Holy Whole30, Batman!

[skygenders]

Fox news just @ me next time

[jirae-deactivated20170901]

hey im curious… tag this with what pet name youd want your lover to call u most. baby or sweetheart etc

[isworetomymotheriwouldneverdiet]

Hiatus?

Got some medical stuff I gotta take care of before I go making any ~major diet changes~. Gonna start over from day 1 afterwards. In the meantime, my doctor suggested I not suppress certain cravings that are disallowed on this diet, but still try to eat healthier.

[isworetomymotheriwouldneverdiet]

On Fruit Juices

“OMG FRUIT JUICE ISN’T PALEO!” I don’t care.

Seriously, I don’t care.

I am thirsty, I drink fruit juice. 

Name me one paleo beverage that doesn’t come from a damn coconut or isn’t supposed to simulate milk. I bought cashew milk. IT’S SALTED. MILK ISN’T SALTED! MILK ISN’T SALTY! DON’T SALT THAT SHIT! If you drink salted milk, I’m gonna punch you, then I’m gonna suggest you start drinking cashew milk instead.

Oh, and I don’t like coconuts. AT ALL. So no, I will not start drinking coconut water for my paleo, Whole 30 alternative.

I will continue to drink fruit juice, and I will keep in mind the high fructose content and drink it in moderation. I will cut it back with water to stay more hydrated, and I will not use it to sweeten other foods. I’ll stick to the other raw sugar options. 

But can we all just agree that if you’re going on a diet of any sort, you should be cutting back on sugar altogether? I think that’s sensible. 

I shall greatly limit my fruit juice intake and focus on consuming whole fruits and getting all that good ~fiber~. But I will not consider fruit juice a cheat on my diet. 

This is gonna be a whooooooooooooole thirty days of me drinkin JUICE.

[isworetomymotheriwouldneverdiet]

I’m thirsty and there’s one soda left. I also just remembered I have lemonade in the fridge. IT’S ORGANIC, but it’s not paleo. As much as I love lemonade, I doubt there’s a paleo option out there that really hits the spot.

I’m cheating. It’s lemonade time.

[isworetomymotheriwouldneverdiet]

Day 1: The Meals

Breakfast:

One smoothie. Strawberries, raspberries, peaches, coconut water, apple juice.

I do this every day. I like smoothies. I even put green stuff in them. This is probably something about my diet that won’t change for the Whole 30. 

Lunch:

A sandwich. Oops. Pretzel bun, turkey, lettuce, cheddar cheese (can’t have that either!)

Like I said, I have bread in my house still and it has to go. The only place I know where food can go is into my open mouth. I think we finished off the pretzel buns, though, and the pasta will probably be sent to friends. Merry Christmas.

Dinner:

Sheet pan Spanish Chicken and Asparagus, minus some spices I didn’t have.

Here’s the recipe:http://eatdrinkpaleo.com.au/sheet-pan-roasted-asparagus-chicken-with-chorizo/

So, I made this with bacon instead of chorizo, simply because I didn’t have any chorizo. I also didn’t have any cumin or any spices worth using, because I’m so used to slathering everything in sauce. I only ever season food manually when I’m cooking Italian. Most likely also because of my tendency to use sauce instead of seasonings, I woefully undersalted this dish. there wasn’t a lot of pepper either, but I’m not a huge pepper fan. I think, if I reheat this for lunch tomorrow (or for the Boyfriend), I’ll add more salt, and a little red pepper. Maybe even some chili powder.

As I was taking this out of the oven, I immediately began to crave carbs. I neglected to buy any potatoes (I’m allowing low potato intake), so my eyes were perpetually drawn to the pasta staring down at me from the top of the fridge. I managed to avoid it, but even now as I type, there is an empty space in my stomach where carbs BELONG. I was also severely underwhelmed because of the aforementioned lack of seasoning, but I feel greatly informed. Tomorrow’s meal will be something to be proud of. And I may even consider some of these homemade paleo sauces.

I also had:

Two Twizzlers and a soda. I’m not perfect. And they were just leftovers from the before-times. I haven’t purchased any soda or candy since I decided to start the diet.

All in all, a completely unsuccessful day. But I learned, and I think that’s something to be proud of. I’m ready for tomorrow, even if my stomach is demanding that I consume a slice of bread within the next three minutes. I just remembered Dunkin’ Donuts is open 24/7. Hold me.

[isworetomymotheriwouldneverdiet]

Day 1: I’ve already cheated.

Whole 30 days complete: 0 

 So for the first day of this diet (we’ll call it a Whole 30. Why not.), I had a smoothie for breakfast. No big deal, I always have a smoothie for breakfast. Unfortunately for me, the Whole 30 is dairy-free. Now, I’m lactose intolerant, but I do like a small helping of yogurt in my smoothies. It wasn’t too hard to go without, though. For lunch I had a sandwich. What’s that? Bread is grains? Aw shit. Listen, I have bread and pasta at the house. I gotta get rid of it somehow. But by Whole 30 rules, even a small cheat means you have to start over. Well, Boyfriend is at work today anyways, so I told him to have something nice for dinner. We have to start over anyways.  Dinner at home (alone) was truly paleo, though, and it was a bit underwhelming. But it’s nice to let myself know that even after a little cheat, I’m still fairly dedicated. I also had a soda and finished off two Twizzlers left over from last month. Suffice to say I cheated more than a little.

Can’t wait to hear about his day.

[isworetomymotheriwouldneverdiet]

Mom. I’m going on a diet.

Oh god. This is really happening.

Once upon a time, I was a lean, mean, dancing machine. Thanks to some livestyle upheavals through my teen years, my health, including my weight, have fluctuated heavily. Now here I am, twenty years old, doing that awful paleo/Whole30 thing I keep seeing on Pinterest and laughing at.

I recently met an amazing guy (is nine months recent?) and got pretty attached. He always jokes and makes little jabs at himself about his weight. He’s a big guy, but he’s still a hot potato in my book.

As I’ve gotten to know him, he’s exposed himself more and more to me, and he’s become much more obviously self-conscious. I dare say, the poor guy hates himself. So I told him I’d go on a diet with him. After all, we live together and I do most of the cooking. All he has to do is follow my lead and not eat a bunch of bullshit behind my back. 

I researched a ton of different diets, and the paleo thing was always there, eyeing me from the sidelines, with a graphic tee that just says “I’m still here for you” in block capitals. I actually seriously considered a boiled egg diet before I came back around and caved in. What’s up with this caveman diet?

It’s not about losing weight. I mean, you probably will, if you eat nothing but pizza and soda all the time like he and I do. But it’s about food and sensitivities and *~detoxing~* (which I secretly don’t believe in, but that may change) and just general physical health. People claim you’ll sleep better, have more energy, have a stronger immune system, and even experience less inflamation. I’m always inflamed! 

So fine. I’ll bite. At the end of the day, it’s clean eating. No carbs, no junk food, no bad fats. I told him we’d diet, and so we shall. And on day one, I’m already in too deep to back out. 

We make pizzas for a living. Let’s see how this goes.