[clippy]

today when my coworker went to lunch i said “munch munch it’s time for lunch” and the assistant manager was like “carson do u ever.. think before u say things like that never do that again”

[prideofyunmeng]

Yeet Yeet it’s time to eat

[mistysdreaming-deactivated20160]

[in-fi-ni-deactivated20181203]

engagement rings ranked by their ability to break someone’s nose

a pretty standard arrangement for engagement rings. a raised stone is better than nothing. 3/10

a lovely, simple, elegant wedding band. a classic anybody would be pleased to get married with. useless in a fight. 0/10

huge. tacky. kinda pretty tho. but look at that raised diamond in the center. you could easily break someone’s tooth with this. 7/10

also huge and tacky. at first glance you’d think the rounded edge might not cause much damage but look at how those rows of diamonds are raised in the second view. you could really rip up someone’s face. 9/10

this one is almost elegant. no sharp edges, but it’s solidly built. you would cause more damage with the ring on than off, which is a solid basis for choosing an engagement ring. 5/10

a lovely design, i enjoy open filigree. however im not sure how said filigree would stand up to the impact of being slammed into someone’s face. 2/10

the twisting design is pretty, but im not entirely sure that socking someone in the jaw wouldnt break off those stones. it looks somewhat reinforced but do you really want to leave the Punching Power of  your engagement ring up to chance? i wouldnt. two raised stones tho. 6/10, pending experimentation

HAHAHAHA holy shit. thats Five raised stones, with reinforced prongs, for maximum damage at any angle. i highly recommend this ring both for its sapphire centerpiece and its capacity for causing pain. 10/10

there’s not even a stone, its just gold which aint exactly the hardest metal in the world. just fucking stay home if you’re not going to take this seriously.

[whitelinesandversace]

[lizinterrupted]

THIS IS ME SO HARD

[chrissongzzz]

[997]

[rhaenyrastormborn]

When you said you could handle it but the roasts get too real

[richevans]

tag yourself prequels edition. i’m jesus tbh.

[isthatachicken]

my therapist: you need to stop giving into your impulses

me: *bleaches hair and shaves half of my head*

me: *puts cigarettes out on my arm*

me: *eats laundry detergent*

me: *spends entire paycheck in one night*

me: oopsie doopsie

my therapist: pLEASE

[givemeallthesunsets-deactivated]

Dwight is my favorite.

[banji-effect]

[unsends-deactivated20170829]

me, someone who can’t form stable relationships anymore: you know what? i wanna fall in love

[rightside11]

[tetons-atomiques-deactivated201]

[sinfilth-moved]

self care is drinking 3 pots of coffee and getting into a knife fight w god

[bonerfart]

news headline: Studies Show Millenials Wipe Their Ass More Than Any Other Generation someone in the comments: LOL did they develop an app for ass wiping now? Let me tell you something about the real world kids, it’s hard to find the time to wipe every time you have to go potty when you have a job and responsibilities! Sorry liberal loons, this asshole is not a “safe space”!

[grec1a-deactivated20170207]

No proofreading we die like men

[scp-230]

How will the car doctors help Lightning McQueen. They have no hands.