I still had a little hope in my heart that things will go back to normal, but today I have realized that they won’t and its so hard to accept the fact that my story with him has to END! I've been avoiding it for so long that I'm only hurting myself the most. I'm basically destroying myself mentally and emotionally.
He went all Britney Spears on me, I walked in the bathroom and see al his hair in the trash, my heart dropped. He had let his hair grow for as long as we were together it was something meaningful for us, or at least for me. I refuse to see the sign that he's giving me, because I have a strong feeling that even our friend ship is broken now, insults have been said, bad vibes are now growing. It’s becoming a really toxic environment. We live and work together, figure that one out.
I just want to go away, I don't want to be in the same house as him. Feeling his indifference towards me just makes me want to scream, I want to know what I did wrong, why wasn’t I enough. Yesterday I try joking around with him and I guess I hit a sensitive spot and he is so mad at me but I don't even know why, what made him so mad?????? He gets to make fun of me when ever he wants and do pranks but I decide to joke around like “friends” that we had decided were gonna be, and all of the suden I’m a “jackass” as he called me, I could not believe the words that had came out his mouth.
its been a complicated relationship, that I still have a hard time figuring out how he got up to this point, or actually how I put up with so many shit.
I blame no one but myself cause I should had walked away LOOONG time ago, and I didn't. I thought thigs would get better between us but is just got worst. I was becoming someone else, jealous, and crazy. I’ve had to go thru all these mixed feelings, getting anxiety, having you on my mind 24/7 wondering what you were doing when I wasn't with you, or who you were calling or texting. I just wanted to be in your head the whole time, and I knew that it wasn't healthy. I needed reassurance from him and sometimes I got it, but most of the time is was me just begging him for love. I was always afraid of him leaving, I still am.
I couldn't trust him or anything he said cause I would always find put he would lie, even for the smallest thing. I told him when we first started going out that I was a very straight forward person and I'll rather hear the truth and forgive him for that, that figuring out he’s lying and having to forgiven him for that too. I just fell stupid mad in love with him.
I know I have never felt this before cause we has such strong connection since we meet. we became good friends and its started there, where I made one big mistake. I had to get to know every little detail about you. Halfway thru the relationship I realized I didn't know much about him, by this time we were roommates already. I started to do my little research because I had a gut feeling that told me there was more to you, and I had to know...
turnnoffyourmind
annaxmalina
romaincrisis
titsay