In his first year, Li Tianchen celebrated Christmas with friends new and old at the time photo studio. Now heâs doing it again.
In which he remembers his first Christmas with them lives this one with a little misunderstanding that leads to an unexpected realization
In which Li Tianxi lays wounded by the gunshot, and reminisces her childhood, awaiting the eternal sleep she is bound to get. She finds that among the memories a promise lingers, staying true even as she dies.
There was a dog Li Tianxi and her mother would pass every time they returned from the odd manâs place. She remembers it would smell of different things all at once, pharmacist her mother used to say.Â
The smell was unbearable sometimes but she held it in. Anything for her mother. Even her own voice.
Li Tianxi didnât understand the dog. He was big and mean when people were near but he always looked sad and lonely when there wasnât anyone around. He reminds her of a wounded beast from the fairytales sheâs read before. The beast had nobody. Li Tianchen told her that if you have nobody then you're alone. It's sad.
Li Tianxi and her mother make their way back home. They stop at a big colorful jar holding toys in it. Mama calls it a claw machine. She wants one. The pink fox plushie is cute. They bring it home. It didn't go well. If only she had known.
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Li Tianchen says he made a new friend. Li Tianxi is happy for him but she has a bad feeling. She just hopes Li Tianchen will continue to shine the way he does now.
Her brother teaches her more sign language. Itâs hard to learn but heâs always there guiding her through it. Thereâs a gentle feeling as he brings her hands together to form a triangle. He tells her that means home. She likes that sign. Itâs one she remembers better than most.Â
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She is reminded of the promise he made to her. Li Tianchen, with his softness reserved only for her, whispering as he combed through her hair.Â
âIâll always be here Xixi. Youâll never be alone. Iâm sure of it. Weâll be just fine.âÂ
There was something in his eyes she noticed but couldnât quite place. Later, all grown up, as she dreamed of her childhood again, she would think he looked pained. Haunted.Â
But the Li Tianxi back then didnât quite understand what he meant, why his face held hurt. Only that heâd be there for her.Â
Heâd say those words often. Like if he said it enough itâd be willed into existence. Destined. She hopes theyâre destined for forever.Â
She remembers thinking it worked both ways. If he would be there for her, so would she. She wouldnât allow him to be alone either. She was sure of it too.Â
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The first time Li Tianchen went to school while she was held back home would stay on her mind forever.Â
She watched him go, wishing him a good day in the language only they shared. The one only he bothered to learn.
 Her mother was there to keep her company but she felt panicked without Li Tianchen, like running blindfolded, disoriented.Â
Was this what it felt like to be alone?
No wonder Li Tianchen was so insistent on them being together. It was the first time she truly understood the meaning of being alone. It scared her. She wondered if it scared him too.
She thinks she can understand the dog a little. Maybe even her brother.
âŚ
Li Tianchen still wasnât back. She sits on his bed huddling up with his blanket and pillow in an attempt to comfort herself. It doesnât work. So she waits, time passing slowly until he finally comes back home.
She cries and sobs into his shirt, arms latched tightly around him, unwilling to let him go.
Her brother, flustered and worried, shushed her gently, stroking his hands through her hair. The repeated action brought comfort to her and slowly her sobs shrunk and she calmed down. He asked her what was wrong, checking for any injuries. Still a mess, Li Tianxi conveyed her words the best she could.Â
Why did you leave me? You said Iâd never be alone.
Her brother laughs. She felt a little like a petulant child upon seeing his dismissive reaction. âOh, Xixi,â He says gentle as always, like it wasnât in him to be anything but.
 âAlone is when a person leaves and doesnât come back. And I swore didnât I ? That youâd never be alone.Trust your brother a little.â
He smiles and soon she feels herself smile too, comforted with his promise. They play together for the rest of the evening and Li Tianxi has never felt so loved.
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Heâd say those words often. Between quiet moments shared as she drifted off to sleep, between the scary ones where theyâd crouch behind the bedroom door, him with his hands over her ears, trying to drown out the screams. It helped her, allowing her to focus solely on her brotherâs words that sounded more like pleas as days passed. Â
Sheâd tried saying those words to herself once, when Li Tianchen had gone off to school leaving her behind again. It just didnât have the same effect. When heâd say them her chest would feel warm and tingly. Sheâd know she was protected. Safe.
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Until the last time sheâd heard it. The dinner that was never finished. Sheâd cried and cried and cried.Â
Theyâd been swept into the embrace of the stranger and whisked off to somewhere new as he whispered softly, almost to himself â âItâs just us now Xixi. Youâll never be alone.â
And he was right. She doesnât even need to look back; she knew she had never been alone. Li Tianchen has always been there. Just like he promised.
So she fights the pain in her chest and pushes his trembling hands away, watching as he heeds her words, running far, until heâs out of sight.Â
The kind girl from the police station keeps her company with tears streaming down her face, matching Tianxiâs. Really she has never been alone.
Her breaths stutter and her eyes start to close no matter the effort she puts into staring at the last person sheâll ever see. Eventually she succumbs to the light. Itâs warm. Like the moment the afternoon sun softens its harsh gaze, the moment just before dusk arrives and everything turns quiet. She sees smoke billowing softly out of a chimney. A cottage, just like the one from mamaâs story. She found her way home. She runs to it as she sincerely wishes that Li Tianchen is not alone and will not be, even if she isnât there anymore.
