Fresh Season 2 Weapon Review
Once again, I'm putting my faith in the automatic cut. If it doesn't show up for you guys, god help you. Or press the...what is it? J key? K key? One of those skips to the next post.
Below there be thoughts on the weapons that came out.
There're less weapons each time one of these damn seasons comes out. The first season of each era bans a bunch of the old weapons as they figure out the balance with the new stuff. That's fine, there was still a ton of stuff to go through. The second season of the De-Recall era introduced 13 weapons.
The third introduced twelve. The fourth introduced eleven. Ten. Nine. Eleven. And this new one coming up has eight.
Squidforce is losing steam. If I've said it before, I'll say it again. They're a bunch of boomers and need to go. Get some fresh minds in there. Like me. I'll run the damn league I don't give a damn, you think I don't know my way around weapon and stage logistics? Hell, maybe I'll even allow all of the idols I sponsor to, I don't know, participate in the damn sport.
I'm not going to rant again about accessibility, I did that last time. But it's a damn sin that Big Man has to sit there, on a podcast, and wax poetic about turf and ranked - sorry, anarchy - and the only time he gets to hold the fuckin' weapons is when he's working his second job at war because Grizz doesn't give a shit about regulations (Thank Squod).
Deco's .52 Gal
(w/ Curling Bomb and Splattercolor Screen)
I'm trying a new formatting thing with the titles. It's going to be a little less consistent with what people actually call the weapons, but I want to highlight the developers of the kits a little more. There's a lot of work that goes into making even the worst kits, and it's not fair to the engineers at each company not to shout out who made them.
I've already given my view on the Splattercolor Screen last time, so I'm not going to go on and on about it. They did rework it, but barely. Still gives you damn achromatopsia, but...I dunno, it's not as bad as before. Dialed it back, I guess. Blegh.
The weapon itself...? I mean it's fine? The .52 didn't really need a tool for getting in like the Curling Bomb, it's got healthy ink spread and decent range. Curling Bomb is usually best on weapons that either have trouble inking or short range.
Course, that's me trying to be impartial. If you want to know my bias, I love curling bombs because it's so much fun to splat people with them. It's almost as embarrassing as dying to a Sprinkler.
That's besides the point though. If I'm going to be forced to think about the synergy with...that thing...I guess it provides pretty good area denial. The .52 is a scary enough weapon that it can take out opponents at a safe distance, and anyone heading through the screen is going to be at even more of a disadvantage than they normally would be going into neutral with it. The curling bombs don't add much, though.
Custom's E-Liter 4K and E-Liter 4K Scope
(w/ Squid Beakon and Kraken Royale)
So. I've been one to rag on E-Liters in the past. Like literally last season, I ragged on them. And before grading this weapon, I'd like to retract some of my previous statements.
E-Liters are perfectly respectable weapons, capable of being played in skilled and interesting ways.
It's you saltlicks that just sit in the same damn place for five minutes doing sweet FA but looking down your sights that piss me the fuck off. Do you spend your free time watching paint dry? Do you put your meals in the microwave at low power just so you can watch that shit turn for thirty minutes? The hell are you doing playing this sport when you could pick up the well-respected and more-your-speed human game of FUCKING BACKGAMMON
Anyway. The actual weapon. Once again, freaky special, but I did try it. Don't say I never did anything for you guys. And...I like it. E-Liter at its base is a very solid support weapon. Even just seeing one on the other team is psy-ops, and as long as you can convince the enemy that you're a threat, you don't actually have to follow through on too much to keep them on their toes. Squid Beakons are great to mobilize your team, since you won't be on the front lines unless you're a Battle E-Liter (respect). And the Kraken works wonders to get people off of you. Just try and use it smart, don't chase people off into the wild blue and get caught with your pants down when it expires.
Custom's Explosher
(w/ Splash Wall and Triple Splashdown)
Ahhh, Triple Splashdown. The noobkiller. Menace to turf, nigh inconsequential to ranked - sorry, anarchy.
I like this kit. Explosher has always had a lot of trouble keeping people off of it, and its base kit of Point Sensor and Ink Storm didn't really do much to help it. But this one's got a Splash Wall to give a bit of buffer (though you're going to need to stack some Ink Savers if you want to do anything after throwing one), and Triple Splashdown as a panic button.
I don't normally like panic buttons at the best of times, but this is a weapon that really needs one. Getting rushed down sucks as this thing, and having some tools to help with being harrassed by Splooshes and the like really helped it out.
Dolphin's Dread Wringer
(w/ Squid Beakon and Wave Breaker)
I don't like Squid Beakons quite as much on this guy. The Wave Breaker works nicely with such a slow but terrifying weapon. I love Wave Breakers on any kind of mid-to-long range slosher that can take advantage of tags over walls. So...most of them. But Squid Beakon?
I mean this thing isn't going to be on the front lines all the time, sure, and it never hurts to have beakons on the team, but...I don't know, I feel like if the team tried a little harder, Dolphin could have found something better for it. Hell, Dolphin makes Sprinklers, right? I would have taken a Sprinkler over Beakons to make for even more consistent specials.
Eh, I dunno. The Wave Breaker's nice.
Foil's Flingza Roller
(w/ Suction Bomb and Splattercolor Screen)
I love the finish on this thing. The Flingza Roller to begin with is one of my favourite weapons to look at. Weird, rustic, industrial. The folding mechanism needs constant upkeep, sure, with a roller whose entire gimmick revolves around the flick, that's only natural, but it's so simple yet so great. And the navy blue finish is just, chef's kiss, y'know?
And yeah, another Splattercolor Screen, you knew they were coming.
Okay, I'm stalling a little. I freaking love this weapon. I loved the original Flingza, and as much as I wanted to hate this thing because of its special, I don't. I really don't. Suction Bombs just feel so good to make people scatter like minnows. And until Dynamo stops sucking major ass, this is the closest we're going to have to a long range roller. With Suction and Screen, this thing excels at flushing people out and following through. And I HATE that I think that because I still fucking hate the Screen.
Deco's Glooga Dualies
(w/ Point Sensor and Trizooka)
First off, absolutely love the finish. Striking. They look like power tools.
But other than that? I dunno, they're...good. They're good. Tagging is always nice, though I kind of wish that they had the dart instead. More weapons need that thing, and I think it's neat. I could probably fit a dart onto Gloogas if I really wanted to, though I'm not sure I'd be able to make it league legal (#DownWithSF).
But I'm digressing. Going into a fantasyland where I get to make my own kits for league.
There's just not much exciting or standout about it, y'know? Tag someone, take 'em out. Tag someone, take 'em out. Gloogas are a pretty terrifying weapon as they are, and this is just a way more aggressive kit. But it's not like....burst bomb aggressive.
...Or line marker - sorry, Angle Shooter aggressive. (Nouveau I swear to god please change the name)
Shelly and Donny's Nautilus '79
(w/ Suction Bomb and Triple Splashdown)
What a gorgeous weapon. The gold-rimmed finish? God. Sheldon knows how to make 'em. Or, I should say, not Sheldon. I happen to know that this one was designed and manufactured by Shelly and Donny, the little guys that run the stores in Inkopolis. They look pretty young (I haven't asked ages) but for their first crack at a weapon kit they did a pretty good job. Pick this weapon up if you can. Even if they're in the pocket of Squidforce, it's always good to support up-and-coming designers.
Beyond the looks, this thing is serviceable. (Sorry, guys, but I'm not going to mince words just because you're new. Feedback is feedback, and if you only get gilded phrases you'll never grow!) Suction Bomb and Triple Splashdown is an alright combo, respectable, though I get the inkling that the two of them had Squidforce breathing down their neck trying to make them include one of the new specials in this thing. I haven't gotten a Splashdown dev kit yet, so I don't know how actually hard it is to work with, so I'm gonna give them the benefit of the doubt and say that they did the best they could under the circumstances.
Dolphin's New Squiffer
(w/ Autobomb and Zipcaster)
Fuck you guys they put a fun weapon in the game.
I don't care if it fucking sucks or is the best thing on the planet it's fucking fun okay
We can have a fun weapon every so fucking often as a treat
Custom's Douser Dualies FF
(w/ Ink Mine and Killer Wail 5.1)
Alright, on to the brand new weapons they introduced. The meat of it.
That is to say the fucking pair of them come the FUCK ON-
These guys are interesting. Love the firehose inspiration, Custom's really been coming out lately. Three new kits (The E-Liter and Scope count as one) and a brand new weapon in a single season? Jeez, guys, slow down!
As for effectiveness, I like the special on them. They're pretty long range as it is, but they've got a damn slow kill time if they don't roll, and if they roll, they don't have the damn long range anymore. So the Wail really helps them out.
I think if I had to use a word t describe the Dousers it'd be 'underestimated'. That's probably going to wear off the more we see them, and understand how they work, but they just don't look like they should have the range that they do. Those hydraulic pumps do wonders man, what I wouldn't give for a three month internship at Custom. Custom's weapon department. I don't want to be stuck making actual fucking power tools.
Sorella's Recycled Brella 24 Mk I (ft. Ammo Knights)
(w/ Angle Shooter and Big Bubbler)
So you might be looking at the name and going "oh damn that's familiar"
And you might look at the aesthetic of it and go "Oh damn that's familiar"
And I kind of gave the game away by putting it in the heading but...yeah! This is a collaborative weapon between Sorella and Ammo Knights! Sheldon's never actually had the opportunity to make a brella before this, because Sorella's got a patent down on the damn things. Same reason I haven't been able to make any either. (Same reason they're all kinda dogshit tbh)
But they actually opened up the golden gates for a bit to let someone else in! And it's my man Sheldon! How did he do??
....Bad. Sheldon did bad.
Or, more accurately, I think Sorella did bad. I can see Sheldon's character in here. He always makes weird and interesting weapons with cool catches to them. This one's definitely the power in the shaft, and the fast-launching canopy. The aesthetics are so fucking good, too, I love what he did with it.
But I can feel Sorella's influence creeping over this thing like black fucking sludge. It's slow, the canopy's a joke, and what is that KIT? Big Bubbler??? On this???? Are you fucking joking?????
I'm so sorry they had to do you like this Sheldon I'm so fucking sorry
And that's Fresh Season 2. Done literally what, two hours before Sizzle Season 2 comes out.
I'm going to try and get that review done in time before the last minute, I promise, just...I dunno. Had a weird bit in the middle of the season where I just kinda. Existed, for a bit.
Side note, anybody get that? Like, two weeks in or something, you just got this striking sense of ennui, like your thoughts all just vanished for a couple of days? I talked to a few guys and they felt the same thing around the same time. Promise this isn't a race thing, but octos got hit especially hard. Hope you're all okay.
Take care of yourselves, guys. Burnout's real.
