This is literally just crack, but that’s what I get for writing at 4am after working 19 hours straight. But Neo’s a great friend and the #1 Rosewick shipper! Good job on bringing these two together Neo!
“Neo! We are supposed to be on a stakeout! How are we going to surprise anyone if your phone won’t stop buzzing!?!? Who are you even talking to? I’m your only friend and Im sitting right here!”
Neo flipped Roman off from her seat in the car and continued to stare at her phone. She wasn’t typing anything so she obviously wasn’t talking to anyone, which meant she had to be reading something, but what could have her so enthralled?
“Seriously Neo what are you reading?” Again she didn’t answer but the evil smirk on her face told him he really shouldn’t be asking, but when had that ever stopped him?
Pretending to not care anymore Roman through his arms up in mock surrender as he leaned back in his seat as far as he could in the dinky little car they were hiding in.
Doing the old stretch and peek Roman tried to catch a glimpse of her scroll and saw the grey blue background of what had to be her Tumblr account. Neo wasn’t falling for it and quicky tilted her scroll in the other direction.
“Really Neo? Tumblr? What could you possibly be looking at on there?”
Neo shook her again refusing to tell.
“Come on Neo! Your reading away over there while I’m bored and have your melted ice cream all over my shoes! You can’t entertain me for a second by telling me what it is that has you so distracted?” Even begging didn’t work on the tiny little psychopath.
Deciding he had had enough Roman quickly grabbed the scroll from Neo’s hands but only caught one word before she jabbed him under his ribs and stole her scroll back.
“Jeez Neo that hurt!” he whined as he rubbed his poor side, “What in Remnant is ‘Rosewick’ anyway? Is that some new perfume or something? All that comes to mind is rose smelling candles.”
Neo burst out into a silent fit of giggles even going to far as to clutch her sides as she continued to laugh silently at Roman’s expense.
When she finally calmed down she decided to pity the man and typed a single message.
“Ugh fine,” Roman complained as he pulled out his own scroll and started Googling ‘Rosewick’. His scroll and jaw hit the floor at the same time as he stared in disbelief, he hadn’t even made it to any actual articles as the image bar showed him everything he never knew existed.
“Wha-what the hell did I just see!?!? People-People think I’m dating Little Red?!?!? She’s like 12! She’s a huntress! She’s my archenemy! What is the world coming to!?!?! What is this trash!!!”
Neo rolled her eyes as she started to type.
They don’t think you are dating you idiot! People just ship the two of you together. That’s actually part of the fan base, being Rosewick Trash! Also she just turned 16.
“What do you mean they ‘ship’ us together?” Roman was so hysterical his voice had gone up a couple of octaves.
Shipping, you know when you read a book or see a movie and you think the main character would have been better off with someone else? Like how in that new Star Wars, Fin and that Ruth girl were slowly becoming a thing but everyone really ships Fin and Poe together. That ship is called StormPilot, you know since Fin was a stormtrooper and Poe is a pilot. That’s shipping, some people ship you and Red, other people ship you and me.”
“That-That’s disgusting! They know we are like family right?” Roman asked fearing for the sanity of the population.
No one really cares about that, people ship Red with her sister! They also ship Red with Professor Ozpin, that girl with the rapier and like anyone she has ever met. So that means you are a part of it! Be happy someone besides me likes you and let me read my fanfiction in peace!
Roman always found it amazing how much authority Neo could project in a text message.
“Gladly.” Roman said as he turned back to his scroll and quickly deleted his search history, never wanting to see those images on his scroll again. He had just started a game of GrimmCrush when he realized something terrifying.
“Wait a minute! You were reading that trash! YOU SHIP ROSEWICK?!?!?!”
Neo had the decency to blush as she held her scroll a little closer to her face.
“Neo how could you!?” Face still flaming Neo started typing again.
I’m sorry ok? It’s great fun to read though! There’s all this light hearted fluff about Red making you become a good guy, or at least not working for Cinder to destroy the world. It’s all happy and you guys have kids and work together to save the world! Then there’s a bunch of really dark and scary stuff about you totally ruining Red and turning her into this crazy psycho killer that destroys all of Remnant. There’s a lot of variety in the fandom even though not a lot of people ship it!
Roman was silent for a good few seconds, Neo pictured little sparks going off in his brain as he tried to process this information and fried his mind.
Roman couldn’t help it. Ever since that night on the stakeout, which had been a total bust, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Every time he saw Neo on her scroll he was sure she was reading more of that fanfiction about him and Little Red.
Just thinking about it gave him the shivers but at the same time he couldn’t quell his curiosity. Should he look into it and see what all the hype was about? It’s not like it was really real right?
“I give up! One! I’ll read one story and then I’ll see that it’s just a bunch of trash and I can finally get some sleep!” Thankfully for Roman he was alone in his apartment so no one had heard his little outburst as he basically shouted at himself in the middle of his living room.
Hiding under the spare blanket on his couch Roman pulled his scroll out of his pocket and typed ‘Rosewick fanfiction’ into his search bar and clicked on the first link he saw.
If anyone were to walk in at the moment they would have seen a blue blanket ghost sitting on the couch shaking with either laughter or fear…Neo couldn’t really tell as she watched the security footage of the cameras she had installed in Roman’s apartment several months ago. They were for security purposes! Well in Neo’s case, security purposes and blackmail!
On the other side of Vale a girl in red was pestering her team trying to quell her boredom.
“Blake! What are you reading?” Ruby practically squealed into Blake’s ears as Ruby leaned over her shoulder trying to read what was on her scroll.
Blake sighed as she clicked off her scroll causing the screen to go black as she looked at the girl that was basically hanging on her shoulder.
“Just fanfiction.” she said hoping it would be the end of it.
“Oooohhhh….. Do you read all that smutty lemony stuff like Yang or the happy story with an actual plot line stuff?” Ruby asked as she sat cross legged in front of her teammate. Blake blinked at her in shock, surprised that Ruby even knew what she was talking about.
“Uh, a little of both I guess. I felt like some happy stuff today so I’m just kind of browsing. You like fanfiction?”
“Eh, kinda, I’ll read anything until my eyeballs fall out but I like a good happy ending as much as the next person. The stuff Yang reads doesn’t really do it for me. Yang ships everything though! She’s even tried to get me to read Rosewick fics!” Blake’s face turned bright red and her eyes grew wide as she stared at her leader.
“Seriously?!?! But that’s you and Torchwick! Why would you ever even think about dating that monster!?” Ruby was shocked by how angry Blake got over fanfiction.
“Blake! It’s just fanfiction, besides even if for some weird reason I did like Torchwick like that,” Blake was still too shocked to notice the blush creeping up Ruby’s neck, “do you really think Torchwick would want to date a huntress? Let alone me?” Blake still didn’t notice as Ruby’s tone became sad and regretful.
“Your right, it’s just fanfiction, I need to calm down.” Blake took a breath through her nose. “So anyway, what was it that you wanted?” Ruby blinked she had completely forgotten why she had started this brief conversation with Blake.
“I don’t remember. Oh well, I’m going to head into Vale, hit up the weapons shop, want to join me?”
“Nah, thank you though Ruby. Have fun. See you at dinner!” Ruby was gone before Blake could turn her phone back on to keep reading her own fanfiction.
_ * _ * _ * _ * _ * _ * _ * _
“Stupid crush! Stupid villains! Stupid fanfiction! Stupid Yang for ever introducing me to-” Ruby froze as she walked down the streets of Vale and saw the man she had been cursing standing in front of her at the corner coffee shop.
At least she thought it was him. He looked awful. Gone was his normal bowler hat, ascot, white trench coat and cane. Instead the man was in a wrinkled black t-shirt, jeans and tennies. His hair was a mess but it still managed to cover his right eye. Even from almost a block away Ruby could tell that hadn’t gotten any real sleep in at least two or three days.
I wonder what happened to him?
Ruby internally debated with herself the reasons she should back away and never look back.
First I don’t have Crescent Rose, so I’ll lose if we fight
Second, it’s not like we are friends, I can’t just walk up and ask how he’s doing can I?
Third, what the heck would I even say? Would he want to talk or would he try to fight?
So lost in her own internal battle Ruby didn’t realize that her feet had made the decision without her mind’s consent and were already walking her to the man in question until she was literally beside him.
He must really be out of it if he hasn’t even noticed someone standing next to him!
“Um, Torchwick?” Ruby asked as she peered at him.
The man jumped out of his skin and at least six inches off the ground as he stared at the girl in front of him. Ruby jumped back in shock, arms flailing as the man appeared to be in shock as he basically started screaming at her in the middle of the sidewalk.
“This can’t be happening! This isn’t real! 17 hours of other peoples delusional fantasies and I’m already hallucinating! What are you going to do to me imaginary Red, huh? Teach me the ways of the ‘good guys’, change me for good and sweep me off my feet as we fight our way into the sunset? No, you don’t have your weapon on you, this is one of those where you trip and fall in my lap and when we look into eachothers eyes we fall like a bunch of lovesick puppies! Or maybe -” Torchwick kept rambling and Ruby could only stare at him in shock.
What the heck is he talking about?!!? He must be completely delusional! Is he drunk?
Realizing that his ranting could go on for hours Ruby turned and saw that a passerby, who was staring at them awkwardly, had a water bottle in his hand. Giving a sheepish smile and mouthing the word ‘sorry’ Ruby took the bottle out of his hand and removed the cap.
“I’m really sorry Torchwick but you’ll thank me for this later.” Ruby apologized as she threw the water in the poor criminals face soaking his black t-shirt to his skin and plastering his red hair against his cheek.
The man sputtered for a several seconds trying to figure out what the hell just happened. Finally looking at the woman beside him and actually seeing her for the first time since she arrived Roman could only gape.
“Red! What the hell are you doing here? Why did you just throw water on me?” Roman glanced around and saw that several people were staring at them like they were a bunch of circus performers.
“Um, why don’t you tell me? I saw you and when I came over and said hi you started rambling on about fighting our way into the sunset and lovesick puppies. Are you ok? Do you need to go to the hospital or something? You look like you haven’t slept in a week.”
Roman kept blinking at her trying to will the hallucination away but it wasn’t working!
“Are you a hallucination?” he finally asked. Ruby tilted her head as both eyebrows shot up.
“I really doubt it but just to prove it to you..” Ruby reached out and pinched the man on the shoulder, checking for herself as well that she wasn’t dreaming this entire time. Roman flinched and quickly began rubbing his arm where he had been pinched.
“That hurt!” Ruby rolled her eyes
“You thought I was a hallucination! How many drugs are you on right now?”
“Then what the heck is going on with you?” Ruby screamed.
One of the audience members coughed and both their heads whipped around to see that they had gained quite a crowd. The raven and the redhead blushed scarlet and had the decency to look ashamed.
“Um, want to go for a walk?” Ruby asked but was sure the other man would simply run away as soon as the crowd dispersed.
“Sure.” Roman said with a frown almost as if he couldn’t control what we just said.
Roman took off in a random direction and Ruby followed. Once they were a good distance away Ruby started talking again.
“So are you going to tell me why you think a hallucination of me is going to sweep you off your feet as we fight our way into the sunset?” If possible Roman blushed an even darker shade of red than before.
Privately Ruby thought he looked kind of cute like that, it was the first time she had ever seen him in normal clothes and she could say that she honestly prefered it to his ‘steampunk walked out of the ‘20’s movie’ style that he normally wore.
“I, uh spent the last,” he glanced at his watch, “17 hours reading fanfiction. I think I am having trouble processing reality from fiction.”
Ruby burst out laughing as she fell to her knees gasping for air.
“You-you were reading f-fanfiction?!?!!? Oh dust! I nev-never thought you-!” Ruby could barely breath as she tried to laugh and talk at the same time.
Roman scowled at her with his hands on his hips.
“It was my first time ok?! I didn’t think I’d get so caught up in it! I started one and before I knew it-”
“You’d read through everything you could get your hands on?” Ruby asked with a smirk as she stood back up. “It’s like watching a car crash, you just can’t take your eyes off it even if it sucks!”
“Is it always like that?”
“Meh, the first thousand hours or so ya. Once you read it all and get bored you quit or you start writing your own!”
“Thousand hours?!? I don’t have that kind of time!” Roman put his head in his hands as he contemplated every decision he’d made last night to keep reading.
“What exactly were you reading that made you totally lose it like that?” Ruby asked truly curious what realm of darkness he had gotten sucked into.
If possible the blushing got worse! Ruby couldn’t help but blush herself as she imagined everything she had ever read that would give her that reaction.
“You know, if your face looks like that I’m gonna guess I don’t want to know.” she waited to see if he’d say something but when he wasn’t very forth fourth coming she decided it was time for her to leave and actually go to the weapons shop she wanted to see.
“Well, your not hyperventilating in the street anymore so I’m gonna go. Have a good day Torchwick. Good luck with your fanfiction!” Ruby started skipping back the way they came already planning on what she would buy at the store.
She wasn’t even half a block away when she heard the sound of clicking heels behind her. Turning around she found the tiny form of Neo smiling behind her…Ruby panicked.
“I swear Neo I didn’t do anything to hurt him! I threw water on him because he thought he was hallucinating but I swear that’s it! Please don’t hurt me!”
Neo tilted her head as she looked at the little reaper in confusion. She quickly typed out a message on her scroll.
I’m not here to hurt you. I want you to go back.
“What? Why? I think he needs time to process, he obviously hasn’t slept in a while.”
I know but I think he’s confused and if I’m right, you’re the reason.
“What does that mean? How could I have made him so confused, until today he’s only ever hated me!”
Not hate, exasperated maybe, but never hate. Think about it, why would you make him confused in a fanfiction?
Ruby stood there stunned for several seconds thinking that this had to be some crazy dream.
“Was he reading…he was…really?”
Neo only smiled and gave a short nod.
“Why are you so ok with this? If this is real, which I’m starting to wonder who exactly is hallucinating here, and if I change him, you…”
Will be happy to get out from underneath our bosses thumb.
“But, he’s older, he’s a criminal I’m a huntress…”
He’s only twenty two and I’m not telling you to marry him! Just go, see what happens, you’ll probably never get another chance.
Ruby blinked and Neo was gone.
Turning around she looked back the way she came and could just barely see the blurry figure of a man standing exactly where she left him. Slowly walking back Ruby had never been so nervous. As she walked she couldn’t help but pinch herself thinking she had to be the one that was hallucinating the entire day.
It’s just a dream, I can’t get hurt in a dream. I’ll ask him how he feels and when he turns me down I’ll wake up and it will have all been a very vivid dream. I’m just dreaming… just dreaming… just….
She was standing in front of him again but his eyes were closed.
His one visible eye popped open to stare at her in disbelief.
“So, do you ship it?” Ruby thought it was unreasonably cute how his nose scrunched up in confusion.
“Rosewick. Do you ship it?” The blush across his cheeks was all the answer Ruby needed even if he tried to stutter out a negative making her giggle.
“Me too. Wanna come with me to the weapons shop? My ‘over grown gardening tool’ needs a few upgrades.” Ruby stretched out her hand for him to take should he decide to give them a chance.
“I’d like that, I’d like that a lot Red.” Ruby smiled as he took her offered hand and they made their way to the weapons shop. Come what may, they’d give it a try.
germansingergirl
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tangentwithtanner
