That 30's Cyclones

A rigid Two-Dimensional suffering many bad judgements, Life has been endless struggle & drama. Lost in the name of Bipolar II Self Restricted too. Twitter: @Uff2Ana

[ish2uff]

SELF-EXPLAINATORY ILLUSTRATIONS; BY H.I.R.O - The act of getting the message across without having to speak about the suffering I’ve had as Manic Depressive.

[ish2uff]

Life as a Two-Headed Beast (Bipolar) BY ; Abigail Southworth

Life as a Two-Headed Beast is the story of the silent struggle faced by almost 6 million Americans every year. Bipolar Disorder is a mental illness characterized by extreme changes in mood. Previously known as manic-depressive disorder, bipolar causes shifts between depression and mania. This is illustrated by the two faces of the woman in the artwork.

But even more tell-tale is the text surrounding the woman- a direct reflection of attitudes towards the illness itself held by those around her. We call her the two-headed beast not because that’s how she sees herself, but because there’s how we see her.

[ish2uff]

I do have a social life!

[ish2uff]

If only life is that easy, where the size of your clothing doesn't reflect who you are and if the numbers on the scale won't hurt you.

[ish2uff]

Today let's learn to love and accept ourselves despite whatever sticks and stones thrown at us.

[ish2uff]

Its Friday night for me and this RELIEF feeling i have to take off the mask and locked myself in at home

[ish2uff]

Something positive, coming out from something so horrible. Here's some hopes for us.

[ish2uff]

You don't owe explanation to anyone for what you're feeling today!

[ish2uff]

[ish2uff]

I'M NOT BIPOLAR, I'M CONDITIONED BY BIPOLAR.. They're constantly denying my actual conditions with expectations, sarcasm, ill humor or just turn head elsewhere.

[ish2uff]

You're Wrong, I'm High Functioning Mentally Ill

I wish to dedicate this posting to my previous Psychiatrist and fellow peers that know me from Business Synergies & those who only see me from the surface of Social Media…. I’m Bipolar and that makes me a mentally-ill person, is that it? During my first meeting with the psychiatrist, she gracefully pointed out the fact that i took interest in wearing a necklace to our session as indication to why - I can’t be that mentally ill. SHE WAS WRONG! From business counterparts, I’m a reliable employee who will swim across sea of fire to excel and exceed mediocre expectations. I engage business and work with utmost dedication, professionalism that everyone took me as someone they can rely on to get things done and i couldn’t be mentally-ill. THEY ARE WRONG! Being Bipolar and keeping up the appearance, is my core value in staying alive and to survive. I don’t want to run around the lot barefoot with my hair on fire just to show everyone that I’m not normal. The mental illness I was diagnosed with isn’t going to be my life’s biggest setbacks, even though that’s what it actually is. A High Functioning Mentally-ill person! That indicates; I’m not in mental hospital, I work to pay rent & bills, have ambitions to be great at what I’m doing and accountable to all my responsibilities. But faking normalcy and keeping things in check is a very delicate matter. WEEKDAYS MASKING; It’s important that i keep Bipolar on the shelf when i need to. I have to keep good appearance during weekdays, where i can’t afford to disappoint the employer and business partners. I produce quality work and hold on to that. You can’t do that, if all you think about is how to end your life the soon nobody’s looking. WEEKENDS DEFICIT; All the parade over 5days a week takes major toll on me,faking normal requires massive amount of energy. Sure, you go out for drinks on Friday night while I stay anxious and agitated trying to keep suicidal thoughts at bay. Utter decimation and exhaustion from keeping up the appearances. WHAT’S LEFT; I don’t have the energy or brain space left to read, pay interest on hobbies, exercising, meet friends, date or do anything else. The last thing I want to do is leave the house. I rather keep myself locked in, so i get to collapse on the floor broken to thousands pieces. All the wonderful people i know and the beautiful things world has to offer, i do appreciate all of it. But that doesn’t erase the inertia i face where all the energy sucked out from my body, just to pay bills and to upkeep the appearance. But that’s what mental illness do to me. I make excuses not to go out, ignore calls until one day it finally stop ringing and that social life is unknown to me. I have a schedule. That 5days vs 2days schedule that i have to keep. So yes, I’m mentally ill but I’m also a High functioning person that deliver efforts to keep contributing as much as any normal able bodied. I don't need to prove a point about my mental illness just to show everyone that they are wrong.

[intlbipolar]

[ish2uff]

Under many layers of complexities

Having knowledge, is just making everything else that are complicated in my life to metasized. I’m Bipolar. Bipolar or Manic Depressive Disorder.  Mania. Depressed. Whatever you choose to describe, it won’t matter because it doesn’t make or feel easier. I am officially changed from being Erratic-Different-Creative person to a certified CRAZY person.  You know that person when you avert your eyes from looking directly because the vibes you’re getting is alarming.  Unstable . Freaky . Crazy . Social disapproval, family denial and public stigma are the major setbacks. There’s no way I could shout out loud about my mental illness. For some who knows they will continue being ignorant and keep reminding me to stay quiet about it, avoid visits to hospital, stop taking medication and just continue living like usual. As though this illness isn’t real and it will one day go away. Bipolar exists only on Hollywood movie scene. I have my medication, I refuse to take them. One to keep me in the middle, one to keep me down and the other one to keep my sanity away from paranoia. My favorite is the one that put me to sleep, because sure as hell I don’t really get plenty sleep. Sometimes I stay up all night , the energy keeps flowing and all the creative ideas make the impossible seems possible. My body revved and I can be ahead of anything else. Work performance going up but anything else going down. After that comes the crash. Like a condescending piece of trash, the elevated cycle tumbles down to tiny pieces. Knocking me with massive amount of sadness, isolation, hopelessness, anxiety and depression. How getting out of the bed in the morning is painful, calling work telling them I’m struck with cold rather admitting that I’m mentally ill and couldn’t face the world . I stop answering the phone, eventually it stops ringing. Friends are no longer friends, I don’t find the logic in keeping them. I stop going out, never dance to favorite tune , quit yoga and develop love/hate relationship with my own body. For years now, I know I’ve been stuck in my apartment. Computer and internet became my escape from reality. Sure I Facebook, Tweet and post Instagram. Pretending I’m doing great, using old pictures when I was a lot more skinnier or at least looked much happier. Perhaps I’m that aggressive unhappy go-getter bitch, that everyone thinks and sees.  At some point things escalate. Not going out has become a normal thing. Anxiety, stressed, panic attacks - the whole deal. I hide under massive workload so I’ll be too exhausted or too busy to even take care of myself . After all, the mess I’ve made in life is a perfect match for the damaged inside. Wanting to escape is the easiest way out. Then I see the faces, the responsibilities, undone work, all the expectations and together it balled up to heavy weight of guilt. To feel the guilt that I even gone suicidal, make me feel even worse. Frustration, Guilt , Responsibilities, Anger and repeat. Daily. 24/7 . Whole life is all of that. Buried under many layers of complexities or perhaps crippled by Bipolar and I’d never know or understand the pleasure of having a quiet mind - but you know, underneath it all there’s ME…

[ish2uff]

To go back as before

It crossed my mind more lately, to stop getting the help from hospital, the medication, psychiatric sessions and having the illness further studied to work on with. So i could go back to my ignorance life and not to be perturbed so much about my weight gain, the sucking-me-out-of-life pills, stigmatized dramas and most of all to be back being the old me. The up in the moment me, the highly driven or the lowest low of me.. I'm just getting bored of trying to analyze everything to keep things smooth around the edges since I gotten to know about my Bipolar. The medications can't truly be helping if I'm not committed to change my lifestyle. This got to be it. I'm quitting my medication once and for all.

[betterthandarkchocolate]

Assert Yourself!

Improve your Assertiveness. Being assertive is an important communication skill which can reduce your levels of depression and anxiety and improve your self esteem. This information package is designed to provide you with some information about assertiveness – what it is, what stops us from being assertive and how to become more assertive. This information package is organised into modules that are designed to be worked through in sequence.  We recommend that you complete one module before going on to the next.  Each module includes information, worksheets, and suggested exercises or activities.

Modules:

Module 1: What is assertiveness? This module introduces the concept of assertiveness, describes some myths about assertiveness, identifies reasons why we become unassertive, looks at the effects of not being assertive, and also what factors stop us from being assertive. It also gives you the chance to assess how assertive you are in a range of situations. PDF document: 184kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 2: How to recognise assertive behaviour This module shows you how to recognise the differences between passive, aggressive and assertive communication and introduces the verbal and non-verbal characteristics of each communication style. PDF document: 151kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 3: How to think more assertively This module introduces the concept that it is how we think that can stop us from being assertive. It identifies a number of unhelpful thoughts, and then gives the more assertive counterpart to this thought. It then introduces two techniques for changing your unhelpful thinking: thought diaries and behavioural experiments. PDF document: 164kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 4: How to behave more assertively This module introduces a number of techniques designed to help you become more assertive. PDF document: 163kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 5: Reducing physical tension This module helps you to identify areas of physical tension in your body and introduces a number of techniques designed to help you reduce this tension and become more relaxed. PDF document: 154kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 6: How to say “no” assertively This module examines the effects of not being able to say “no”. It identifies a number of unhelpful thoughts that may make it difficult for you to say “no” and helps you come up with a more helpful thinking style. It then introduces a number of ways to say “no”. PDF document: 153kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 7: How to deal assertively with criticism This module identifies the different types of criticism and why we may have trouble responding well to criticism. It looks at the underlying beliefs which may stop us from being able to deal with criticism and helps you come up with a more helpful thinking style. It then gives some tips for dealing with criticism and also for giving constructive criticism. PDF document: 202kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 8: How to deal with disappointment assertively This module helps you identify how you deal with disappointment and examine the unhelpful thinking that may be making it difficult for you to deal with disappointment. It then helps you come up with a more helpful thinking style to deal more assertively with disappointment. PDF document: 136kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 9: How to give and receive compliments assertively This module helps you identify whether you receive compliments in an assertive way or not. It then helps you identify any unhelpful thinking that may be preventing you from being assertive in receiving compliments and helps you to come up with a more helpful thinking style. It then provides steps for receiving compliments and also for giving compliments. PDF document: 145kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

Module 10: Putting it all together This module summarises the skills you have learnt so far. It then helps you build a hierarchy of challenges to help you practice to become more assertive. It provides a worksheet to help you work through the challenges you set for yourself. Finally it gives you a chance to reassess yourself to see if you have become more assertive.PDF document: 133kb. Updated 14 November 2008.

[ish2uff]

From where I am, Mental Illness is a taboo and not to be addressed, discussed or to admit, that we need the help!

[appearances-vs-reality-deactiva]

This says a lot. Normal brain vs the brain of depression, bi polar, schizophrenia and OCD… “It’s all in your head” you say. Well technically yes, but that’s because they’re MENTAL disorders you numb nut. What goes on in our heads is very intense and so fucking terrible. You can never understand what we go through unless you have had a mental disorder yourself. Then again there are a lot of people who have these mental illnesses and please know that you aren’t alone, there are people who understand and there are people who deeply care about you.