gaerikspeak

The humorous side of life with autism according to Gaerik, a 10 year-old boy.

[irishdruidmama]

Perceptive kid

Gaerik told me he thought up a new McDonalds motto: Weight. I'm gaining it!

[irishdruidmama]

Brains before libido gets you places

Me: Do the boys in your school like girls and think about them a lot?

Gaerik: Yes.

Me: Do you like girls and think about them?

Gaerik: No.

Me: That's what I thought.

Gaerik: I know how to take over the world, though. With an army of succubi!

[irishdruidmama]

Ball games must ruin your reputation

Gaerik and I went to walk at our local park yesterday. When we got there it was really crowded.

Me: There must be a ballgame here tonight. (Looks around…) Yup, there’s a ballgame, alright. Gaerik: (with disgust) Ugh, what if people think I'm here for the BALL GAME?!

[irishdruidmama]

Always informative and logical

Gaerik: Are those flip-flops you're wearing? Me: Yes. Gaerik: Those are bad for your feet. They can cause accidents. You need to get better shoes. This, from a ten year old boy!

[irishdruidmama]

My boy is growing up. He's almost 11!

[irishdruidmama]

No Explanation Needed

Gaerik: Mommy, can we watch RuPaul's Drag Race? Me: Sure! Why do you like watching it? Gaerik: I like differences. BAM.

[irishdruidmama]

Sounds like the perfect Sunday

Daddy: I'm off work tomorrow. What are we gonna do? Gaerik: (very matter-of-factly) Slaughter villagers.

[irishdruidmama]

Bad guys are out to get me

Me: I'm going to the eye doctor in the morning. You can stay with Daddy.

Gaerik: No, I'm going with you.

Me: You don't have to. You can stay at home with Daddy. If you come with me, you'll just be sitting around waiting on me.

Gaerik: I know. I'm coming with you.

Me: Why?

Gaerik: To keep you safe.

Me: To keep me safe from what?

Gaerik: Robbers and thieves.

Me: Oh. Okay. Robbers and thieves, huh?

Gaerik: Yeah.

[irishdruidmama]

So what does he sound like?

Just now we were in the car and The Rolling Stones song 'Sympathy For The Devil' was on the radio. Gaerik listened for a while and then blurted out, "Lucifer sounds NOTHING like this!"

[irishdruidmama]

Gaerik with his buddy, Rocky.

[irishdruidmama]

Gaerik played a trick on me. He snuck this contact onto my phone! I have no idea how long it took me to notice—he won’t tell me how long ago he did it!

[irishdruidmama]

The child *despises* Frozen

I spoke to Gaerik's occupational therapist last night. She told me that the last time she saw Gaerik at school she greeted him by singing, "Would you like to build a snowman?"....... His prompt reply was to sing back, "No, I'd like to burn it down!"

[irishdruidmama]

Mr. Literal!

During a discussion... Me: I'll bet you that 95% of the boys in your classes like wrestling. Do you? Gaerik: No. Tommy doesn't. I like trains. Me: Wait; why'd you name Tommy? Gaerik: I didn't. He was already called that. Me: (laughing hysterically) No, no, I mean why'd you bring up Tommy?

[irishdruidmama]

Daddy: You know what the first rule of Fight Club is, don't you? Gaerik: Don't say ow?

[irishdruidmama]

Bad taste

Weirdly, Mike Tyson was brought up the other day. In true Gaerik form, he had no concern about the act itself or how anyone felt about it...his concern was a bit....different...

Me: Do you know who Mike Tyson is?

Gaerik: Yeah, he bit someone's ear off, didn't he?

Me: Yes, he did.

Gaerik: I'll bet that tasted bad.

[irishdruidmama]

20 questions about dragons in Canada

Gaerik hasn't been telling me anything funny lately; he's obsessed with this idea that we (as a family) will turn ourselves into dragons and move to Canada. He's been asking me random things like: 

"Does Canada have apples?"  

"Does Canada have plenty of moose to eat?" 

"What should my dragon name be?" 

"What power will you have when you're a dragon?"

[irishdruidmama]

Eh?

Gaerik now has a magnificent plan in which we transform ourselves into dragons and move to Canada to feast on moose.