So I guess Iām just gonna update everyone on here about whatās been going on in my life recently the last month. Bear with me, Iām writing this on my iPad and there may be typos and this may be kinda lengthy. Still canāt hide stuff under readmores on the app.
- first and foremost, 2 weeks ago my 15 year old cat at my moms house got diagnosed with lymphoma (cancer) recently and itās been nerve wrecking. Thankfully she seems fine, but the process itself has been affecting me greatly, obviously. She starts chemo on the 21st.
-because of this, my anxiety, depression and ocd have been out of control. I donāt know how many breakdowns Iāve had where my husband has just had to hold me and try to get me not to hyper ventilate while I sob.
- my already terrible memory has gotten even worse and Iāve been forgetting to take my meds at night which has affected my arthritis, ect. Forgetting to take my lexapro and birth control pills has also been fucking with my body. For more than a month now Iāve been waiting to get my new injections for my psoriatic arthritis and the Walgreens speciality pharmacy is incompetent and fucky as always. Every single day has been painful, but some absolutely worse than others. It takes all my energy sometimes to just roll over in bed. Iām 31, not 91. By the time Iām up, I have no energy to do chores I need to do, ect, and those are piling up and making my depression even shittier.
-also for the last 2 weeks I thought I developed a uti or something, but nope, today the doctor said itās likely due to stress and hormones.
-plumbing issues at home reared itās head right as I was about to head out to meet my mom to take Kisa, my cat, to her doctors appointment yesterday. I had to miss this important appointment because our bathroom was semi flooding and I was crying hysterically because I didnāt know what to do. This caused my ocd to get EVEN WORSE, causing MORE breakdowns. My germophobia is out the ass and I still get triggered a little even going in there even though Iāve mopped and stuff. My senses are āinflamed,ā as I call it, right now and making me hyper aware and feeling extra need to clean myself more because I feel contaminated. Everything feels contaminated.
-because Iāve been so stressed, itās caused me to clean more. My legs are dry as shit and Iāve had to moisturize constantly, which requires more energy I simply donāt have.
-Iāve had such little energy that Iāve fallen behind on talking to people and keeping up with others. Everything has been poured into kisa and my own self preservation. I want to sleep constantly because I just never have enough energy and Iām depressed as fuck.
If youāve read all of this, thank you. Please keep my girl in your thoughts, it would mean the world to me. Prayers, good vibes, all are appreciated.
titsay
discoholicmusic
pixelskylines
annaxmalina
snowghoul
theartofmadeline
blakekathryn
