into acceptance. “i pick ‘why so lonely’ by h.a.m.” her gaze parts from the songs back to the camera once more. “team why so lonely, let’s do well this week, okay?” she raises a fist. fighting. with no other choice, she makes her selection and hopes, apprehensively, for the best.

she meets her team members for the first time in the royal building the following morning. this team is smaller in size than her previous one, to be expected with the removal of so many people. though she’s had time to sleep on yesterday’s eliminations, the sinking sensation in her stomach hasn’t faded. she had made the active decision to go forward with optimism during the past week, but it had proved to end in loss. this time, her sadness seems to overflow, and she can’t quite hide it as perfectly as she would have hoped.

despite her downcast appearance, her lips pull up into a small smile when she’s embraced by an enthusiastic changmin who had run across the practice room to greet her. how long had it been since she had seen him in person? surely over a month? as she thinks back, she imagines it had to have been the second or third episode — a lifetime ago. the girl who had sat in that chair alongside changmin certainly isn’t the girl that stands here now. this arc of her life, the mgas, has changed her significantly since then.

the one thing that hasn’t changed is her excitement for the prospect of finally working with changmin. he’s one of the only contestants that she already knew prior to the competition. his bright spirit is exactly what she needs to cheer up (even if only slightly). she couldn’t remember if she had congratulated him on his wild-card round and return to the show. “changmin!” she returns his embrace and makes sure to let him know how delighted she is. “it really has been a while, hasn’t it? but you’ve been doing well, right? i’m really happy to see you here!” though her smile is small, it’s genuine.

a glance around the room reveals other members to her. she had never worked with sua before, but she had been impressed by her dancing and choreographing abilities during “handclap” in the last episode. she anticipates that working with her should go along swell.

jinsoul had also been a member of that group. rose is happy to see that she’s here too. finally, she has a chance to catch up with an old friend from small modelling gigs years ago. it’s surprising to come across the girl here in a survival show and to learn how much hidden talent she possessed. throughout the show, rose had been keeping her eye on the girl because she had recognized her. whether or not jinsoul recognized rose in return, she couldn’t be certain. she hesitates to bring it up at first but after some time debating, she breaks down and approaches her. “hey, i hope this isn’t weird, but do you remember… there was a photoshoot a long time ago… and one of the models in the gig was a little bit… inexperienced?” she’s shy to ask but presses on. jinsoul had been a much better model than her; rose remembers it vividly. she can’t hide her nervousness even now, chewing at her bottom lip and toying with her fingers before consciously moving them behind he back. “um — that was me. do you remember?”

if approaching jinsoul is intimidating, chungha is downright frightening. rose doesn’t know what to think when she sees her in the room. she admired the female’s dancing, ability to hold herself well, and her professionalism during that one wardrobe malfunction a couple episodes back. the chance to be on the same team had evaded rose repeatedly, and each time, the pedestal rose seemed to put chungha on only grew taller. now that the opportunity presented itself in such an unexpected fashion, she doesn’t know what to anticipate for the week to come.

changmin asserts himself as the mood-maker of the group and takes to calling the female “chunghaha” which lessens rose’s illogical worries. the first time rose hears the boy call her that, she giggles. already, the atmosphere seems lighter by the boy’s antics. as awkward as she is, rose appreciates the ice being broken for them.

picking a team name is a remarkably painless process. with an age gap that divides the group — about half being older, sua in the middle, and the other half being younger kids (children) — chungha comments about how the older females were like fine wine, only getting better as they aged. it’s a silly comparison that makes the elders of their team feel better. she adds that rose is “very fine” to which she can’t help the pink tint that dusts her cheeks. she covers her mouth with her hand shyly. “i don’t know about that,” she says, modest. she turns even more red as she returns, “you’re very fine too.”

still, as amusing as rose and the others may have found the concept, “fine wine” or anything that included alcohol is not exactly family-friendly and perhaps not the most appropriate for the youngest of their group. as an alternative, it’s decided that the final team name should be “wonder child.” rose likes the word “wonder” in particular, hoping that their team could leave the crowd in awe as it implied. “child” refers to the maknaes so that they would be included in the naming process.

one of the next tasks (after distributing lines) is learning and teaching the choreography. rose, thankfully, has less weight on her shoulders this week because the majority of the group consists of dancers, and many of those dancers already knew the senior’s hit song. there’s little for rose to do other than help with positioning and synchronicity, but it’s a relief. for three of eight episodes, she had come up with original choreography. doing so under tight circumstances leaves her feeling creatively drained after a while. before hearing that they were to perform the song strictly as the original artist did, she had worries that, if she had to choreograph more, she’d finally hit a creative block.

when it comes to learning the choreography herself, she finds the dance to be simplistic in nature, not too flashy. she’s quick to catch on and can roughly learn the entire routine from start to finish in around an hour. its low difficulty level doesn’t mean that she takes the routine any less seriously however. instead, she moves her focus to her stage presence and expressions. h.a.m had a strong presence that immediately captivated onlookers from the moment the performance began. though rose admittedly hadn’t listened to them too much during their prime years, she notes this as she watches the girl group’s live stages and admires them for it. there are many factors to juggle from the choreography to vocals to facial expressions, and rose has to commend them for their talent.

their practice is off to a decent start. it’s almost enough to make her forget about losing sungwoon.

almost.

she isn’t given many lines, but the ones that she does have are more than enough to satisfy her. she’s appreciative to not be pushed too far out of her element. there’s still some rapping to keep her relatively comfortable, and her singing parts aren’t too difficult for someone with only an average voice at best.

changmin seems to struggle with his own vocals as well, so rose happily takes to helping him out whenever she’s free. naturally, she’s closer to him and tends to hang around him during their practices, sometimes without realizing it. though she’s no expert or can hold a candle to jinsoul, partnering up puts her worrisome mind at ease. she tries her best to guide him with the tips she picked up along the way, and his feedback helps her with her own parts as well when she isn’t practicing with chungha or jinsoul. after about an hour, she reminds the importance of taking breaks so that they wouldn’t strain their voices. they keep themselves occupied during the brief rest periods with games of rock, paper, scissors and some other children’s games she had learned while living in san francisco.

she may be closest with changmin, but it doesn’t hold her back from trying to connect with the other females. she approaches their main singer jinsoul for help with her vocals — the more she could get, the better. her age makes rose feel slightly awkward when asking for help, but by now, rose reminds herself she should be used to asking people younger than her. she had done so several times in the show. additionally, they can’t help but to indulge in a mini photo session, snapping pictures to document the memories. jinsoul is the first to take the photos on her phone then she compliments rose’s appearance. in response, the same blush tints the older woman’s cheeks. “you’re too sweet.”

chungha’s comments about rose and her as wine had rid of the idea that she was too intimidating to approach, and so rose also finds it easier to approach her for singing and charisma tips since chungha is overflowing with talent in both areas. with sua, rose finds it somewhat harder to connect, but she still reaches out and shyly asks her to dance. sua never fails to impress her each time.

throughout the week, she does her best to throw herself wholeheartedly into the practice, willing herself not to think of all the friends she had lost over the course of a single elimination. a piece of her still believes that they should be standing here in her place, but unable to change fate, she makes a silent vow to do her best to shine for them. she keeps her thoughts of them tucked away inside a small crevice in her heart and uses it as motivation to keep her moving forward. the mgas are almost over. she can’t afford to let herself give up in the heartbreak.

the sun is blazing above the scene in hongdae, yet the heat doesn’t stop a large turnout of enthusiastic onlookers. she can’t count how many people have been roped off into a section by their stage, but she imagines it must be somewhere around two hundred. the crowd is larger than ever before, a fact that makes her nervousness return in full force. this episode would make the first public performances of the mgas semi-final teams. at this point in the game, they have everything to lose.

in the humidity and heat, rose is thankful that their team was dressed appropriately for the summer weather. rainbow halter tops and denim shorts keep her cool in the stifling air. the reggae tone of the song is a fitting match for the heat that surrounds them, and she hopes that their performance is exciting enough to take off the audience’s mind from it.

to keep her members from losing strength as they wait to greet the crowd, rose brings extra water bottles (enough for each person) and waves a small plastic circular fan she had brought from home at any member she notices struggling to keep cool. should any of them pass out now — or worse, during the performance — everything would melt away like a snowflake in the sun.

when their team is brought up to the stage, rose does her best to smile for the cameras and for the people in front of her. she waves at them then flashes a quick ‘v’ sign before the group’s introduction. “hello, we are team wonder child!” after a pause, rose continues, “it’s quite warm out; i hope everyone has been staying cool in the hot weather.” she spares a moment to interact. “you have, right?” the low cheer that the audience gives in response is enough to tell her that they haven’t, but it doesn’t lessen their excitement. “jinsoul, chungha, bora, changmin, and i are here to show you a refreshing song with summer vibes and a more mature concept that’ll leave you in wonder! please expect it!”

they move into positions then the guitar plays over the speakers. a sexy dip is the first move, and rose can hear the sounds the audience makes as they start off with such an impact. rose spins into her next position, then jinsoul starts off the song with her pretty voice and simplistic movements (as the song called for). as a group, they wave their fingers and swaying their hips then turn to the back to repeat the movement, looking over their shoulder. but nothing has changed, you haven’t changed.

changmin takes the front of the stage next, and rose is thankful that the choreography during his part isn’t too sexual. she thinks of his age and of his parents who might be watching from home, hoping that what he’s doing now isn’t already too much. she raises her hands in the air then wraps them around her her neck sensually before letting them fall to her hips. again, they repeat the same movement as before, waving their hands in the air at the audience.

어이없어 영화에 나오는 예쁜 연인들처럼 나나난난 그런 사랑을 원하는데

rose glides forward, bringing her hands to arc over her head as the rest of the group crouches to the floor. her line is simple, and she shares some of it with the rest of the group. she keeps her voice gentle, light, and somewhat airy as she sings, tapping the air with her fingers. she moves forward again then crouches and taps her heart to emphasize the love she describes, the love she longs to feel. she places her hand on her legs and smoothly rises from the ground, staring deeply into the camera lens that records her as she does so. with half-hooded lids and an arched back, she hopes that the audience can feel her presence, even from their televisions at home.

then, she transitions into the chorus, making way for chungha to take center stage. her raised hands ask why so lonely, then she lifts her foot to the left then the right. sharply, she moves her hands to the side repeats the leg lifts then spins. out of the corner of her eye, she can see chungha bursting with charisma  as she sings her lines and conveys the feeling of desperation. the group has small lines (“뭐야”) while jinsoul returns to focus. they roll their bodies with the beat, switching the directions they faced as h.a.m did. then rose’s favorite move in the dance, a graceful spin on one foot that landed with a beautiful line, draws near. she tilts her head back as she lands from her twirl, keeps her back leg straight, and steps forward.

the second chorus features sexier floorwork during changmin’s part (to which rose is internally conflicted because he does it well but he’s so young). the choreography isn’t too much for her however; she’s danced more provocatively in the past as a way to build up her confidence because, to perfectly execute the concept, one has to truly believe in themselves. she turns on the floor and stares playfully into the eyes of an audience member to keep her gaze off of changmin because oh god, he’s a child. she continues to watch the same male fan as she trails her foot against her thigh then turns over her side and lets her torso roll as she drags her hands down her body. if anyone didn’t know better, they might think she’s dancing for this fan alone.

어이없어 알면 알수록 모르겠어 맘이 왜 자꾸 외로워지는지 나나난난 텅 빈 방안에 혼자 갇혀버린 것 같아 

finally, rose gets to rap and she tears her eyes from the male. the dance is too easy during this part, but it allows her to keep a more stable tone as her words bounce off the beat that builds up in the background. her voice is stronger during this part, a reflection of her growing confidence in her rapping throughout the competition. again, she looks into the camera as she raps.

the chorus repeats itself in much the same fashion, then sua’s rap takes over afterward. the girl moves to the front, bringing her hands up along with the rest of the group. they come together to form a line, linking visually by raising their hands by their heads. soon, rose follows jinsoul’s lead and circles around sua the girl truly begins to rap. they dip again facing different directions. then, rose finds a member of the audience to receive her gaze as she turns over her shoulder sharply to cry “뻥!”

it’s this moment when chungha moves to the front and the background music lightens up in anticipation that rose realizes this may be her last mgas performance if the stars weren’t aligned just right. she gives the final chorus her all when the beat kicks in with more force, losing herself in the choreography as jinsoul takes the lead. lightly, rose sings “tell me 뭐야” in fluent english before moving back to korean.

many of the dance moves repeat themselves, including her favorite twirl. there are some that break the similarities towards the end however. she shifts her weight to one foot and circles her other, hovering over the floor as she brings it in front of her. then, she extends her hands up toward the summer sun before retracting them down to her hips. she rocks side to side, eyes on the camera lens, then spins over her shoulder one final time.

as a group, the five step forward dramatically when the music slows. each step is slow and graceful, then they pop their chests with the drums, look to the side, then back to the front. before she knows it, another performance had come and gone.

under the beating sun, rose has finally broken a sweat. when she returns to the back, she runs for her tiny fan and resumes the task of trying to keep her team members and herself cool. the staff had informed them their day is far from over — there’s still a high-touch with an unfathomable number of fans left to complete.

running on the adrenaline from this performance, rose thinks she’s happy, but the fear that this may be her last performance runs high. she consoles herself with the thought that she had done her best. with such talented people that she had the privilege of calling her team members, she tells herself she’d be all right if she were the one to go home this time. she had made it this far, would be getting to meet any fans (hopefully some would show up if she had any), and had put on numerous performances over the course of eight weeks. she had pushed herself harder than she ever had before, and it resulted in some of the most unforgettable memories that she cherished and friends that she held dear to her heart.

whether the stars were aligned for her or not, it would be okay. under the bright summer sun, she decides she won’t let a competition break her spirit. she would keep moving forward.

her song might be called “why so lonely,” but right now, she feels anything but.

[irenerk]

// ❀ : mgas season 4 special event

                                                                                                        ━ august 17, 2018.                                                                                                          post-performances. 

the high-touch event.

by now, she’s gotten used to the feeling of nervousness that grips her tight before any mga-related event. whether it be an audition, a performance, or the first meeting with a new team, the feeling never quite leaves. she had made it to the semi-finals of the competition, by some miracle, yet even now, she can feel her hands trembling in fear.

a high-touch event means the opportunity to meet the loyal viewers from home who supported her throughout the show, but it also means that she could come across those who didn’t. a face-to-face encounter could result in any sort of reaction. each person is given a mere second to leave a good impression on the fans that approached them. rose had never been the best with socializing, always too shy and reserved. would she be called cold for her awkward socializing? she recalls that the fans can skip any contestant they didn’t favor. knowing how unpopular she is among the media — reduced to nothing more than a spoiled, rich girl whose path was created by her parents’ power and money — how many times would she be skipped? would anyone even want to high-five her at all?

she hides her hands behind her back as she lines up for the event. to her sides are chungha and changmin who are both likely to receive a much better turnout than rose, at least she believes so. she would understand if they did. she imagines that she wouldn’t like herself much if she was in anyone else’s position. chungha seems to have made an impression on the show, and rose admired her professionalism. changmin had always shown a bright and youthful image that was sure to attract fans. in comparison, rose doesn’t have much going for her… she purses her lips and glances to the side where the fans would be entering. after a moment, she tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, waiting for their arrival.

when the first few fans file in and approach rose’s team, she isn’t surprised to be skipped. she watches with sad eyes as a young girl, a high school student by her appearance, pulls her friend past rose to greet changmin, commenting about how much they liked him. instead of letting her disappointment show too much, rose turns her attention to the newcomers, waving to hopefully catch someone’s attention.

the first person that gives her a high-five leaves her beaming and smiling with her eyes. they barely have the chance to say hello, but they seem make the most of it as they gently tap both palms against rose’s. “thank you for your support!” she manages to blurt out before they’re moving onto the next contestant.

a few more fans pass her before a young girl with glasses approaches rose with her palms on display. she can’t be more than ten years old, rose thinks. “because of you, joohyun unnie, i’m going to dance too!” she confesses. rose raises her eyebrows in surprise then smiles wider than she had in the entire competition. had she really had this kind of effect on someone — inspired them to this degree? water pools in rose’s eyes suddenly without warning, and she tries to blink it away. “thank you!” the girl shouts before she’s ushered forward.

someone else compliments her choreography. another fan tells her she’s pretty. the fan after him says they like to use innisfree’s products. a male fan is crying by the time they approach her and only sobs harder when she tries to console him. one of the other instructors from her studio congratulates her on coming so far into the competition and tells her they can’t wait for her return. so many faces, so many high-fives given…

all the interactions blend into each other after about fifty (she loses count), but each never fails to leave a warmth in her heart that she hadn’t felt until now. she tries with all her heart to commit the faces of the fans and the words they had said to her memory. she may not be greeted by as many fans as other contestants who were more popular, shined brighter, and had a better image, but this is enough for her. she loves the little moments that she has now.

eliminations await, and surely, they’ll be more painful than ever now that the mgas is quickly approaching its end, but for now, she tries not to think about it. living here in this moment has to be enough for her.

she grins at another fan as she high-fives them. “thank you!” she says sincerely, and she truly means it. she’s more than grateful for all the support she’s received.

[leaderirene]

POWER UP!

[irenerk]

❀ : mgas season 4 episode seven

         a l l  you have to do is stay a minute                just take your time. the clock is ticking,                                    so  s t a y                                                                                        ( featuring doyeon, sicheng, yoojung,                                                                                         sungwoon, haknyeon, and jonghyun. )

mga skills showdown.

she should be nervous when she returns to the stage with team vista for eliminations. at this point in the competition, she knows well enough that the fear the team’s performance hadn’t impressed the judges will always plague her at the end of each episode. what-ifs will always linger in the back of her mind as she climbs the steps to the stage. in that respect, this occasion is no different. having to witness a teammate be cut from the show — to watch their dreams be dashed before her very eyes — is a reality she hopes never to see.

yet, at the same time, she is content. their performance felt right and genuine and good. team vista had done their best over the past week to become closer, learning of each other’s strengths and weaknesses to create a fun stage that fit their variety of skills. from the camera relay to a test of the splits to deeper moments where she opened up about her insecurities, rose dares to say she had gained real friends from their trials together. if she’s the one to go home today, she’d accept it with grace. she goes into the eliminations with a clear mind, clinging tight to the positive memories.

“and the winner of this week is… team c.”

it’s too good to be true, but seo jiseob further confirms it with a polite “congratulations.” rose can’t help but break out into a dazzling smile, then out of habit, she covers her mouth with a shy hand. she turns to her teammates, eyes bright with disbelief and joy.

after the last episode, she had wanted so desperately to rise from her mistakes — to prove that she can do better. looking at the happiness of each team vista member, rose thinks that perhaps she had. their teamwork had brought them here, and she’s overjoyed.

the mgas aren’t over yet, however. there’s still more to be done.

when team vista is directed backstage after the recording’s end, they’re separated one by one and taken into a room. there’s a camera and a table inside with a chart of options to choose from. a staff member explains that the choices are in relation to the next episode’s theme and that, as a first-place winner, rose would have one of the first picks.

she hums to herself and approaches the table cautiously, as if the words might jump out from the page. she scans them, noting that the choices were divided by categories: singing, dancing, and rapping. there are spots taken from each category already, but not every song has been filled.

it’s no difficult decision to pick dancing as the skill she’d demonstrate. dancing is the one thing she’s passionate in, the artform that had quite literally changed her life and given her the beginnings of a budding career. to her, it was as easy as breathing or speaking another language that she was fluent in. it was a way for rose who was usually so reserved and shy to express herself freely. during moments where it seemed the entire world had turned its back on her, the lessons she had learned from past instructors and choreographers make her strive to keep moving forward.

so, she picks “stay,” a song that she’s heard on the radio and knows she likes. earlier, rose had shown diversity within her song choices in the audition rounds. picking the other upbeat songs over this wouldn’t be anything the ceos hadn’t seen from her before. this song strikes her as unique from the rest, and perhaps that’s what draws her to it the most.

the same staff member instructs her to keep her decision a secret from anyone who might ask. crossing a finger over her heart, she vows to tell no one.

the members of her group are revealed to her on the first day of practice in the nova building. this time, there’s more, a total of seven including herself. to date, it’s the largest group she’s been a part of (and perhaps the largest in the show thus far). as she takes in the sight of them, she’s unsurprised to find that the majority — hakneyon, sicheng, doyeon, yoojung, and jonghyun — are dancers.

however, the sight of sungwoon, a former team celestial member, catches her off guard. a singer in a dancer’s group… rose is immediately concerned by the circumstance, recalling that he had spent nights sleeping on the practice room floor, dedicated to spending every hour that he could to the group’s success. he had struggled then; it was no secret. she had done what she could to help him through the movements during that time, giving tips about balance, coordination, and grace. they ended up barely escaping eliminations unscathed, but the feeling of her heart sinking during the rankings left her disappointed and shaken by fear. could she do it again?

she glances at doyeon and haknyeon. daniel’s words from last week pop into her head. all your teammates from that first week are still here, so that must count for something. it does. to rose, it meant everything that the four were still along this wild journey, even if they were led by someone else or became leaders themselves. with that thought in mind as motivation, she chooses optimism. (what other option did she have?)

the group introduces themselves briefly before moving onto the most important part of their time together: figuring out the performance. this one is limited to one skill, and they’d be judged for that alone. it’s decided that rose and sicheng would come up with choreography for the song with any input that the other members gave. with their experience, they’d surely be able to come up with something both memorable and beautiful to match the music.

after a quick warmup, rose moves to her spot in front of the mirror — a place that brings her so much familiarity and comfort — and listens to the music playing over the speakers above. she tilts her head, as if doing so would help the beats become more apparent to her, then turns to sicheng. “let’s dance,” she says invitingly, hoping that he felt comfortable enough to treat them to a freestyle dance-off of sorts to get them going.

there isn’t much to the way the choreography comes to her. with so many years of dancing under her belt and a passion burning bright, she simply waits for the music to whisper in her ear, and she follows its lead. when she gets into it, it feels like there’s nothing but her and the song in the room, as if she moved to a separate plane of existence somewhere between this reality and the next.

she’s deep into the creative process, monitoring each of her movements through the wide mirror before her, when jonghyun approaches her and pulls her aside. there’s a look she can’t recognize on his face at first, thinking that maybe he needed help with the small section she decided to teach earlier. instead, he says, “noona, you’re doing great. the choreo is amazing and it suits us!”

friendliness, she realizes. though this team is to be judged by individual performance, there’s still an air of togetherness that mnet can’t take from them. his words touch her heart, though she’s much too shy to tell him to that extent. the corners of her lips tug upwards slightly, hinting at a smile that doesn’t quite make a full appearance. “thank you, jonghyun. i’m… trying my best,” she admits. “i want this to work out for everyone.” her eyes shift to sungwoon dancing in the back.

she can only pray that this time she won’t let sungwoon down.

rose doesn’t truly realize how much of a challenge this week is until she hears the loud thud that causes the entire world to come to a screeching halt. despite her performer’s mentality, she stops in her tracks abruptly. alarmed, she whips her head to face the front of the room for the source. it takes no effort to spot it.

perhaps it was due to misplaced balance or the toe of her shoe getting caught as it swept the floor during a quick turn. all rose knows for certain is that doyeon is collapsed on the ground. the sight shocks her, burns itself in her mind horribly, then she springs into action. her instincts kick in, and she spares no moment of hesitation. she abandons her position to rush to the girl’s side, ignoring the nerves that make her heart pound like a hummingbird’s wings.

“doyeon — hey, doyeon are you all right? what happened?” she places a hand on her shoulder. is it due to exhaustion? had she eaten? rose doesn’t know, and she hates that she doesn’t know. she becomes aware that haknyeon and yoojung are there by her side. rose gives them a worried glance, a silent please, let’s take care of her. we’ve got to.

shortly after doyeon stirs, the never-ending grind of practice returns mostly to normal, but for the rest of the day, rose keeps a watchful eye on the younger in case the frightening event might repeat itself. every couple of hours, she makes sure to check up on her, ask how she’s feeling and if she’s eaten anything. she reminds her the importance of food for energy. sungwoon had brought in pastries from his bakery and haknyeon seems to have an endless supply of tangerines for her to take, should she want one.

they’ve come too far in the game. they only have each other now. they can’t afford to leave anyone behind.

with the performance drawing near, rose can sense each person succumbing to their own thoughts, appearing withdrawn and quiet. doyeon, yoojung, and sungwoon seem particularly down. the more that time passes with the team in this state, the worse things seem to become. she decides early on that she can’t let things continue like this.

her first attempt at mending things is with homemade cookies, a favorite of hers during moments when she was down. she bakes them monday night and brings them in plastic containers for the team the following morning, in hopes that the sweetness of the chocolate chips would brighten their day even slightly. it helps but doesn’t solve the problem entirely.

on wednesday, following the completion of interviews, rose decides to cut practice short. she gathers the team to sit in a circle in the middle of the room facing each other and moves the food to the center of the circle in case anyone wants to use the time to replenish their energy.

“so,” she starts with her eyes on the ground. “this week has been hard for all of us, i know. i can see there’s a lot going on in our heads that we haven’t been speaking about… i know i’ve been like that. for us to put on a good performance, it’ll be good for us to be attune to each other, so…” she raises her eyes and looks at her group. “let’s talk. no judgements, no criticisms. just say what’s been on your mind, how you’ve been feeling about this week and the upcoming episode… anything you feel like opening up about. the road hasn’t been easy for any of us, so don’t be afraid. we can all relate to each other, one way or another, and we’re here for support.”

the room falls silent. wary glances are exchanged, but no one seems to have the bravery to be the first to speak — until jonghyun expresses his gratitude and belief in the team. his speech encourages more to follow. doyeon goes next. then, after her, haknyeon speaks up.

there’s a lull in pace, and rose realizes that now would be her best time to talk. she raises her hand, calling attention to herself, then lets out a shaky breath. “i’ll go,” she announces. if there was any time to turn back, it had passed long ago.

she doesn’t know where to begin. the thoughts swirl in her head like a whirlpool, each one drowning out another. “if i can be honest,” she begins, “i’ve been very worried. maybe it’s silly — and i don’t know if sicheng feels this way too — but i feel like there’s a lot of responsibility on me to make amazing choreography that’ll really show off our talents… i don’t mind that because i’ve done it before many times, but what scares me the most is the chance i might somehow—” she stops abruptly, throat suddenly thick. “i might… i might somehow let you guys down. what scares me is, if one of us is eliminated… is that my fault?” she can’t look at them now, afraid of what she might find if she raises her head. she’s taken aback by how quickly her eyes water, unaware until now how much this affects her. “i helped make this choreography.” is she making sense? each sentence sounds jumbled as it rolls off her tongue. “what if it’s not the dancer but the dance that’s wrong?” after all, they could only do so well within the limitations of their group performance.

“i’m doing my best to not feel that way,” she confesses. “i’m sorry if it’s made me seem weird, reserved, or anything like that. i appreciate it when you guys have told me you like a certain move or a certain part, and i really like how we’ve all worked to help sungwoon.” she gestures to him, finally looking up. “even though eliminations will be different, things still feel like we’re a genuine team…”

she tucks an ebony lock behind her ear. “i’ll support you guys, no matter what happens, all right? even if the worst happens.” she doesn’t dare say anything specific aloud for fear of jinxing it. “i just want you to know that.” she nods as a conclusion. “i’m here for you and i believe in this team.”

she feels lighter with this weight off her shoulders. as she listens to sicheng, sungwoon, and yoojung who take their turns after hers, she learns that she’s right about some of the members having worried thoughts. she thinks, now that they’ve shared them with each other, maybe they can have a better understanding of each other and could work together to overcome their struggles. sharing tangerines and pastries on the practice room floor never made her feel so close to others. surely, they’d move forward stronger than ever.

dressed in white tops and black pants, the team looks like a cohesive unit. the outfit is less flashy and bright in comparison to last episode’s summertime wear, but somehow it feels more structured and put-together. her makeup is kept to a minimum — glitter and eyeliner for some added drama under the stage lights, but nothing excessive. she’s dressed (hopefully) for success.

there’s a tightness in her chest as she thinks back upon the last time her choreography was displayed for the judges and how disappointed she had been after that episode. though she had her team to rely on this time and they had reassured her that she was doing well plenty of times, she can’t help but to feel nervous. sicheng’s flair in the dance would hopefully allow for some shining moments in case rose’s didn’t impress in the end. personally, she enjoyed the dance that they created together. it was a beautiful piece that accompanied the music nicely, choreographed with their range of skill in mind.

lost deep in thought, rose isn’t sure how much time had passed before a staff member beckons the group to the stage, but it feels like it’s too short. she rises from her chair in the waiting rooms and follows her members to the stage.

the deafening sound of the audience greets her upon arrival. after a short count, her team introduces itself, each member changing, “hello, we are team forever young!” she wills her nerves to disappear and puts on her best smile under the stage lights, hoping to show a bright side of herself.

shortly after, they’re moving into positions. rose hides her face with a relaxed hand as the beginning pose. the lights change colors then the pre-recorded music begins to play.

the song opens with jonghyun as their first center in the piece. rose moves outward to the side as he moves forward, movements sharp, and extends an arm, reaching out as if she could touch someone. less than half a beat later, she withdraws it. she glides across the floor to the center of the stage and turns to face the back.

doyeon’s part follows jonghyun’s, and based by the audience’s reaction, the dancer had completed her spin unharmed this time around. if rose had more time, she would have felt relieved by the sound of the cheers. throughout the week she had been concerned about the incident happening again. thankfully, it doesn’t. she hopes that the group’s worry over her condition had motivated her to take better care of her wellbeing, so that they could come here tonight to show their best.

I could give a thousand reasons why But you're going, and you know that

when the entire group looks at the front of the stage again, the majority fall to their knees while rose and sungwoon remain standing in the back. her part is short, following sungwoon’s. with merely two lines of time in the center, she does her best to captivate the audience and the cameras with her facial expressions, mouthing the lyrics as she mirrors the same choreography as those on the floor. at a sharp beat, the dancers close to the floor drop further for a second then rise again.

the chorus arrives, and rose grips the white ribbon tied around her neck and pulls it taught. the choreography that sicheng and her made incorporates the fabric into the dance for a creative touch. she twists it behind her neck and looks directly into the lens. her expression is dramatic and serious, no smiles to be found unlike her previous time on this stage. the chorus continues, and she moves onto a single knee, pulling the ribbon again. each movement here is isolated — a hand, a knee, touch the ground…

the beat begins to increase in speed, and rose jumps up from the floor. before it drops, the team forms a v-formation and accentuates the ticking noises of a clock in the background, raising their hands along with each tick. it’s an impressionable moment, one of rose’s favorites in the song because of how distinct it appears when done right. out of the corner of her eye, she watches the wave effect, proud that they succeeded in this. it could only be done with good teamwork.

during the breakdown, the lights begin to flash. another transition to the floor takes place, rose’s first one of the dance. the floorwork is perhaps the most challenging section because it relies on momentum, balance, and precision. she extends a leg straight and allows herself to fall onto her left palm smoothly. ballet dancing ensures that her lines during this move give a clean illusion, one of the things she prides herself most in. then, she turns and twists her wrist, spinning a finger over her knee as she goes into the next move.

the song comes to it’s close too soon. it seems like it had begun only seconds before, yet it’s already almost over. the group ripples to the floor again on their knees. then, following the lyrics, there are quick arm movements then they cover their eyes, closing the song as they had begun it.

she’s breathing hard by its completion but beams at her teammates when it’s over. she’s wordless as they make their way back to the waiting rooms, emotions suddenly in tangles as she watches their reactions following their performance.

she doesn’t think what happens to her in this show is that important anymore. she had gone out there and done her best. there isn’t more that they can ask from her than that. she closes her eyes and places a hand over her heart to steady herself.

she had grown so attached to her teammates in most of her groups. looking at team forever young now, the lyrics of their song pop into her head, and she hopes that perhaps it might foreshadow the future, though she has her doubts…

no, it doesn’t matter what happens to rose anymore. she’d accept herself getting eliminated over any of her other members.

please just let them stay.

[irenerk]

just a random note that i’ve created a page documenting rose’s mgas experience from a public perspective!! this could be useful if you run a netizen blog, have a muse that wants to be a fan/anti of her, or just want to get a general idea of her participation throughout each episode. feel free to check it out if you’d like !

[baejoohyun]

irene in ‘power up’ mv 🌺