I'm old and we didn't used to have these. But we do now and boy HOWDY that's useful. There's very likely only one reason you're here and that's to read my fanfiction so here it is, the link to my AO3. Find my 9-1-1, Arcane, Ted Lasso, and etc fanfictions there. Fair warning, if you scroll back past 2020 I make no promises about writing quality.
This would have had me crucified on tumblr 10 years ago but maybe we are ready for this conversation now:
If you are a socially anxious person, you have to socialize. Your panic/anxiety attacks will only get worse and trigger more frequently if you constantly avoid contact with The Public. Not saying that you need to be a social butterfly- but there is a genuine problem with not being able to order your own meal at a restaurant. And it cannot be solved by always having someone else do it for you.
This is a PSA to about 3/4s of the Portland Youth populace
everyone who reblogs this and is like "I ordered my own tea this week" or "I only barfed once when I had to give a presentation'- you are doing amazing sweetie. Have patience with yourself, you are relearning a skill so difficult that people get 4 year degrees to do it professionally.
I'll also add that we have a lot of bias added to older literature because of archaic language and what our teachers said about it. I'm here to tell you Charles Dickens would be considered a mediocre writer today. He forgets about characters in his stories, he has the same thing happen multiple times sometimes, and he writes these massive, endless books in which very little happens. But his books are classics so they're beloved. Jane Austen as well writes incredibly repetitive books where very little changes except character names. They were the romance novels of her era.
Both of these authors were seen as "pop" fiction of their time period and not taken super seriously. Now they're classics. So, as much as I think Toni Morrison is the best author of our lives, history suggests that James Patterson and Dan Brown and Stephanie Meyers and Sarah J Maas will be the ones talked about in classrooms in a couple hundred years.
It's been 84 years since I first started this fic, and guys... it is finally here. A 4k long one-shot filled with mutual pining between exes in a fake relationship because Buck's parents are coming to town 👀
I hope you will all enjoy it!
---
"So… my parents are coming over this weekend."
Tommy stops eating his toast mid-chew and regards Buck curiously before swallowing it down. "That's reasonable, I suppose," he finally says and grabs the napkin Buck hands over to him to wipe some crumbs off of his face. It's such a small, domestic thing that has become so natural between them since Tommy first moved into his house. It ignites something in Buck that he chooses to ignore for now.
"It's just for one night", Buck assures him hurriedly. "You know, this is my first house, and—"
"It's okay, Evan. I understand," Tommy says softly. "Just tell me what time and I'll be out of your hair—"
"What? Tommy, no. That's not what I— that's the opposite of what I want. Besides, y-you live here now. I'm not gonna throw you out for one night just because they are coming over. I would never do that."
"I know you wouldn't do that. That's why I'm offering," Tommy counters, and yeah, that's fair, Buck realizes. Being at home when his ex's parents are visiting is probably not the most ideal situation. "But if it would make you feel better, I'll stay," Tommy then adds and holds his cup of coffee a bit tighter.
"Yeah? You sure?"
"Of course. I mean, I probably would have preferred a more proper meeting and a dinner with them while we were dating, but, hey, we are prone to stray from conventional, so why not add this too?"
Buck ducks his head bashfully at Tommy's statement. Yeah, maybe living with your ex wasn't exactly conventional, but it had worked out exceptionally great for them. It had been two months since Tommy had unexpectedly knocked on Buck's door after having very vague contact with each other through texts since Bobby's funeral. Buck had stared at Tommy in shock at first while Tommy sheepishly held up a six-pack of beer and asked him for a favor.
A favor that Buck had accepted before even knowing what it was, because this was Tommy who had risked his life and his job to save his team from the events at the lab, so yeah, of course he could do him a favor, no questions asked! So Tommy had told him about the foundation damage on his house along with other cracks and damages that could take a long while to repair. It was a very old house, so Buck wasn't very surprised to learn this. Was more surprised that Tommy had come to him to ask if he could stay here for a while, until all restorations were complete.
"You do realize the irony in this, right?" Buck had teased light-heartedly through his eruptions of butterflies flying off his chest, and Tommy had only shrugged sheepishly.
"Oh, I am well aware of the irony, Evan. But you were sort of my last resort, so—"
"Oh, last resort? Wow."
"And yet the first one who came to mind," Tommy said smoothly with a sweet smile. "You don't have to accept. I will find a motel and—"
"I already said yes, Tommy. How soon can you get your things?"
It had been surprisingly easy. They already knew of each other's habits and routines, and Buck quickly learned how much he had missed having him around. How Tommy made everything feel lighter.
And he didn't feel so lonely anymore.
So Buck appreciated having mornings like this. Where he and Tommy would just sit together and enjoy their breakfast while catching up and talk about their latest shifts. It had now become one of Buck's favorite things to do.
Seeing Tommy first thing in a morning was just a sweet bonus for his eyes.
"So do they find it weird?" Tommy asks casually. Buck licks the remaining drops of coffee off of his bottom lip.
"Find what weird?"
"That their son's ex boyfriend is living with him," Tommy hums and reaches over to brush a crumb of toast off of Evan's face. It's such a casual move that he's probably not thinking about it while Buck's heart is more than well aware of the fact.
"Oh, uh… So about that…"
"Evan."
"Hm?"
"Evan."
"Look, it's not like I haven't purposely kept it from them," he says hurriedly, because it's true, and the last thing he wants is for Tommy to think that that's exactly what he's been doing. "I-it's just that we never talk, like never, maybe once or twice a year, a-and there's been so much going on, so it just hasn't come up and—"
There's a gentle touch on his chin. Two tips of fingers tilting his face up as he rambles, a touch so sweet and familiar.
"You are freaking out," Tommy says softly, brows furrowed in concern.
"—I don't want them here anyway. There's always something— I—"
A thumb brushes gently over his jaw. Gentle and soothing, and Buck feel himself melting to the touch. Clinging to it. "There he is," Tommy hums. Let's his thumb linger as it soothes over Buck's skin. "It's okay, Evan. I get it. I know you don't have a great relationship with your parents, so if me being there as a partner makes it easier for you, then I'll make sure to be there.
Buck pulls away from his touch, then. Immediately regrets the decision as he misses his touch, but he stands firm. "Tommy. That is not— Why would you—? Isn't that—? We can't—"
"It might not be what you had intended, Evan, but I don't see any harm in doing it for one night. We already live together, they already met me briefly at Howie and Maddie's wedding. They're probably gonna jump to the conclusion anyway."
It was a good argument, Buck had to admit. Great, even.
"Tommy… You know we don't have to—"
"We don't have to," Tommy agrees. "I understand if you are uncomfortable with the idea. It was only a suggestion."
"Me uncomfortable? No, Tommy, that's not… I'm not. I like the idea. I think it's a great idea. It's just… you don't know my parents. T-there's gonna be questions, a-and expectations. I don't you to feel put on a spot."
"Mmh."
"Mmh? What does that mean?" Buck knows that devious smile on Tommy's face. Has seen it far too many times to know that he is planning something.
"I've charmed one Buckley before. I'm sure I can charm two more."
Buck huffs out a laugh, earning a wider grin on Tommy's face. "So you are willing to play the part?"
"Easiest part to play," Tommy hums softly. "We'll make it believable."
---
When Tommy had said they'd make it believable, Buck hadn't imagined he would go to such great lengths to do so. He figured he had meant just during the dinner, so he had been surprised to come home from a shift one day to see various of framed photos of him and Tommy together. Old photos from when they had actually been together. One placed on the mantle that Buck remember they had taken on one of their dates. They were both facing the camera with their faces pressed together and they looked happy. There was a candid photo of the two of them together out at a bar with Tommy's arm wrapped around his waist and Buck laughing at something. It was a photo Chimney had taken and sent to them because they looked nauseously happy when he was supposed to be the newlywed. Tommy had put that photo up on the fridge, so now that was something Buck had to face every morning.
Seeing the photos, seeing how happy they were and knowing how easy everything had felt, made Buck's heart ache to feel all of that again. To have all of that again.
The photos weren't even the most surprising part.
No, Tommy was on a mission, and said mission included moving some of his things from Tommy's to Buck's bedroom. "To make it believable. What if they snoop, Evan?" He had said, and… yes. Fair point. Knowing his parents, and especially knowing his mother's love for design, there would most likely be a scenario where they would at least look into every room and probably find it suspicious to find Tommy's clothes in a different one. It was only for show. It was all for show.
And yet, Buck couldn't help but to find Tommy so endearing with how invested he was in this little project. How determined he was to make everything right and to make sure nothing looked suspicious down to the smallest detail.
The day finally arrived, and to say that Buck was nervous was an understatement. Not just because of the old role he would have to fall back into with Tommy, but because this was the first time he would see his parents again since the wedding. They were in a better place now than they had before, but it was also still a lifelong worth of work in progress to be made, and sometimes old cracks and bruises would resurface and make Buck feel small again.
Maybe it would be different this time.
Regardless of how it went, he knew he wouldn't be alone.
"You doing okay?" Tommy's voice sooth his nerves from behind him where he is doing some last preparations on the food he's made— one of Bobby's old recipes. He feels Tommy's hand on his back and feels himself relax to the touch.
"A little bit anxious," he admits. "You know I, uh… I've never introduced them to anyone before."
"There's still time to back out," Tommy offers, and Buck shakes his head and turns around only to realize that Tommy is standing a lot closer than he had thought. Tommy doesn't move out of the way, though, just smiles warmly. How can he be so calm about this?
"That should be my line," Buck argues then, a little breathlessly since his ex is standing so close. It could be for any reason, he thinks, but he can't say he's mad about the lack of distance. It's comfortable in a way he can't describe, just to have Tommy's presence there.
"After all the effort I've put into all of this, there's no way I'm backing out." Buck smiles at that. Lifts his hand to adjust the collar on Tommy's button-up and lets his hand linger there and sees and hears Tommy's breathing hitch for a moment, then catches the way Tommy's gaze drifts down to his lips.
Buck's hand curls around the fabric of Tommy's collar, and Tommy… Tommy looks at him for a moment. Looks like he's about to lean in, but instead turns his head to press his lips over Buck's knuckles.
It's such a small thing. Such a small touch, an affectionate gesture, but the small touch makes everything feel so big. Makes his heart pound so hard and fast inside his chest and his blood rush through him in an impossible speed as the butterflies inside of him multiplies and would make his body soar if it was possible.
He feels Tommy's hand on his jaw, next. Gently cradling his face as if it's the most precious thing, and he instinctively leans into the touch and into his presence and takes in the moment that is between them and them only. There's Tommy murmuring his name softly, his gaze locked on his. Searching. Questioning. And Buck finds himself nodding and finally feels Tommy's warm breath ghost over his lips—
The doorbell rings.
They both startle at the sudden noise, but neither moves away from each other's space. Just bumps their foreheads together and huffs out a surprised laugh before Tommy then presses his lips onto Buck's forehead.
"We should probably not keep them waiting."
Buck wanted to disagree. Let his parents wait outside so he could kiss his ex like nothing else mattered. He wrinkles his nose and pulls away from the warmth of Tommy's space, lets his hand slide down from his collar down his broad chest in the process of doing so, just because. The nerves settles inside of him again, because being close to Tommy was easy and meeting his own parents was always complicated.
But it was time.
---
The thing about Buck's parents is that he never knows what to expect when it comes to them. They have the tendency to run hot one minute and cold the next, and sometimes there's a consistency of one or the other. When both Buck and Tommy opens the door to greet them, they are met with warmth. Margaret looks pleasantly surprised to see Tommy there, which surprises Buck more than anything when she greets him with a hug and hands him a bottle of wine before hugging Buck. "This house looks lovely," she tells him, almost cooing, and Buck can't help but to feel giddy by the amount of approval.
Philip greets Tommy with a clap on his shoulder. It's polite, a little bit awkward, but nothing about it suggests that there's any hostility behind it. He then pulls Buck into a hug and compliments the smell of food that awaits them.
Tommy gives them a tour of the house while Buck sets the table, allowing the nerves to settle down, trusting that things will go well with Tommy. He can't for the life of him find any reason to dislike him, so why would they?
He opens the bottle of wine they had brought and nervously fumbles with the napkin to set them right when they all return, Tommy immediately finding his way by Buck's side, hand casually placed on his back and lips kissing his birthmark as if it's the most natural thing in the world and fills Buck with immediate warmth.
"What a remarkable home you have made for yourselves", Margaret says as they get seated.
"Certainly an upgrade from that loft," Philip agrees, and Buck ducks his head bashfully and chooses not to tell the story of the man living in the attic when he— they— had first moved in here.
"It comes with a backyard, too," he says sheepishly, because it's one of the things that had really drawn him to this place. "I— we were thinking of having a bigger patio built. When we find the time."
It's not a lie. It is something he has been thinking about but also something he hasn't clued Tommy in on that maybe he should have prior to this visit to keep up the appearances.
Turns out he never needed to be clued in, because Tommy is so quick to adjust to the idea that he might as well have been aware the whole time.
Or maybe he just simply knows Buck so well that he just knows it's what he wants. The very idea of Tommy knowing him so well just buries the man deeper into the depth of his heart.
So they get into a discussion about potential plans for the patio. Buck even draws a rough draft of his plans onto his napkin to show his parents, and the night just flows on like that. Everything feels easy and Buck feels… content in a way he never would have imagined he'd feel around his parents.
They take great interest in Tommy. Asks him all the questions about his job, and he answers them with ease.
With things going so well and so easy, it feels inevitable that something is bound to come up.
And eventually, it does.
It's an innocent comment with nothing but good intentions behind it, and it comes from Margaret.
"By the looks of it, it won't be long till we'll have another Buckley wedding."
Of all the things they have prepared for, Buck had not expected that to come out from any of his parents tonight, but it was out there, and— he feels Tommy tense beside him. His own hands grasps onto the hem of his shirt just to have something to hold on to as he laughs nervously.
"Mom—"
"Oh, do not fuss, dear. It must have crossed your minds, I'm sure."
Well. Yes. Buck had of course imagined it. Yearned for it. But it seemed like something so distant from reality that he had to remind himself that this wasn't real.
"We're taking it one step at a time," Tommy eventually says and reaches out a hand to cover it over Buck's. He's less tense now, but a little on edge, it seems, and of course Buck can sense it and fear that maybe Tommy is going to bolt out of here as soon as he has the chance.
"Uh--y-yeah, we're still getting used to living together. A-and we both have busy jobs," Buck fills in. He then looks at Tommy. "There's no reason to rush this."
He feels Tommy's hand squeezing his with his own. Reassurance. Relief.
And he's still here.
---
"He's a very pleasant man," Margaret tells Buck later that night when she is helping him with the dishes. She had insisted on it while Tommy and Philip headed out to the back patio.
Buck smiles easily, feeling his cheeks heat up. "Yeah, he is pretty special."
He can feel his mother's eyes on him. Studying him, and Buck isn't sure what to think of it. This is a new territory for him. It's not the first time he is getting her support or approval. He remembers vividly after Albert had outed him about the donor baby and how she then had surprised him by showing her full support. It had felt so freeing. So new.
This felt exactly like that.
And he felt like a fraud.
"I may not have been around much as your mother, but Ev— Buck. I think even I can tell you that what I have been seeing here goes deeper than a shallow relationship. This man makes you happy."
And, well. What was Buck supposed to say to that other than to grin over such a statement? It's nothing but the truth. Nothing he is going to deny, whether this is real or not.
"I don't think anyone has made me as happy as he has," he admits, and it earns him a touch of his mother's hand on his cheek cradling him warmly.
"That's all I ever want for you, honey." The touch is brief, but it leaves a warm feeling of acceptance and trust. Something he has been longing for his entire life.
"Thanks, mom," he hear himself say in barely a whisper, and his mom smiles back at him.
"Truth be told. I was worried I was going to come here and find you unsettled. Whatever brought you two back together, I'm glad it happened."
Oh.
Oh.
Buck pauses the rinsing of the plate he's holding as he takes this all in. He hadn't known that she was already aware of the break-up happening, but now, in hindsight, he figures that maybe Maddie or Chimney might have told her.
It was yet another detail he hadn't counted on or even thought of, but it made sense that Maddie would have told them. Of course it makes sense.
Keeping up the appearances of being a couple hadn't been necessary.
What would Tommy say?
Buck swallows and huffs out a laugh. "I'm just glad to have him in my life," he says, spilling out yet another truth to conceal the lies that lies beneath it.
---
His parents don't stay for too long after that. They spend time in the back patio, drinking wine and sharing stories from when Buck was a kid that Tommy soaks in as a sponge with amusement glinting in his eyes and teasing smiles being sent Buck's way. They hug them both goodbye. Philip is being less awkward now as he pulls Tommy in for a hug and tells him to take good care of his son, in which Tommy agrees.
And then it's just the two of them again.
They go back to the patio. Sinks down onto the lounging couch with their shoulders pressed together and takes in the silence. Enjoying each other's presence.
"So how do you feel?" Tommy eventually asks after a third sip of his wine. Buck takes a long sip from his own while considering his answer, because it feels a lot more complicated than it should be right now.
"They like you," he says and throws Tommy a knowing glance.
Tommy, in turn, sends Buck a playful look. "I told you I know my ways to charm a Buckley." He bumps his shoulder with Buck's.
"One of your many exceptional skills."
Tommy laughs and leans further into Buck's space. "So they like me?"
"They're already expecting a wedding." Maybe it's the wrong thing to bring up. Buck feels bold to even do so, but the words are out there now. "I-I mean, I think we handled that pretty well, but—"
"I can't say I was expecting that either," Tommy agrees, and Buck catches the way his gaze shifts away from him.
"Y-yeah. Sorry about that."
Tommy stares at him again, eyes soft and a little bit troubled with concern. It's a look Buck has seen on him so many times. One that he is usually the cause of. "Mmh. No. Apologies won't be tolerated unless they are warranted," he deadpans. "Not acceptable."
Buck wrinkles his nose and laughs, slapping Tommy's shoulder playfully, and Tommy is quick to grab hold of Buck's hand and press a wet, sloppy kiss on the back of it before releasing it. "Idiot," Buck says fondly, and Tommy grins.
"I mean it, Evan. You have nothing to apologize for. The mention of a wedding was surprising, but… it's the highest form of flattery. Just means we did a good job."
A good job.
The words falls heavy on top of Buck. Piling up like a ton of brick, or, in his case, a ladder truck crushing him with the reality of what all of this was.
The photo that Tommy had framed and put on the mantle. The one up on the fridge. Tommy's things inside his bedroom.
All of it had been for show.
For a job well done.
He quickly finds himself on his feet, facing away from Tommy. "Right. Well done us."
"Evan?"
"Y-you know, it's been a long day, and I'm pretty beat, so—"
"Was it something I said?" Buck doesn't need to look at Tommy to know that he's concerned. It's all there, sprinkled in his voice.
"It's not you, Tommy. It's— it's not just you. It's me. It's me, thinking that—" he pauses. Inhales. Exhales and bites the inside of his cheek and turns around to face Tommy. "You know what? Yeah, I am pretty upset. I'm upset because tonight felt so easy and so believable that even I was convinced that it was all real for a second, and it— it hurts, Tommy. You broke my heart, and it still hurts."
He turns his head away from Tommy, because he can feel rather than see the worry burying into him from his gaze like a laser beam.
"Evan—"
"N-no. I-I know this is on me, too. I agreed to this, thinking it was going to be easy. A-and it was. It was too easy. S-so much so that it felt real. You've been amazing. You— you went beyond what I expected, a-and I'm not saying that I don't appreciate it, because I do. More than anything. But it hurts. It hurts because none of it was real. You played your part, a-and now they're gonna expect a wedding, a-and the funny part is that none of it needed to happen because Maddie had already told them that we were broken up. Isn't that hilarious? That this was all for nothing? T-that you put all of this effort into making it believable for something that's not even real? A-and thinking about it, what would the next plan be the next time they come over a-and you've moved back to your house? A fake break-up?" He laughs ruefully.
"I'm not mad or upset at you," he then says. "I'm not. I'm just… I'm tired."
Silence falls between them, and when neither speaks, Buck makes the move to go back inside when he feels Tommy's fingers around his wrist. Buck stops. Closes his eyes and inhales again as he feels the uncomfortable sting in his throat.
"Maybe," Tommy starts, voice heavy with emotions. "Maybe the reason this was so easy was because there was no pretending. Have you considered that?"
Frowning, Buck turns around to face him once again. "What?"
"I should apologize, first of all," he says sheepishly, and there's a small smile on his face. "I genuinely just wanted to be here to support you. That was my intention."
"Tommy, I know that."
"I got so involved with the idea because I wanted the night to be perfect for you. I wanted you to have a nice, quiet dinner with your parents. I thought that if I could go back to this role, just for this one night, it would be— it would be good."
"I-it was a successful night," Buck insists, and Tommy laughs softly.
"My point it," he continues, stepping closer into Buck's space and lifting a hand to touch his cheek. Buck leans into the touch. Covers his hand with his own. "I wanted it to be real so badly that I tried to simulate it by doing all these extra things. I should have considered your feelings, too."
Buck lets out a shuddered breath he didn't realize he had been holding in. "W-what are you saying?"
"I'm saying, what if none of it was a lie. What if there is a wedding down the line? I'm not saying now, but— mmph!"
It was all the confirmation Buck needed to know what Tommy truly meant, and it was all he needed to hear to finally, finally press his lips on his and taste him, and to feel Tommy's hands gripping his hips tightly to pull him flush against him. The euphoric joy he feels in that moment is something he can't put to words, so he pours it into the kiss to share it with Tommy.
---
It turns out that Tommy's house is too damaged for a quick fix. He moves into Buck's house permanently, and there is, indeed, a wedding somewhere down the line.
FRIENDLY REMINDER THAT you are allowed to feel proud of yourself for things that might seem silly to other people, like getting better at a video game or putting together a nice outfit for the next morning or finishing a book. You deserve to feel proud for your accomplishment.
Hey! Just a reminder! AO3 does NOT have an app. This garbage was made by theives who steal fan artist’s work and sell it back to you.
“Oh, but it’s free!” There are ads. They are making money off of this. They are stealing from the creators you love and you are hurting those same creators if you use this app or any similar app.
PSA to fic readers, it is so hard to freak a fic writer out with your comments. we are just as crazy about the fic as you are.
tell me you love it. tell me it made you slam your laptop shut. tell me you brought it up at your college lecture about kink. key smash in all caps. quote the passage that made you think. i promise, we’ll love it.
we spend hours thinking about it, writing it, editing it. there is no such thing as over enthusiasm when you’re talking about our fics to us. we are sooooo weird about them, i assure you. you are just matching my freak. the freak bar is already set so high. feel no anxiety about enjoying something and letting the creator know.
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